Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 30's - limited options?      Home login  
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 26
30's - limited options?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hi Stan, my name is paul.

Interesting post. Here is my two bobs worth. At the start i should state an important caveat - not all women are the same and trying to understand women as a 'group' is probably as problematic as trying to characterise or define men in the same way, nevertheless - I will have crack :-)

I think women in their thirties are often either going around for the second (or third) or they haven't settled and know exactly what they want (and do not want). It seems from the profiles and conversations I have had, the desirable attributes in a male are a) someone who does not talk about sex b) someone fit c) someone active and d) open minded. Seems to me the fionancial status is linked to being independent and for a man in his thirties or forties it is probably a fair assumption to make he is at that point in his life. Though I must say, the financial independence seems to me to be behind communication and active lifestyle (when i say active i mean fit and has a busy social life)

Social currency seems to me to be determined by mateship, bbq's, parties, family minded and maybe has a dog (ha ok, the dog bit was a joke). Also, i think the elephant in the room is that all of us, male por female who date onlione do so for a reason.

Anyway, that is my read of it and incidently if I see ion a profile that a woman wants to be looked after and spoilt, I run a mile - that terrifies me :-)

Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/22/2012 1:51:55 AM
I don't think it has to do with age per se, but the type of woman many men are seeking. It seems that often the only prerequisite men have is that the woman is attractive. The really attractive women basically rely on their looks, especially during their 20s. They've never had to work on themselves (i.e., education, work, etc.) because it has never been necessary. Then when they become older they realize they only have so much time left and they don't really have any marketable skills but their looks, so they end up trying to get all they can from the men they are with. If you don't want a woman who is just interested in your money, date a woman who has her own personal goals and ambitions and who has already demonstrated that she can stand on her own two feet.
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 28
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:00:12 AM
Small town PA is pretty bleak too. The ones I am attracted to have way more options or frown on my hobbies which cuts that off at the knees. The ones I am not attracted to are fine with it. Can't win lol.
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 29
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/29/2012 7:33:48 PM

That cute childless 25 year old woman would have spoken to me at 29...10 days ago. Now I'm too old.

Lmao; that is ssooo true.................but only online.

Since then I've been looking for a women who is more moderate but unforuntately that comes with a price as well, the "spark" just isnt there.

That "spark" was actually her scorpion tail stunning you with poison; but hey.

Online the theory of being able to find those who are a better match is not holding up. I keep finding that many in their 30s are absurd about what they are holding out for. Non negotioables including "Must be over 6'2" and live within 8 miles." "Must never have been married" "No former or current military" etc..

Look on the bright side. If you have or "are" all of these things; they will leave their husbands and babies fathers for you.

Sorry; couldnt resist
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 30
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/2/2012 1:07:00 AM

I hope not
I think you didn't meet the right woman yet ... there are pleny of single women without kids and who can have ... it's just that most of the men never see them

I hope you are right.

As far as dating and relationships go, I've been disappointed my entire life. Being childless in my 30's and seeking someone my age who is also childless isn't impossible, but it is very difficult. Even when I do find them, there is no guarantee that we will spark. I haven't completely given up, but it seems like I might as well.
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 31
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/11/2012 5:53:39 PM
Just go younger (that's the nice thing about being a dude, a lot of women willing to go older, not saying to drop it down to 18 or early 20 year old's lol)? Without the beard you don't look your age.
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 32
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:48:15 PM
motopatrick: i feel ya man. im 34 now with no kids. in my area, my options include single moms of multiple children, extremely overweight women, or childless women who still arent out of that partying phase. trying to find a childless woman around my age that is actually dateable is no flippin joke. all my guy friends talk about it being a relationship killer for them.
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 33
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/11/2012 11:33:16 PM
motopatrick: i feel ya man. im 34 now with no kids. in my area, my options include single moms of multiple children, extremely overweight women, or childless women who still arent out of that partying phase. trying to find a childless woman around my age that is actually dateable is no flippin joke. all my guy friends talk about it being a relationship killer for them.

So much truth right here. I wish it wasn't true but it just is.
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 34
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/12/2012 10:16:54 AM
It depends where you live

When I lived in a rural area by the time I hit 28, pretty much all that was left were single moms and large Honey Boo Boo types.

In my 30’s I moved to a more suburban area where there are way more options. Well at least for hooking up, in your 30s there are way more options for hooking up than at any age.

For long term, unfortunately women in their 30s do seem to be either forever party girls looking for a Captain Save-A-Hoe or career minded woman who just demand more & more from men even as they age and lose their value.

It’s comical to see 38 – 39 year old women demanding that a guy be a least 6 feet tall (so they can wear 5 inch heels) with a six pack and make $150,000+ per year and be sensitive to her needs but with a dark side. If such a guy exists on a dating website, he surely ain’t going to be looking at upper 30 to 40 year olds.
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 35
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/12/2012 8:53:32 PM
I agree women in their 30's are more often expecting commitments. But there are girls out there who are not needy like the one you described. Yes they are hard to find sadly, most girls I've run into are always expecting to take more than what they will give. But you have to just say no.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 36
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/13/2012 4:48:14 PM

It’s comical to see 38 – 39 year old women demanding that a guy be a least 6 feet tall (so they can wear 5 inch heels) with a six pack and make $150,000+ per year and be sensitive to her needs but with a dark side.

I don't think that is enough for them online. That is a close approximation of my statistics..

If such a guy exists on a dating website, he surely ain’t going to be looking at upper 30 to 40 year olds.

Mostly because they are a royal PITA and living in a fantasy world. You can meet every requirement on their profile and they are like... hmm not perfect enough.

Believe me I try to get a response out of those in their late 30s like me. It almost never works. I get about 20% replies and 19% of them will be from late 20's to early 30's.
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 37
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/20/2012 11:58:11 PM
of course the age of 30 is an instant road block.

at this age, all women expect a man to have a place of his own, a large condo at roughly 600,000. a 50-60,000 car or suv. a yearly vacation in the 10-12 thousand range. and at least one 6 day tropicla cruise per year.

the only thing we can bring to the table as men, from dates, is fancy dining, clothes, jewelry, big house, education for them and their children (not yours), and free "loans" to their family.

to be fair, the 20 year olds who wanted to take me home 5 weeks ago for a college dorm orgy, now when they see me at age 30 its "can i help you across the street grampa?"
Joined: 12/8/2012
Msg: 38
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/24/2012 11:27:42 PM
I know for me it IS about finding someone and getting married again. It is a religious belief. I have 2 children and we are not meant to be parents alone. Also, one is not to date, one is to be in a courtship that leads to marriage. If you are with someone that you cannot picture getting married to, then you aren't supposed to be together. So for me, my 30s (almost 40) is about finding my next husband and being a complete family again. The security, the stability, a whole being. Now I won't settle either, as people should have standards and expectations of someone they will be with for the rest of their life. I think you will probably find a mix. Those that want marriage and those that don't. Once you figure out where YOU stand, you can go from there. Good luck!
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 39
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/25/2012 5:48:49 PM
Well i have found especially around 36yrs old its either a must have e.g Looks,Money,Bad boy appeal.
If you lack any of these qualities sadly your chancers are as good as none.
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 40
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/25/2012 5:51:09 PM
Well i have found especially around 36yrs old its either a must have e.g Looks,Money,Bad boy appeal.
If you lack any of these qualities sadly your chancers are as good as none.

For me i am a late bloomer which has not helped.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 41
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/25/2012 7:26:15 PM
^^ Don't spend much time with online dating.

Like me you will do better in the real world. Some use online dating because they are busy and/or have a limited social circle. Others use it to search for someone out of an unrealistic fantasy. I have a lot of those qualities.. It is still tough online.
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 42
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 2:12:51 AM
I am really upset. 30s was always said to be the new dawn but really its just a reality check as everyone seems to be:

(1) Getting married
(2) Having kids
(3) Entering into home loans/financial agreements.

Is it a "lucky escape" that I -

(1) Have not met a woman who will settle down
(2) Have no plans for kids and probably never will
(3) No financial agreements have been entered

I've got no idea.
I just feel like I'm drifting on an endless ocean
and the one girl that I did have a chance with is
now gone and probably wont come back either.

Any advice appreciated
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 43
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 2:44:35 AM
Then we are drifting together brother.

I don't buy the bullshit.That we all meet our soul mate or that there is someone for everyone.

The fact is if people don't meet in there late teens or early 20s( The boat (Qoute- Not saying has completely sailed, but your chancers are looming towards the the negative).

Someone once told me"Yea buddy you are missing out on a few perks in life e.g Company, free sex.
But you are also missing out on a lot of agro bullshit that can really turn nasty and make your life a living hell and that hangs around forever in a relationship.

So things are not all that bad....
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 44
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 3:27:12 AM
stan: i feel ya man. sadly, i have no advice to offer as im in pretty much the same boat. up until around age 26, i was content just enjoying myself and not really worrying about things like settling down with the right girl, getting married, or having kids. up until that point i had a few opportunities with some truly remarkable women. unfortunately, they were in the market for more than i could offer at the time.

when i hit 30 i met a girl that i thought would be good for me, even if i did notice a few little issues with her. we got married. she wasnt good for me after all. now here i am at 34, separated, and thinking the same thing our friend Lightningboy ship has sailed. ive met quite a few women since ive been separated, but i notice more and more that at my age bracket, theyre pretty much all undateable. aside from a few exceptions, there is usually a very good reason any reasonably attractive woman our age is single.

im seeing someone at the moment, but her and i both know that its not really going anywhere. we just enjoy one another's company. thats one of the perks of being single in your 30's. its pretty easy to find companionship when you want it.
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 45
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 4:37:40 PM
That's the thing though at 30, early 30's you should still be able to get chicks from mid 20's to late 20's (even some early 20's if that's your thing, heck this summer I had a fling with some 19 year old), outside of grey hairs/weight gain/balding you don't really change much from late 20's to early 30's. If you just stick to the 30's crowd then yes it is actually very limiting. I don't know I guess whenever I come to this particular forum it just kinda depresses you lol.
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 46
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:54:48 PM
I'm 30 and I've been single for 2 years after a long relationship, had some dates with girls younger than me but most of them are immature and do not know what they want to do in life. It just seems like all the ones around our age group that have are attractive, have a career and know what they want either married or taken, it sucks!
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 47
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/8/2013 5:25:31 AM
Thanks Lightning and Mrwrong. I do feel pretty bad about the whole situation. She was a girl who i fell deeply with, mainly because she created a situation where she tried to become addictive, for the purposes of marriage and finance as the hidden motive. I thought at the start that what she was offering was love and connection but as it turned out she was really after someone who could provide for her, so she could selfishly take periods of unemployment with ease while a man supported her. Then she had the nerve to state that she stood for gender equality. To cut a long story short I almost went broke trying to cater for her whims, then she had the audacity to claim that I was too high strung in my "whims" to ask her to do quite minor things such as act the couple at bbqs and family functions, and of course be available on the phone as I was to her every single day. She was only a couple of years younger than me (34) and was really attractive. She misguidingly told me that she wasnt after children at all as she had a hysterectomy, however did want to adopt children in 10 years time and put pressure on me to sign a written agreement to adopt children and pay any child support should we divorce after marriage. I got concerned about her marriage plans when she kept contact with her plan b's (ex partners) and when she told me she didnt want to use my family name, should she happen to file for divorce. When I questioned her on these things, she cried. The sadness she portrayed in the form of "pity play" is actually a common manipulative emotional tactic used by most sociopaths but I only realized this afterwards and I feel like an idiot because of it. She really had me under her thumb and I'm angry that it ended in a cold way when I was trying to help her. While trying to comfort her with emotional support, her sadness quickly turned into anger and rage and she then she accused me of "smothering" her with emotional support and accused me of being a "controlling" person. Its all very confusing and despite her sociopathic and horrible behaviour I feel like something wonderful may have passed me by but as always, there are new women out there hopefully. Judging by some of the comments here, most of the women below 30 seem to be immature or dont know what they want. Its a pity. And as I said earlier I'm not looking for children as I believe it is financially irresponsible when I dont have the finances to raise children in a way that would be deemed "the provider", when its hard enough just keeping jobs and supporting myself, let alone any girlfriend. Yes, sometimes its not all about the dollar. Its about love, feelings, mutual respect and honesty. Unfortunately everyone these days has the opportunisitic sense to ask "what can i get out of this person" instead of asking "what are the true vowes of marriage and what can I do to be a better person in the eyes of the lord (if they believe in religion) and what can I do to fully understand what love means or how to embrace a person for love alone, not finance - not child raising - not mortgages and not endless shopping trips and agreements to open joint bank accounts. I never and will never ever seek to marry and accountant or a gold digger for that matter as there is NO GOLD here except for a golden heart.
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 48
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/8/2013 10:53:12 AM
Nope, I just date guys in their late 20's :))
Joined: 9/18/2012
Msg: 49
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:44:53 PM
Ok, so, I'm financially capable of holding my own ground, my vehicle is paid for & I have no unsecured ctedit debt... I'm very independent, goal oriented, & even do volunteer work. Even though I already have 2 kids 15 & 13 I'm not opposed to having more or none @ all. If I could actually find a right person, I'd be open to having more. The prob I've had when it gets close to getting serious, the guy seems overwhelmed...meshing personalities with my kids doesn't seem to bode well. With 3 failed serious relationships after 10 years of being divorced, the way that I see it is if they couldn't stand with me to get things to work out in the first place, then they weren't to be part of my future anyways. Dating is tough in your 30s when you have kids. I'm confident, attractive, look young for my age, and very much in shape: I'm still optimistic and I won't lose hope :-)
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/11/2013 12:00:26 AM
It's really not that serious. As we get older we have more expectations. When we turned a certain teenage year we had to learn how to drive, it was expected. We went to prom it was expected, turn 18 pick up more responsibilities, turn 21 party!! Turn 25 were you committed or not? turn 30 whats going on? Now do you have to be in a rush? Or just take life how it comes and make your own choices? Some may say it worked so far, some may say it didn't so far. The final answer is what you make it. Doesn't matter if you were 15, 21, 27, 32,42. We may learn from the past. But still stay true to yourself.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 30's - limited options?