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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 30's - limited options?      Home login  
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 1peanutAndAPumpkin
Joined: 12/8/2012
Msg: 34
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30's - limited options?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I know for me it IS about finding someone and getting married again. It is a religious belief. I have 2 children and we are not meant to be parents alone. Also, one is not to date, one is to be in a courtship that leads to marriage. If you are with someone that you cannot picture getting married to, then you aren't supposed to be together. So for me, my 30s (almost 40) is about finding my next husband and being a complete family again. The security, the stability, a whole being. Now I won't settle either, as people should have standards and expectations of someone they will be with for the rest of their life. I think you will probably find a mix. Those that want marriage and those that don't. Once you figure out where YOU stand, you can go from there. Good luck!
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 35
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/25/2012 5:48:49 PM
Well i have found especially around 36yrs old its either a must have e.g Looks,Money,Bad boy appeal.
If you lack any of these qualities sadly your chancers are as good as none.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 36
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/25/2012 5:51:09 PM
Well i have found especially around 36yrs old its either a must have e.g Looks,Money,Bad boy appeal.
If you lack any of these qualities sadly your chancers are as good as none.

For me i am a late bloomer which has not helped.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 37
30's - limited options?
Posted: 12/25/2012 7:26:15 PM
^^ Don't spend much time with online dating.

Like me you will do better in the real world. Some use online dating because they are busy and/or have a limited social circle. Others use it to search for someone out of an unrealistic fantasy. I have a lot of those qualities.. It is still tough online.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 38
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 2:12:51 AM
I am really upset. 30s was always said to be the new dawn but really its just a reality check as everyone seems to be:

(1) Getting married
(2) Having kids
(3) Entering into home loans/financial agreements.

Is it a "lucky escape" that I -

(1) Have not met a woman who will settle down
(2) Have no plans for kids and probably never will
(3) No financial agreements have been entered

I've got no idea.
I just feel like I'm drifting on an endless ocean
and the one girl that I did have a chance with is
now gone and probably wont come back either.

Any advice appreciated
Stan
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 39
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 2:44:35 AM
Then we are drifting together brother.

I don't buy the bullshit.That we all meet our soul mate or that there is someone for everyone.

The fact is if people don't meet in there late teens or early 20s( The boat (Qoute- Not saying has completely sailed, but your chancers are looming towards the the negative).

Someone once told me"Yea buddy you are missing out on a few perks in life e.g Company, free sex.
But you are also missing out on a lot of agro bullshit that can really turn nasty and make your life a living hell and that hangs around forever in a relationship.

So things are not all that bad....
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 40
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 3:27:12 AM
stan: i feel ya man. sadly, i have no advice to offer as im in pretty much the same boat. up until around age 26, i was content just enjoying myself and not really worrying about things like settling down with the right girl, getting married, or having kids. up until that point i had a few opportunities with some truly remarkable women. unfortunately, they were in the market for more than i could offer at the time.

when i hit 30 i met a girl that i thought would be good for me, even if i did notice a few little issues with her. we got married. she wasnt good for me after all. now here i am at 34, separated, and thinking the same thing our friend Lightningboy said...my ship has sailed. ive met quite a few women since ive been separated, but i notice more and more that at my age bracket, theyre pretty much all undateable. aside from a few exceptions, there is usually a very good reason any reasonably attractive woman our age is single.

im seeing someone at the moment, but her and i both know that its not really going anywhere. we just enjoy one another's company. thats one of the perks of being single in your 30's. its pretty easy to find companionship when you want it.
 wo12345
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 41
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/3/2013 4:37:40 PM
That's the thing though at 30, early 30's you should still be able to get chicks from mid 20's to late 20's (even some early 20's if that's your thing, heck this summer I had a fling with some 19 year old), outside of grey hairs/weight gain/balding you don't really change much from late 20's to early 30's. If you just stick to the 30's crowd then yes it is actually very limiting. I don't know I guess whenever I come to this particular forum it just kinda depresses you lol.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 43
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/8/2013 5:25:31 AM
Thanks Lightning and Mrwrong. I do feel pretty bad about the whole situation. She was a girl who i fell deeply with, mainly because she created a situation where she tried to become addictive, for the purposes of marriage and finance as the hidden motive. I thought at the start that what she was offering was love and connection but as it turned out she was really after someone who could provide for her, so she could selfishly take periods of unemployment with ease while a man supported her. Then she had the nerve to state that she stood for gender equality. To cut a long story short I almost went broke trying to cater for her whims, then she had the audacity to claim that I was too high strung in my "whims" to ask her to do quite minor things such as act the couple at bbqs and family functions, and of course be available on the phone as I was to her every single day. She was only a couple of years younger than me (34) and was really attractive. She misguidingly told me that she wasnt after children at all as she had a hysterectomy, however did want to adopt children in 10 years time and put pressure on me to sign a written agreement to adopt children and pay any child support should we divorce after marriage. I got concerned about her marriage plans when she kept contact with her plan b's (ex partners) and when she told me she didnt want to use my family name, should she happen to file for divorce. When I questioned her on these things, she cried. The sadness she portrayed in the form of "pity play" is actually a common manipulative emotional tactic used by most sociopaths but I only realized this afterwards and I feel like an idiot because of it. She really had me under her thumb and I'm angry that it ended in a cold way when I was trying to help her. While trying to comfort her with emotional support, her sadness quickly turned into anger and rage and she then she accused me of "smothering" her with emotional support and accused me of being a "controlling" person. Its all very confusing and despite her sociopathic and horrible behaviour I feel like something wonderful may have passed me by but as always, there are new women out there hopefully. Judging by some of the comments here, most of the women below 30 seem to be immature or dont know what they want. Its a pity. And as I said earlier I'm not looking for children as I believe it is financially irresponsible when I dont have the finances to raise children in a way that would be deemed "the provider", when its hard enough just keeping jobs and supporting myself, let alone any girlfriend. Yes, sometimes its not all about the dollar. Its about love, feelings, mutual respect and honesty. Unfortunately everyone these days has the opportunisitic sense to ask "what can i get out of this person" instead of asking "what are the true vowes of marriage and what can I do to be a better person in the eyes of the lord (if they believe in religion) and what can I do to fully understand what love means or how to embrace a person for love alone, not finance - not child raising - not mortgages and not endless shopping trips and agreements to open joint bank accounts. I never and will never ever seek to marry and accountant or a gold digger for that matter as there is NO GOLD here except for a golden heart.
 88fyrefenyx88
Joined: 9/18/2012
Msg: 45
30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:44:53 PM
Ok, so, I'm financially capable of holding my own ground, my vehicle is paid for & I have no unsecured ctedit debt... I'm very independent, goal oriented, & even do volunteer work. Even though I already have 2 kids 15 & 13 I'm not opposed to having more or none @ all. If I could actually find a right person, I'd be open to having more. The prob I've had when it gets close to getting serious, the guy seems overwhelmed...meshing personalities with my kids doesn't seem to bode well. With 3 failed serious relationships after 10 years of being divorced, the way that I see it is if they couldn't stand with me to get things to work out in the first place, then they weren't to be part of my future anyways. Dating is tough in your 30s when you have kids. I'm confident, attractive, look young for my age, and very much in shape: I'm still optimistic and I won't lose hope :-)
 Puertorique
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 46
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 1/11/2013 12:00:26 AM
It's really not that serious. As we get older we have more expectations. When we turned a certain teenage year we had to learn how to drive, it was expected. We went to prom it was expected, turn 18 pick up more responsibilities, turn 21 party!! Turn 25 were you committed or not? turn 30 whats going on? Now do you have to be in a rush? Or just take life how it comes and make your own choices? Some may say it worked so far, some may say it didn't so far. The final answer is what you make it. Doesn't matter if you were 15, 21, 27, 32,42. We may learn from the past. But still stay true to yourself.
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