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 01Sandy01
Joined: 10/14/2012
Msg: 27
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
are you in a relationship with one of these women?if not then you are free to chat with as many women as you want.thats how i feel about it .but not every woman will feel that way.do what YOU want and what you think is right
 SunLover2121
Joined: 2/26/2010
Msg: 28
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IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 10/29/2012 7:26:21 PM
Dating is just that....dating...going out/chatting/talking to one person is exclusive.

why put all your eggs in one basket? So someone is dating another, maybe three dates, getting alone fine, when you meet another person of interest, why pass them by? that is dating, whether it is one, two or four. And yes, always be honest that yes I do date other people.

It seems to be most guys only want to a talk/date one woman at a time. Since when did that happen? Just my opinion....when becoming friends and really click and after time decide not to date others that is a commitment...I think people who want the other exclusive right off the bat are insecure and jealous types .
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 29
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 10/29/2012 7:33:13 PM
Wow, are the women you meet really that controlling right off the bat.? That's just ridculous, you should be able to chat with , meet, think about anyone that suits your fancy. I'll guess I don't understand that kind of panic and insecurity, but suggest you don't tolerate it for a second. Just lead with honesty, and if they get all buthurt the world isn't revolving around them every single moment, be gone!
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 30
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/5/2012 6:24:06 PM
Some men have more than one? I've heard all the shlong exaggerations here, but I didn't know theirs outnumbered mine, too.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 31
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:02:20 AM

Even in chat women want exclusivity.


haha, really? I think you're talking to the wrong women! that's a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't think all women are like that. I'm not being flippant with you, I mean it. It is certainly unreasonable. do they ask you or do you offer the information? I wouldn't offer, it's none of their business unless you 2 are actually dating exclusively, she doesn't need to know. I think any woman with good self confidence would not be worried about it. I know I have a lot to offer, I'm fun, pretty, intelligent, and I have no qualms about a guy I have just started seeing, seeing other women. I know I'll probably win in the end (you know what I mean). not all women are like that. and if they're like that now can you imagine what they'll be like after a 3 year relationship? yikes!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 32
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:09:41 PM
OP...why do you think these women (more than 1 I assume) consider your chatting a commitment? Are you exchanging intimate messages & pictures? That's a recipe for disaster unless both parties are just looking for online fooling around.

I too agree with Cowboy. Until you meet them there is nothing there worth discussing. Anyone who has done this for any length of time knows there are people who just want online relationships, just want quick online fun, don't look like their pics, don't have any chemistry, etc. If you're looking to meet a woman in real life skip the chat & get on with the meeting. I'd laugh in the face...err...keyboard (?)...of anyone who thought we were exclusive after online only chatting.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 33
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:19:51 PM
""If I acted in the same manner I would be considered clingy or unreasonable. so is there a double standard""

You are overgeneralizing. It would be a breath of fresh air to find a guy on this site who wants to focus ONLY on you and get to know you before moving on to the next... why does there always have to be two or three or four or god knows how many at once? How well can you get to know ANYONE if you're chatting up 20 people at the same time? (I'm not saying you're talking to 20 people, but some people more than likely are...)

I think when someone wants to get to know you and you alone it's nice. It's flattering, and it probably indicates you've found someone with old fashioned values and that's not negative. It's a good thing... so for people to get upset about it seems absurd. If you don't agree with them and don't want to change how you're approaching the online dating world than you're just not compatible... move onto somebody else, but don't automatically label the other person as "unreasonable" or "clingy"... those are just negative assumptions that are not necessarily true.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 34
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/6/2012 11:47:58 PM
Jerilyn...both women and men typically engage multiple conversations due the "flake-out factor" that is so prevalent online. The sheer number of singles who really only wish to be a POFmail or text pal is staggering. To actually find someone, secure a meeting, and pursue a REAL LIFE relationship with her/him is a monumental achievement!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 35
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:26:59 AM
I never turned my chat ON here - why invite the mouth breathers? It's like leaving your front door open so anything can come in off the streets. Blech.

OP - how in the world anyone can ask for 'exclusivity' in a lame chatbox is simply beyond me. Are you sure you're not misinterpreting this nonsense?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 36
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IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:27:46 AM
Msg.#1:

It is your prerogative to chat/talk with a lots of women if that chat/talk is really what it "means" but you DON'T need to tell each one of them that you are "stringing "them .... , for me it is insensitive to talk the business on other people between me and whom I am chatting/dating. It is not my business to know if you are chatting to a thousand women , what I think on that moment is the person and me, exchanging pleasantries and getting to know each other.. In my book a person who talk too much has a loose tongue , and i won't trust that kind of person.

Unless we have an agreement that we are exclusive couple then I expect a "moral obligation " from you , and me to you...

You are 50 years old, I presume you know when to clamp your mouth and when to open it ...........


 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 37
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 11:50:25 AM
*myriad* is precisely correct in her Post# 50.
Seeking to pursue one date, in "single silo" format, would keep daters here on POF for decades searching.
The reality is many people often flake-out and that's why it is reasonable to engage simultaneous discussions.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 38
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 12:05:19 PM
Ever been on a chat with someone who takes 5 minutes to respond after you do? That's because they're chatting with someone else at the same time. Talk about something that will keep daters on POF searching for decades... it's not appealing.

Not only can people not focus on one person at a time they can't even focus on one conversation at a time, and/or forget what you told them about yourself and slip up and say you told them something another person said because they've got too many on the go...

I junked online dating...
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 39
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 1:51:26 PM
I can really relate to what the lady in Message 4 said.. I do not mind that a man chats with others.. or dates with others.. BUT.. if you are online.. and i am online.. you prove JUST how interested in me you are.. do NOT turn your back to me.. lol

I have many men message me in emails.. then sit all day chatting with others.. wow.. Im like.. nahh.. next...
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 40
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 3:52:08 PM
OP, not to be rude, but how times have you found yourself in said situation: talking to multiple women within a week's time?
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 41
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:20:47 PM


Even in chat women want exclusivity


You're talking to control freaks...
FYI: You can ameliorate a lot of this by not wasting your time on chat with them, getting their number after four messages, calling them, and arranging a date..but anyway..

But at any rate - you shouldn't be sharing this info with them. It's none of their business.

Dominatrix: Are you talking to any other women?
LEPEW62: (invoke humor) - Actually, I have six wives. I can book us a flight to Vegas in 5 minutes. Want to be nunber 7?

Dominatrix: Are you talking to any other women?
LEPEW62: Wouldn't you like to know....

She should drop it at this point..if not..turn it back on her and ask her if She's seeing any other men... then you have the opportunity now to interrogate her on relationships..guaranteed she'll drop it..and you'll get BONUS POINTS for not being a pushover ! :-)

Making COMMITMENT before 2-3 months of dating is like stabbing yourself ...
Making COMMITMENT before EVEN first meeting is suicide...

It's always BETTER for YOU to be dating two women at a time until you're ready for commitment with ONE.

MEN ARE WAY MORE INTERESTED and AGGRESSIVE than WOMEN are..the one with LOWER INTEREST Controls the relationship ..balance things out with TWO..invest that EXTRA ENERGY elsewhere (it'll mean you can spend less time distraught on the boards)
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 42
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IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:10:04 PM
If I was chatting with a guy and I felt it was going somewhere I would think he wouldn't be interested in chatting with other women beyond politeness. If he was chatting with other women after I felt we had something going on, I'd give my head a shake because my picker would probably be a bit off.


If you're chatting with multiple women at a time I have to wonder if you are just trying to figure out which one is going to "put out". If not, why not just meet? Are you the chatty type?

Why do you chat with multiple women OP?
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 43
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:15:53 PM
Umm.. i wouldn't tell them.. I would just say i'm looking for the one.. maybe it's you?? Honestly.. I've never asked a guy in chat how many other women they were looking for.. well except for 1.. when I was 18 and I had a cyber husband.. LOL. (yea.. it was DUMB! but I was BORED! LOL) I don't do chat anymore.


~~
If I was chatting with a guy and I felt it was going somewhere I would think he wouldn't be interested in chatting with other women beyond politeness. If he was chatting with other women after I felt we had something going on, I'd give my head a shake because my picker would probably be a bit off.
~~
I NEVER understood this view.. A date is not a commitment.. 2 dates is not a commitment, 3 dates is not a commitment. I think BOTH people should be dating others until they decide they not longer want to. Why is there an expectation of this from the first e-mail? Ridiculous! I date whoever I want until one of them either takes up all my time OR I decide I do not want to see anyone even if HE hasn't decided that yet. He is not entitled to my full devotion just because we go out for 1 or 2 dates.. nor am I entitled to his!

I will never understand this attitude.. There comes a point when you both decide you do not want to see others or you no longer want to see each other. That is when you stop. I find that one guy tends to take up all my time and I end up unable to see others. That is how I end up getting "caught" LOL
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 44
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:25:01 PM
Confuzzled4ever, yet you mean "caught" in a good way though, right?
You enjoy spending so much time with each other that you ultimately find yourself being exclusive?
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 45
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IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/7/2012 8:55:25 PM
Confuzzled4ever: It's not an attitude, if I feel a connection with someone and I am starting to like him enough to meet up, why would I want to chat with other men? Why not see how this one works for me first. Undivided attention is what I offer and would appreciate back, if I found we clicked.

If I'm not interested in just one yet, then fine with chatting with a few to find out if any can hold my interest and I there's.

Chatting for the sake of chatting drives me nuts.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 46
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/8/2012 6:50:35 AM

It isn't really realistic to think that all of the women he talks to bring it up and make an issue of it. I think it's because he brings it up. Why does he do that? That's the question. Why is he making a point of this with the women he's talking to? I think he's creating an issue that wouldn't normally exist.


^^^ Lily,you make a very good point!
I wonder what our Op's response would be.................?
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 47
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IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/8/2012 10:24:03 AM
As Cowboy said, it doesn't count until you meet. And even then I usually assume people are still seeing other people until a few months into the "relationship". I'd never ask a man if he's chatting with others unless I'd already put him in the friend zone.

Firefly
 Stubidoo
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 48
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/8/2012 10:39:31 AM

I usually assume people are still seeing other people until a few months into the "relationship".

I am TRULY curious about this statement. I have not met a single woman yet who didn't equate sex entering into the "relationship" with being exclusive.

Are you saying that you aren't having sex "a few months" into the relationship or that you don't care if the guy you are sleeping with is sleeping with others?
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 49
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:15:53 AM
~~~
Confuzzled4ever, yet you mean "caught" in a good way though, right?
You enjoy spending so much time with each other that you ultimately find yourself being exclusive?
~~
yes of course i mean in a good way. lol. If wasn't enjoying my time with him or I was enjoying my time with someone else more, then i'd not agree to the date. I'm not a user, if I like the guy I'll go out with him, but I'm not gonna sit home on Friday because he didn't ask me. if another guy asks me, and we are still only dating, then i'm gonna say yes to the other guy. I'm going to assume he didn't ask me out for Friday because he is out with another woman. No reason to assume otherwise. If I don't want to get "caught" by him.. I just say no thank you when he asks. I mean.. how hard is it? He can also walk away if he's not interested or he can say no thank you to me. Yes... pretty much when you end up with him during most or all of your free tiem.. you are exclusive by default. lol

~~~
Confuzzled4ever: It's not an attitude, if I feel a connection with someone and I am starting to like him enough to meet up, why would I want to chat with other men? Why not see how this one works for me first. Undivided attention is what I offer and would appreciate back, if I found we clicked.
~~
I think you took that wrong.. I didn't mean attitude in a bad or mean way. I mean a prevailing thought. And it is. I know many women who think along those same lines and I just dont' get it. You clicking with him does not mean he's clicking with you, or that he's not out there looking for the one and making sure it's real. I don't see antyhing wrong with a guy seeing me on Friday and someone else on Saturday. Not to mention I have no real say it what he does anyway. If I were to flip, I'm sure he'd leave, even if he really liked me better.

~~~
If I'm not interested in just one yet, then fine with chatting with a few to find out if any can hold my interest and I there's.
~~~
But.. if he feels the same way you dont' want him chatting with others? because.. you think there is a connection?

~~
Chatting for the sake of chatting drives me nuts.
~~
I agree. But chatting for the sake of getting to a date with someone is ok. But to expect him to limit his options to only you is too much.

~~
I am TRULY curious about this statement. I have not met a single woman yet who didn't equate sex entering into the "relationship" with being exclusive.
~~
I would hope that he is only having sex with 1 person and that there is some levl of commitment from both sides after the act. Of course.. I have learned that men do not always think this way. If it's what I want or expect thenI need to be very clear about it, beforehand.

~~
Are you saying that you aren't having sex "a few months" into the relationship or that you don't care if the guy you are sleeping with is sleeping with others?
~~
I don't really think it matter when it happens. And I do care if he is sleeping with others, only becuase I like to keep my risk factors on various things as low as possible.
 Kathyew
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 50
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:53:35 PM
Both guys I'm seeing know about each other. Phil is hooked on me and Gerry said he loved me. They both want me happy.
If your not totally in a commitment you should be able to talk to other women.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1
Posted: 11/8/2012 6:00:18 PM
Until you choose to become exclusive with someone and they agree to it, you are free to shotgun the field as hard and as often as you wish with out anyone's approval or having to explain anything to anyone.
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