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 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 15
getting sad Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
"The best suggestion I can give you, is to recognize when you ARE letting your depression substitute itself for taking action, take a deep breath, and go and actually DO something instead.

If there is to be a tragic tale told of your life, let it be told by someone else later. Don't narrate it yourself, while you wait for it to end."


I've got to disagree pescando75. I thought this was great advice for everyone to read, including the OP. It's proactive and and negates hopelessness.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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getting sad
Posted: 10/30/2012 4:51:07 PM

is there a topic you WON'T put your two cents in on? Seriously.


Yes, there are lots.


Did you do any of this psycho-babble pondering from the confines of a wheel chair? Probably not.
So why is it relevant in the least?


I have found myself, many times, that answers to challenges I have faced, have come from entirely unrelated places, and the reason I was able to use the thoughts, was often BECAUSE it wasn't directly related, and therefore got past my natural resistances and resentments.

I don't put stuff in here in hopes of promoting my ego. I don't mind in the least when people find that what I have to say is useless to them, though I always hope it will be. Giving responses and input to others is like true gift giving for me: it isn't about how I look doing it that matters, and if the gift is useless, and the person drops it in the trash, that's fine. If it proves useful, all the better.

I do not know what it's like to be wheelchair bound, but my nearly ex-brother in law does. And I do very much know what it is to be extremely sad, and to feel rejected for what I am that I cannot change. As far as I've seen from the wheelchair bound people I have known directly, they are identical to me, as far as being real people, real human beings. They are not magically different because of the chair, or because of their suffering. Therefore, speaking as one human to another, I contribute what I can.

In this case, as with many others, I saw only one small area where I might contribute. If it helps, great. If not, I did not say anything to add trouble to the OP. It's just a mechanical suggestion to try. Nothing grand or sweeping.
 tygerpawn
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 17
getting sad
Posted: 10/30/2012 5:01:24 PM
I totally agree with message 11, it was well said and dont let the downers get you down, most folks has problems when it comes to online dating so dont be discouraged, but I would try one of those disabled sites for sure hun.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 18
getting sad
Posted: 10/31/2012 8:02:17 PM
OP -
A friend of mine who is differently abled also uses online dating and just recently began a committed relationship with a woman he dated for six months.

I think if you load your profile page with a lot of humor and show the POF women that you're a lot of fun to be with, you'll get some more responses.

Character, personality, wit, and humor can do more good than you could imagine.

Stay encouraged OP! You're in your 20's the response rate is said to normally be typically low for someone that age.
So don't give up and keep messaging girls and the right one will come around!

Patience, practice, and confidence!

You've got this!

EDIT:
And NO I'm not blowing rainbows up your ass! I'm typically one of the more blunt posters around here.
There's is a science and art to dating/relationship/courting. Once you master the rudiments then things will get better. Kiss a 1000 frogs (as the dating gurus would say) ..or as I would say "PRACTICE" ... So YES you'll eventually snag the right one.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 19
getting sad
Posted: 10/31/2012 8:38:20 PM
Hey dspelt, I'm not disabled, yet no one wants me either. I think the most people on here (assuming all the profiles are real), don't want anything more than a cyber-relationship, but nothing IRL. Don't feel bad. It's difficult finding someone to date in the real world, and it's even MORE difficult online.
 gythien
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 20
getting sad
Posted: 10/31/2012 8:49:36 PM
"Eat some chocolate.. That helps a lot."
I agree, chocolate rocks!
However, a better investment with a higher yield would be to ReThink your Profile[s].
DON'T GET SAD-GET SMART!
Ask yourself, how important is finding, someone, who may become, the most important person in your life? Is it more important than finding a job? Writing skill is just as important in creating the desired outcome on a profile as it is in a job resume. [It's not what you say ; its how you say it...] If you can't do it; ask the help of a pal with literary talent or pay for the services of a professional writer. It'll be worth every penny!
If you're seeking a position in any field where personal image is Important; you are asked to submit-"Head-Shots & Body-Shots". To achieve the best result [remember these images need to present & Sell You-at Your Personal Best]; ask the help of a talented friend with proficiency in photography, or hire the services of The BEST Photographer that you can afford. Many Professional Art Schools have budding Super Talents, who will work for little to nothing because they are building their "Book" or portfolio. Ask for "Headshot/Bodyshot" quality & ask the photographer who he/she uses for hair/make-up & "dress" recommendations... The initial cost might be, a bit steep but, do it in stages as you can afford it. I will guarantee that the results of this effort will far exceed the investment.
I think the best way to understand the message is with a Computer programmer cliche : "Garbage In/Garbage out...
Don't expect, a wonderful result when you haven't put-in a wonderful effort!
 Thomas_Andronicus
Joined: 6/17/2012
Msg: 21
getting sad
Posted: 10/31/2012 9:16:58 PM

I am a nice guy i am sad because I feel that it is hopeless does anybody have any ideas for me


Contrary to what Hollywood et al tell us, true happiness and peace does not come from such as "dating." I hope you can see where I'm going with this. That's the only idea I've got.
 sexysunfish68
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 22
getting sad
Posted: 10/31/2012 9:27:33 PM
You may be better off find a site for those in your situation. POF is not for everyone and very few find lasting success here compared to the vast numbers of fish swimming in this sometimes murky pond.
 Timmay483
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 23
getting sad
Posted: 11/1/2012 8:25:34 AM
They only want guys who are perfect and rich we are nothing but scum to every woman in the world.
 Timmay483
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 24
getting sad
Posted: 11/1/2012 8:46:05 AM
ok I guess everytime i post I get deleted here's an Idea just KILL YOURSELF WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS.
 MaccaFan
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 25
getting sad
Posted: 11/1/2012 9:19:05 AM
Oh, that's very helpful.....^^^^^^^^

Op, I agree with those that say POF might not be for you.
You seem very kind, keep your eyes and heart open and remember..
Don't give up right before the miracle happens-Good luck!
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 26
getting sad
Posted: 11/1/2012 11:30:40 AM
OP I bet it is pretty rough for you in here. I know how rough it is for a guy who gets around with a cane; living in a chair and trying to find a woman to date in here must be brutal. I think it's awesome that you are trying though. It shows that you are intelligent and wise enough to understand that not every person is as shallow and lost as some souls seem to be. Of course there are women out there who would like to date you, the trick is finding them and hoping you won't need a passport to meet them.

I don't know anything about living in a wheelchair but I do know there are women out there asking the exact same questions. I tried going to another dating site that was specifically for disabled people but it turned out to be a total scam where you get sent fake, bot messages. Meeting single women who are also dealing with disabilities seems like a great idea to me still. I'm thinking maybe taking some classes and workshops or whatever and trying it out that way.

I've met a few other disabled guys who don't even bother trying to date, they just hire prostitutes. I think the fact that you want more than that says something about your character.

Good luck with that fishin' fella!
 Smorg
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 27
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getting sad
Posted: 11/1/2012 2:20:09 PM
Hi mate, dont worry. Its nothing to do with you being disabled. I have had no luck either.

No one ever bothers to reply to my messages and I never get any contacts. Maybe online dating is harder, I'm not sure.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 28
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getting sad
Posted: 11/1/2012 2:37:38 PM
Some would go all in with this problem. I mean-- OP,. imagine you were the lost twin of Sir Richard Branson, who formed Virgin airlines- a complete salesman. He'd have some weird junk up. Maybe get completely tattooed, convert the home into some type of loft for women in the adult entertainment industry, get completely into developing s/w for hell's angels to launder money.. I mean- take every little advantage and convert it into a complete positive.

As others hint your profile could use some help. Add captions to create the beginning of a conversation. Make your about me show how you have fun. Create a small space that women can enjoy with you - I mean a virtual place--- like a conversational area... comix, s/w, things about Victoria... whatever. Allow them to see where their place might be.
 r.monroe1963
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 29
getting sad
Posted: 11/2/2012 2:21:13 PM
don't know if this is a good idea...but ..is there dating websites for the disabled?..you know other ppl dealing with the same issue might be able to related connect then date....try looking into that ... it couldn't hurt....good luck
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 30
getting sad
Posted: 11/2/2012 3:44:48 PM
FROM MY PERSPECTIVE AS A WOMAN regarding men here..... If your not blonde, skinny as a rail and have huge ta ta's and willing to hop in the bed on the first meeting......your not going to get a date on this site. I've been here a VERY long time and never had ONE date from here.

OP, I know it's tough situation your in(your in a unique one) ......I believe there are all kinds of groups for people with disabilities that you could look into that would be beneficial to you......good luck....
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 31
getting sad
Posted: 11/3/2012 1:12:40 AM
Dear OP:

You are doing exactly what a young man should be doing---putting yourself “out there” and making it known what it is you want in life---to share yours with another soul.

My own disability I’ve grown into over the years and so I really don’t know what it’s like to be so young and so disheartened. I can tell you this, though; wherever you are now in your life or your loneliness, it will be worse if you look back 20-30 years from now and remember the things you could do then but can’t anymore. This includes having the courage to search for someone extraordinary.

PoF is definitely not for the fainthearted---many have posted here to you that they have been looking a long time now and not gotten any dates from this site. May I suggest the obvious then? You will find your heart’s desire where your own heart lays. If computers and programming are your passions then it’s pretty logical that she will be someone in either the same or very similar field. Because you like to help others, she may be that kind of person as well and in a kind of profession that does just that.

I don’t know what you have done so far to search but I can suggest some basic ideas. Go to places or do activities that interest you but that you’ve not ever tried before. Have friends who DO these activities often go with you to introduce you around. Your lady-to-be will have the same basic type of interests that you do, but, you may have narrowed your search too much to more familiar things---open up!

Your friends (and family too) may have ideas of ladies that they might want you to meet. Even if there is no chemistry there, go on these meetings with the idea to just find an interesting soul to chat with. If the conversation is easy going and things fall in place for another date---awesome. If they don’t, then you are one person closer in lifting your loneliness.

You are young, don’t waste your time on one venue like PoF alone. I know it is tough, hard to put yourself out there because you are afraid of rejection. Believe me, we all are. Don’t look back years from now and think you gave this any less effort than the most important search of your lifetime required.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 32
getting sad
Posted: 11/3/2012 11:16:25 PM
Not even two pages and you've already heard from one woman who isn't blinded by a wheelchair. There are others OP.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 33
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getting sad
Posted: 11/4/2012 6:42:46 AM
Hi OP, I know how it feels like when you are "Unwanted" - the opposite of a "Wanted" person. LOL Hope you get my joke.

It's not too long that you've been on here for a year. You're young and good looking. Be patient. In the meantime, how about just join the forums to read the posts and write what you feel like to. I find it fun though. Try to think positive.

Wish you all the best.
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