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 swthrt0614
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 677
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History
Favorites List?????Page 10 of 46    (6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46)
Well I use favorites like a book mark if I am searching and really like someone sometimes I will wait to figure out a nice way to contact him.... or if I am at work and dont' have time to write something. It happens to me I am assuming that guys are doing the same or they are just checking it out lol.... I normally do though at some point.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 681
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:44:25 PM


If you are on a lot of favorites lists..you are going to turn off some people. You CAN delete yourself from those lists.....if you don't it looks like an ego trip. I don't contact any man on a lot of favorites lists....they are collecting women and it is a turn off.


That is a good thing. If a guy (or any forum poster) want to judge or assume thing about me for some thing as small and irelevent as the number 200 on my profile, I would not want to be around this kind of person anyways.

So everybody is happy. :)
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 686
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:14:40 AM
skippy,, interesting concept,, myself I have 5 or 6 woman on my fav. list,, it's because we talk about forums,, I have never added them with out asking,, now for the women who put me on theirs,, about 2 mo. ago I deleted 130+ women who added me,, and now it's at 90+ again, go figure,, I personally don't care either way,, some of those women follow my forums,, others, I have no clue,,so Now I just wonder how far the number will go,, even though I get judged as having a harum...,, I do agree we shouldn't take it personally..
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 689
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:36:52 PM
It's a feature that's offered no more, no less. People use it for different reasons, like everything else they know why they add and/or delete. Nothing wrong with that.

It's when individuals purport to assume what the behavior of everyone else is....well it's good they call themselves out so the rest of us know who they are.

"Ugh"....indeed. (one of my favorite words...haha)
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 692
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:47:40 PM

If i let everyone that has asked me to let them add me to there favorites i don't think i would have had as much luck meeting women as i have had on this site


But my number is 200 and I have had good luck. :)

I really do not think the two are connected.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 694
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:15:30 AM
I have read most of it but I was not refer to the thread. I only speak of what I quoted. The number on my profile have not hurt my luck.

So it is safe to say that while some people will draw strange conclusion about that number, a number over 100 do not mean they are harming thier chance in general.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 702
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:21:19 PM
bodypro, so big number is assume there is much compete and small number assume no compete.

From this thread there are many people who delete those who favorite them. There are people who can have 1000 people favorited them if they did not delete. A small number do not mean you are only person interested in her.

Ignorance is bliss, may be?
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 705
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:18:44 AM
All of five min, later i came back and she had deleted herself from my favorites. I thought "What a arse hole". Needless to say i passed right on by.If someone is gonna be like that before i even have a chance to write them, I don't need that.


What is wrong with this? If she is not interest in your profile, it is very unlikely any thing you write would change this. I know rejection is never good, but at least you save time of writeing.

Also, if she has small number, may be she only let friend or people she know favorite her. Not everybody want to be bookmark.


Am I a troll yet?


I do not think so. If you are try to be troll, you are do a very bad job of it. ;)
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 706
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:35:02 AM
hmmmmm clearly each person uses their Favorites List as they choose to.

Wow - what an odd concept.
Do something simply because it pleases or suits you to.

Wonder why some people think this sort of thing is any one else's business?

And that there should be more rules about what's ok and what's not. Generally, I think people who want more rules do so out of some situation which they think they were not fairly treated.

"We must spell this out and control it because otherwise....someone will be scroooood big time! (like I just was!)"

I use my Favorites List to plan dream vacations.
I want to go where the pretty men live!!!!!!

SW Airlines should consider that as a slogan....

 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 710
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:50:02 PM

alexy,

I can tell that you just don't get it.


I got it a long time ago. Many people assume large number equal some thing bad. Is not the first time people use bad logic to base opinion or believe. Is your choise to do what you wish to meet people, but if someone is so paranoed to think so much about that number, perhap he is not right for me.


In other words if i rob you of your chance to speak whether it is just to say hello or try to get my attention because you like my profile then i have offended you


If she did not block you, she did not rob you of your chance to speak. Second, you are too attached if you feel like some thing have been taken from you by this.

Still even if she did block, is too dramatic reaction from you, I think. No, I would not be offended. If he is not interest in me, I no longer wish to speak to him. I move to the next person who I may be interest in. If she do not wish to give you a chance because of your profile, why do you wish to write to her? Instead of hurt feelings, think of practical side and you do not have to waste time on person not interested.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 715
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:32:37 AM
I wrote about this I don't know how many pages ago, but to me the Favorites are a complete waste of time and produces more confusion, anger, jealously, and malevolence than any other single POF feature.

I for one would not miss it in the slightest if it were to go away. But I know there are some? that apparently like and use the feature regularly, so in the best interests of "everyone", I won't recommend it's demise.

BUT..... POF should be able to give us, individually, the ability to "hide" the favs count if we so wish so no one can read anything negatively into it. Nobody can comment on something they can't see?

An eminently practical solution that should satisfy everybody? A simple programming function can be added to everyone's profile edit -- either check a box or click "Yes" to show it, unchecked or "No" not to. The default should be hidden and NO!
 mcopado
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 716
view profile
History
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:55:17 AM
I'm glad this thread has finally popped up because I've been confused about this whole "favorites" phenomenom myself.

I get constantly added to people's favorites, and they don't contact me, I've been wondering if that's POF code for "hey I'm interested in having you contact me." But I'm not sure. (I'd like to know the answer from the women's perspective.)

Is it being coy?
Is it because they feel like the man should then take the initiative?
Is it being used here like the "wink" function on a certain paid dating site, to express interest without the commitment of a message?
Is it being used here like a "friends list" on certain social networking sites?

I wrote to someone once who immediately after reading my message added me to favorites, but never responded to my email.

When I add someone to favorites, it is because I am interested in writing to them, when I have some time to fully read their profile and put together an introductory message, or if it a friend I know in RL....
 mcopado
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 718
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History
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:23:56 AM
Gudnplenty,

It's good to know there's not some secret pof "Woman Code" I was missing out on.

 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 719
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:31:19 AM
Yep, a big problem is too many confuse just what the favs count represents?

They think it's people YOU add to your favs list, and not what it really is, people that clicked on your profile and added you to THEIRS. Our personal favs lists are hidden and only we know how many are on them.

Even if people "understand" what the list means, human nature takes over and they think people must be attention whores (some are) and are deliberately trying to be added to another's list.

Now some would say, why not just delete entries and keep the list low? There are two problems with that. One, for many it would be a fulltime job to monitor every time you've been added to a list and determining who should stay and who should go, and Two, there's nothing (that I know of) to stop a person from just adding you again?

No, the fairest solution is to give us "control" over whether they are shown on our profiles at all. I for one would keep them hidden. If somebody has a huge count and "deliberately" chooses to show it on their profile it tells me in no uncertain terms they are doing it for attention and self-gratification, and I'd ignore them.
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 722
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:05:11 AM
Most women that have me added to their favorites did so to track my forum posts...


Stalkers.
 cpu_man
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 725
view profile
History
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/13/2008 1:49:44 PM
Hmm.. favourites list... Well, I can say I add people to contact at a later time. If I'm in a rush, or too tired, dunno quite what to say.. I'll pop 'em on my fave list and hope for inspiration at a later date. However, sometimes I kinda forget about the list.. or POF altogether. I'll come back later, look at it and wonder why I added these people. lol.

My point is, the main reason I add is so I can contact them. But sometimes you need to allow for the fact that it sometimes takes someone awhile to get up enough nerve to write. Of course there are people out there that just like lookin at your photos too, and that is as much interaction as they wanna have. Creepy, eh?

What I'd like to see is a way for me to "remember" who I've messaged in the past. (Other than via Sent Messages). For those times when you spend time away from POF. I would really like to keep track, so I can avoid re-messaging ppl that never responded to me in the past. But this is pretty much a diff topic. :)

Alex.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 727
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/14/2008 1:01:16 PM


When a gal adds me to their list, what does it really mean........? Either she will contact me eventually, its a hint for me to contact her, or she's in a competition to have the highest number of people on her list? lol

I don't bother to contact a gal if she had a HIGH number of people of her list.


You can not know how many is on her list. The number on profile is how many other people have favorite her.

For example I am on 200 other people list, I have add 0 to my list. I do not use favorites.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 730
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 5:57:08 AM


Hum, Yea, It's THOSE 200 that everyone else sees that causes the problem. As i have said time and time again, It causes suspicion. Many people see those big, high numbers and the first thing they think,

(1) Stalkers
(2) How many of those men/women are they messing around with? And whole host of other ideas that could very well be true.


First, I was only correct his misunderstanding of what that number is. Every body know what you think of this as you repeat it many many time.

Second, if they are stalkers that is my problem to worry of, not any body else.

Third, if some one is insecure to worry so much of the compete for those 200 or damage in logic part of brain to assume I am some way a bad person because of this number, this is good as I would not date that person any way.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 732
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 6:21:31 AM
200 is nothing. I've seen women with over 1,500 favs on their profiles (one in my area has over 1,800!!)

Psychologically, even though I "know" it's men adding her to their lists and not her own, I avoid them because there is no way I'm going to compete with all that attention. I'd think to her I'd just be another face in the crowd and would have to "prove" myself special enough to warrant further interest? No thanks.

But for some reason some people still want to retain favs. OK, for those that apparently like it (have no idea why) they can still use the feature, but the rest of us should be given the choice to either opt out or at the very least hide the count on our profiles. Why is this so difficult to do, POF?
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 733
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 6:37:47 AM
Psychologically, even though I "know" it's men adding her to their lists and not her own, I avoid them because there is no way I'm going to compete with all that attention. I'd think to her I'd just be another face in the crowd and would have to "prove" myself special enough to warrant further interest? No thanks.


Since you have over 200 are you say the same about yourself? Should women feel they must compete for you?

Beside, there are attractive forum posters who have been here for years. If they choose they could have 1000. A high number is not indicate that every guy has her attention. A low number is not indicate that you are only person interested. My level of interest from other would stay the same if I delete all of mine.
 Mecca25
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 734
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 6:41:08 AM
How can you be scared of the favorites list......that's a pretty defeatist attitude to just think "well I can't compete with all that"

If you have that attitude on a site like this I don't think I'd want to see the approach you have with women in person, do you have no confidence what so ever?
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 736
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 7:11:02 AM

Since you have over 200 are you say the same about yourself? Should women feel they must compete for you?


If they feel that way I wouldn't blame them. I'd enjoy the choice to hide or just mass delete the list. POF gives me neither option.


How can you be scared of the favorites list......that's a pretty defeatist attitude to just think "well I can't compete with all that"
If you have that attitude on a site like this I don't think I'd want to see the approach you have with women in person, do you have no confidence what so ever?


Some people have no problem with seeing a gazillion favs. To each their own. If you profess not to be bothered by it, how's your luck been with women that have 300, 400, 500+?

Agree with Pofsters above, btw.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 737
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 7:13:57 AM

If they feel that way I wouldn't blame them


Can you explain more? If you can see from your own experience that haveing large number do not mean any thing, why do you still assume so much about other's?
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 738
view profile
History
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 10:13:56 AM

there is no way I'm going to compete with all that attention. I'd think to her I'd just be another face in the crowd and would have to "prove" myself OK, for those that apparently like it (have no idea why) they can still use the feature, but the rest of us should be given the choice to either opt out or at the very least hide the count on our profiles. Why is this so difficult to do, POF?
With your view on the favs feature i"d think that having the number hidden would be even more disconcerting to you and the men that think like you... Afterall, If it's been hidden than how would you know how many she had, how would you prejudge her because of the number, how would your defense mechanism kick in.. OMG, you could be emailing/chattin with a gal with 500+ who've favoured her... unclean, unclean
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 740
Favorites List?????
Posted: 10/15/2008 11:23:50 AM
Wow...suddenly this is high school, revisited! LOL

The faves has NOTHING to do with sex or sleeping with the person...has nothing to do with competition. I can empathize with how one might initially think that way, but once you read a gazillion pages of "reasons for favorites" here in the threads, you should be able to recognize that there are a bevy of different reasons.

Sheesh...as a hostess of POF events, I would hate to think that I was being judged on how many faves lists I am on....when first of all, it is beyond my control (short of monitoring it on a daily basis and deleting) and second of all, it's a method of bookmarking for most. Second thought....would not bother me a bit...anyone that judgmental, or who attached such a doofus stigma to something like "faves list" would sooo not be compatible with me, anyway!

Personally...I rather deal with the few who have this belief or logic...and never know...than feel like I have offended someone for deleting myself from their faves list!
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