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 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 53
Separated vs DivorcedPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

that sounds to be driven by resentment or anger.


Not at all. It is driven simply by the fact that an individual should have his/her "house in reasonable order" e.g, in a somewhat (not necessarily perfectly) stable situation before bringing someone else in. That allows the person to properly focus on the relationship without unrelated "distractions".



is flat out false.


You must have misunderstood. An individual who is single is past dealing with divorce, distribution of assets, alimony determination, custody negotiations, etc, etc.

What a divorced individual has to deal with is the end result of the divorce but, certainly not with the process itself. The process, which is rarely smooth is done and over with once the divorce is final.

A person who is only separated has quite a number of ongoing issues to deal with that a single individual has finalized. The former deals with the process, the latter with the end result. Very different.

EDIT:

In addition to that, as I mentioned previously, it is not completely uncommon for a couple going through the divorce process to decide to give it another chance once they realize how damaging the divorce can be. This is not a factor for single people.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 54
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:41:01 PM

"...After all, a divorced person is just a separated person who has gotten the form from the government saying they are no longer legally linked. That form does NOT indicate that the government has tested them, and determined that they have healed their neediness, reformed their wayward nature, vowed never again to cheat, learned any of the lessons they needed to, which caused their marriage to fail, or have discharged all their financial problems..."


IgorFrankensteen, your clarity, consideration, and capability for comprehensive thought is excellent.
That passage above should be read multiple times by those with misgivings and/or prone to applying labels.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:48:12 PM
Can you divorce or separate yourself from commenting on every reply you get? It's tiresome.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 56
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:16:14 PM

Justlookingvt:
In addition to that, as I mentioned previously, it is not completely uncommon for a couple going through the divorce process to decide to give it another chance once they realize how damaging the divorce can be. This is not a factor for single people.



An estimated six percent of American couples marry, divorce and then remarry each other, according to psychology professor Nancy Kalish, who researched the topic for her book Lost & Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances.


This doesn't include those who got divorced and some time down the road just live with the other person, without remarrying them.

As or issues about child support, just because a couple have a final divorce decree, either of them could have the other in court over issues with their children. Also a single, never married, person could be in court over child support/child custody issues.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 57
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:46:13 PM
It all depends. If he gives me his landline and cell phone number and no instructions when I should call (and numerous excuses as to why one time is better than others) then I am pretty sure he is at least physically separated.

If he is BRAND new separated, I'll still be cautious, but then, I'm a "friends first" kind of person so I'm cautious with everyone anyways.

I'm not, btw, more worried about how things will go with a separated vs divorced/single/widowed man, it's not about the MAN in this case---it's the wifey slinking around with a meat cleaver and an attitude that I'd like to avoid.

Come to think of it, how many of you have run into a legally bonified ex of your boyfriend who scared you off? Lotsa nutters out there regardless of legal status.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 58
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:59:37 PM


As or issues about child support, just because a couple have a final divorce decree, either of them could have the other in court over issues with their children. Also a single, never married, person could be in court over child support/child custody issues.


Absolutely. I'm not suggesting that single people are entirely problem free. I am only pointing out that a person who is going through a divorce process, i.e, separated, has a significant number of important issues on their plate to take care of. Significantly more than the run of the mill single person has (relative to marital status, that is.)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 60
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/3/2012 9:07:32 PM
Sounds like you may have a couple things to worry about other than how you "label" yourself here on this site. But, according to your history that you just gave us, you don't seem to be too worried about it, and either does the fems that you tend to attract.

Good luck.

That's all.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 61
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/4/2012 1:22:11 AM
OP, now that you've given more information, I think you're going to have another problem once your divorce is final. I think you're going to find a certain percentage of women won't want to date you once they find out you're a 3 times loser, or 3 strikes and you're out. Not that 3 divorces says you can't find the right person and have a long relationship, just some are going to judge you for that, too.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 63
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/4/2012 2:34:41 PM
Unfortunaltely, some married men claim they are separated, to try to lure in an unsuspecting woman for sexual purposes only.
They lie & manipulate & say they're separated when they have no intention of moving out or filing for divorce. That is why, to me, being separated means you are married. I've had a married man claim he & his wife are separated, but they live in the same home, he claims is separate bedrooms. Another claimed they are married in name only, & although they share a home & a bed they are separated.
I stay away form anyone who claims they are separated because of my past experiences, to me, separated means you are still married. Your situation is different, as you are actualy separated, & waiting for the final papers.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:15:58 AM

clearly show that the vast majority of women willing to comment have this separated means leper idea.


I think the main reason women seem so turned off about it is because a lot of women are still dreaming of having a fairy tale wedding, even if they previously had what was considered a fairy tale wedding, which turned into a fairy tale divorce. Most women not only have a biological clock for breeding, they also have a biological clock for getting married. If a woman's clock for getting married is ticking, she's not going to wait for Prince Charming's divorce to be finalized. She is going to look for another Prince Charming who is available for marriage at any point in time.
 love2laugh130
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 71
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 12/22/2012 11:51:19 AM
Yes, I pay attention to it. I have learned that after a divorce you need some time to discover yourself. I know it gets lonely, but don't rush into a relationship. I will not date anyone that's separated. But that's me; every one is different.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 74
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 12/22/2012 6:36:01 PM
i dated a separated man once.. he lied lied lied.. he said it was "almost final" .. when it wasnt even filed yet..

liars are liars.. has nothing to do with whether they are separated or divorced.

I dated a divorced man once... he was STILL married/separated AND had a live in girlfriend..

like i said..... liars are liars
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 76
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/9/2013 3:11:29 PM
I know a woman who has been separated for over 5 years, but can't file for divorce because her husband took off without prior notice and she hasn't had any contact from him and has no idea where he is. Getting a divorce would require contact and signatures from her husband. She has no idea if he's dead or alive or where he could be and has no interest wasting time and money looking for him. She has no interest in ever remarrying, so it's not a problem for her. She never had trouble getting guys contacting her on any dating sites, even though she lists separated as her marital status.
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 81
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/13/2013 2:01:06 AM
TALK ABOUT LIVING IN FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I checked your profile. Engage in BDSM, I see, and Separated,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Bondage, Discipline, Sado- Masochism and who knows what other sexual fetishes??

I Volunteer at a Women's Crisis Center---We've had several girls come in with PTSD,,,,,from ABUSE,,from guys who like to beat them, tie them up, and degrade them, etc, etc,,,,,

Real Man huh,,,,abusing women,,,,,,,Real Tough Guy,,,,,,,,,,you should be in Prison,,,,,I suspect
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 87
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/13/2013 6:00:12 PM
Pits burg vixon
=================================================================================
Google it genius---and see what the American Academy of Psychiatry has to say about it,

You've been a troll on the only other thread I've ever commented on,,,,,You are following me around, trying to harass me. I suspect cause you seem like a very jealous, and insecure person

Not all women are volunteers in sadistic, ,bondage, sado-masochistic sex. Many are manipulated into it,,and come out of the relationship,,,abused, and with PTSD..

Look it up,,,just like the last time you were wrong about something I said. Your ignorance is astounding and hateful in it's origin, I suspect
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 88
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/13/2013 6:19:54 PM
Your Brand New Guy

Toilet trained huh

Thanks for proving my point.!!!!!!!!!!!It appears to me that you live to Abuse women,,,especially verbally.

As Evidence by the e-mail you just sent me,,, trying to threaten, intimidate, and degrade me.

I'm curious, if that had anything to do with why your wife left you, or why you guys divorced.
Most divorce proceeding are Public Records. It could be easily looked up.

You also came to a thread I started and tried to degrade me there as well. It seems to be a pastern with you,,at least in my case. Does that turn you on?? Is that part of you BDSM????

Does impotence play any part, in your fetishism?? I had never even heard of you, before you brought you abusiveness to my thread.

Here's some advice---leave me alone, and quit stalking me. There are laws against Cyber Stallking
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 90
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/13/2013 8:22:08 PM
You Came to my thread first, and insulted and tried to degrade me,,,,,You owe me an apology!
I just unblock you, in case you are not Man enough to do it in Public.

I also just sent all the info I could amass about you to a Mountie friend I know in Canada. Along with a copy of every comment I could find that you have made on people threads.
He's gonna run a background check on ya. I

My friend is also a Criminal Psychologist. He was worried/alarmed/stunned, after reading many of your comments on threads, and said he would make this background check a priority.

Your barrister can call my lawyer tomorrow if you like. His name is W. Clon
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 91
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/13/2013 8:22:55 PM
W, Clonta,,,Morganton, NC-usa
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 93
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/14/2013 1:10:11 AM
I have a Dr Friend, and he's a Criminal Psychologist , He thinks you are quite possibly a danger to society.
It's just not a background check to see what you; have been doing the last few years.

It goes back to when you became a legal adult. And he'll get a printout of everything you have been charged with, all complaints against you,,and what you were convicted of. Outstanding warrants, and if you are behind on child support,,any child abuse,,etc,etc
. My guess, is there will be a lot of abuse against Women and children show up. Restraining orders to protect women from your obvious and abusive ways., which you demonstrate here every time you blog.,

The RCMP, most certainly does have the authority to run criminal checks. .
It always cracks me up, when High School drop-outs, trys to insult my IQ,,lmbo

Your word comprehension is obviously very poor. I said, have your lawyer contact my lawyer since you made a threat to sue. My lawyer is also checking the Cyber stalking laws here int he US, and also Canada.

He's one of the best, has dual citizen ship,,and appreciates His name being associated with that fact,

If you have none of theses on your criminal record,,and are not a Registered Sex offender,,you don't have anything to worry about,,,However, everyone I have talked with about you,,the first word that comes up,,,is what a Foll This Guy is, and POF has strict rules about sexual predictors.

Enjoy your blogging,,you may not be able to do much more of it here on this site.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 94
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:42:25 AM
OP, separation is a grievous state of affairs in which you can't automatically convince anybody that you're healed and ready to move forward. Even if you wanted this divorce, you can't escape the natural process of healing from such a relationship that is required before you can move forward to the next relation. This may include some time after your divorce becomes absolute and all lingering issues with children and finances are securely solved.

Let's assume the people you are meeting are truly aware of your situation: it's a superficial arrangement that will dash away as quickly as you were able to ascertain it through this medium. Are you warning these women that what you want is just to meet and maybe enjoy a little NSA intimacy? You'll face declination after declination through this process, until the course has completed and you're truly free to have a serious and enjoyable relation with somebody. It's never a one way street on which you travel when you live your life in parallel to another; they, too, will have a voice in this. Trust me, no self-respecting people with integrity or self-respect will entertain the idea of becoming serious with you, until your life is in order.

As we are aware of your point of view and your expressed need to fill this void in your life with such expediency, please take the opportunity to see it from the point of view of your prospective partner(s) who may want an ever-lasting, serious relation with you, but the interference from your mess may make it difficult for them to make a clear decision or it may create a blockade in their lives which they can't meet a more suitable suitor. Had you considered this, in your search? Please do - it'll make your life easier and you'll not repeat the same mistakes had you made in your previous marriage.

I will also disagree with another poster who assumed that we women don't want to entangle ourselves in a man's marital situation that is not yet dissolved because we want a fairytale wedding, This isn't so. I would not have wanted such a situation, as the grief it would cause for everybody involved.
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 97
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/14/2013 10:54:46 AM
Well it came back,,very enlightening. They are running you through US and Interpol now to see if there is more.

My attorney will get back to me when they get through with it all,,, about where I can post them, and in what context. Seems you've been a badddddddddd boy.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/15/2013 3:06:26 AM
^^^^^
Time to cue "The People's Court" theme music.
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 113
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/15/2013 3:28:27 PM
Les Miserables is also a movie and it is playing in Brockville.

Btw I like most if not everyone are happy you know people in Brockville.
 benita50
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 115
Separated vs Divorced
Posted: 1/15/2013 9:35:34 PM
YourBrandNewGuy is you are innocent then why did you change your profile? Why did you delete all your pics? You are from Brockville, Ontario. Brockville is a crappy town that are full of haters. LOL Law suit? You are weak dude, I have been on the internet since 97 and I never threatened to sue someone. You sir are an idiot that feeds the trolls, now trolls will come out in full force, do you realize that?

Too late i have copies of your pics and profile info. Maybe i should spread them through out Brockville.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's Most Important would be,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,That The Proper Authorities,,,,,,,,,,,Have Everything They need,,,,,,,

Instead of posting ,,,there is soooo much,,,might have to make a Web Site,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,still waiting on IP

I'm afraid, an apology at this late date, will be totally futile,,,It's mostly out of my hands,,,,,,,You make your bed, gonna have to lay in it

Good Luck,,,life is full of TRIALS,,,,,,,,,,,,,pun intended
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