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 AUTHOR
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 31
Friends with benefits rulesPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)


Just the fact you would jump into a discussion about 'FRIENDS with benefits' and post this about 'F#ck Buddies' shows you're incapable of having a FWB relationship. They're not the same thing and anyone who says they are, can't or won't understand the differences.
OK, I know some very above average intelligent peeps that would say your argument is a baseless play on semantics.

Saying I won't get it is the biggest cop-out I think I've heard tonight lady. Tell me, what is this fairy tale difference you speak of? Friends with benefits to me is any sexual relationship outside of marriage where you aren't truly, legally committed for life...

See, I think you attitude and bold trite type are aimed at me thinking, in a judgementle condescending tone I might add, I am the facilitator of such trists. Quite the contrary.

Whats the difference? Taking your screw toy to dinner and a movie? lolz
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 32
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 8:24:32 PM
Ah But what about the bit on the side, he has ,that she doesnt know about,- hmm,

I think its about what he can do, but what she must not' do - right.

Although someone did say, the man can have many friends intimately, but if the woman does she is considered a hore.

well Im not very experienced, and certainly no hore, or bugga or prozstitute, but boy those who label women, and mess around with them, are in the sealed nailed box written con men.
 marybuckeye
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 33
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 8:58:27 PM

the real problem is that they don't cook...get them anywhere near the stove and they blow the f up....then ya need a real girl to scrape her off the ceiling while I'm watching sports, plus my mom didn't like her for some reason, weird.


green_jello,
Lmao!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 34
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 9:08:01 PM

HaydenFan:
OK, I know some very above average intelligent peeps that would say your argument is a baseless play on semantics.

Saying I won't get it is the biggest cop-out I think I've heard tonight lady. Tell me, what is this fairy tale difference you speak of? Friends with benefits to me is any sexual relationship outside of marriage where you aren't truly, legally committed for life...

See, I think you attitude and bold trite type are aimed at me thinking, in a judgementle condescending tone I might add, I am the facilitator of such trists. Quite the contrary.

Whats the difference? Taking your screw toy to dinner and a movie? lolz


Well to Quote Abraham Lincoln, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt".

Maybe you should check a profile before opening your mouth and posting something. I don't think the Ladies here are including me on their team. Whatever your definition of FWB is, it isn't the one most thinking People use. Then you can call a Boar a Sow, it doesn't make it one.

If I have a judgmental condescending tone then it's used against those who deserve it.

VVVVVVVVV
That's a F#ck Buddy, not a Friend with Benefits.
A FWB does things together as Friends, they just have sex with each other, too.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 9:58:48 PM
It would have been decent of him to tell her but no he's not required to. A FWB is just that, casual sex that's easy to get by someone who agrees to have sex with you. Rules would have to be agreed upon by the two entering into this type of thing. They aren't a couple, what did she think would happen? Never go into a FWB situation unless that's what you really want, just sex with someone you get along with well enough to screw on call.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 36
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 9:59:34 PM


... the idea that there is a huge distinction between FWB or FB is utterly hilarious to me.


Nothing hilarious about it. People may have a lot of "buddies" e.g, acquaintances, but, very very few friends. That's where the difference is.

The problem is, a lot of people choose to use the term friend to refer to a buddy. Buddies are a dime a dozen, friends are almost as rare as U.S $0.11 coins.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 37
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 10:05:50 PM

shakti:
I'm sorry, but the idea that there is a huge distinction between FWB or FB is utterly hilarious to me. I can't imagine thinking to myself.. well, I spread my legs for him and he doesn't want a relationship with me.. but gosh darn it, we are friends not buddies! Lol..


Just because some can't see the difference, doesn't mean there isn't one. I've had both in the past and there was a real difference between the 2. My FB and I would meet at one bar on some Friday nights, drink and dance, go get breakfast, and screw. My FwB was a friend first and we did things most friends do together, then at one point we started having sex, too. Later when I met someone new, my friend now without benefits, did things with us that friends do. Some people can't handle stuff like that. If so, then don't have a FwB.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 38
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 10:12:35 PM

I just don't see a huge distinction.


The distinction is huge. A friend, one that deserves that moniker and has earned it, is someone you trust and genuinely cares for you. A "buddy" is basically a free agent that only cares for the sex you can provide, not so in the case of a friend.

A true FWB relationship does not even resemble the arrangement two people have as FBs.

Strictly in terms of sexual relations, a friend who is a FWB, is an individual that will give emotional and physical pleasure. Your sexual and related emotional pleasure is important to a friend because there is genuine emotional caring. That is rarely, if ever, true of a FB arrangement.

From a previous post of mine...

Here are what _my_ definitions of the various relationship types are, and support the definition with the level of emotional involvement characteristic in each one. At least the differences are clear among them. FWB and relationship seem to be relative terms as, they seem to depend somewhat on individual opinion thus, all these definitions are intrinsically personal.


FB - (Fvck Buddies)

a Fvck Buddy is someone we just met or someone we are, at best, acquainted with. a FB "relationship" is one where two people use each other's bodies solely for sexual gratification. There is little to no emotional involvement. There is no commitment of exclusivity or longevity in this type of relationship, it may end as soon as the F is done. FB are rarely invited to family events (if ever.) Additionally, if any of the participants have kids, it is very rare for the kids to ever meet the FB. They usually end amicably.


FWB - (Friends With Benefits)

a FWB relationship is one where the participants are _genuine_ friends. Genuine friendships are not easy to make and they do require nurturing over time. A FWB relationship is inherently monogamous/exclusive, based on trust and genuine mutual caring. Before the participants start engaging in sex, a significant amount of time is invested building a friendship, usually with no intentions of having sex in the future. This type of relationship usually ends amicably per mutual accord after an indefinite amount of time. There is no commitment from the participants to invest effort into making it "permanent" (merge lives) but, it may happen on rare occasions. One of the participants may invite his/her friend to family events such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Additionally, the friend will commonly be acquainted with the kids (if any) and, may even help them with their homework, be a math tutor, teach them how to play chess or other games and play together. They introduce each other in social circles as friends.


Good Friend/Genuine Friend. (not just an "acquaintance/buddy")

a FWB without sex. Everything else applies.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 40
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 10:28:10 PM
I'm sorry, but the idea that there is a huge distinction between FWB or FB is utterly hilarious to me.

The distinction is that the former are friends and the latter are not.

Like, how can you genuinely care for another when you are just using their body?

For some people, caring and sex aren’t mutually exclusive. They can care for another and still have sex with them. For some people, the activity you describe as ‘spreading your legs for someone’ is a joyous, intimate, tender experience.

Incidentally, OP says the two ‘had not spoken for 7 years’ and then began a phase of their relationship that she calls FWB. But since they’re not informing each other of their other sexual partners, I really doubt they’re FWB or even FB for that matter. I’d call it a booty call.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 41
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 10:29:01 PM

I'd have a one night stand or something.


A one night stand... someone you don't know... who may cause you harm ... who may transmit an STD to you... wouldn't you say all those are quite undesirable risks just for the sake of getting a roll in the hay that may not even be all that good ?



Edit: Holy smokes! You really went to a lot of trouble to define things..


I defined it once quite a while back because the FB, FWB, Long term, has been a recurring theme in the forums. For that reason I took the time to put some precision in the definitions.



... and that honestly.. just blows my mind a little.


I do that sometimes ;-) I don't mind it at all :-)... actually, I enjoy doing that :-)


EDIT:

I'll put it a different way...

A FB is someone that will give you a few (low count) one night stands of questionable "quality"...

A FWB is someone that might give you 180 mind blowing one night stands over a period of 4 months... (ok... maybe just a little "mind blowing") .. LOL

see the difference now ? ;-)

EDIT2:

Your IF was noted... I'm just making the differences clear :-)

EDIT3:



Why are you going to all this trouble to convince me of a distinction that I consider meaningless.. ?


Because I believe you are well aware of the difference between a _friend_ and a plain _buddy_. That difference is what implies the difference between FWB and FBs.

EDIT4:

I find it hard to believe you'd consider the difference between someone who is a real friend to you and a plain buddy, meaningless.

 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 42
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:05:46 PM

As I keep repeating though, TO EACH THEIR OWN.


I 100% agree with that. For the record, I neither am, nor was, trying to convince you that you should go for either type of relationship or arrangement.

The point was simply to expose the differences between the two types. For example, if someone doesn't like math, that's fine with me... on the other hand, if they claim 2 = 3 (because, as far as they are concerned the distinction between 2 and 3 is meaningless or any other reason) ... I do my best to show them that 2 + 1 = 3 ... I don't try to make them like math.

I understand that neither FB and FWBs are considerations as far as you're concerned but, that does not make them the same thing because, a buddy and a friend are not the same thing.

:-)
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 43
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:06:03 PM
Noclowning.. nah and nope sorry totally disagree.. aids is not better then loneliness .. there is no such thing as a monogamous fwb.... and women who allow themselves to be "used" by lousy men will get used.. she's easy meaning she has zero self esteem.. and he's a player.. there is no pleasure in acquiring a sexually transmitted disease .. and if a monkey dude thought you were great sex he'd be making sure he was your mate.. a man who wants you as a sex toy is a dog .. and he will have sex with you and the entire town.. there is nothing pleasurable about knowing you are with a dirty dog.. and there is absolutely no respect.. he will dump you as fast as he finds someone he thinks he can poke with a wee bit of work.. lonely for years is way better than letting a two bit common azz hole give you something you might keep for life.. I've found that women who accept this type of exchange on POF are usually either BBW"s or insecure women.. because psychologically they believe deep within themselves that this type of behaviour is all they will get and all they deserve and they crave attention.. seen it first hand in life as well..
Anyway once you've got a disease for life it's not just your business .. it's every fwb you might want to trit trot with and every health advocate you may need treatment from..
any guy that wants a gal to commit to being an fwb is a player looking to gather a vagina harem, he can use whenever he isn't conquering more vagina... .. real men have two traits these douche holes don't .. working neo cortex's which means they mate to protect and provide, they have a working brain for compassion and honor .. these guys and gals who do this either don't or left their decency at their highschool locker rooms.. which is why some dna is screwed up on this planet.. because in order for our species to continue it is necessary to have this type of pair bond as it produces the most advantageous cellular healthy human brain.. and in order for our kind to continue cells need to be healthy to carry dna to another level.. fwb is a type of behavior that is via its own unhealthiness a great way to rid our planet of what will not likely be able to evolve anyway.. so in that sense you bet fwb types can do as they like and they will very likely not have to worry about being anyone's business ..
this is all documented factual information albeit layman, no pun terms .. but nano science is what it is.. yep..
Yeah see.. "molecules don't lie, people do"..and I'll accept fact over fairy tales or furry tails any day..
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 44
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 12:01:46 AM

I'm speaking strictly in terms of sexual relations, not the semantics of the terms themselves

Strictly in terms of sexual relations, we are all just f*king each other....committment, marriage, casual, and any other terminology has zero bearing, 'without' the 'symantics' no?

Im confused as to why people consider sex to be unacceptable unless you've given your heart and soul for eternity and forever and ever and beyond. Two people can enjoy each other physically and sexually, with feeling and emotion, on a casual un-committed basis to be a satisfying relationship.
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 45
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 1:19:53 AM
FWB is reliant on the friends part more than the benefits part. I've done the FWB thing and hen I did we set out our rules befor applying benefits. Her and her ex should have discussed the rules. If they didn't, what they had was NSA (No Strings Attached) which means, yes, he is a free agent.

The rules we used when I had an FWB was, friendship needs to be maintained, benefits are a side thing- so we talked at least once a week and we hung out from time to time and now and then sex was included in hanging out. We agreed that sex was mutually exclusive (if either of us chose to sleep with someone else, benefits were essentially cancelled) but we were otherwise unattached- he could go on dates, so could I... And I never asked if he dated, it was none of my business and I didn't care.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 46
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 4:21:04 AM
This is another place where people either agree and understand the difference or they don't. Neither of us will change the others minds on this, so the only thing we can do is, agree to disagree. I know the F*ck Buddy I had was different than the Friend with Benefits I had. If you can't or won't see the difference, then we will just have to disagree.

We can go 50 pages and it won't change anyone's minds. Like most things in these forums, no one is going to change anyone's minds on this stuff. 20 pages from now someone will come in and say what was said on page 2, but they didn't bother to read all the posts, and still both sides will be just as far apart as they are now.
 safaa30
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 7:36:17 AM
Because what is freedom really if two consenting adults can't even mash their genitalia together whenever the spirit moves them. Pfft.

LMAO!!!

I have one rule. I dont fvck my friends and my fvck buddies arent my friends. Simples :)
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 51
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 9:19:56 AM
I’m confused as to why people consider sex to be unacceptable unless you've given your heart and soul for eternity and forever and ever and beyond.


I don’t know if it’s so much about giving their own heart as knowing they have someone else’s – it feeds a certain hunger for security. I think the FWB relationship doesn’t offer a narcissist enough exclusive admiration. They need hostages. There’s an awful lot of neuroses that gets passed off as moral superiority around this topic.
 cme2_101
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 52
Friends with benefits rules - "In My Opinion" Column
Posted: 11/3/2012 9:50:57 AM
"In My Opinion" Column ....

FWB rules are as follows:
RULE #1: If you enter into a relations status of FWB - you should be clear that neither of you are
"ATTACHED" to one another, therefore, neither of you having to EXPLAIN why you were
with that other man/woman at dinner or movie. A polite response of: We are NOT exclusive.

RULE #2: USE PROTECTION - if you are NOT sleeping with just ONE partner. SAFETY SAFETY SAFETY!!!

RULE #3: Each of you are able to come and go as you please (OMG - No pun intended here)

RULE #4: If one of you feels that the FWB is not what you really want or has moved to another level, then
it is your responsibility to be honest with the other party because FWB means just that.

RULE #5: WE ARE NOT MIND READERS!!! My favorite saying is, "SAY what you MEAN and MEAN
what you SAY!"

RULE #6: These are of course, JUST MY OPINION!!!

PS: Yes, I am a woman and these rules appy to both genders. I am a logical thinker

Have a fantastic day!
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 53
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 10:00:33 AM

If you're banging someone, you're either in a committed relationship or you're not.


I agree. The difference is you either want one person and you do your best to work on a commitment ...or you want multiples. Anytime you sign up for any of the NSA varieties regardless of which name you choose for the arrangement. . . you are opening yourself up to the option of multiple partners.

To OP - If your girlfriend is even slighly concerned that her FWB is just dating someone else.... well... tell her to stop acting so desperate and just date someone who wants to be in a committed relationship. She is not well-suited for the lifestyle. And. there is nothing worse than a one-sided FWB.

For the guy that thinks there is a difference between FB and FWB. The only difference is that your FWB probably was with someone you sucked into the relationship and she wasn't quite sure what it meant - so she was a novice. Your FB was someone who knew what it was all about and showed the same harden, disdain for commitment as you. Of course, YOU still walk like a duck, talk like a duck, act like a duck... and you prefer multiples regardless of what type of partner you drag into your life. The only thing that is certain... you don't do commitment.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 10:01:39 AM
I agree it's splitting hairs, it's someone you have sex with when you can't find anyone else you'd like to get to know. As for buddy, I find the term to mean someone close to you, a really good friend, you best buddy, so I don't get this need for some hair-splitting distinction. In the end, if someone is thinking of a FWB or a FB to be a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that will develop into something romantic, is just fooling themselves. It all comes down to someone who will answer your booty call because you both are without someone else at the moment.

When someone goes for the FWB/FB route then complains about being used because the other person isn't falling for them, is a fool.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 10:06:49 AM
I'm not into the FWB, so I don't know what exactly the rules supposed to be. But from the sound of it, I think first you two are friends and then you want sex for pleasure only but don't want strings attached, don't want a commitment. And so both parties are still free to see anyone else. In this case, you have to be very strong-minded, have to really know how to separate the sentimental feelings in your heart and the pleasure feeling itself. Some people can do that because they have more power in their mind than in their heart and they can separate the two of them. Most people cannot because they have a strong connection between their heart and mind which constitutes emotional feelings like love, hurt and guilt, etc..

JMO
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 56
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 11:53:46 AM

I'll put it a different way...

A FB is someone that will give you a few (low count) one night stands of questionable "quality"...

A FWB is someone that might give you 180 mind blowing one night stands over a period of 4 months... (ok... maybe just a little "mind blowing") .. LOL

see the difference now ? ;-)
How there is any difference in those two you simply cannot prove, end of story.

It's a question of ethics or what people perceive as morality.

P.S. Sorry Blue eyes, didn't realize you were a dude.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 57
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 12:15:19 PM


How there is any difference in those two you simply cannot prove, end of story.


The difference is not only obvious, it is proven easily. There is a world of difference between someone who is a genuine friend, who may have been there for you in the past and is willing to be there for you in the future because, they really are a friend. It is quite another to be with a person you've known for a short period of time and whose character is a question mark.

The only end of this story is: you don't understand.



It's a question of ethics or what people perceive as morality.


In that case, what is unethical or immoral about two people who are friends and decide to express their mutual caring intimately ? absolutely nothing, on the contrary, the very reason some people engage in FWBs is to have meaningful sex instead of the meaningless sex two people who barely know each other have.

All of the above is fairly obvious but, I don't expect you to understand it.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 59
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:22:31 PM
IMO, a FwB, is a friend first, before you have sex with them, and sometimes they're still a friend after the sexual part of the relationship ends. You're in a relationship with your FwB, just not a BF/GF one.

A FB is just a ongoing ONS thing with the same person. The only difference is you're having a ONS with the same person instead of a different one.
 LovelyisDeedee
Joined: 8/27/2012
Msg: 60
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/3/2012 9:17:39 PM
Friends that sleep together without a commitment. I like these type of relationships. No emotions involved nor commitment. Only sex.
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