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 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 61
Friends with benefits rulesPage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

IMO, a FwB, is a friend first, before you have sex with them, and sometimes they're still a friend after the sexual part of the relationship ends. You're in a relationship with your FwB, just not a BF/GF one.

A FB is just a ongoing ONS thing with the same person. The only difference is you're having a ONS with the same person instead of a different one.


Where is the difference? I wouldn't consider even casual sex with someone that I didn't consider a friend. The only thing these things are is meaningless sex for mutal consenting adults without commitment. Some of would argue even sex with a gf/bf is basically commitment free. Think about it with no emotion from a 3rd party perspective: These people engaging in this type of relationship are fooling themselves with justifications and semantics.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 64
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 4:46:38 AM
There is no rules. Assume the worst. Assume both parties are boinking others.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 4:50:15 AM
There are rules to FWB??? I thought the whole point was no rules, just no strings fun???


My rules is that I only want one.

FWB- Your only use is a disposable vagina or penis. You're not human, you're a living toy used for someone else's pleasure. The dildo can't tell the woman what to do and vice versa.
~~
Eww.. but true. .and why I can't stomach the idea..

Not true. What the poster described is a FB..Totally different.

No sleep overs, both parties will return to there prospective places of rest

Well, I stayed overnight many times, and so did she.

No dinners or public meetings. Eat before you leave or when you get home. No 'hanging out' at the bar after drinks.


I had dinners with mine, went to the movie with mine, with one we went to a bar, she liked to sing karaoke, the other wanted to play some pool, so we did that.

No meeting if no sex. Sex is the only reason you meet. No questions about your day or the girl you hate at work will be tolerated.

I helped one move, helped the other when her son moved, offered to paint her kitchen, out up the screen on her window, helped my FWB in any way I could.

The Rules of FBuddies as it was laid out for me:


Right. FBuddies!! Not a same as FWB.

Im confused as to why people consider sex to be unacceptable unless you've given your heart and soul for eternity and forever and ever and beyond. Two people can enjoy each other physically and sexually, with feeling and emotion, on a casual un-committed basis to be a satisfying relationship.

I am confused as well. I agree with you, but hey, it's not everyone cup of tea.
And it's OK.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 66
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:17:38 AM

The Rules of FBuddies as it was laid out for me:

No sleep overs, both parties will return to there prospective places of rest.

No dinners or public meetings. Eat before you leave or when you get home. No 'hanging out' at the bar after drinks.

No discussion of other partners, not only is this trite, it's in very bad taste and if it happens then you're trashy and also done.

No emotional attachment shall not be implied or expected, this is just sex.

No meeting if no sex. Sex is the only reason you meet. No questions about your day or the girl you hate at work will be tolerated.


Seems pretty simple to me guys & gals. Its just straight up scroggin and that's it.



You have that pretty much correct........but the emotional attachment part.....one only has to read these forums to know that emotional attachment happens more times than not........and that happens, IMO, due to lack of communication of your other listed "rules"................
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 67
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:42:29 AM
In my experience (and I have done FWB with exes though it should really be friends you already have, but generally it's me who makes the arrangement), once you are dating someone a couple weeks, you would naturally lose interest in an FWB for sheer anticipation of the new person you're dating. It's only when you're not into them that you'd continue with an FWB or any other sexual arrangement.

While it's not a requirement that you tell someone who's an FWB what you're doing, it's not an arrangement that you'd need to hide anything in, since it's supposed to be something you both do because you don't want a relationship at all, let alone with that person. If it's done right, both parties agree to it and each are interested in the others well being, but don't want to get seriously involved. If or when one wants more than this, the arrangement should be renegotiated or terminated as it's no longer mutual.

It used be something arranged to avoid random casual sex with strangers. The friendship in the equation is to maintain familiarity and trust. If you aren't familiar with or don't trust the other party I'm not sure what the point is.

Unfortunately people who are looking for sex without commitment tend to use the acronym FWB because it sounds nicer...and is more likely to get an agreement from the person it's presented to.
 TravelerseekingU
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 68
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 9:13:51 AM
Well the song lyrics say I'm addicted to your body like a tattoo!

I say that can happen with FB or FWB....have fun and be safe!!
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 69
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 9:30:47 AM
I helped one move, helped the other when her son moved, offered to paint her kitchen, out up the screen on her window, helped my FWB in any way I could.
I had dinners with mine, went to the movie with mine, with one we went to a bar, she liked to sing karaoke, the other wanted to play some pool, so we did that.
Well, I stayed overnight many times, and so did she.


Sounds like you are afraid of the lable 'relationship'. Everything that you engaged in took effort past a sexual encounter and that's not just casual sex.

What I see most in these arrangements are people skewing the lines of perceived morality to fulfill a sexual need and companionship. By saying you are just a 'friend' there's no fear of rejection or hurt by keeping partners at arms reach so they're inherently more disposable while one of you, or both, are seeking the bigger, better, deal.

It's basic commitment phobia and is not gender exclusive. The only common thread is the fear.
 justlarry58
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 1:15:02 PM
To me, friends with benefits is a like an open marriage. The don't last long. Sure I won't a friend to go out and do things with and things between us seem like they might want to take a step further, then it's time to set the ground rules. In a sexual relationship I don't think it should be public unless it's just the two of you doing the talking. I'm not going to pressure someone to have sex with me but at the same time I'm not going to let them put pressures on me. If you care for each other, there's no room for others to let inside that relationship. If you're not thru dating, don't go to bed.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 72
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 2:59:37 PM

It's basic commitment phobia and is not gender exclusive. The only common thread is the fear.


It's not "commitment phobia" nor "fear" for everyone. Some people are able to enjoy this different type of relationship, and some aren't. If you can't do it, then don't try. No one will force you to become involved in an FWB relationship against your will. Your preferences are not universal, nor do your preferences and experiences mean that no one else is able to effectively handle this type of friendship.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 73
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 3:18:51 PM
people without a proper working neo cortex behave like people with no consequences to their actions because they can't use something they don't have.. it is more of a brain issue than a behavioral one ... people who cannot use the entire brain.. don't have issues using parts of their bodies that others would stave off of .. they don't get the same pain responses because they don't have the emotional framework of a functioning neo cortex..
It's a damaged brain that functions in a damaged way.. most people who have not abused drugs, been abused in childhood or are alcoholics or been altered by psychological damage inflicted in their childhood due to not receiving proper nurturance or respect .. are damaged goods... this is factual information. The value of owning a proper functioning upper cortex in our gray matter is imperative to health and happiness and decision making and growth.. if you think a rat wheel is a satisfying way to live you will be on a rat wheel forever..

People can improve the functions of their brain .. that takes a discipline of nutrients and activity and meditative actions that will alter their brain patterning.. this cannot undue all the damage but can help people who have no neo cortex functioning or poor functioning.. again someone being aware that instant gratification is not exactly a long term application to being content..

New research suggests that experimentation with any mind altering drugs.. before the brain is fully developed at around 25 will arrest the complete development of the neo cortex.. hence the reasoning behind why many more people today believe that there is no fall out from having uncommitted unions.. aids is a disease that if given the viral opprotunity would weed out of society all human beings who believed that casual sex is just like any other recreational sport.. so in essence a insidious form of molecular evolution and extinction without a thought to thought processes.. like casual thinking .. or casual . .. you get me..
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 74
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 3:51:27 PM
I'm curious of how many animals in nature with such an extensive life span mate for life and how many just **** anything that will spread it's legs....

and I posted that question and quickly did some research to reveal that even the animals that "mate for life" in the sense I was talking about do it for child rearing and that does not mean they are monogamous. hmmmmmm.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 75
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 5:32:08 PM

Unfortunately people who are looking for sex without commitment tend to use the acronym FWB because it sounds nicer...and is more likely to get an agreement from the person it's presented to.

Agreed! This, among other things, is why I'm not naive enough to believe anyone who offers me this kind of arrangement. If I ever decide I'd like to screw around on someone else's schedule & never go on another date I'll pick my own FWB/FB/ONS/WTH (whatever the acronym of the day is).

Back to the OP...if this couple was in a FWB relationship that included the ability for him to go on dates with other women, why would he have a go at you? Sounds to me like it was more something like was described above. He gets to do what he wants while she sits around waiting for the call. If I'm sleeping with someone I need to know if they're sleeping with someone else. If my friends are seeing someone & I see them out on a date with someone else, I'm telling. If it's an ex-boyfriend I will tell them in casual conversation if I think about it. Don't go out in public with people if you're hiding something! If this guy had been honest with your friend then he could've just said...butt out, she knows we're not monogamous.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 6:48:24 PM

Sounds like you are afraid of the lable 'relationship'. Everything that you engaged in took effort past a sexual encounter and that's not just casual sex.


You know I heard that a lot. I hear "why don't you just admit you are dating her?"
Because I am not.
You see to me, I date someone that I potentially want to take it further, move in together, even marry her.
But with the FWB, I do not want to take those steps.
And FWB IS a relationship. Furthermore, I think most people would do all those things I did for their friend.
The only difference between them and her, that I am intimate with her.


It's not "commitment phobia" nor "fear" for everyone. Some people are able to enjoy this different type of relationship, and some aren't. If you can't do it, then don't try. No one will force you to become involved in an FWB relationship against your will. Your preferences are not universal, nor do your preferences and experiences mean that no one else is able to effectively handle this type of friendship.

Well said!!
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 78
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 6:54:57 PM

Its only a " session" without the emotion... no more hurt and all the pleasure... Well that's what I believe it to be....


just wondering... can you screw your head off and then throw the neck down to the vagina in the bed.. or what? .. your brain is whether you believe or disbelieve actively engaged in the process you call " just sex"
Now when you actually can remove any emotional attachment to someone and do skin slapping .. why not do it to make some money.. seriously .. an escort makes about 480 dollars an hour.. and all you get is a worm off a hook for twenty minutes or so.. and if it is all about pleasure with no emotional attachment .. wouldn't almost five hundred bucks make you "feel better".. there is no such thing as an exchange including body fluids with out an outcome.. and the biggest issue I have with allowing yourself as a female to get "used" by a male .. and they are using you .. they do not think you are worthy of anything beyond their pounding erection or they'd walk their prize around town.. escorts get great treatment and alot more than a fah-uck with no benefits..
seriously if you can use your own body to allow someone else to use it .. why not spruce up and go to an escort service and make yourself some money.. what is a leftover piece of penis gone home gonnah do for you? hah..
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:27:37 PM
I have never had a FWB relationship, but from what I have learned from the forums the most common practice is to end the arrangement once you begin a sexual relationship with someone else. So if that was the case, then he did not plan on saying anything to her unless his new friendship went beyond casual dating.

If she thinks he is right, then how we feel or think is of little importance.
 indigopeace
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 80
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:50:19 PM
I'm with you on this! I tried to have a fwb thing, but ended up getting hurt, 'cause I developed feelings for the guy. I won't "go there" again.
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 81
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:59:52 PM
This is how people just perpetuate their selfishness and the spiritual sickness in our society. How are you going to go out and date people to find a loving relationship and be screwing someone on the side until that materializes? I mean it makes no sense to me whatsoever. Now, stay safe and screw and not get vulnerable I can actually understand a little for people in different situations and levels of hurt ... but not the whole screwing someone while you are trying to get vulnerable with someone else. Good luck with that!!!!!
 cashleys
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 82
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/4/2012 11:27:38 PM
FWB is a silly concept. One or the other will always get upset. If you have an agreement of it's just FWBenefits, the other person does not owe you any explanations. You have set it up that way--no ties, no emotional agreement.
 lady_love1
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/5/2012 3:12:00 PM

I watched a show recently about men who fall in love with their real sex dolls.. I was in shock the entire show!! Their reasoning, how they treated their pretty little dolls.. setting them up in positions and making videos taking them on picnics to the park.. twilight zone stuff But really, how different is it? Not a massive distinction in my mind. Excep these guys have a fantasy of something more As far as the rules go? I really wouldn't know, nor do I care


You seem to view women who enjoy casual sex as objects and the men as sick. Seems like a personal issue. You don't know what you're taking about so I agree you "wouldn't really know".
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 86
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/6/2012 5:18:54 AM

ule number One: In FWB only the man benefits. If you can live with that, cool.

Um...how so? I know many situations where the woman wants the arrangement and the guy ends up unable to handle it without getting attached. Also, "the man" or "woman" is a friend you already know - and that friend should have some interest in your well being as you do theirs. Anything else is FB, NSA, casual sex with a stranger - which is a different thing.

surely FWB is a relationship [word used lightly] for 2 strangers not people you know

If someone you don't know uses this word, they're blowing smoke at you - and if they aren't a friend, you should pretty easily realize that. On the contrary this is specifically about ESTABLISHED friends who ADD benefits to the situation.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 87
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:25:20 AM
moral of the story..m.y.o.b.
 SJanelle372
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 88
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:15:23 PM
I haven't read all the responses but some were really rude. I don't blame you for telling your friend. If I was with a friend and remembered seeing their ex whom I thought they hadn't seen in years I would mention it too. Regardless of whether they were alone or with a date. I don't see how your mentioning this would be considered being nosy.The rules for FWB?? Never been one of those and someone shoot me if I ever decide to participate in one! No offense to those who do but sex is something I feel is special and should only be with someone you are in a serious relationship with.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 89
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:44:52 PM
I have no idea what the 'rules' would be, I think its made up as they go , and whatever the girl is willing to put up with.
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 90
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/6/2012 10:51:12 PM
rules and regulations, the best relationship I ever encountered, had no rules and no regulations - offered all love and resepct without expectation.

It worked wonderfully, was very very successful quietly submissive ,with all love attached sand emotionally successful, financially rewarding also.

With every love story though, there is always a villan, who seeks to destroy love, and confidence in each other.
Always someone who says things that undermine, your trust, my trust in him was as sound, as the Rock of Gibralter.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 91
Friends with benefits rules
Posted: 11/6/2012 11:23:16 PM
Rules should be established at the beginning and varies amongst FWB relationships..........generally someone ends up hurt in the end no matter how many rules are in place
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