Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 27
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of thatPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Goodbye, adios, ciao, arrivaderchi, au revoir... are you noticing the theme here?


You missed Poka, spokonia noch, sayonada, tse tsien...........


I would like to add auf weidersehen

He is a dummkopf
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 30
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:50:13 PM
why is it that some people never know when to take their hand out of the blender .. or move away from the bull's eye in the batting cage.. if the OP is addicted to her own pain .. she'll keep on being his abuse victim.. if she doesn't like the pain she'll walk away.. we must fight for our own personal happiness and please after you dump him go get some therapy.. nobody thinking straight would ever put up with that situation..
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 33
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 2:11:21 AM

dandan7979:
This is why moving in together prior to engagement (and preferably marriage) is a bad thing. OP,in my state, if someone is living with you for more then 30 days, you have to get a court order to evict them, even if they aren't paying rent. I learned this the hard way with a (former) friend who pulled the "I need somewhere to stay" garbage. You should end the relationship immediately; give him 48 hours to find other arrangements (put it in writing) and tell him that if you are forced to proceed with an eviction action you will seek costs and attorneys fees incurred.


While this maybe actually true in your State, or maybe you just got bad legal advise about it. The OP lives in California and I know in California, as long as the person has not paid rent, then they are a guest and can be asked to leave at any time. Also you can remove all their personal items and change the locks, too. What you can not do is hold their personal items from them, even if they owe you money. They are considered a boarder and come under different rules than someone who has paid some form of rent.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 34
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 2:57:49 AM
Please dump this abusive ***hole.

Then find a therapist and figure out why you think so little of yourself that you let him do this to you, in the first place.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 36
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:15:25 AM
Why do we never listen to the truth. He told you straight out, he's not attracted to you. Why do you think this will change?
Why would you want to be with someone who isn't attracted to you? I can't imagine getting naked with a man after hearing that. 20 lbs isn't going to change everything. We can prefer a certain type, wish our SO would gain/lose weight, but still be attracted to them.
If he didn't want to lose you he never would have said that. He would be working on a solution not pushing your hands away.
Listen to what he's said and how he's acting. Then kick him out.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 38
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:49:17 AM
^^^^Dino, for once, I agree with you.

And not to be the wet blanket on what everyone else has written, but OP, is your profile hidden? And even if it is, it is still accessible through the forums. IF you have had a boyfriend for seven months, WHY are you still soliciting a LTR on your profile?

And why are you forumites not jumping HER derriere for this? I have seen forum after forum where people have asked questions about their partners but were still looking for dates--people have overwhelmingly been negative about this scenario.

OP, if your situation is on the level, you are allowing this man to take advantage of you. It's your place, right? Then cut him loose.

But toots, it is not good form to be looking for the next one before cutting the first one loose.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 39
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:21:07 AM
Dino, it gets tiring when every single topic ends up being a platform for how badly men are treated. I highly doubt that if the op were a man that the answers would be much different.
I always assume that their profile is hidden when people are asking questions about their relationship. It's pointed out every single time. I don't feel the need to question their profile, I focus on the problem posted.
I also don't feel the need to tell them the subject is redundant, etc. If I'm not interested I use the back button.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 41
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:36:08 AM
Men and women get treated badly. I agree she is putting herself in this situation and I see no reason for her to hang onto this unless it's because "he's hot".
I also agree that he's been honest about how he feels and that should have been enough for her to move on. I don't see any victims in this scenario. Just adults making bad decisions based on whatever their needs currently are.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 42
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 6:51:46 AM
OP: I agree with Nick S. you seem like a lovely person. I read your profile. It appears that you've had your share of dating hell. I'm sure when you first met this guy, it was a huge relief. Finally you met someone who might be 'the one'. You have a lot invested in all of this working out....and a lot to lose if it doesn't work out. You're back to square one.
So, in order to avoid going back to the dating pool and the way to maintain the illusion that you are in a relationship is to tolerate what is happening.

As others have pointed out, you don't really know someone until you spend a lot of time with them. You are discovering that this isn't a good match...but YOU have too much invested to let go.

OP the longer you stay in this hot mess the longer it will take to actually achieve your goal of a meaningful relationship.

As others have suggested, you need some counselling - to understand why you accept this behaviour, to clarify what you want, to be better at decernment.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 7:01:57 AM

He had asbestos problem in his apartment and didn't have anywhere to go . he told me that he was going to stay a few months with me to take time to find a new place . He doesn't want to move out with me yet .



Who cares if he doesn't want to move out??? What is so great about him that you feel so obligated to satisfy his every childish whim? And you know what? You could starve yourself down to 80 pounds and he'd still find an excuse for not feeling what he just doesn't feel. He doesn't love YOU, he loves how easy and convenient you make his life, but has to give nothing in return. Why should he? He knows you'll fall for a few sappy words and keep on doing it anyway.

You should throw his ass out TODAY, he'll find a friend to crash with or move back in with his parents. YOU need to start working on your own self-esteem and up your standards for boyfriends.

And get to really know people before you let them move in with you. They don't magically change once they move in. Many times, they get even worse.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 7:09:47 AM
He's gay, and not admitting to it?

What a jerk!
Pack his bags/stuff for him and make it easy for him to leave (no excuses). This way he can't corner you into changing your mind, or gives him more time to try and change your mind.
Best of luck to you!
Jan
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 9:11:47 AM
Some guys have a low drive or very specific (ie. odd) come-on signals. Its so rare that lots of us imagine it doesn't exist. Mostly of those dudes hide it and years can go by with chicks wondering, "hmm... he seems to enjoy this, but he's sure is easily distracted- am I an exercise toy??"

I don't think he's gonna get better. I'm no doc but wildly guessing (and just made up nonsense)--- ,, maybe low hormones, those can be fixed, but few like the idea of juicing their perceptions. Distored sexual cues could be it, but those can't easily be modified as its mostly instinctual and built in our heads. He could also simply have some physical problem, or vitamin deficiency, too little protein- but that's probably not it. All difficult to repair - viagra and cialus, whatever--- those things only help with the functional side- not the interest side.

Dieting isn't the problem. You're more than hot enuf for the vast majority of dudes. Its reasonable to expect that anyone between 15 and 51 will be twisting around looking for opportunities to make it tricky for you to wear heels at least 2 or 3 times a week. Find one of those. They're everywhere.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 53
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 4:31:20 PM
The bottom line is that the OP (who has bailed) is responsible for herself, her decisions, and her actions. IF she chooses to stay where she is despite the situation, that is her "fault," eh?
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 59
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/3/2012 10:25:10 PM

The OP looks like they are gone but she has little to no self esteem...So many topics are from people that have very low self esteem, this is just one more.....


I approve that message..........:)

From what I read from the OP's posts, this man's business was going down the drain, and he had to move out of an apartment with asbestos in it.

He gave her sex initially to get in to her place. Once she let him in his true colors started showing.

He lacked sexual libido for one reason or another and chose to make her feel she was to blame for it. When she kept trying to turn him on he told her she had a weight problem and then proceeded to push a weight control program on her.

Clearly this man was manipulative and controlling. Clearly he knew she was easy prey for such treatment and so he took advantage of her already low self-esteem which clearly made it even lower.

She wants to believe that she is the problem and he wants her to believe that too. I hope the OP gets some help so she doesn't keep letting this happen.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 61
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/4/2012 7:40:26 AM
I can see some couples needing sex therapy. I read a couple of books on the subject and one of the problem is that the person with the lesser libido makes the one with a higher libido feel guilty and that wanting more sex is somehow bad.

That is one of the first things that needs to be combat. However, you have a bigger problem. The problem came out in his words. That he does not find you sexually attractive. Yet you are very convenient to him. Like other have said, there's no fix. It is going to remain the same, no matter what. So leave this relationship.
 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 63
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/4/2012 1:07:03 PM
I have been in your shoes and you will be miserable- it has gotten worse
it probably will not improve....
certainly you must care about your own self enough to know you deserve better...
real love and honor is where two people bring out the best in each other.
 creativebydesign70
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 64
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/4/2012 1:47:59 PM
I know ! I have been down that street before and it led straight to another woman. He had began to get attached to her to the point that he didn't want me to touch him best thing is to tell him to move on and you do the same because his actions are the same as my ex exactly . So sorry but don't invest anymore time into something that's going no where soon.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 65
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/4/2012 1:58:21 PM
I'm so sorry honey but your post reads red flags galore get out, get out, get out, get out.....bite the bullet and take the pain now but you'll thank yourself in the long run!! Wishing you the best of luck! You're worth so much more than the nonsense he is putting you through!!
 uber69er
Joined: 9/1/2012
Msg: 68
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 1:49:43 AM
lose him fast - sex isn't everything, but yeah, a relationship includes enjoyable sex last I checked...
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 69
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 3:33:42 AM
Ushu... get at me.. curvy and 5'2... delicious. Good height.

Send me some photos.. this dude wants a surf board ****..

Though I did read something about asbestos... that might b a problem there.. stuff is poison.
 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 70
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 4:41:52 AM
this guy is poison for her-
he is using her
he could be lying....
kick him to the curb-
there is always shelters for strays.....
 pinksplace
Joined: 4/18/2012
Msg: 71
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 5:56:15 AM
ya gotta kick this user out!!! he just needed and still needs a place to stay. i bet if u kicked him out today, he would phone his current girlfriend, the one that he is having sex with, and move in there within hours of leaving your place. sorry to say that, been there and done that, as they say and i know the signs. the guy even says he is not attracted to you and is telling u to lose weight???? ur man should be telling u that you are the most beautiful hottest woman ever!!!!
 LaughingHeart12
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 72
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 9:29:13 AM

My gay-dar is going off big time.

Totally agree. I doubt it would get better even if you DID lose a few pounds. Dump his sorry ass and move on.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 75
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 9:53:54 AM
I see the OP has departed-at least from her original ID.
Without analyzing everything,or being armchair shrinks...
OP, if you are still reading this-neither one of you is happy. I don't think that the 2 of you can achieve happiness together. That doesn't make either one of you bad persons, or put either one of you in the wrong.
The RELATIONSHIP is highly dysfunctional and it needs to end. Give the man some official notice that you and he are DONE, and that he needs to go live somewhere else. Don't buy any "change of heart" or "asskissing" from him-you and he need to be out of one anothers' lives,so that both of you can either find better matches, or enjoy being single.
Cindy O
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 77
view profile
History
I always have to beg him to have sex, getting tired of that
Posted: 11/5/2012 12:35:48 PM
He's getting it somewhere else.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >