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 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 7
What should I do?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
OP. Even though your young you have to do what is right for you,, I am sure you are looking for your mothers approval and that is a wonderful thing. but as you get older and wiser ( no offense) you will no longer be looking for approval on what to do with your life,, as you own it, it's yours to live. Good luck


A younger woman is most every man's fantasy, and it's lust

That does not apply to this man,, just sayin
 1princess60
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 9
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/5/2012 11:28:33 AM
Let me start by saying as a child of parents with a huge age gap, you have to really think this thing over.
#1 Children, he will be much older than you and has children already or if not then there is a reason. Will he want to
be a father at such an older age and have the stamina to play with them. I know from experience that my father didn't have the patience for me when I was younger and he was a great father mind you.
#2 When he is too old to do things with you are you going to be satisfied to stay home with him and/or nurse him back to health should he get sick?
#3 Usually men of such an older age have jealousy issues as the case in mine.

#4 If nothing else, get your mom's opinion, I am sure she will have great insight especially being in the same
shoes as you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
What should I do?
Posted: 11/5/2012 12:18:14 PM

Yes there is a 16 year age difference but there is a 16 year age difference between my parents to.

This gets a two part answer:

1. More than likely you are continuing some sort of pattern your parents started (or continued)
2. Your parents will know firsthand what the positives and negatives of this are, and will likely want to influence you based on that knowledge.
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 11
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/5/2012 1:12:54 PM
Being a guy answer- Nice!!!!!!!. You will make his day, week, month, year.
Being a dad answer- Umm, be carefull girl, thats a big age gap. Different expectations, stages of life etc.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 12
What should I do?
Posted: 11/5/2012 2:28:13 PM
We were ALL 19 once.
We've already lived your POV.

Having done so, I would suggest talking to and listening to your mom.
You will do different than what she wants I'm sure.
Afterall that is the POV most of us took at 19.

but if it tanks you will come to her for support.
and that will be easier if you can talk to her now.
However it goes...a little respect for her...and counsel now...
will be good for you both.

I know you want dating advice for this guy.
But we are focusing on what is really important.
(and we know we will be ignored. Not offended by that)
After-all...... we were all 19 once.
:-P
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 13
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/5/2012 2:49:21 PM
Two things struck me as I read the OP. The first one was the Op's need to have her mother's approval. This in and of itself shows that you are still cognitively very young. Do you think that the 35 year old is fretting over how his mother is going to feel about this relationship? I'm sure the answer is no. This in and of itself shows a serious gap between you two.

The second thing was your fear of telling your mother. One of the best pieces of advice my own mother gave me was that if you are embarrassed or afraid to say something out loud and publicly, you must know that deep down it's wrong. I think deep down, OP, you know this is wrong and this is why you are afraid of telling your mother.

In whatever you decide to do OP, please stay safe and use condoms.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 16
What should I do?
Posted: 11/5/2012 10:45:42 PM

You said your parents have 16 years between them; but you don't want to leave her home alone (which you fear would make her mad at you); which to me leads me to believe your father is not there anymore.

Am I undersatnding this correctly?


This is the observation I get from this and singularly the biggest reason why young woman enjoy the attention of older men.. an absent or abusive father or father figure.

This man clearly is coming at pursuing her for selfish reasons of which will alter her growth into adulthood. He is and knows he is way too old for her .. it might be a great fantasy but he knows exactly what he is doing.. she is 19 and her brain still has at least six more years to mature before she makes decisions that are based on utilizing her neo cortex.. this man does not care about the development of her brain .. he cares about the development of his erection.. her mother is and has been her only protective and stable source of support and even though she is beginning to experience her sexuality fully .. she needs to protect and defend and empower herself .. his intentions are for instant self gratification and she is likely dreaming this is her story book to the end fantasy.. He will fill her with words but she should be aware that as she ages she may be in less than 10 years too old for him.. as most predators are socially dysfunctional .. and she already has a void .. I'd say that she and her mom should try some psychological counselling together through a hospital mental health center .. I think just being able to have dialogue and awareness from experts can open her to gain knowledge and confidence to make better choices and this may stop what shouldn't be started.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 18
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:06:28 AM
Yes, rejecting ALL solicited advice and getting defensive due to entirely imagined slights and put-downs has always been a sign of superior maturity.

Go for it, OP, you're a mature adult and can handle it.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 20
What should I do?
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:57:06 AM

yes im young but that does not mean I have the mind of a child


You via your age and development are not a child, your brain is still developing and will not have a full functioning neo cortex until you reach around 25 . The neo cortex is the upper portion of the brain that is utilized by our species to assimilate information either quickly or slowly and base decisions on a more complex use of consequence to action.. in other words it allows us to use our machine of reasoning more efficiently. The neo cortex developing healthy can be interrupted and delayed by the use of drugs, alcohol and mental abuse.. this information is fact on brain studies and not written to put you down in any way .. the more we understand about our growth processes the more empowered we are.. Confidence and your brain are two very different things.. the brain is an organ of which no one should underestimate.


As a grandmother of five absolutely beautiful and vibrant little girls and a mom of only one girl and three riotous sons I can tell you that my first response is to hug you .. and hug you tightly .. to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you and that the most important thing is your emotional health .. I must love and protect their developing minds from something that on balance will never materialize . Protecting you to become not only who you should be but maybe even someone you never dreamed you could be.. this is the job given to all who love their babies .. There is no common ground for you and this older man unless he has a mind of a 19 year old and then you're in trouble. The torture for your mother is that she knows the outcome of what you plan on experiencing already and she is terrified of the aftermath of what is going to happen. At his age he should know that to walk away from you is the mature mind, he has issues or he wouldn't be trying to arrest your development.

I've seen these unions first hand in life.. a math teacher in high school ran off with one of my friends ... she had three kids and by the time she was thirty it was over.. I don't know if she felt like she was robbed of the experiences in life she should have enjoyed but I knew as I was experiencing all that 17 was about .. I was saddened by seeing her enter a realm she was not ready for ..

Talk with your mom, and try and see if you can get some counselling.. it will be a good challenge for you to hear more information to base your decision on .. the more you have to go on, the better decision you will arrive at. Huggs beautiful young woman.. make sure you look at yourself in the mirror every day, right into your eyes and say to yourself .. " I love you, and I will do nothing this day to hurt you..",,, this is a powerful physical way to connect to yourself on a deep level.. :)
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 22
What should I do?
Posted: 11/6/2012 11:10:46 AM
You sound like you are about 15 - 16, not 19.
Just keep smoking, you will look like, and fit in with, the older men quite easily.
Hope you get your driver's license soon!

P.S. Oh, and you're an underage drinker?!
Yes. You appear to have exemplary judgment for your age.

If I were you, I'd continue to chase the old guy. You need to get someone while you can ... Your chances will hit the wall when you look like a common barfly in about 5 years.

P.P.S. You're not even 18, are you? You claim to have tattoos as one of your interests. If you were 18, you'd run out and get a tattoo, regardless of mother's wishes, then proudly display it on your profile pics, I'm sure.

Don't play games on here, young one. It's not safe.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 25
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/6/2012 6:23:44 PM
As a women who started dating a 32 year old when I was 19 and wound up with him for 4.5 years, moved to be with him and then realised serious flaws in the relationship....I would say: Looking back...I'm now nearly the same age as he was then....it's highly questionable that a 32 or 35 year old man would date a 19 year old woman....the gap, though you don't realise it now is huge and the expectations and intentions will differ enormously between you 2. I hope somehow I can convince you to avoid going down the road I did.....you are better off with someone closer to your own age and talk to your mum...she'll only want the best for you! ;)
 SJanelle372
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 26
What should I do?
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:10:56 PM
OP I am a happy married woman to a man that is 25 years my senor. We started dating when I was 25 and he was 50 so he was literally twice my age. Age really is just a number. If you are attracted to this man and he makes you happy go for it. It's not like you're going to get married off the bat. You are an adult, you don't have to tell your mother until it gets serious. Personally I have always been attracted to older men and I guess maybe that comes more naturally to me because it is the norm in my culture (I'm predominantly Cambodian). My first serious relationship was with a 38 yr old man and I was 17. Yeah may be illegal here but considering my mom married at age 16 to a man in his 50's it's not such a big deal.
 HeelsR4Ladies
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 28
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:58:08 PM
Oh give me just a small break. These days, he is old enough to be your father. What in the world does a 35 year old man have in common with a 19 year old girl? I'll tell you, NOTHING! He's the one? Really? How do you know he's the one, you aren't old enough to have met enough wrong ones to know the right one when you see him. Good grief, stop trying to grow up so fast! My daughter is 19 and if she came home with a 35 year old man, I'd welcome him at the door with a bat in my hand! Not because I don't understand being young and infatuated with someone but because I love her and want the best for her.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 29
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Posted: 11/7/2012 7:30:40 PM
Do nothing because a man at 35 who is looking to date a 19 year old, is either super immature (and this will lead to problems) or he's a perv and that is scary.

Never mind all the other hassles it will bring.

What do you see in this man?
What does he see in you?

Your mom's voice is like a voice of reason or that voice inside you that says red flag. Listen to them, they will not steer you wrong.

This crush isn't worth pursuing because it will interfere with your natural growth.

You can always fantasize from afar you know ;) Safer for all.

Mature people don't always have to have what they desire. Including relationships and opinions.

OP you are not mature, even for a 19 year old by the sound of your reaction to the other posters. You can "sound" mature, but that's just spinning words.

If you want to be independent and respected enough for your mom to butt out, getting a 35 year old boyfriend is a poor way of doing that.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 30
What should I do?
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:51:37 PM
soooo.. SJanelle .. your husband is sixty right now.. ? I've got news for you .. age is not just a number, cell aging is a normal consequence of being born a human.. and I know someone who felt your way at your age but is now at 62 married to a man that is 87.. she says she cannot wait until he is dead.. she did what is taboo on the planet...married a man for security and money.. hah.. hha.. yeah like most people do.. anyway now she has to listen to look after an elderly man which wasn't part of the plan.. she picked him for his boat when they met .. hmm but you sitting on your husbands lap and looking longingly into the camera .. are not looking for attention.. are you? ,. you're married/ not looking and on the worlds largest cyber date site .. just for the forums.. GET REAL.. You are full of numbers and that isn't about age... there are plenty of great sites to use your mind and contribute to an opinionated forum.. Major news papers... THEFORUMSITE.COM a great site to add and have a nice heated dialogue.. it is a forum site. not the worlds largest dating site.. and if you are in the forums .. WHY IS THERE A NEED TO PUT UP ALL SORTS OF PICTURES ADVERTISING YOURSELF.. If you were here just for the forums wouldn't it be much more advantageous to have some anonymity .. sorry when someone is in a relationship and advertising themselves on a date site as a forums participant.. that is when the first bell goes ding ding dong dong..
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 31
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What should I do?
Posted: 11/12/2012 5:05:03 PM
You are not going to take our advice, cause it's not what you want to hear, but....for one thing you are 19-you have your whole life ahead of you and he, at 35, is probably about one half done with his. Its not letting chanc ego by..there will be other chances. Chances that are more suitable for you. Lastly, if you are worried about your mom being mad at you, then you are not old enough for this type of a relationship.
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