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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Trying to see through loss to the relationship I'm in      Home login  
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 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 11
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Trying to see through loss to the relationship I'm inPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Thanks for the responses.....

Re adapting....I understand why many of ye read this and see a red flag in jlizzy....really all I mind is that I'm not stuck in my ways ie I can tolerate a persons quirks and ways....I tend to be quite adaptable by nature in everything work including which I view as a good thing eg when working in groups I will look for the gap that needs to be filled so if I need to take charge I can but I'm equally happy letting someone else take charge whilst I fulfill another role that gets the tasks completed. Similarly in a relationship if someone wants to take it slow/ take it easy..I can do that...but I'm a naturally very relationship oriented person so if I'm happy with someone (ie it can't just be anyone!), then I find I will happily commit to a relationship and feel quite at ease and happy playing the role of couple and doing all the couply things...I love what a relationship brings in the sense of a companion and someone to bounce ideas off of and have a laugh with. I take your views on board though....maybe it's something I should look at though I'm not overly concerned on this point....

I understand why my post might make me seem like a pain in the neck and demanding and everything else.....Really I'm not...I'm very relaxed and happy go lucky BUT I've been struggling of late due to a MASSIVE workload, the anniversary of the death of my friend etc etc and yes I do worry that I might be overly sensitive thanks to all the stuff I've gone through in the past. I can't seem to shake it which is why I'm here. I'm looking for guidence so I don't mess up a good thing....

Which is why I haven't refrained from posting here in favour of letting all of this loose on my boyfriend...I'm scared that I could send him running if I do. I have however mentioned being scared due to past experiences and being worried that I might bring my fears into our relationship...and I have communicated with him about not being there on Monday....what worries me is it turns out he was fully aware of the mental dip I had reached...he knew I was really down but given that we had spent the majority of the prior week together he made a conscious decision not to come out to me or ask me to go to him (because he didn't want to ask me to drive out despite me suggesting it...). This bothers me. It bothers me that he didn't even attempt to say "look honey I know you're upset but I'm really tired, are you ok?" It bothers me that he knowingly left me to deal with it alone.

Someone made the point that a woman should be independent and deal with her bad days on her own....my understanding of a committed relationship is that whilst you need to be in control of your own life, you should be able to expect to ask for support....after all this wasn't a case of someone stole my whatever in the supermarket....this was a big deal for me at least that I wound up in the doctors surgery having to take emergency contraception!! I'm sure we all have different views but for me it was a very upsetting experience for a variety of reasons that my boyfriend knows better than I care to explain here.

I do agree we've moved very fast....I would have been happy to take it easy...it goes back to my point above...he kept telling me how he wants to be with me...he's been quite vocal about how I am the girl for him (bear in mind we know each other 4.5 years) which is lovely but as a result I found myself falling emotionally quite deep into this and now I realise I've got to face the fairly hard task of pulling back a fair bit.....

I was worried last week when we spent pretty much everyday together and I even asked him ....I checked was it not too much and he told me not to worry and he loved having me beside him etc etc....one day when I was supposed to go home, he asked me to come over to him which I did and we wound up spending another night together! Then on the sunday he got funny about me touching him and on the monday he didn't come out to support me....I was worried that we were overdoing the contact but he reassured me it was ok and then poof my fears came true essentially!
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