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 jasonh39
Joined: 9/28/2010
Msg: 99
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?Page 7 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
The friend zone is hated because it an experience in imbalance.
When you want to be romantic with someone, but that person uses you as a sounding board, a comforting listener...
that person is getting what they want, but you are not. Hence the imbalance.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 100
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/13/2012 1:46:59 PM
When I was younger, and spent a lot of time in night clubs, drinking, dancing, pursuing women, I had some standard responses worked out in advance.

For the old line about, “I hope you’re not expecting me to go home with you”, I would respond, “I have high hopes but no expectations.”

For the ever present, “Let’s just be friends”, it was, “Sounds good. My friends help me meet women. Would you go over and ask that really good looking woman if she would like to meet me?”
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 104
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/13/2012 3:47:57 PM

I think women are far more understanding of being friendzoned than men.


Not really, if a girl is sweet on me and I'm not attracted, I put up the deflector shields......after a while they get it, and they move on just like guys do/should.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 106
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/14/2012 7:31:10 AM

They only appear arrogant because they have the confidence to approach the women and you don't.


No, you got it backwards... They only appear like they have that "nice" side to them because the girl likes them.... Same way that we overlook personality flaws in women, they do the same thing with men. The general rule: If they seem like a jerk, they are.

Are you going to say that a guy that approaches a girl on a date with someone else isn't arrogant? That a guy that interrupts a conversation between a guy and a girl to get the girl before the other guy is just misunderstood in what he's doing? And for some reason, a lot of girls eat that up... And then when the first guy sticks up for himself, he's the one who did something wrong to her. I've worked around bars, you have no idea how much I've had to just witness stuff like that happening and not be able to step in and tell the girl off for the guy :(

Confident and arrogant are two different things. There has to be boundaries. Nobody is above social etiquette.

But that out of the way, these guys aren't getting the girl because they're confident... I'm a nice guy, and I get dates, clearly you don't have to be a jerk about it. They're getting these girls because that "bad boy" image is so glorified in our society. Everyone wants to be the one person that someone changes for, the only person that the jerk is nice to. And this isn't only women, we do it too. Collectively, we tend to be attracted to pretty terrible women.

We see stability as boring.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 107
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/14/2012 9:07:49 AM
I knew a few women who wanted being friends with some men who were interested in them, but they were not interested in the men, because they wanted to use those men for being their chauffeur, doing heavy labour work for them like fixing car or house, etc., or for financial support sometimes. Those women are usually very sweet. They can hug and kiss very easily. And some sheepish men could get into their trap, but they get no further.

I myself have no problems getting dates; however, I’m very picky. I just want one that lasts than many that don’t last; therefore, I take time. And as a woman, if I’m attracted to someone and get involved with him, and if it does not work out, I would not want to be friends afterward because I could not bear to see him like seeing somebody else that I’ve never gotten involved with, or when I’m with him and think about when he is with other women. LOL. I could not erase memories (good or bad) in the past easily, I guess. So for me it’s better “out of sight, out of mind”. I do want to treasure good memories though.

And for some men who have no problems getting dates but want to be in the friend zone with their past dates because maybe they are generous and want to show off with their new women that they have lots of women in their life. But I believe that most men don’t want to be friends with women because friends don’t do the sexing things with each other; and when men are with women, most of the times they want sex, and some other things of course if things go well.

JMO.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 108
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/14/2012 10:08:41 AM
@Cormie...you need to move to Brooklyn in NYC, my friend. Especially around the Williamsburg or Park Slope areas. Tall, lanky nerd types are in high demand around there. All you're missing is a beard. Guess what, an Irish accent goes a lot further with the ladies on this side of the Atlantic. ;)

Skinny guys get love too, you just need to not compete for the same women as the meatheads because you'll lose every time. Once you find the women that hate those guys, then it's no problem. To quote a line from the infamous Humpty Dance song:

hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat.
Look at me, I'm skinny
It never stopped me from gettin' busy
I'm a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 110
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/14/2012 1:38:23 PM

Lovely man.
Reading this thread perhaps he was feeling terrible in this dreaded Friendzone.
And attending my wedding may have been a torment.


I know a girl who had her best male friend attend.....as the maid of honor.

Just some perspective

(True story btw)
 danb345
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 114
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/15/2012 2:11:44 PM
Its because women will want to date other men then it makes the man jealous. Then its like Id rather go hang out with the bros.
 Salem73127
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 116
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/15/2012 5:10:34 PM
I wouldn't mind being just friends with girls here. It might be because i'm not as social as I want to be.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 117
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/18/2012 6:26:58 AM
LOL the guy who answered second is right.

besides, what would you bring to my life by being my friend??

why hold your pusssy hostage from men. with this friendzone business? give up some ass and be friends about it. why cant you try that. then men get what they want and you get a friend.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 120
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 10:47:25 AM
Both men & women don't like being friend-zoned. The word "friend zone" usually applies when one likes the other, but the other doesn't like them. It's a form of rejection. It can also be taken in another context, where by happenstance you have been mere friends for a long time, but they just don't see you as such (you start to have feelings for the guy friend you've always had, but he's not interested in you like that).

The only time one would be cool with or want to be in the Friend Zone, is if they were that way from the beginning. Making someone an acquaintance isn't a "valuable" thing, and that's fine by many, but that's not the issue.

If you reject a guy on the sexual/romantic scale, but actually want to hang out with him, and to just be a Friend with them, while you know he likes you, you're having wacky expectations. To be considered "friends" in the liberal sense (ie acquaintances), yeah some guys will -- ie saying hello and slight chit-chat if you bump into each other... not kick you off as a facebook friend.... be willing to hang out at a bar with his friends & your friends if y'all happen to run into each other. Stuff like that.

But to invest time & energy into someone who you like, when they don't like you -- or vice versa -- is kind of silly. Sounds junior-high. :)
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 121
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 12:06:28 PM

For a man to be friends with a woman, he has to be 1- Gay, or 2- a Wuss, accepting to being a friend, while HOPING to jump in when she becomes available, or dumps her BF of for some hidden ulterior motive. Cuz frankly, what kind of man would want to go out with the same woman regularly, and talk about shoes,


Oh really,, I have several female friends,,I am no Wuss or Gay. They were women I met yrs ago. When I have a birthday party for my son,, I have invited my female friends,, and my girl friend of 3 1/2 yrs has no issues with it. Matter of fact my girl and I have double dated with a good friend of mine. Then I have another who takes my son on weekends so my girl and I have our quality time together. Matter of fact, if my girl doesn't have to work on Thanksgiving,, we are all supposed to go my friends house for dinner.

I have another female friend who is married, my son and I have had dinners on many occasions, including thanksgiving dinner with her husband, as well as their family..

I do talk about pot and pans, why I like to cook,,plus other sh*t, we also talk about in depth issues,, such as children, sexuality, home improvement,, my point, woman and men can be friends without the sex or motive that so many have mentioned..

I will also say those women friends are not only my friends, also an asset, and what I mean. I am a windowed dad, adopted my son at birth, you bet i had a lot to learn and it's nice to get a woman advice who you trust ..or just to vent because all my male friends have no clue what it is like to raise an infant.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 122
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 12:15:21 PM

Both men & women don't like being friend-zoned.

SOME men and women don't like it. It never bothered me - if I find someone attractive and it's not mutual but we have other things in common it would make no sense to me to pout over that. A trait I require in men I consider is that they are mutually interested - if they aren't I can't consider them, so it doesn't matter if we remain friends.

I've met people that were like this as well - they don't take stuff like this so personally that they'll withhold a friendship over it if that friendship is a positive thing.

To me, not wanting to be friends with a guy who either wants to end a relationship or isn't interested in starting one is sort of equivalent to the tantrum of a child...YMMV - that's just the way I see it.
 DrRugby
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 123
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 12:47:09 PM
This post busts my cherry for pof forums (COULD NOT resist the allegory)

Some of us may choose to disagree with a few of the underlying issues & faulty
Assumptions inherent here.

I remain friends with most former relationships. The depth (don't even go there) does
Vary. Sex has, with rare exception, been a non issue. For me the concept of "friends
With benefits" is at best a shallow concept of the pre adult phase. It certainly devalues
The participants or at least gives cover to serious personalty and character issues.

It sort of gives blanket clemency for forces actively weakening the foundations of
Meaningful relationships. In one way, it is giving a door to continuing the drunken
Or otherwise elevated levels of foolishness of springbreak or some similar.

In another, it may be saying that what happens in vegas, does not stay in vegas.

There. Done. My forum commo hymen is officially broken.
Now, from where do i hang the bloody sheet? (If you do understand that imagery,
You may be the product of a poor education. Look it up)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 124
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 4:05:38 PM

if I find someone attractive and it's not mutual but we have other things in common it would make no sense to me to pout over that.

I didn't say men & women pout over it. People don't like it -- whether they take it super personally, or it rolls off their shoulder and even would be willing to be platonic with them. If you didn't not like it, then you weren't into them at all.

not wanting to be friends with a guy who either wants to end a relationship or isn't interested in starting one is sort of equivalent to the tantrum of a child

Lol - seriously? If he throws a tantrum, yes. But merely by what you said is the same as if he did actually throw a tantrum?

If a guy wants to end a relationship (assuming romantic), and you not wanting to be actual, real Friends with him is the equivalent to a child's tantrum? That's nuts. And if a guy isn't interested in becoming actual, real Friends when the gal is sorry-Im-not-interested-but-lets-be-friends, he's acting immature if he politely says no?

And remember -- actual, real Friends doesn't mean someone who won't shun you if you happen to run into them. Actual, real Friends as in you're going to hang out together here and there at least, always keep in touch, etc.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 125
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 6:02:37 PM

For a man to be friends with a woman, he has to be 1- Gay, or 2- a Wuss, accepting to being a friend, while HOPING to jump in when she becomes available, or dumps her BF of for some hidden ulterior motive. Cuz frankly, what kind of man would want to go out with the same woman regularly, and talk about shoes, shopping sprees, the Kardashian, dancing with the stars, and what Paris Hilton is wearing on the Red carpet?? Just a wuss


Wow... Way to make us guys look bad.

It's not true at all. I'm not gay, far from it, and I'm not a wuss. But I have some women friends. We don't go shoe shopping (except that one time I broke my shoe), or do any of the girly stuff. We go drink, play pool, one of them plays "surprise wing man" once in a while... A lot of women are actually into a lot of stuff that guys are into. And since you'll quickly bring it up, yes, straight women. It doesn't always have to be about sex and dating. I have some friends that are girls, that I think are really hot, but because of how I met them and stuff like that, I'm only going to see them as friends. When you're not pathetic, it's actually possible.

But being friends with women and being in the friend zone are two different things. Being friends is a mutual friendship, being friend-zoned is typically the girl lacking the balls to turn you down, but she plays along, leading you on, with no intention of ever even actually being friends.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 126
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 8:30:11 PM
Why?????? Because I for one was tired of being used as someone to help with things she can't/wont do. Because I was tired of being there for every breakup and having to listen to her cry and then go get another loser just like the last one. Because I was good enough to hang around with when she was single but now that she is dating again I have the plague. Theses are just a few of the reasons I no longer want women friends. Because I was tired of hearing her complain about every relationship she was ever in. I have two women that I will always be friends with but we are oil and water in anything other than a friendship so we can be friends. Both of them still invite me over when they are dating.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 127
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/19/2012 8:34:38 PM

Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?


Who hates it?

As long as we're getting some sex n a blowjob every now n then; its a great place!!

:)

Odd movie n dinner, here n there, what's to hate?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 128
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/20/2012 7:52:22 AM

I didn't say men & women pout over it.

I know you didn't. If you did, I would likely have quoted it. That doesn't mean I don't think it's pouting. In many cases, it's the equivalent of that IMO.

People don't like it -- whether they take it super personally, or it rolls off their shoulder and even would be willing to be platonic with them. If you didn't not like it, then you weren't into them at all.

Says you. I can have interest in someone, realize it's not mutual, and then change that interest and direct my dating interests elsewhere. It's not so black and white. There are too many people out there to see it that way - and in my case, staying single isn't a big deal to me anyway.

Lol - seriously? If he throws a tantrum, yes. But merely by what you said is the same as if he did actually throw a tantrum?

It appears tantrum like to me. Or at least I'd think it would be very tantrum-like if I acted that way. What others do is their problem but that's how I see the response.

If a guy wants to end a relationship (assuming romantic), and you not wanting to be actual, real Friends with him is the equivalent to a child's tantrum? That's nuts.

It comes off that way when you hear it described as "so I was good enough to be friends with but not good enough to date?" Yeah...grow up.

And if a guy isn't interested in becoming actual, real Friends when the gal is sorry-Im-not-interested-but-lets-be-friends, he's acting immature if he politely says no?

I never said a man HAD to accept that friendship. I simply find it immature to stomp their feet about it and see it as a consolation prize. Are all men politely responding with a no, thanks and an explanation? That's a lot more mature. What I see is a lot of men agreeing to the friendship hoping it will change, or dropping out of the picture with no communication. Some will even find it insulting and try to get even. So none of that's happening - anywhere? That's a relief.

And remember -- actual, real Friends doesn't mean someone who won't shun you if you happen to run into them.

Of course. Agreed.

Actual, real Friends as in you're going to hang out together here and there at least, always keep in touch, etc.

Yes - in most cases guys like this remain friends with me until some future girlfriend has an issue with it. I may not hang out with them 24/7, but when I agree to a friendship it's not conditional depending on future SOs and their comfort with it. Obviously if we were both interested in each other at all, the new person wouldn't be there.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 130
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/20/2012 9:13:31 PM

Why is it that they have suddenly terminated "your friendship" without your approval?? Isn't it HYPOCRITICAL?? OH it must be because of the jealous boyfriend... and she afraid what are the other people are going to say, if she has a BF, but is out with another "guy friend".... right, BUT they will readily still go out with their other "girlfriends" for drinks without the BF!!! Have you thought about the meaning of that?? Any Double standards here??


Welcome to girls. That's just a common way they work. It's not because of the guy, and has absolutely nothing to do with him... You know that same habit of thinking that if you're out with a girl, that you're cheating on your gf? Well, it affects the girl that thinks like that too. But they do exist, I'm actually friends with a few girls who can still hang out with a guy while they have a boyfriend. But they're rare. The funny part about it, there's going to be women who argue against this post, who don't even realize that they're doing it to the guys they're friends with. They probly don't realize that it's been months since they even talked to them.

Don't waste your time on people like that. If she can't hang out with you while she has a boyfriend, forget she exists... She'll learn to not do that once they break up and she realizes she has no friends left.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 132
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/21/2012 2:39:01 PM

you are obviously an exception by being widowed, and needing the help of a women to raise your child.

Mike, I know you MEAN well...but to suggest that rdcnorm or ANY single father is "needing the help of a woman" is, IMO about the most sexistly insulting thing I've heard in a mighty long time.
Hopefully any single parents' opposite gender friends(and family) are there for them...indeed, while it may not 'take a village' to raise a child, some interweaving is generally beneficial. But I don't think that single fathers NEED a woman's help to raise their child(ren) any more than single mothers NEED a mans' help to raise theirs.
Just because YOU think the presence of YOUR penis deprives you of the simple common sense , love and patience-the only things NEEDED to rais a child!-doen't mean that all single dads are in the same sad shape.
Being an "involved" father( or mother),in the cases where the childs' other parent is still in the picture, is NOT exactly the same as bearing the full responsibility of RAISING a child.
Trust me, men who are raising a child or children on their own,because the mother has passed or is totally absent and unavailable, are not all confused-ass bumblers that "need a woman's help" to raise their children...

Is that why you are here, Mike? Are you seeking a woman to "help you raise your child" in the 50% of the time that you are the primary/responsible caregiver?

To speak back to the OT...I think that genuinely platonic male/female friendships are not all that common, but they can and do exist. When women give advice/emotional support to a single dad or men give the same to a single mom, it's just hearkening back to the days when there was more of a sense of community among people, it's not because anybody "needs help".
Where the scenario of a mans' sociosexual interest in a woman( i.e., he wants to DATE her) gets funneled into "friend zone" because the woman doesn't want to date him but enjoys platonic interaction-I stick by what I said, men hate 'friendzone' because it means they ain't gonna get to pet that particular kitty.
Let me take this opportunity to speak out against women who "string along" guys, or keep them as 'backburner" gus.
Shame on you.

I'm not talking about taking some time to decide how strong your feelings are,I'm talking about intentionally stringing guys along as a "back-up" "plan B" or "better than nothing" status. If you have a few dates with a guy and it just ain't gonna happen, just TELL the guy that you have little or no romantic interest. Don't stick him in the friend zone. Yes, I know that sometimes failed sociosexual partnerships DO become good platonic friendships, and I know that once in awhile a platonic friendship jumps the fence into romantic feelings, but I can't condone dangling the possibility of "romance" in order to USE someone.
Cindy O
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 133
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/21/2012 2:43:36 PM
Do sharks swim up to tunas and ask for friendship if they cant catch them???

Do cheetahs walk along gazelles asking for friendship when the gazelle cant be caught.

This aint finding nemo
Or the lion king

We must get you, and if we cant. We walk away.
However, the ones asking for friendship, beware. If you aint ugly and have a twat... we are playing WITH OUR FOOD.

End transmission. .....
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 134
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/21/2012 3:03:11 PM
These days, don't be surprised if your "food "you(think) you are playing with, rises up and smites thee-or at least kicks your ass, LOL.

I think most of us women can figure out when "friendship" is just a ploy for an unconfident male to try and sneak up on some p*ssy-and when it is really genuine. But a lot of us tend to keep our guard up for quite a while.
I had gotten the overall impression here-in this topic- that the complaint was from men about being put in the friendzone by women they had hoped to get horizontal with.
Hell yeah they hate it...would you like to be played with by your "food"-then have it walk away?
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 135
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/23/2012 10:08:50 AM
that he took pointers from women friends as

"pointers", "advice"...IMO that's different than "needing help". Norm said "advice"..you "twisted" that to "needs help".

get your head out of your ass!

Ah, because I got on your case becaue YOU "twisted" someone's comment, I have my head up my ass? How cold you tell?


I never said that... you are twisting what I said & making up your own interpretation... essentially reacting like an emotional menopausal grannny!

I think I hit a nerve...BTW, in some cultures grandmothers and grandfathers are objects of RESPECT-not insult.
( I have a feeling that your granny, were you to call her menopausal and emotional, would kick your ass...)


Your entire last paragraph clearly reveals your anger at women, due to your divorce. Of course you would hate friend zone( the actual TOPIC here,btw) because you don't see women as fellow members of the human race.

My ex is so insecure about parenting, that she ask our children's teacher , via numerous chain emails, how to deal with certain situation

OMG, she was born with ovaries, how DARE she seek advice? For male parents,"needing help" is expected and "normal", for a woman to seek outside advice on childrearing proves "insecurity"...
Do tell.
I'm not going to go on in this vein, but I am going to take the totality of your post, particularly the last paragraph, as confirmation that I hit a major nerve.

and simply shows how immature you are for a 59 yr old lady!

LOL, you just made my day. I've always followed the philosophy that growing old may be a requirement, but growing UP is optional.
The OT was why do men hate being friendzoned. For those who missed my earlier appearance, I'll repeat my opinion;
Men hate friend zone because it removes hope of getting to pet that particular kitty.
To prevent against any confusion-I DO believe that hetero men and women CAN be platonic friends. I do not think this is a real common occurrence, and quite often such friendships are contextual.
Cindy O
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 136
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Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/23/2012 10:00:20 PM
Guys, and many girls, hate it 'for the same reason they loath the undead and vampires, friendi-gfs look like gfs but they're not, they suck the soul out of emotional energy spawning a mutant and ugly semblance of relatinshiphood in its place. Its the same reason all species dread mimics that fake they're partners.

Edit, and dear Kokanee- if you're reading this with JR suckling,.. no I'd never be upset with you for skirting off with some other dude and spawning a prawn or two. Its all good.
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