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 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 4
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Asking for hot pics and not meetingPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You don't interact with the ones that are clearly not offering what you're looking for. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Stop trying.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 7:43:30 PM
You're a woman. That's what's attracting it. We all get this. It's on every person to weed out the ones who are not a match.

From your opening post, it is clear that you engage with these men WAY past the point where it's obvious what they're after.

Why are you trying to GET them to meet you.

Say, I don't text. Call me if you want to talk. I don't send pictures. I'm here to actually meet. Then watch what they do.

A guy who asks you for a hot pic is never going to be what you're looking for. Be thankful he told you right away and move on. Don't try to go out with him.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 14
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 7:51:59 PM
Here is the brutal truth about these guys whom approached you that way and will have many more to give a try the same way, these guys are looking for free sex and sex is only on their minds not a relationship. They are looking for a non-string attached fun sex. If you are standing your ground to learn about them on your term, eventually they all will disappeared as fast as they come on to you.
In addition, you still have kids that living with you which most of these men do not want to have any obligation raising someone else kids. Don't give them any more pics either nice or sexy one to boost their egos that they have a gorgeous woman like you want to be in relationship with them. If any man seriously want to know you, he will make an effort to meet in person.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 21
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 8:12:26 PM
I disagree. I went on dozens of dates from here, and I ended up meeting a wonderful man. I just had to learn to say no to the wrong ones.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 25
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 8:34:05 PM
You're very welcome. Feel free to message me privately. I'm always happy to help.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 28
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:45:19 PM
I asked someone about this and she said it's a facebook thing. She says many people like to get photos of those they are attracted to and put it on their facebook to kind of show off that these are the type of people they attract or are around.

I think it's a little sick but that's what is happening. I went on one girls site and she must have had over 1000 photos of different guys that she had collected.

And lets face it. Most just want sex or to hook up. Many women to do. It's just what it is about. You have to be patient. Online dating is a little worse than the real world when it comes to dating, and it should be only a small part of your dating life. I wish you well
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 29
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:52:42 PM
Nobody ever asks me for naughty pics. The naughtiest thing I did this week was steal a leftover Halloween candy bar from my neighbor's stash when he wasn't looking. I guess I could take a pic of that if anyone ever asked. But they don't.

Then I'd like to be the first to ask (for a photo of the hot candy bar).

To the OP, dating nowadays is rough compared to 20 years ago.
Some of us men get a rude awakening also!
We usually all adjust fairly quickly though. I bet you'll be alright.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 33
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 9:54:38 AM
The reason I tried on-line dating is because I am looking for someone who is genuinely looking for a relationship.

Oh boy, did YOU miss the boat coming here. Plenty of Freaks is probably the LAST place to go to find quality men who've actually evolved and aren't looking for just a cheap thrill. Since it's free to join, virtually anything that can fog a mirror can crawl through the door and sign up.

That being said, I agree with the other poster that you're engaging with these mouth-breathers for far too long and giving them way too much time to act like the idiots they really are when you should have cut them off at the knees much sooner. You suggest a phone call - if the lame texting continues, shut him down and move on. If he starts asking for more pictures or 'hot' pictures, shut him down and move on.

It'll become second nature after a little more practice to be able to weed out the leg humpers and the time wasters.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 36
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:32:51 AM

I think I have been putting myself out there with my heart on my sleeve a little too much- overlooking too much, being too honest and expecting similar back. I don't want to end up jaded, so I need to strike a balance here- I think I should get some rest and I will make certain to meditate on this!


Chrys;

There is no harm in putting yourself out there with your heart on your sleeve. In fact I'd say it's recommended if you really want to have an honest relationship. The tough part about the 'Freshman' period with online dating is that the nasty, predatory, basically 'Bad' elements out there are usually the first to respond to 'fresh blood'. You should notice a serious drop-off on the number of guys that are looking for the wrong thing fairly quickly - they have a poor attention span and even less patience than a typical six year old.

There will ALWAYS be guys that want nothing but hookups, but after a while it's fairly easy to weed out players from people who just want a relationship. Some ladies get deeply offended and throw up walls of cynicism to defend themselves - and yes, getting 'jaded' I believe is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Be open, be honest, be safe - and try to meet people quickly under safe circumstances, not just message them. Meeting them in-person is the great lie-breaker. Good luck!
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 37
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:57:02 AM

The reason I tried on-line dating is because I am looking for someone who is genuinely looking for a relationship. How do I clearly get this message out?


By refraining from drawing attention to yourself in a provocative manner.
You are insecure and rely on the wrong attention, attracting the wrong type of men.
 Slate56
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 42
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:47:22 AM
NO ONE should do things they don't want to do male or female. There are folks on both sides that want to see how hard someone else will 'work' for their attention. I don't mind the chase, but I'm kinda slow and if ya don't turn around and chase back I'll give up. Text is always nice to send a message but hearing someone's voice is so much better no? Being able to 'hear' what their LOL actually sounds like, the timbre and inflection of their voice (I swear, one lady sounded like James Cagney). But it does work both ways. A nice 'real' photo always works, I'd not suggest naughty ones till you trust the guy a lot.
 dennynua
Joined: 9/29/2012
Msg: 44
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:54:52 AM
well guys that keep asking you for pictures all the time stop dating them for a start its not rocket science, god knows what their doing with them ,by they way is there a chatroom on this?
 dennynua
Joined: 9/29/2012
Msg: 45
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:57:04 AM
and for guys 5/95 chance haha
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 47
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 12:17:17 PM
OP, sadly, your first mistake is in believing what you wrote. The ratio of honest men who are sincerely looking for a relationship to the players, liars and guys who are looking for sex is really low. It's worse than looking for a needle in a haystack and I don't think many people would disagree with me.


I disagree. The difference between 'honest' and 'liar' has a LOT to do with your own perceptions and biases. At the risk of starting a much more complicated argument; People are going to believe what they WANT to believe, whether it be the truth or not. So little verification is used in here to declare the 'facts', it's seriously NOT a good cross-section to use the statements in these forums as 'Bible', since most of the people in these forums are STILL looking/unsuccessful. You can be 'safe' and assume most guys are horny beasts, but finding another relationship is all about taking a chance/risk, and if all you do is stay at home and judge people over the internet, you will be doing yourself a HUGE disservice.


Dating is nothing like it was before the advent of these sites.

Dating itself is the SAME as it was before the internet. That is, the part about meeting in real life and socializing with people. Dinner and a movie, etc... - nothing is much different, except our 'smart' phones keep distracting us. ;) It's getting to the point of MEETING someone that has drastically changed. Online means the 'catalog' is no longer the size of your 'Little Black Book' - it's the size of the whole damn yellow pages. LOTS more people to sift through.


Ask lots of questions and don't get bullied into doing anything you don't feel comfortable doing.

Absolutely. The more you inquire, the more they have to admit - even the best 'player' cannot layer their B.S. so deep that they won't eventually get caught in a serious lie.
------------------------------
Keep in mind; if you're looking for a needle in the haystack; you WANT to find the one rusty prick in a bed of soft, comfortable hay. ;)
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 50
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/13/2012 1:13:55 PM
First of all, you are exceptionally physically attractive. Any guy who would not want to take it slow with you
is:
1. Married
2. In a relationship
3. Just a plain idiot.

There is nothing in your profile that even hints you would reciprocate their type behavior.

The last two guys said that they love to look at my pictures, please send more. But, then the guys said they had business or work related reasons for why they were postponing meeting.

^^^^^^^ Married, in a relationship or idiots.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 58
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/14/2012 8:40:33 AM
I changed my profile to include some of the suggestions for curtailing the text/picture requests.

Dear girl - Typing a disclaimer into your profile will not help and may even be self-defeating. In much the same way that women think the caveat "no players" will prevent the user/ abuser types from contacting them, it only serves to show that the woman has poor insight and a lack of ability to weed them out on her own. The "players" just hone their craft.

Instead of "warning" the photo seekers off - you should merely disengage.
If you REALLY want to cut back (versus having a mixed message), then you may want to review the photos you have chosen to put on display.
Seriously, why would you proudly use your photo allotment to display at least half the pictures of cleavage?

Many men don't bother reading profiles, they just look at the pictures.
Why should you be surprised the men who write to you are fond of seeing skin?
Christian or not, you are not furthering your goal of meeting a relationship-oriented man, but you are, apparently, attracting boob-oriented men.

Doesn't seem all that mysterious to me.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 65
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/14/2012 4:57:13 PM
You can't pre-emptively eliminate the freaks.
You need to change YOUR attitude:
1. Nothing's real until you meet in the flesh.
2. Don't "invest" so much emotion, hope, fantasy.
3. Keep the door open to communicating with others until you meet someone with whom you find potential.

All your eggs in one basket ...

P.S. You are the one who is baiting/ switching yourself by creating some illusion in your head about who a guy is before you really know him.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 66
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Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/14/2012 5:06:13 PM
Again, the screen works like this:

I don't text, but feel free to call. When he does text, and if you're feeling generous, reiterate this - ONCE. If he texts after that, block him.

The answer to more pictures is: No, you've seen five pictures of me, I'm not here to exchange pictures, I'm looking for a real life connection.

What you don't seem to understand is that the guys who approach you like this are NOT what you are looking for. Engaging with them is NOT going to change that.

Your boundaries are sloppy. You say one thing and do another with these men. Fix that, and you'll get better results.
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 69
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 6:21:53 PM
Just be thankful that these guys are eliminating themselves before it gets to the meeting stage
and they turn into Mr hands or something like that.
I don't understand why a man would blow it like that, but maybe they can't control their actions.

On a separate note, if you have any other problems that you need help with...please post them up.
It isn't often that we actually get someone who listens to good advice and acts on it here. lol
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 71
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 12/1/2012 8:23:50 AM
You have enough pic's on your profile so why would you want to send more to a person who has contacted you?
You say in your profile that you are into nature, yet NO nature shot's???
All of your pic's are staged...Hair and makeup all perfect. Step down from your step of perfection and show the real natural you.
There is no doubt you are very attractive, but are you a 'show pony'?
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