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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?      Home login  
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 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 26
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Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Honestly, there have been times I've felt like a tease because I felt comfortable going to some levels... but not going all the way. I normally don't see it as a problem but I've felt like it's made one or two guys feel let down. I mean, if it's only the second date, should I say, "I don't feel comfortable having sexual intercourse with you yet, but I wouldn't mind giving you a blowjob." I'm not opposed to talking about sex at all, but that just seems like it'd take the fun out of it.

This is why I clearly state upfront that I won't be having sex with them until I'm damned good and ready, and it won't be soon. I don't have a problem with sex, I'm very open sexually, I just don't rush into having sex with just any one. Or everyone for that matter.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 27
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:35:41 AM
I mean, if it's only the second date, should I say, "I don't feel comfortable having sexual intercourse with you yet, but I wouldn't mind giving you a blowjob." I'm not opposed to talking about sex at all, but that just seems like it'd take the fun out of it.

If that kind of talk seems too explicit or takes the spontaneity out of the encounter, maybe you could just say you’re feeling turned on and would like to turn them on and play a little, but you’re not sure how far you want to go with it tonight or you’d like to leave your pants on or something like that.

I think maybe the trick is to let them know there are limits in place but still not sound too clinical in your choice of words or sound like a paragraph from a sex manual because that could be a turn-off.

I think guys probably differ in the way they feel about playing around a little when full-on sex is not an option. Some will enjoy fooling around. Some might feel frustrated unless there’s orgasm and ejaculation – like a Bj to completion.

Some might feel anything that doesn’t culminate in intercourse isn’t ultimately satisfying at all and they’d rather not bother. I think there may be a fine line between being clear enough with them so they can manage their expectations and being so explicit that it chills the mood. But live and learn.

Just know that what you want to do is perfectly legit. It's ok to want to play a little but not a lot. Nothing wrong with that. It's your body of course, and your limits. Nice that you want to be fair and considerate with them though.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:52:50 AM
I have never been with a woman in which we done oral and at one point she did not want me to be inside of her. However, I do find the reasons the OP's relative did it that way, to be rather manipulative and deceptive.

Also, the only time that I think the "slut factor", or bad girl factor has more serious connotations is when you sleep with someone on the first date. Those more often than not end up being one night stands. After that, anything goes. The woman that I was married for 20 years, I slept with her on our second date. So did several LTR.
That does not mean that if you do not sleep with them on the second date, it's a no go. It means find the time that is right for you.

I also do not buy into the bull that most women believe that if they give the "goods" too soon, the guy will not take them as a relationship material. If you enjoy sex, have sex not as something you gave away. Have it because you enjoyed it.
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 29
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 9:59:45 AM
Not sure that's your place to judge.
Or better yet,worry about your own standards and leave others to thier own.

Oh, we are ridiculously close-there's no judging just messing around. You should hear the stuff she says to me :)


if i didnt know the lady very well and she asked me for oral on the second date, do you think she'd be offended if i went down there with a flash light to give it a visual std scan, and maybe the sniff test to to check for cleanliness?

But I'm sure you'd turn down full on intercourse or pull out the flashlight, right? lol

 Kentish-Man
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 30
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Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:18:18 AM
I'm having problems envisaging how this work work :\ First off, I probably speak for a lot of guys by saying that a woman asking for what she wants is rare (I've personally never experienced it). I'm not saying it never happens....the OP's aunt for example, but it isn't something most guys are used to dealing with.

So how does it go down? (pun intended). Does she say up front "I don't want sex but I want you to lick my ****"? If she did I'd think she was a bit of a controlling drama queen...and I also wouldn't be particularly aroused by being told up front what is off limits as it makes the whole thing seem like a mechanical task.

Or does she initiate the oral, and when the guy inevitably wants to "progress" to the main event she stops him and says "no"? (note ladies: I realise this is your right, and no means no...but likewise you also have to realise that this would mighty p**s us off. Not saying that's "right", just saying how it is). At this point I'm now thinking "b*tch" and my hard-on would probably disappear at the same time.

I just don't see in my head how it plays out. The only way I could see this working is if before the bedroom antics started she talked in a flirty way about her "deal", so that when our clothes are off I know already what the boundaries are and what is expected of me.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 31
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 11:00:21 AM
The term 'slut' truly needs to go out the window, so to speak. It's judgmental label too often miss-used.
Aunty is a grown woman. The persons she's with are grown as well. They can do whatever they desire providing they practice safe sex.
We can agree or disagree but I personally believe it's unfair to label a person a slut (or selfish) for it.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 32
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 12:56:55 PM

I told her it was still being easy and gave her a bunch of crap about it.



Oh, we are ridiculously close-there's no judging just messing around. You should hear the stuff she says to me :)



I went by what you said.Just call me the "easy" police! lol


But I'm sure you'd turn down full on intercourse or pull out the flashlight, right? lol



If you can't eat it....don't f*ck it....
 Tommyboyl
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 33
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 9:15:31 PM
I love nothing more than to go down on a woman. I always feel that I'm not very good at it but I have been told by more than one that I'm great at it. I don't think of I. As having intercourse, most of the woman I have been with see it as an extension of kissing. That's just my two cents.
 MakeUTingle
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 34
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/16/2012 11:49:21 PM
i am actually seeking that elusive Lady who much prefers receiving oral over intercourse.
 keurig
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 35
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 8:09:01 AM
I agree with you hearton , if you won't eat don't f.......k it
Show me a guy who doesn't eat his wife and I'll show you a wife I can steal.
 eagle25060
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 36
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 9:04:11 AM
I see absolutely nothing wrong with giving oral pleasure to a woman if that is what she enjoys. I would expect her to reciprocate, as well. I have been successful bringing a woman to climax orally. The women seemed to enjoy it. If I am satisfied by the woman then intercourse is secondary.
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 37
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 9:19:22 AM
then intercourse is secondary.
The thesaurus lookup for 'secondary' offers 'consequent', 'subsequent', 'resultant'...
 MAB54
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 38
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Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 1:18:50 PM
I didn't know that was your Aunt.....
 stephen5012
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 39
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 1:47:35 PM
i would love that
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 2:35:34 PM
I'll give an opinion that I haven't seen expressed yet. I'm 51, been married and divorced just like most of my friends, and we pretty regularly compare what we're experiencing in the dating pool. I feel comfortable in saying that many a guy probably wouldn't turn down giving or receiving oral with a women whom he found attractive, even on the first or second date so it's not selfish, but it does significantly change the potential for the relationship from that of being potentially long term to quick fling. Maybe with guys who are more in tune with sharing everything it doesn't, but I know from experience that the guys who are my friends, anywhere from mid 20s up to mid 60s, sexual intimacy too quick is not initimate, it's just sex, kind of a form of masturbation.

Myself and my friends who have something besides sex to offer in a relationship are more interested in women whose value goes beyond sexual, and I think that most of us want something that we can have a reasonable expectation that most other guys haven't had. Something that we had to win or achieve. Not saying that anyone is looking for a virgin, or especially a prude, but if I'm going to take a woman out in my social circle I want to know that she hasn't banged or sucked off my buddies, or people I'm going to run into. Any man who says he doesn't feel that way either sees no value in the woman for anything other than sex or he is testosterone deficient. Seriously. Males are possessive by nature but they're not going to put much effort into keeping a women whom they know will drop trou at the wink of an eye for people they hardly know......ok, the crazy, obsessive stalker types will, but is that really who any woman wants to attract?
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 41
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 7:58:30 PM

Who the hell gets undressed and doesn't have sex? Nuns?


... and me.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 42
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Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 7:58:35 PM
There is still a stigma when it comes to women and sex and it won't change anytime soon. Maybe her men were intrigued with her openness to do something so intimate so soon.
I, like a lot my age, find oral more intimate than sex. It was generally saved for longterm serious partners years ago. Letting someone stick their face in my crotch after knowing them a few hours is never going to happen.
I think some men will take what they can get and always hope for more.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 43
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 8:24:19 PM
I normally don't see it as a problem but I've felt like it's made one or two guys feel let down. I mean, if it's only the second date, should I say, "I don't feel comfortable having sexual intercourse with you yet, but I wouldn't mind giving you a blowjob."


You'll outgrow this. This is usually youth, pressure and feeling obligated to take care of a man's need out of some sense of personal responsibility that he got aroused (and being taught as a woman to be "nice" and "agreeable" ). In ten years from now, you'll be thinking "WTF, put that thing away!" and mumble to yourself about how rude he was expecting YOU to give him oral just because he's hard and "needs" it.

Nothing like finding yourself in a situation you aren't comfortable in, is there? My suggestion is to let him go home horny. It won't kill him, he probably gets that way several times a week and finds ways to deal with it. You are not obligated to defer to his needs or desires just because he has one. Hell, if life worked that way I'd be laying in a sun chair on the beach with one man rubbing my feet and the other one holding my drink. The warmth of the sun on my skin, big hat, reading 50 shades of grey. Oh yeah, I can see it.
 Mike_GP
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 44
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/17/2012 8:48:12 PM
If I eat it I promise she wont let me leave with finishing what we started
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/18/2012 2:36:58 AM
I don't want a woman who just LETS me go down...I want a woman who MAKES me go down. A woman who TAKES it for herself.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 46
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Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/18/2012 6:13:34 AM
"I've heard often, that the latest fad in the current teen generation, is for girls to give oral sex to guys all the time, while preserving coitus for some future special guy. When I was young, the opposite was true."
Igor posted this, he's 4 years older than me. I remember a guy in our crowd who dumped his very nice girlfriend because she gave him a bj. Told all of us like she was a slut and of course now he couldn't continue to see her.
I polled some of the young girls at work one day, all said oral wasn't sex. Sad that we have a whole generation of young women who see it as their responsibility to "relieve" guys of their hard ons. These same guys call these girls whores.
Saddens me that nothing has changed in the mindsets of people since I was young. I have 3 boys and had countless young men hang out at my home. Girls/women are still judged when it comes to sex unlike their male partners.
I read on these forums that no one judges women yet in real life I see different.
Why is it not a fad for young men to give all girls oral?
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 47
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/18/2012 6:31:58 AM

hearton64 is really a man who comes on to encourage women to be slutty. no decent woman would take half her positions on forum matters.


I assure you Hearton64 is very much a woman ..keep foruming with her and sooner or later you will stir up..her womanly demeanor... some issues she defiantly takes a womans point of view and a very vehement one at that
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 48
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/18/2012 6:45:01 AM
"Why is it not a fad for young men to give all girls oral?"
Ha-choo!!! Sorry, I'm allergic to all this whining BS over 'fairness'. How about "Because they don't want to.", or do you feel entitled to similar reciprocal behavior? Well, maybe we should establish muff-eating coupons to complete our welfare state and to be fair.

Closer to topic, I have been told that teenage girls do anal sex in order to stay virgins or prevent pregnancy. That was one of the few times I was shocked - about my age. Should be three decades younger...

I think it's slutty when a girl has sex with two or more guys.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 49
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Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/18/2012 6:48:39 AM
"Ha-choo!!! Sorry, I'm allergic to all this whining BS over 'fairness'. How about "Because they don't want to.", or do you feel entitled to similar reciprocal behavior? Well, maybe we should establish muff-eating coupons to complete our welfare state and to be fair."
As an adult woman I do feel entitled to reciprocal behaviour so I want some of those coupons.
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 50
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 11/18/2012 6:55:04 AM
Now THAT was a cool answer, Marie. :-))
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