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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 26
1st meetingPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I, myself, want to go on a first date, not a first meet. it has become all too accepted to do things a certain way with online dating. If I met a guy IRL I would want him to ask me out on a date and to pay for it. I like dating being old-fashioned. No different online.


A first meet from online is no different than meeting a man in a bar IRL, as far as I'm concerned. He walks up and starts talking to me. Would I expect him to offer to buy me a drink? NO. If he offered, I might accept, but I wouldn't expect him to offer.

On the other hand, if he asks me for my phone number and calls me up to invite me out for dinner, then yes, I think he should pay.
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 27
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:40:26 AM
^^^ even if the guy calls me up and invites me for dinner, I wouldn't let him pay the entire bill. I would offer to pay half. It's only fair. Why let the man take care of the entire bill? Whatever happened to even going 50-50.

Under the presumption that if a man invites u, u expect him to pay. Does that mean, u'll never invite him for dinner?

WOW I must be the 'modern' girl with the 'modern' thinking on here then.
 Hotmerlot
Joined: 10/9/2012
Msg: 28
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:50:47 AM
My last date was stuck in traffic and worried about leaving me waiting so he called me. I asked him what he wanted and had a coffee waiting for him when he arrived. What is wrong with doing something nice for someone that has gone out of his way to meet me?

You could have bought him a coffee, set an example and made yourself look good. Instead you come across as unpleasant and shallow. Good job!
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 29
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:52:53 AM
"Does that mean, u'll never invite him for dinner?"
Never on the first date. Now if there's a second or third... To me, inviting a lady is part of the hunt, I mean courtship. Things haven't changed much for me since I left my cave.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 30
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:59:57 AM

You could have bought him a coffee

I like this idea :)

I don't know if my panties would get in such a bunch over a coffee?
It sounds somewhat immature to tell him "my daughter and my girlfriend think you're cheap"...probabely not necessary, and definately not nice.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 31
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:00:54 AM

even if the guy calls me up and invites me for dinner, I wouldn't let him pay the entire bill. I would offer to pay half. It's only fair. Why let the man take care of the entire bill? Whatever happened to even going 50-50.


You wouldn't "let" him pay? A wee bit controlling aren't we? The fact is that many men WANT to pay, and I wouldn't offend those particular men by insisting on paying. And yes, I have invited men out and paid the tab.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 32
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:02:16 AM
IMO it doesn't matter who asked or if it was considered a date or meeting. Both people should be willing to pay their share of the date / meeting without any resentment. Sometimes I have met a woman at a place that was closer to her than me. However wanting to meet halfway is a reasonable request.


The first meet is not a date. Two people are meeting to see if they WANT to date.


That depends on the person. Some people ( including many of the women that I went out with from dating sites ) did consider the first meeting to be a ( blind ) date. Regardless of the time, cost, or activity.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 33
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:07:18 AM

what world, era or timezone u live in Susieq945


Op is 67 years old.


Actually I texted him and said my friend and daughter thought u were cheap and said I shouldn't get involved with you.

Op,you actually texted that to the man you met.........??
Wow..................just wow - that really was totally unnecessary and all over the price of a coffee??
*shaking my head*
 TheOverThinker
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 34
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:14:21 AM
Honestly, I find that to be fair for a first time meet. I would never expect a person to pay for my coffee the first time I meet them if it has not been established as a date. It's only fair if you don't know each other yet and if you both like each other yet. :/
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 35
view profile
History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:15:43 AM

Susieq945
I just met a guy for the 1st time at starbucks. He suggested meeting and I told him the place. He expected me to meet him half way and I told him he had to come closer to where I live. He expected me to pay for my own coffee also since he ordered his and paid and then ask me aren't u going to get anything.


I have, all of my live, paid for dates. If a woman offers to pay her half, I usually decline, politely. If it seems that she really wants to pay, if that makes her more comfortable, then I of course allow her to do so. Just the way I was brought up, and probably too late for me to change that.

The subject of where to meet is entirely different. For a first meeting, if she is reasonably close, then I am fine with meeting anywhere she might suggest. Hopefully choosing the location makes her more comfortable. But if she lives 25 miles away, and she “gets up on her high horse” about I should come to her, then that is a meeting that will never happen. Unless, of course, she is drop-dead gorgeous. If that’s the case, I will crawl for miles through the blistering desert, just for a chance to kiss her feet, just as any red-blooded male would do.

On edit: the last part of the above was intended to be "tongue-in-cheek", just in case you were wondering.
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 36
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:30:14 AM

even if the guy calls me up and invites me for dinner, I wouldn't let him pay the entire bill. I would offer to pay half. It's only fair. Why let the man take care of the entire bill? Whatever happened to even going 50-50.



^^^ Call me the "oddball" here but I agree with this and this has always been what I have practiced.

Anyhoo, even stranger still is that 90% of the first meets I've had, the guy will insist on paying for me even when I was going to pay for my own. And if he doesn't, big deal. I don't go on first meets expecting to get a free cup of joe or free anything. .. Same goes for the dates. Actually with the dates, from personal experience, an even higher percentage of the men I've dated will tend to pick up the entire bill (even when I offer to go dutch) .. And if they do agree for me to chip in, they will suggest I help with the tip.

I think the thing is, the mere gesture of helping to pay 50/50 goes a long way and most guys when approached will appreciate it but step up to the plate and take care of the bill. ... Regardless, always offer up your half without any expectations that they will or will not pick up the entire tab. .. For long term dates, we take turns picking up the bill. No complaints here cos it's worked well for me so far.





 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 37
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 8:54:24 AM
To me, the real question here should be:
Did I just miss out on the perfect person for me?

Assuming that you met in hopes of spending time with him and
gauging any chemistry and compatibility that might have been there, why let it
get derailed by such a simple thing?
What if he had paid for the coffee, but let you know that he
didn't want to meet again because you weren't wearing lipstick or
were wearing jeans instead of a dress?

If we all let the smallest of things shut down our beginnings...there won't
ever be any happily ever afters.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 38
view profile
History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 9:59:11 AM
As a guy I'd go to wherever is most convenient for the woman to meet and I'd jump up and get her a coffee. Surely most guys want a woman to know that he sees her as special.

Having said this, however, all of this seems king of trivial for anyone over the age of 14.

You shouldn't have told him he was cheap. You should have just thanked him and then said that you were not compatable.
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 39
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:31:46 AM
@halcyon_skies.... I wouldn't let my date pay for the entire meal is what I said. I don't go on dates in the hopes of getting a free meal so I carry my purse with me always. I don't rely on the men to wine and dine me when I can pay for my own meal.

I would pay half the bill but if he insists on paying the entire bill so then be it. But I would offer nonetheless, unlike the 67 year who wants the men to pay for her coffee and travel the distance to see her like she's god's given gift to men.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 40
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:42:02 AM
Im more concerned with the fact afterwards he text an said "cant wait till we can cuddle" UHH really?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 41
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:49:18 AM

I texted him and said my friend and daughter thought u were cheap and said I shouldn't get involved with you.


So if your daughter and friend thought he wasn't cheap, you would date him. Aren't you capable of forming your own thoughts and opinions? Why didn't you ask any men friends or relatives what they thought of the situation? Be thankful he didn't ask you to pay for the extra gas to meet you since you insisted that he meet you close to where you are. I think he dodged a bullet. Even senior citizens can have a princess complex.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 42
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 11:17:25 AM
OMG.. is this real... yes the guy was and is cheap..but worse than that you were expecting him to buy..

Personally,, I never want a woman to pay,,but if she expecting me to pay or demanding and made an issue out of it,, this kid would never look back.. I think the proper thing to do is offer to pay..and with what I know about my guy friends and me,, we would say thank you,, But,, I have it,,

All this over coffee,, WOW!!!!!
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 43
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 12:26:22 PM

I just met a guy for the 1st time at starbucks.



I didn't stay long


And the Starbucks baristas are singing......."Another one bites the dust....another one bites the dust...and another one's gone, and another one's gone........another one bites the dust."
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 44
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 12:34:48 PM
It sounds to me like you think you're a prize to be won. You won't meet him halfway; no, no, no, he has to drive all the way to you. You were hankering for some free coffee so you told him to meet you at a coffee joint, where you expected him to pay. Don't place yourself on a pedestal; if you were going to make him drive farther to meet you, you should've bought his coffee. If you were willing to meet halfway, you should've each bought your own. If you were going to drive farther to meet him, he should've bought yours. Then there's give and take and not just "take, take, take". That's how I see it.
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 45
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 12:47:41 PM
Wow... You are incredibly rude!
I always try to find a place half way and always offer to pay for my share. Women shouldn't just expect the man to pay although, yes when they invite you out usually that's what should happen but, you should still offer and assume you're going to pay for yourself. And first meetings aren't first dates for most people... it's a meeting to see if you'd want to go for that first date.
The funny thing is that it's over a coffee...really? You couldn't have just spent the $3 and tried to focus on what really mattered?
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 46
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 12:55:53 PM
I am with you OP. He should not have suggested meeting half way. Traditionally, the guy travels to meet the lady, on a first meet. And the way he handled the coffee ordering, he should have turned to you and asked you what would you like? It sounds like he ordered his little drink and then stepped aside so you could order and pay. A cheap pr*ck if you ask me. Now if you two started actually dating, IMO the costs should generally be 50/50 or at least fair, taking into consideration incomes.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 47
view profile
History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 1:19:03 PM
Oh goody, a "who should pay?" threOh goody, a "who should pay?" thread..


<div class='quote'>Im more concerned with the fact afterwards he text an said "cant wait till we can cuddle"
Umm..What... Too soon? LOL
OP, honestly I think he should have said "I ordered mine, can I get you anything?".
But, than again maybe he was kind of pissed that you asked him to meet you more than half way.
I mean I wouldn't even agree to meet, if someone makes a big deal about that.
Half way is sounds fair to me.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 48
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 5:46:20 PM
The 21st century daters will chastise you for not being modern enough to pay your own way and split the 'load' with the male. Traditional old school daters will tell you that you dodged a bullet and a cheap skate. I think a man should drive and pay. I have no problem being a gentleman until I get a vibe that I'm in the friend zone.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 49
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 6:07:04 PM
The 21st century daters will chastise you for not being modern enough to pay your own way and split the 'load' with the male. Traditional old school daters will tell you that you dodged a bullet and a cheap skate. I think a man should drive and pay. I have no problem being a gentleman until I get a vibe that I'm in the friend zone.


It doesn't matter what type of dater a person is---the act of telling someone to their face that they are "cheap" is just flat rude. Even though I'm more of a traditional dater, I still think he dodged a bullet. He's probably retired and on a fixed income---I'm sure he's better off dating women that don't have entitlement issues.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 50
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 9:20:14 PM
Some men are willing to go to a location that is closer to a woman. However when that happens, I would offer to pay for him. If he insisted on paying, I would let him. But it is rude and selfish for the OP to expect a man to drive to a place near her ( in particular if they live more than 30 minutes from each other under normal traffic conditions ) and pay for her.
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