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 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 51
1st meetingPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
What power struggles over seemingly little things! What happens when you get to the bigger things? It seems to simplify things to just pay for your own coffee, unless an offer is made or it is a nice idea to buy another'a coffee under certain circumstances. He is a stranger. It was very immature to bring your daughter and whoever else into this. Total powerplays coming through this whole interaction on your part is what I see. He seemed to have dodged a bullet.
 Aardente
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 52
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 3:24:31 AM
Well, I thought women wanted equality.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 53
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 7:44:52 AM
I am with you OP. He should not have suggested meeting half way. Traditionally, the guy travels to meet the lady, on a first meet.


I disagree. If a man wanted to travel to see a woman on a first date / meeting, that's fine. But as mentioned by other posters, it's rude for a woman to expect a man to do most of the traveling and pay for her. If the person who asked set up the details of the date / meeting, then I might agree that (s)he should pay. However that was clearly not the case here. Since it was the OP that wanted him to travel to a place near her.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 54
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History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 1:48:43 PM
OMG I'll buy you both coffee, for pete's sake.. How much is coffee? Really...

so childish.... omg.....

You both would be the type of people that wouldn't put a dime in the red bucket in front of Walmart! You are both cheap and deserve each other! Actually, you could have some hot sex over the personalities you have.... hum? ROLOL too funny :)
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 55
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 2:21:20 PM

hahahaha omg what world, era or timezone u live in Susieq945?

In fact the way u think must be an era of the 40's. Cuz times changed ALONG TIME AGO! If u weren't so boxed up in ur little world, perhaps u had noticed that women fought for equality and won. And with that, comes paying for ur own coffee, meeting men halfway for a date and even means sharing the same toothbrush with that guy.

Jeez. I hate women like u who think that MEN need to pay for everything.

Seriously grow the hell up.

Women ask men out for dates in this generation. Women also pay for their own coffee, not to mention sometimes pay for the guy's coffee. Also nowadays, women also, pay for the meals, call a guy up and say hi rather than expect a MAN to do everything.

The world u live in, mmmm shouldn't u be cleaning the house and having babies. Wtf u doing online? Isn't being online and trying to meet men the new era? Jeeez..

Wow, I seriously hate women with ur mentality!

How about you take your nasty little attitude down a few notches? Who the hell are YOU to talk to anyone like that? The woman is 67 years old and is entitled to feel anyway she WANTS. You need a real good dose of respect. Get that friggen anger checked or adjust your meds. Jesus!

You sound like a bitter man.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 56
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History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 2:34:03 PM
Actually, if you knew anything at all and knew history and facts surrounding equality you wouldn't have posted that disturbing feedback at all.

Mankind created the message of women being of not equal to them. It was the male mind set hundreds (thousands) of years ago, and it came from the church and it has been passed down through generations, traditions and cultures of the early churches and belief systems. If you believe in creation and a high power, source, creator then you would know men and women where created equal.

and I agree with jersey girl you wouldn't know how to treat a lady if one was sitting across a table from you. You are a very bitter person. You should see someone and get some help.

I hope you find the truth in life. I am apologetic that this post is unrelated to the original post.
 ncdamsel
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 57
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 3:00:48 PM
Nope....you were not wrong if you felt that way...i would have said it too. ...you go girl....your my hero....
 ncdamsel
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 58
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 4:16:52 PM
Normaly....i would of just said...let it go and not talk to the guy again....if you she felt that way about the coffee....but . He took it to a new level...with the cuddling statement...you cant buy me a coffee...but you expect me to cuddle with you...dream on...
 Aardente
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 59
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 4:30:51 PM
how about buying your own coffee ;-)
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 60
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 4:43:04 PM

Normaly....i would of just said...let it go and not talk to the guy again....if you she felt that way about the coffee....but . He took it to a new level...with the cuddling statement...you cant buy me a coffee...but you expect me to cuddle with you...dream on...

So what you might be saying,, if he bought her coffee it's ok to ask to cuddle and she might be obligated to do so...

What I think,,, he did say do you want to cuddle,, just to piss her off,, and if she said yes,, he won,, meaning OP isn't worth crap, after the way she treated him...
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 61
1st meeting
Posted: 11/17/2012 4:59:31 PM

How about you take your nasty little attitude down a few notches? Who the hell are YOU to talk to anyone like that? The woman is 67 years old and is entitled to feel anyway she WANTS. You need a real good dose of respect. Get that friggen anger checked or adjust your meds. Jesus!

You sound like a bitter man.


The person you quoted may have been harsh. But suppose this situation was reversed. A man wanted the OP to drive to a place near him and pay for him. Then he called the OP cheap because she wanted to go Dutch. This man would have been called a jerk, azzhole etc. I don't think the OP should get a free pass for her behavior because of her age or gender.
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 62
1st meeting
Posted: 11/18/2012 3:13:28 PM
First of all this was a meet not a date. He suggested meeting half way but you wanted to meet him close to your home for your convenience. He agreed to drive the further distance which took him more time to get there and cost him more in gas and car wear and tear. Why didn't you offer to buy him coffee? You seem to be the cheap (and demanding) one to me.
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 63
1st meeting
Posted: 11/18/2012 3:54:23 PM
jerseygirl2008 --- obviously ur an idiot for not realizing that I'm a WOMAN and clearly my name says it so! So I suggest that U learn to READ first b4 u try to give me an attitude adjustment!

SusieQ demanded that the man meet her closer to her home and she flat out told him that he was rude for not buying her a cup of coffee! How is that ok?

Why is the man told what to do all the time? Why couldn't she meet him half way? Why couldn't she go and get her own coffee if that was what she really wanted?

Seriously, b4 u try to educate me, educate urself. We're fighting over a damn $2 coffee that she could have bought herself. And forget the coffee, she insulted the guy over the phone and called him CHEAP cuz he drove all the way closer to where SHE LIVED and burned gas but didn't offer to buy her a cup of coffee!

Did u forget that many ppl are being laid off from their work? That gas is increasingly rising? And that ppl are working 2 or 3 jobs just to make ends meet? And buying even a cup of coffee maybe nothing at all, but he did however go out of his way to meet her and she could have atleast bought him a cup of coffee for his troubles. Seriously, when it comes to paying bills, why do women back out and make the men pay?

 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 64
1st meeting
Posted: 11/19/2012 9:32:00 AM
I dont think the few bucks spent here is really the issue. I think the sense of entitlement irritates a lot of the forumites. I will always do the driving. I will always pick up the bill. I will always notice if the one I am meeting offers to pay her own way or offers to meet half way. Its not the price of gas or the cost of a cup of coffee. It is the attitude. I would feel much better if she believed it as much a priviledge to meet me as I felt it was to meet her.

The other thing that seems to irritate posters here is why OP felt the need to insult. She formed her opinion decided not to meet him again. Why she couldnt just say that she felt there wasnt a match and leave it at that is beyond me.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 65
1st meeting
Posted: 11/19/2012 10:05:51 AM
I don't think it was a cheap thing -- just bad "game". He may have figured that since it's just coffee, ordering for you when in line and asking what ya want and being a virtual stranger, he figured he'd let you just get it, being in line too. It's not like you're out on a date-date, just meeting up. I mean, it's hard to say you treated a lady or took her out when you merely grabbed her a coffee, right?

With that said though, he shouldn't have thought that -- it's bad "game". He should have asked what you wanted, "I got this", etc. If a guy digs you, even a cheap one would have been more than willing to merely get a girl some coffee to cuddle. :) Him following up everything, and not reading your disinterest afterward and texting that he can't wait to cuddle just reinforces the idea that he's someone with bad 'game'.

I wouldn't advise saying he's cheap, because it's not definitively true. You could have told him that you didn't feel it with him, sorry but good luck, etc.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 66
1st meeting
Posted: 11/21/2012 12:50:24 PM

What the fukk tradition are you talking about??

If a man lives an hour or more away, and really wants to meet me, he can drive his a$$ to my town for a FIRST meet. After that, if we hit it off, I will gladly drive to him half the time. I have had two long-distance relationships from POF (both at least an hour away) and both drove to see me on the first meet at their suggestion, and were more than willing to do most of the driving even after that. If YOU won't do that for a lady you are interested in, well, that is your choice. Maybe by tradition, I meant for older folks like me.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 67
1st meeting
Posted: 11/21/2012 12:59:04 PM
Why is the man told what to do all the time?


Indeed.
Don't most of the women on here keep claiming they want a man with "backbone"? Isn't that why the "nice guy" doormats fail in their pursuits?

While it certainly seems reasonable enough in the realm of possibility for the guy to have bought her coffee as well, the fact that she made such a huge deal out of something so minor in the big scheme of things gives one pause to wonder how she would react about something really important.
 OhSix
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 68
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1st meeting
Posted: 11/21/2012 1:59:28 PM
On the OP... Well with an attitude like that I can only think of one item that has more dust on it than her wallet...

Now at this point I generally won't coffee. Living out in the stix means a trip to town it will be something more substantial, so this is from the perspective of having a bill more than 10 bucks. Anything else is only pocket change anyways.

I always say that a guy goes on a first date prepared to pay the whole tab yet hoping not too. This is especially true in the blind, fix-up and internet varieties. Tradition says that the asker pay and simple social convention says 95% of the time it is the man who is expected to be bold and suggest a real live face to face meet.
Look at the interaction like this,

1. had a sparkless meeting yet a hopefully pleasant interaction or just straight up couldn't stand her. Escape either paying your own share or picking up the tab. Come out feeling neutral on the whole thing unless she stiffed you with the bill then her bth factor may rise in your memory. no chemistry so the whole thing doesn't matter

Now scene two. Had what you consider a great time yet it is the end of the evening for whatever reason.(no further plan) Bill arrives. If she displays behaviour that assumes you will be automatically picking up the tab it generally reduces the chance that you will be eager to ask her again.pay and leave. odds on 2nd date slim. If she even feigns a reach to her purse you have the option of separate cheques, having her pitch a portion or tip and just picking up the tab cause you had a really great time and want to do something considerate. (ladies do you feel paying your share reduces or influences your decision on a 2nd date?) odds on asking her out again, pretty good.

Say you already have planned further into the evening for say a drink or three . bill shows, no effort on her part so you pay and continue the evening,Likely to suggest a no cover establishment to follow up. if she doesn't appear with at least one beverage on your behalf during stop two, you begin to question if you where the evenings free entertainment.

Ideal scenario is the above but when the bill shows she reaches for her purse. It shows that she lacks the assumption of entitlement simply for "being". I will usually say Nope I'll cover this part but you gotta get cover and the first round or two (keeping the deal weighted so a larger expense is in your hands.) Assuming the evening is enjoyed by both parties and she actually lives up to the terms these are generally the women I would be most interested in seeing again.

While the above judgment is made about money i think it accurately portrays the previously mentioned level of assumed entitlement and how much the other party could be expected to contribute to many facets of the relationship not finance related but those that involve equal effort and input from the start.
 Gypsydude62
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 69
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1st meeting
Posted: 11/21/2012 4:44:47 PM
Any so called man that doesn't pay for his date is a complete puke, no matter what the case. Hopefully you will meet a real man that was raised properly by a real woman. I have no excuse for him, maybe his mother was a pig.It never fails to amaze me with the things so called men do, see it all the time. You did exactly what a real woman should have done.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 70
1st meeting
Posted: 11/21/2012 4:56:23 PM
If a man lives an hour or more away, and really wants to meet me, he can drive his a$$ to my town for a FIRST meet.


If a man wants to drive to a woman's town or pay for the first date / meeting, that's fine. I disagree with the women that expect a man to do these things. Some women have stated that they would start contributing on a future date. The flaw with this logic is most first dates / meetings don't work out due to a variety of reasons. Therefore these women would spend very little of their money or time traveling on these dates / meetings.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 71
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1st meeting
Posted: 11/22/2012 7:36:07 AM

You did exactly what a real woman should have done.

Oh boy...I am speechless..
Luckily there are some real women posted already, and even they said she was wrong.
Not saying the he was not.
As I said, he should have walked up to her, and asked if he can get her anything.
But she already proved to be a prima donna by not agreeing to meet him at least half way.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 72
1st meeting
Posted: 11/22/2012 12:04:17 PM

Jeez. I hate women like u who think that MEN need to pay for everything.

Seriously grow the hell up.

Women ask men out for dates in this generation. Women also pay for their own coffee, not to mention sometimes pay for the guy's coffee. Also nowadays, women also, pay for the meals, call a guy up and say hi rather than expect a MAN to do everything.

The world u live in, mmmm shouldn't u be cleaning the house and having babies. Wtf u doing online? Isn't being online and trying to meet men the new era? Jeeez..

Wow, I seriously hate women with ur mentality!


Wow, I missed this post until someone above commented on it. Very uncalled for and mean rant. There are a lot more vicious and evil persons in this world to "hate," than a woman who expects the guy to pay for her coffee on a FIRST meet.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 73
1st meeting
Posted: 11/22/2012 12:58:11 PM
I believe that a person who is looking for an EQUAL.. will expect them to pay for their own on a first meet..

YET.. i believe if a man is super attracted.. he will trip on himself trying to pay..

sorry.. you arent all that and a bag of chips are ya?

My last meet did NOT pay.. and that wasnt the death nell to the meet

it was his lack of "trying to get to know me".. when a man babbles about his evil ex wife and his stuff.. never asking a single question.. he is only interested in himself.. and i bought my coffee.. I must not be all that and a bag of chips either eh?
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 74
1st meeting
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:50:40 AM

But suppose this situation was reversed. A man wanted the OP to drive to a place near him and pay for him. Then he called the OP cheap because she wanted to go Dutch. This man would have been called a jerk, azzhole etc. I don't think the OP should get a free pass for her behavior because of her age or gender


^^^^^^^
This.
 Bunny Tails
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 75
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1st meeting
Posted: 12/5/2012 3:49:19 AM
If a man invites you to meet him somewhere for coffee... he should be a gentleman and pay for it. I'm meeting a lot of guys being cheap-os as well. If they can't buy a cup of coffee... walk away.
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