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 Me_Me_Me_Pick_Me
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 76
1st meetingPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Dare I ask how old your date was?

And really? You're making a big deal out of paying for a coffee? A coffee date is a screening date. It's just to see if you even want to spend time with one another.
 My_name_is_paul
Joined: 12/3/2012
Msg: 77
1st meeting
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:52:23 PM
If I ask a woman for a meet-n-greet OR a date I am at the point where I AT LEAST want to put on the best show possible for her. If that means driving a little farther FINE. If that means buying a $4 coffee FINE.

The first 5 minutes are the only first impression you get to make.... and even though most women will not admit it, truth is by 4:59 seconds into the meeting you've already been judged and are just waiting for the sentencing.

Buy the damn coffee. And wear clean clothes, take a shower, brush your teeth and put $50 in your wallet so you have tip money.

If it were me, I buy the coffee AND tip the barrista....
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 78
1st meeting
Posted: 12/18/2012 9:45:02 PM
It was just a cup of coffee.
Not a new car.

If he can't spring for that
he should just stay home.
Kindof pointless for him to date.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 79
1st meeting
Posted: 12/18/2012 10:14:45 PM
This is hilarious. Four pages (so far) discussing the life altering question: Who should pay for coffee at a first meet? People are projecting how life will turn out for the next 60 years with that person based on who pays for coffee on the first meet. No wonder it's so hard and next to impossible to meet another human being. My vote goes to the guy bringing a thermos of coffee and offering to share it with the woman. lol.
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 80
1st meeting
Posted: 12/18/2012 10:49:07 PM
A "meet" is just that...to see if the attraction or chemistry is there not to mention do they actually look like their profile pictures! It's not a "date" that usually follows the meet.

When I met someone off here we decided on a meet and I paid for my own drinks. We hit it off and we agreed on a date a bit later, it was then he paid for the evening.

I would suggest next time clarifying if he's asking you for a date or are you just going to meet and chat.
 RonMcDon73
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 81
1st meeting
Posted: 12/19/2012 7:58:10 AM

On the OP... Well with an attitude like that I can only think of one item that has more dust on it than her wallet...


LoL!
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 82
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History
1st meeting
Posted: 12/19/2012 9:16:58 AM
The word is frugal.
 trh1268
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 83
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History
1st meeting
Posted: 12/19/2012 10:41:15 AM
Why get all dressed up and go to expensive dining out place, knowing the woman is getting a free meal and pre meditate by rejecting the guy on second date? Look who is cheap now? That's why coffee or cafe shop makes more sense.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 84
1st meeting
Posted: 12/19/2012 11:59:00 AM
I think it's rude to call him cheap when he had to drive to her town. While buying her coffee wouldn't kill him, calling him cheap in uncalled for especially when she's too cheap to meet half way.
 ChillaCam
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 85
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History
1st meeting
Posted: 12/21/2012 10:40:46 PM
My most recent date went well we had a connection but it just sort of fizzled out, anyway she is a modern woman, so when I paid for the activity she politely stated that she would like to pay for dinner. I was impressed by the offer and I felt that it showed her mutual interest in me. another nice detail was, every time I opened the door for her, she reached over the console and opened my door. Nice touch I'd say
 OriginalBrunetteBBW
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 86
1st meeting
Posted: 12/22/2012 3:47:00 AM
A lady should always pay her own half...helps prevent giving men the idea that you 'owe' him. However, last guy that drove from the city to my little town to meet me I felt it was only fair that I paid for dinner since he did the driving.
He texted you after and said something about cuddling?! *barf*
Should of told him to get a body pillow!
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 87
1st meeting
Posted: 12/22/2012 3:29:07 PM
Please, he's miserly cheap. He hasn't even invited you out for a proper date, & he thinks you are going to cuddle? umm, no.
He hasn't asked you to get together, has made no effort to get to know you, & he thinks he may proceed directly into your pants.
He is an Ahole. You were not woring, & don't listen to any of these bashers on here who defend this ahole, who has no manners, & is cheap.
 soitscometothis72
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 88
1st meeting
Posted: 12/22/2012 4:13:20 PM
Maybe YOU are cheap in that you didnt offer to pay for his!!! There should be no expectation on a first meeting of him paying!
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 89
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History
1st meeting
Posted: 12/22/2012 7:54:12 PM
Wow! For someone who has kids and some significant life experience your sure not to compromising. This just goes to show how old fashioned traditional dating etiquette has made the dating field unevenly balanced. Since for sometime now, there's been this so called "gentlemens etiquette", where the man should at least offer to pay for everything. I figure the op, isn't too serious about meeting qaulity people if she's willing to argue over who should pay for her coffee, and then be so rude after not getting her way.
 soitscometothis72
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 90
1st meeting
Posted: 12/23/2012 7:31:05 AM
So ravenhair, you think a guy should take you out and buy you a nice dinner for the first meet? Give me a break. It's a first meet. So, in order for a guy to get into your pants, he has to buy you dinner, buy you extravagant gifts.Women like you and the OP just drive me nuts. Good luck!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 91
1st meeting
Posted: 12/23/2012 7:37:32 AM
That is cheap. Golden rule is if you don't have money to date, don't spend it. Stay your ass at home.
 j369gg7
Joined: 7/27/2010
Msg: 92
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/15/2013 9:17:54 AM
You don't get a second chance to make a good "first impression". Yeah, from meeting half way to paying for your own coffee shows that the guy would never go the extra mile for you. Not much to look forward to. That goes beyond cheap as far as I am concerned.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 93
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/15/2013 9:32:40 AM
^^^ I agree
If you can't put out $4 for a cup of coffee and can't take me places that don't have pictures on the menu you just really shouldn't be dating.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 94
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 6:09:20 AM
Even if it's it's just 1 drink, these all add up.

So we should pay because you've been taking every other girl on POF out and it didn't work out? That's your bad not mine!


Personally I go for women who have their own success and don't have to rely on a man's income to live the life style that they want.

I out earn most if not all of the men I date. I run a very very successful business by myself, have a car, house and I buy my own Gucci and Prada. I can CLEARLY pay for a $4 cup of coffee, dinner and afford to date but I don 't and I won't.

It's not the amount of money that's the issue it's the effort he puts forth to invest in me (time, energy and when we go out I expect him to pay at least most of the time). As a woman who out earns the majority of men I date I do not want to care of a man financially! I am looking for a partner not a child or a bum with a cup! I would find it hard to believe that a real mature man would feel comfortable letting a woman pay and not courting her! I don't need friends to hang out with and go dutch, I have them! Why would I pay to hang out with some random cheap azz that puts no effort in from POF?

Again if your so broke because you've over spent dating other women then maybe it's time to stop dating and save $4 so you can court a lady whom you are really interested in!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 95
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 8:41:14 AM
So we should pay because you've been taking every other girl on POF out and it didn't work out? That's your bad not mine!

Well, it's not going to work out for guys AND girls. Thing is, guys pay at the end, whether things work out, or commonly not for both parties. His point is it's unappreciated -- ie Expected. If a gal turns away, or loses any level of interest in a guy because he didn't do X or Y, the act of doing X or Y isn't appreciated -- it's expected. Guys can get tired of it.

But a guy should bear in mind to pick his "battles" -- err, I mean dates -- more wisely if they add up. It's an unfair tilt, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Gals shouldn't talk about how things are fair in that arena (it's not), and guys shouldn't let it get to them much at all, accept it, and make their selections more picky (and avoid gals who just want guy-attention/free-outings or have 'ehh' interest).
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 96
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 9:08:29 AM
This type of attitude towards men smacks of prostitution, in my opinion; e.g. many high-class call girls earn more than their johns, but still expect them to pay for the privilege of their company. Not much difference here, from what I can observe.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 97
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 9:15:19 AM

Guys get sick of doing all the chasing and paying.


So don’t do it. Women don’t have to change their dating preferences to accommodate incompatible men….we’ll just date men who date the way we prefer.

OP:
He expected me to pay for my own coffee also since he ordered his and paid and then ask me aren't u going to get anything. I didn't stay long but he texted me awhile later saying he could hardly wait til we can cuddle. I just told him he was to cheap. Am I wrong for doing that?


Nope. Sounds like he’s just looking for sex with any willing body who is sucker enough to accept him.

But I would have told him to hold his breath til we “cuddle.”
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 98
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 11:16:34 AM

I just prefer to spend my hard earned money on people that have put the effort in mutually. Rather than ones that think they deserve it because they are female and 'It's the excepted thing to do.' Oh look I have breasts, this means I get free stuff and treated like a princess!. Women need to show that they can meet me on a level playing field. Not put themselves on a pedestal because they happened to be born female. I'm not that desperate that I need to go out and spend money on a total stranger just for them to spend time with me. And I won't be spending any money on anyone until they have shown that they are at least good company. Us guys need to start growing some balls and show that we should be equally respected. I don't want to be wined and dined. I have self respect. I want an equal not another dependent.


Well said! Equal rights for women should include equal responsibilities. That means buying your own coffee on occasion.

I am a bit of a generous guy. When I take a woman out, i normally have no problems paying for it. I also don't normally have problems getting a second date. However, seeing some of the attitudes of the women on here, I would be much less likely to pay for anything for a woman I met online. According to the popular advice given to men on POF, we need to "play the numbers game," sending witty messages to all the women we find interesting, in hopes of a response, just so that we may one day be given the opportunity to buy her coffee. It is especially disconcerting when you read about the multiple dating attitudes. If I buy a woman coffee or dinner, it's safe to assume another guy just bought her lunch, and someone else is taking her out for movies and popcorn tomorrow. I've also known of women personally who use POF as a site to find a free ride for entertainment on the weekends. New movie out today, I'll just let one of these guys messaging me take me out.

I have self respect. I refuse to put out a ton of effort for a woman I only know through touched up photos and a few email exchanges. When I'm dating a woman, as I am now, I have no issues paying for most of the things we do. My lady friend, while not having the income I do, always makes it up to me in other ways. However, for women to expect men they do not know to treat them like a princess in return for a few minutes of their time is unreasonable.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 99
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 11:37:59 AM

It's not the amount of money that's the issue it's the effort he puts forth to invest in me (time, energy and when we go out I expect him to pay at least most of the time).


This goes both ways. Using your metric, you're clearly demonstrating a lack of effort that you're willing to invest in him.

These discussions are always good for a laugh. Nobody has ever been able to explain the logic behind women who measure a man's interest by how much and how willingly he spends money on her, but then insist that they aren't interested in his money. Sorry, but that just doesn't scrub.

The first thing I want to know about a woman is whether her interest is in me as a person, or me as a wallet. Any woman who would call me cheap because I didn't fall all over myself to pay for her cup of coffee gets classified as the latter. My aversion to being someone's meal ticket is just as strong.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 100
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:07:44 PM
Lookinforyoutoo:

"If I buy a woman coffee or dinner, it's safe to assume another guy just bought her lunch, and someone else is taking her out for movies and popcorn tomorrow. "

Why is it safe to assume this?



Paderic:

"These discussions are always good for a laugh"

I agree!


"Nobody has ever been able to explain the logic behind women who measure a man's interest by how much and how willingly he spends money on her, but then insist that they aren't interested in his money"

So why bother trying......
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