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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 96
1st meetingPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
This type of attitude towards men smacks of prostitution, in my opinion; e.g. many high-class call girls earn more than their johns, but still expect them to pay for the privilege of their company. Not much difference here, from what I can observe.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 97
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 9:15:19 AM

Guys get sick of doing all the chasing and paying.


So don’t do it. Women don’t have to change their dating preferences to accommodate incompatible men….we’ll just date men who date the way we prefer.

OP:
He expected me to pay for my own coffee also since he ordered his and paid and then ask me aren't u going to get anything. I didn't stay long but he texted me awhile later saying he could hardly wait til we can cuddle. I just told him he was to cheap. Am I wrong for doing that?


Nope. Sounds like he’s just looking for sex with any willing body who is sucker enough to accept him.

But I would have told him to hold his breath til we “cuddle.”
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 98
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 11:16:34 AM

I just prefer to spend my hard earned money on people that have put the effort in mutually. Rather than ones that think they deserve it because they are female and 'It's the excepted thing to do.' Oh look I have breasts, this means I get free stuff and treated like a princess!. Women need to show that they can meet me on a level playing field. Not put themselves on a pedestal because they happened to be born female. I'm not that desperate that I need to go out and spend money on a total stranger just for them to spend time with me. And I won't be spending any money on anyone until they have shown that they are at least good company. Us guys need to start growing some balls and show that we should be equally respected. I don't want to be wined and dined. I have self respect. I want an equal not another dependent.


Well said! Equal rights for women should include equal responsibilities. That means buying your own coffee on occasion.

I am a bit of a generous guy. When I take a woman out, i normally have no problems paying for it. I also don't normally have problems getting a second date. However, seeing some of the attitudes of the women on here, I would be much less likely to pay for anything for a woman I met online. According to the popular advice given to men on POF, we need to "play the numbers game," sending witty messages to all the women we find interesting, in hopes of a response, just so that we may one day be given the opportunity to buy her coffee. It is especially disconcerting when you read about the multiple dating attitudes. If I buy a woman coffee or dinner, it's safe to assume another guy just bought her lunch, and someone else is taking her out for movies and popcorn tomorrow. I've also known of women personally who use POF as a site to find a free ride for entertainment on the weekends. New movie out today, I'll just let one of these guys messaging me take me out.

I have self respect. I refuse to put out a ton of effort for a woman I only know through touched up photos and a few email exchanges. When I'm dating a woman, as I am now, I have no issues paying for most of the things we do. My lady friend, while not having the income I do, always makes it up to me in other ways. However, for women to expect men they do not know to treat them like a princess in return for a few minutes of their time is unreasonable.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 99
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 11:37:59 AM

It's not the amount of money that's the issue it's the effort he puts forth to invest in me (time, energy and when we go out I expect him to pay at least most of the time).


This goes both ways. Using your metric, you're clearly demonstrating a lack of effort that you're willing to invest in him.

These discussions are always good for a laugh. Nobody has ever been able to explain the logic behind women who measure a man's interest by how much and how willingly he spends money on her, but then insist that they aren't interested in his money. Sorry, but that just doesn't scrub.

The first thing I want to know about a woman is whether her interest is in me as a person, or me as a wallet. Any woman who would call me cheap because I didn't fall all over myself to pay for her cup of coffee gets classified as the latter. My aversion to being someone's meal ticket is just as strong.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 100
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:07:44 PM
Lookinforyoutoo:

"If I buy a woman coffee or dinner, it's safe to assume another guy just bought her lunch, and someone else is taking her out for movies and popcorn tomorrow. "

Why is it safe to assume this?



Paderic:

"These discussions are always good for a laugh"

I agree!


"Nobody has ever been able to explain the logic behind women who measure a man's interest by how much and how willingly he spends money on her, but then insist that they aren't interested in his money"

So why bother trying......
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 101
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:22:26 PM
OP, I don't think you're wrong for calling that guy cheap. If I went on a first meet with a lady I'd be happy to pay for coffee/drinks. That's just the way I was brought up I guess. I mean, I always felt it was the guys priveledge to be out with a lady and for that priveledge he should pay for the date. Anything after that is negotiable as to who pays I'd say.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 102
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:27:56 PM

Why is it safe to assume this?


Read some of the threads on dating multiple people. Many people on here advise for someone to assume whoever you're meeting is dating multiple people until you've had an exclusive relationship chat. I have seen plenty of women talk about multiple meets in the same day, keeping meets short, and scheduling them back to back.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 103
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:34:30 PM
^^^^^^Just my opinion.....but I think it would be safer to assume that that type of muliple dating is a much smaller percentange than you would think.

Consider the source of your information.....
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 104
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:46:23 PM
Op, I think he should of paid for the coffee. And your gas there and back, car insurance component, vehicle wear and tear, anything new you bought such as clothing and personal care products for the meet, etc.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 105
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 1:00:08 PM

^^^^^^Just my opinion.....but I think it would be safer to assume that that type of muliple dating is a much smaller percentange than you would think.

Consider the source of your information.....


Noted. I only find the information here valuable when it comes to dealing with other online daters. I've noticed that the perpetually single people on here have attitudes that keep themselves in that state. I have never run into any of these issues when meeting and dating women I did not meet online.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 106
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 1:05:26 PM
Multi-dating and expecting the man to always pick up the tab are not mutually exclusive. Although there are many women that do both, this is not the case for all women.

Even though I multi-dated while I was single, I chose to pay for my own drinks for the first meet. My presence didn't entitle me to anything more than his presence. I think the benefit of company should be mutual, not compensatory.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 107
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 1:37:23 PM
^^^^Agree with H_skies. It is a first meet-NOT a date. The purpose is to see if there is enough interest to see the stranger a second time. If I'm buying a drink of any sort for a stranger I never met, it would feel like I was getting a drink for a homeless person.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 108
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 1:42:32 PM

It's not the amount of money that's the issue it's the effort he puts forth to invest in me (time, energy and when we go out I expect him to pay at least most of the time). As a woman who out earns the majority of men I date I do not want to care of a man financially! I am looking for a partner not a child or a bum with a cup! I would find it hard to believe that a real mature man would feel comfortable letting a woman pay and not courting her! I don't need friends to hang out with and go dutch, I have them! Why would I pay to hang out with some random cheap azz that puts no effort in from POF?


Going dutch doesn't necessarily mean a man a cheap. It certainly doesn't mean a woman is taking her of him. At least he is willing to pay his share. Unlike a woman that expects a man to pay for her.
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 109
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 3:40:37 PM
Msg 104, clearly you feel the all too familiar "entitlement". Also I would suggest dating up from those that you "out earn" that pursue you, if possible. I can understand the op, she was raised in the 1950's, but that's just living in a long ago past. Modern women want to be equal I thought.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 110
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 5:39:44 PM

If you dislike women who feel the guy should always pay and if he doesn't he's "cheap" then do not date that type of woman.
Same applies to women.

Date who you feel compatible with. Why make it so complicated?


It's not always that simple. According to many men, the "entitlement princesses" don't always show their cards until the check is presented---some never show their cards at all. They might pay for their own drink, but just won't go out with the guy again. He'll never know the real reason.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 111
1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 5:52:56 PM

I have seen plenty of women talk about multiple meets in the same day, keeping meets short, and scheduling them back to back.


So who is twisting your arm to “date” (or whatever) this way? If you don’t like it, don’t participate.

I don’t waste my time with meaningless “meets” with anonymous strangers from the internet. If some people have no standards with regards who they CHOOSE to “meet” or “date” it’s sure not the fault of those of us who do.


If I'm buying a drink of any sort for a stranger I never met, it would feel like I was getting a drink for a homeless person.


But…..aren’t you supposed to be “meeting” the possible love of your life? What a great way to start a “romantic relationship.” Swoon.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 112
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/16/2013 6:33:38 PM
According to many men, the "entitlement princesses" don't always show their cards until the check is presented---some never show their cards at all.


I think they're fairly easy to spot, for the most part. However, we all do make mistakes from time to time. They are much easier to spot in person than they are online though.


So who is twisting your arm to “date” (or whatever) this way? If you don’t like it, don’t participate.


No one. In fact, I don't meet people this way. I think online dating is pretty terrible for trying to meet people of quality. It's really only good if you want to find easy women who will give it up on the first meet. Kinda like the fat chicks in the bar scenario.

 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 113
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/17/2013 5:17:25 AM
^^^^I agree.
It's sad, but to some it's the way it is.
Funny how down the road the same guy could become a jerk even tho he paid as a "gentleman" should.

<div class="quote">
"Nobody has ever been able to explain the logic behind women who measure a man's interest by how much and how willingly he spends money on her, but then insist that they aren't interested in his money"

So why bother trying
Well..There it is..Thread closed..
OP obviously showed what is she really cares about, I mean really making this big deal about that coffee????
She sais she didn't stay long?Was it because she didn't get her coffee, was he a nice guy, looked like is picture, was he funny, was he ___fill in the blank, or none of that matter, sice he was already written off?
 Patrick45015
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 114
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/17/2013 9:57:22 AM
I think all this shows that first meets are a good idea and work like they are ment to. If I meet a woman who feels entiltled to stuff because she is a woman then we are obviously not a match. Neither of us will be wasting our time on the other
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 115
1st meeting
Posted: 10/18/2013 1:09:03 PM
OP: I wonder if you were really attracted to this guy, would any of this mattered?
I agree with many posters, ok to THINK he was cheap, RUDE to text/tell him and especially saying daughter thought he was cheap. I do think it's odd, the follow up text from him was he could not wait to cuddle? Coffee and cuddle, hmmm? Maybe, a cheap coffee cuddler.......
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 116
1st meeting
Posted: 10/20/2013 8:31:40 PM
when two strangers meet and there is attraction then both should try their best to impress the other by buying the coffee for both and if they are not attracted to each other then out of respect for each other they should buy their own coffee and make the meeting as short as possible . It is a big turn off when either one expects the other to pay for their own coffee .
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 117
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/21/2013 4:23:46 AM
Men will willingly spend money on women they find hot

Not this man. It is not how I "woo and win" someone I am interested in.
Even tho I agree he should have at least asked, I really would like to find out is there anything else was "wrong" witht his man, or was he written off becasue he didn't bow down to this princess?
I asked a question, didn't get an answer.

She said she didn't stay long?Was it because she didn't get her coffee, was he a nice guy, looked like is picture, was he funny, was he ___fill in the blank, or none of that matter, since he was already written off?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 118
1st meeting
Posted: 10/21/2013 5:51:38 AM

Men are supposed to woo and win if they are interested. That is nature. Men will willingly spend money on women they find hot and wont on those they don't or don't feel they will get anywhere with. SO until that changes, guys, don't complain about womens' attitudes.


It's not natue, it's how we've been socialized. Our social structure has changed significantly in the last century, it will continue to change as time passes.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 119
1st meeting
Posted: 10/21/2013 9:34:09 AM
I really would like to find out is there anything else was "wrong" witht his man, or was he written off becasue he didn't bow down to this princess?
I asked a question, didn't get an answer.


I seriously doubt you'll ever get one, in view of the fact that it's been close to a year since the OP started this thread. I suspect he was written off for other reasons besides the ones she complained about---nevertheless, he dodged a bullet since she was rude to him and called him "cheap".
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 120
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1st meeting
Posted: 10/21/2013 11:19:47 AM

I think it is engrained in women to want a guy who can take care of her and support her. Even if in reality she is capable of looking after herself.


It is also natural for men to want a young, loyal, attractive girl to take care of his home, and raise his kids for him. Women fought for equality for years, yet you're still saying you want a man to take care of you? Doesn't sound like equality to me.


Men will willingly spend money on women they find hot and wont on those they don't or don't feel they will get anywhere with. SO until that changes, guys, don't complain about womens' attitudes.


I won't willingly spend money on a woman I think is hot, those women are a dime a dozen. However, I have no issues taking care of a good woman, they are much more valuable.
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