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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do women fall for players?      Home login  
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 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 36
Why do women fall for players?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Players in a Nutshell
Players have an easier time because success breeds success (and unfortunately, failure breeds failure). Players have figured out what appeals to women and use that in a very Machiavellian way to get women. Once a player has found out his techniques and approaches work -- even if he has a girlfriend or a wife! -- he feels like he has to keep up with the practice of picking up women just to keep assuring himself he can. When he picks up women it makes him feel good and strokes his ego.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 37
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/16/2009 11:12:38 AM
I think it splits into two scenarios:
(a) Many of them aren't actually players. Things didn't work out, and they feel like they were 'played'. The word "player" will be used very liberally when referring to being hurt. The guy lost interest, didn't handle it in a good way, and snuck out of there. Girl calls him a player, but he was just a guy who had interest but it dropped off. Girls will do the same thing, but we just say we were "played".

(b) Players or close to it. They know how to charm a lady, because actually being a player means you must be charming and (seemingly) real. Many guys when they find their groove of how to be charming and approach women, are going to be a little player-like for a while, because... well, it works. They want to keep their options open. Well, when a woman finds a good looking, charming guy, and they interact with each other, but he's bouncing around -- it's like an inadvertent hard-to-get. He's a catch, because other women like him... so some women tend to chase, and finally be hurt and never want that again (until the next player arrives).
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 38
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Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:08:11 PM
My best answer for this is that most women simply over value confidence. True confidence can only be achieved through direct experience and repeat success(or at least this is the only form of confidence that is warranted and has merrit). The only way someone can become confident with women is with a lot of experience and a lot of success in how to play them. I don't understand how so many people could just fail to put these two together. This just seems like such a simple, obvious and logical answer to me. If you don't want to get played(and this is really gender neutral), don't go for the people that look and act like they do this a lot.
 Husbandman
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 39
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:57:19 PM

Well, in "chick talk" they'll tell you "we get caught by their lies" and "they know the right things to say"... you'll also notice that a lot of women who are used to players will say things like "no head games" "be totally honest with me" etc. but the thing is that nice guys tend to think "oh, so all I have to do is tell her the truth and she'll fall for me, OK then! Hi there, I drive a crappy car and my job is kind of dead-end, I have a dog named sparky and I love bowling, wanna go out some time?" and then the guy gets no response.

The thing just is when women say it most guys tend to think that, we think "she just wants someone honest", "she doesn't want to hear lies" but here's the breakdown... these women are used to players who lie to them ABOUT things that they WISH were the truth! Things like "you're the only woman for me" or "yeah I own a yacht in italy" and stuff like that... when women say they want the truth they leave the part out about the "truth" being some kind of fantasy dream-come-true lifestyle, they want a guy to say "Oh yeah, my brother owns this nightclub and my uncle is fabulously wealthy, I've travelled all over the world and I graduated at harvard" and for THAT to be THE TRUTH... of course, if women were to actually confess all this it would make them sound terribly materialistic, conceited, like they have their heads in the clouds... but that's basically what it breaks down to.

The only real secret to getting (and keeping) women is no secret at all and it has worked without fail for millenia: become that man who's powerful, well-educated, well-versed and has travelled a bit, has good financial security and be confident and able to protect and provide for your woman and you will not only be able to lure them in but KEEP them in... A "playa" is is a guy who is NOWHERE NEAR but yet CONVINCINGLY PRETENDS to be the aforementioned guy even though it's all a load of BS. A "nice guy" is is a guy who is ALSO NOWHERE NEAR the aforementioned guy but who is HONEST about it and as such appears to have no substance. Neither one of these "classic case" guys really has jack squat to offer to a woman in the long run, but the playa at least gets the girl for the short-term by BS'ing his way into her pants quickly (before she can realize that he's totally full of it.)


Wise worded response from 2005...Well put!
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 40
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:24:25 PM
Op, because players are great liars and actors.
 ultrasexxy
Joined: 1/13/2009
Msg: 41
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/17/2009 12:05:04 AM
Read the book "Why Men Love ****es" by Sherry Argov. I just got used and OMFG I'm pissed at myself because I didn't pay attention to the red flags. From dreamgirl to doormat in less than 72 hours. I am now rereading that book because the author is right!
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 42
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/17/2009 6:10:54 PM

Op, because players are great liars and actors.
it's hard to tell who are the genuine people in there...
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 43
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History
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:52:34 AM
Because the very word "playing" indicates...fun-!

When it gets too serious, she bails.

The trick is MONOGAMOUSLY playing.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 44
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:53:18 PM
This Woman certainly does NOT "fall" for "players/playas", etc.

Some people have a lot of difficulty in behaving like a mature, responsible Adult, even though they may look like one. As they say; "Appearances Are Decieving".
 4whoiam
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 45
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:23:53 PM
In my case, it's usually because the bad guys are attractive and don't act desperate.
I've met some guys who are absolutely the nicest people I have ever met, though it wouldn't work out in a relationship because I'm not sexually attracted to them..

Plus, players are usually very good actors. They'll whisper promises into your ear that they know they would never keep, and they'll have you hooked with those promises..
They'll say nice things like "You're beautiful." and "You're my dream girl."

But the main thing for me is, --most-- "nice guys" Just aren't my type. Psysically.
 MookaB
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 46
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Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:58:58 PM
They wouldn't be players if women didn't fall for them now, would they?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 47
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:39:20 AM
I know in my friends' cases who have been taken by them...


they have been very very good at saying exactly what they wanted to hear and making them feel cherished and special, only to totally and completely bail as soon as they got what they wanted.

It is not what they say, it is the how, from what I hear...
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 48
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:58:27 AM
Players know how to play the Game. Thy make the rules as they go, and don't give a shyt until they have been played. Weak willed women fall for the trap; hook, line, and sinker! Strong women, well that's a mystery! Maybe they like the show. I have never gone out with a Player, and tend to look for solid straight shooters.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 49
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:40:50 AM
The Players I know employ these 5 elements.

1. Usually not rich, and spend alot of money on their cars, their looks and clothing. They are well groomed and have some bling on them. Actually, alot of the younger ones live with their parents or very poorly, hence alot of the seduction happens outside the home.

2. They know people and hang out in places where they are recognized, such as clubs. There seems to be a psychological effect on women when they see a guy bro-hug a bouncer and are allowed in right away, or ask their bouncer friend to get a VIP seat.

3. They know their targets, they have a view of the entire playing field. They avoid the female players and gold diggers and seem to zoom in on the easy targets. They are usually nice girls or girls who are easily impressed.

4. They employ a push/pull strategy: They push their charm and then pull it away. Sort of ironic that it this is on a site called "Plenty of Fish", because fishing is what they do. They can get intense and then seem uninterested, creating tension and intrigue.

5. They usually hang with a posse of quieter guys, who often play the role of wingman. They are the center of attention and one trick they'll pull in a bar is pay for the FIRST Round loudly, to let all the people know that he is the MAN.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 50
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:54:38 PM
"But the main thing for me is, --most-- "nice guys" Just aren't my type. Psysically"

It's the nice guys (and gals!) who do not meet the false idea/criteria of perfect beauty and/or phyical attractiveness who often get passed over by shallow & snobby individuals.

Truly it's a blessing in disguise! After all, who would want to associate themselves with self-centered persons?

Smart people who have a good sense of what matters in Life and whom are caring, thoughtful, kind, respectful and whom are able to treat others equally, KNOW that nice people come in all shapes & sizes!
 El Efe
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 51
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:38:53 PM
The lack of comprehension on this page is astounding.

Red Buttons (and pretty much everyone else sharing his confusion):
Huh? Since when did “nice guys” beome a psysical (sp??) type anyway? LOL You gals just gotta stop changing your definitions on us------gets too confusing!


Nice guys aren't per se a physical 'type' a la tall, dark and handsome. What she meant by nice guys not being her "psysical" type was that they (meaning their behaviors) didn't arouse her.

They don't make her panties wet with sexual anticipation. Which is, you know, a physical thing. Please don't use her post as a springboard to justify your narrow opinions that the good life is reserved only for the genetically blessed.

Yes, the better looking people have a nicer go of things, regardless of which side of the gender aisle they reside. I see it (and to some extent, live it) every day.

However, the truth is that both men and women need to bring different ingredients to the culinary class that is attraction/dating/'falling'. Looks are but one of them.

F.
 countreekidd
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 52
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Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 12:26:48 AM
I have $0.02 to spare, so I'll chime in...

"Player" can mean anything, it depends on the individual experience. Some players don't have to lie, especially when women make the first move. Those are the good looking guys that women throw themselves at, and they take full advantage. A player can even be monogamous, but maybe he lied his way into the relationship as a way to make a "come-up" for example...still a player. However, most people associate the term "player" with womanizing(seducing multiple women while in a relationship). Some players are mostly about the sex--they define their "status" by their score card. Some are in it mostly for the money--they define their "status" by the bling SHE paid for. Whatever the goal, it's usually at "HER" expense.

Is "SHE" blameless? I'm finding that more and more, the answer to that question is "NO". When it comes to women dealing with players, I've seen three things happen many times:

1) She has no idea she's dealing with a player, and wouldn't know one if he bit her on the nose. She simply believes whatever a good looking guy tells her. (so innocent)

2) She knows, or strongly suspects he's a player, but thinks that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he will settle down and do right by her. (somewhat naive)

3) She knows he's a player, but doesn't care. She may think all guys will stray, so one's no better than the other, at least her's is "HOT". It's possible she thinks that she can't do any better, or even she deserves the player treatment because she hasn't forgiven herself for something she's done in the past. (rather pathetic)

It's messed up because it happens in that order a lot...it's like women never learn to just trust their instincts--but that's not the worst part. What's worse is when women choose to spend their youth chasing after guys they know are players, and then think a decent man will want them when they're finally ready to give them a try. Those profiles should read "OK I'm done having fun, banging all the hot exciting guys I could, but I'm tired of games and just want someone that's down to earth...etc". Ok, but now she's older and not as hot as she used to be, and probably has kids...ironically making her more of a player target, because now she comes off as needy.../sigh poor thing.

btw, we all know that women can be players too, so much of this could simply be "flipped".

There aren't any "good" players, but there are some pure "EVIL" ones out there, so people guard your vulnerabilities. My weakness is a pair of beautiful eyes, so I try not to stare into them LOL.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 53
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 1:38:29 AM

4whoiam wrote: In my case, it's usually because the bad guys are attractive and don't act desperate. I've met some guys who are absolutely the nicest people I have ever met, though it wouldn't work out in a relationship because I'm not sexually attracted to them..

Well, the 'bad guys' are the ones who are usually out and about, extroverted, partying with buddies, working out, etc., so it's no surprise that women in general tend to find them more attractive. Plus, the 'bad guys' have had enough experience with women that they know how to get into her mind with words alone. It doesn't hurt for a guy to be tall and have a well-defined body, but if a guy can get into a woman's mind and stimulate her (no, not with Shakespeare, LOL!), then he at least has a chance of getting into her panties.

Plus, players are usually very good actors. They'll whisper promises into your ear that they know they would never keep, and they'll have you hooked with those promises.. They'll say nice things like "You're beautiful." and "You're my dream girl."

When did this get figured out?

But the main thing for me is, --most-- "nice guys" Just aren't my type. Psysically.

'Nice guys' are usually the opposite of 'bad guys'. They usually stay home (which limits their circle of influence, friends and so on), are more introverted, don't really do the party scene, doesn't work out a lot. Of course, not all 'nice guys' are like that. There are situations when a man can become a 'nice guy': He may be intimidated by a woman's good looks and tries to buy his way with her. He may not have been in a relationship in a while and thus comes across as 'needy'. I think that basically a 'nice guy' will compromise who he is just so he can be part of a woman's world. He will go out of his way to become a part of a woman's life, even if she puts him in the Friend Zone.
 happygrl70
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 54
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 7:37:39 AM
Its about the chase! Takes awhile for us women to figure it out. Badboys talk a good line of shit and are a bit aloof, they make us chase them. And when we catch them, for usually only a brief period of time, make us feel like we are the only women in the world. Nice guys are always very attentive and accept us for who we are and really want to be with us. I have learned this the hard way, I refuse to chase anymore, too mentally exhausting. My best advice is don't be so available, make her chase you a little bit.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 55
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 9:20:44 AM

happygrl70 wrote: Its about the chase! Takes awhile for us women to figure it out. Badboys talk a good line of shit and are a bit aloof, they make us chase them. And when we catch them, for usually only a brief period of time, make us feel like we are the only women in the world. Nice guys are always very attentive and accept us for who we are and really want to be with us. I have learned this the hard way, I refuse to chase anymore, too mentally exhausting. My best advice is don't be so available, make her (sic?) chase you a little bit.

The chase is part of it. Some PUA (pick-up artist) gurus call it the Push/Pull Method. Just as a woman is getting excited, pull back and leave her wanting more (instead of overstaying your welcome and leave her wanting less [of you]). Like a drug, give her a sample. If she likes it, then charge her for it!

Before my nephew went to jail almost 2 years ago, girls would always call the house (nope, I don't live with the parents) and Mom would usually pick up and tell them he wasn't there. In their minds, the girls were probably wondering what he was doing, who he was with, why he wasn't with her instead, etc. However, he has a bad habit of lying. He'd tell me he dated certain girls. If I even remotely knew them, I'd ask them and they'd tell me that wasn't the case. I've seen the girls he really went out with, and they weren't quite as good-looking as the girls he claimed to have gone out with.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 56
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 9:33:25 AM
countreekid,

Liked your post ($0.02). Personally, I think the word "player" is used so liberally,...

Three different types of "player" labels, IMO:
- Guy who is outgoing toward women, lands dates, but never commits (attractive serial dater)
- Guy who just wants sex when it comes to dating
- Guy who manipulates women's emotions, puts on a total false identity, to get sex

I think the first is the most common, actually. Women can be like this too -- you know, the kind of woman who's a social butterfly, gets bored quickly, and moves on. With that said tho, I would say that the label in this case can be applied too presumptuously... usually when a gal really digs an outgoing guy, they go out some, but he loses interest and moves on. The gal will assume that he's a player, due to her belief that there was no justification for him losing interest, so he must be trying to hop from gal to gal. Additionally, I would only call this version a real "player" when it's to a high degree, but many people will use it very quickly.

The 2nd is misapplied hastily, THE MOST. A gal may think because she had sex with a guy, and he really liked her before that, but lost interest soon after, he must have just wanted the sex. However, if a guy seems to really like her, they spend a little time, but don't have sex and he loses interest, she thinks he JUST wanted sex and that's why he left. How about he JUST lost interest in either case?? lol Yes, there are guys who fit into #2, totally. But the label will be thrown out there so the questions of "Why did he lost interest??" will be answered and quelled, regardless of whether it's true or not.

The 3rd is the worst. It's the felony version of #2. It's not about being persuasive, and honestly, nothing wrong with being persuasive -- does not make one a player. This is lying about who you really are and what you want... a con-artist move for the sole purpose of getting her into bed. Again, not persuasive or doing "pick up tricks" to charm a gal -- but being someone he's not, for the sole purpose of some action.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 57
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 2:55:04 PM
throwit2me,

Great tongue-in-cheek assessment! Oddly enough, it basically sums it up!

I would adjust it a bit...
Guy calls gal a slut: "Any sexy outgoing woman who won't sleep with me"

Because a guy's not going to call a Nun a slut just because she won't sleep with him. It's the gals who are outgoing and another guy gets the phone # of.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 58
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:13:38 PM
For many woman "player" is a generic term for any guy they couldn't snag.
As in: He didn't really want me so he is a player.

Same deal with guys calling women bytches who reject them.
 Brunopolis
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 59
Why do women fall for players?
Posted: 8/21/2009 10:51:57 AM
I think it's really rather simple. Since men pursue they have to be able to know how to talk up a lady. Practice makes perfect and as a man practices(dates lots of women) he gets better and better. Men that do this generally have no qualms about dropping one woman for another because they've been doing it so many times the girls are no longer particularly special. Their are plenty of fish in the sea, right?

Since the women are essentially choosing the man they simply go for what seems to be the best choice which is generally the one with the most experience a.k.a. "the player".

I'm not saying one is better than the other but I think it's mainly the reason that you often have that "friend" who is shagging chicks left, right, and center while you have that other "friend" who can't get a woman if his life depended on it.
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