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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
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Returning the “Stuff”Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Unless it is something valuable I have never gone out of my way to return anything. If the person wanted their jacket or sweater etc I am happy to return it. But if they have not contacted me to get it I would assume after 6 months or so it was not needed and give it to Goodwill.
No. I would not hold on to a man's old stuff in order to remember them in some way. I am not very sentimental about objects.
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 20
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 6:24:43 PM
I never gave back the Victorias Secret clothing I gave to her....Still new, never been worn......I AM KIDDING!!!!....OP, you sound like you think he has a motive in not giving back whatever is at his house, that you are hoping he wants you back...That is how I read that thread.....Move on
 c0ffeemate
Joined: 7/23/2010
Msg: 21
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 7:28:03 PM
I not only returned his belongings, but also the two things he'd gotten me for christmas the year before, the one card he'd given me and made sure I kept absolutely nothing. I didn't want it. I told him it would be in a bag on the front porch and he had 3 days to get it before I tossed it all.

done is done.

As it should be.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 22
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 8:15:12 PM
I don't leave any of my "stuff" at a woman's place. Problem solved.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 23
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 9:41:03 PM
Clayart
People are so freakin' weird.


Agreed..weird as in children are weird. These are adults?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 12:24:39 AM

I don't leave any of my "stuff" at a woman's place. Problem solved.


Ditto, and unless we're living together the only "stuff" she should be leaving at my place is maybe a toothbrush, which probably doesn't have a lot of emotional value. Best not to get in the habit of leaving "valued" items (or emotionally important) at people's homes unless you are living together. Toothbrush, deodorant, razor/shave-cream maybe... things one could replace easily. My guitar? That's not getting 'left' anywhere.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 25
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 12:33:36 AM
It's anyone's guess as to why he didn't mail you your things; just don't dwell on it. You stated that those things are replaceable so is he.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 26
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 2:10:33 AM
Why leave without your stuff is my question?

Go get it if you want it and be done.
 SHUDNTBEONHERE
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 27
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 3:29:42 AM
I have no problem giving someone their stuff back. In the past I have given it to a friend and had them deliver it so i dont have to see the person I broke up with. If they dont want anything back it usually goes in the trash.
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 28
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 10:45:02 AM

Clayart


People are so freakin' weird.



Agreed..weird as in children are weird. These are adults?


Only by age. I have told a few to shake their head really hard. Maybe those 3 brain cells will collide and something intelligent might come out of them.

sciencetreker
Look at the Einstein quote in my profile.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 29
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 9:33:47 PM
Hey spanky_chris
Yes, I agree. I kept the presents he gave me but not the jewelry. I want him to keep and enjoy the gifts I gave him. Knowing my guy pretty well, I would say he meant to send me my things but he is a chronic procrastinator, so unless I contact him, I’m not getting them back. Sorry you regret you decision by letting your woman leave your life.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 30
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 3:07:30 AM
One of my friends has lost her laptop, dishes, and at least one item that is not valuable but sentimentally yes. If she tries to retrieve her things he said he will call the police. She is also afraid that he will retaliate if she uses her key and retrieves things although he is such a hermit she's not sure how she'd manage to find the house empty.

He is a lazy ahole who obviously sees nothing wrong with keeping her stuff. Don't think it has anything to do with maintaining a connection and everything to do with using people.

Years ago a boyfriend left an antique dresser at my house. When he made no move to retrieve it I spoke with his parents, they told me to keep it and it still sits in our family room :)
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 31
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 5:59:38 AM
One guy broke up with me by email after I'd left, and left a few (but expensive, although easily replaceable) things at his house. Like OP's guy, this guy said he'd mail them back but never did. His thing was not that he wanted to keep connection - well, not a positive connection. His thing was spite and control. He got off on knowing it pissed me off that I couldn't get my things back. Didn't work, though. I let it go and moved on.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 32
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 7:08:45 AM
He told me he was going to mail me my things but after a month, I haven’t gotten them back. These were just clothing items, easily replaceable so I’m not going to contact him to get them back.



Knowing my guy pretty well, I would say he meant to send me my things but he is a chronic procrastinator, so unless I contact him, I’m not getting them back.


Make up your mind.Are they easily replaceable of not?
If you want your stuff back,contact him and go get them.
If not,let it ALL go....including the fact that he left without warning.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 33
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 8:59:48 AM
HeartOn64 – I would like my clothes back but not enough to call /see my ex. It would be much too painful for me to see/talk to him right now.

Not sure how you get I can’t make up my mind by what I wrote.

Also, I will get over his leaving me suddenly at my own pace. When you had nothing but kindness and good feelings about a person, without having had anything negative go on in the relationship with that person; it takes some time to move on.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 34
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 10:21:47 AM
^^^^ I recommend getting good and pissed off. That’ll speed things up. ;)

I hear what you’re saying, though. If you really want to get over him, and not use this as a way to try to reconnect with him, let it all go.

Don’t entertain maudlin thoughts about what could have been or listen to “The Way We Were,” over and over again in the dark with a box of tissues and a six pack of wine coolers.

Have a three way with Ben and Jerry, get good and sick and tired of him, get up early and go for a five mile run, then go shopping for new clothes. I promise you’ll feel so much better. :)

I’m no good at groveling….if you want to try to reconnect, I got nothing.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 35
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 8:15:52 PM
Fleuron -Thank you for your kind and sound words of advice. Already on top of your list of how to get over it.

I’m not going to lie. Me, Ben and Jerry have been spending a little too much time together. I’m trying to get really pissed. I wish my ex had done something really crappy to me. So I’m pissed he didn’t leave me with enough material to get pissed about. And yes, yes the shopping. OK, that’s been wonderful. I’m not much of a morning person, so I have been exercising at night.

Why does it seem every song on the radio is about getting dumped?? If I could just get back my heart in a jar from that someone that I used to know because we are never, ever getting back together.

Really, I think the best way to get over a man is to get under another man.
Explains why I’m hanging out on POF.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 36
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/19/2012 8:20:02 PM
1 guy had stuff at my place.. it was because he lived with me for awhile.. It ended up on the curb where eventually the trash took it..

Another guy had let me borrow some of his stuff.. After we broke up I left it on his doorstep. He emailed me a thank you but said I could have kept it.

I don't leave stuff at a man's place. At least nothing I want back. My friends think it's weird.. they have their own drawers or space in the closet... but I just don't see the point.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 37
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/20/2012 3:06:41 AM
I've either gotten rid of, or given my ex her stuff back. I don't see the point in holding onto those things, that will only stunt your healing. Getting rid of it, it's part of the healing to begin with.

You're stunting your own healing process, by worrying about this. You should voice it that you want it back, and should he decide to be awkward about it, let it go. That, or of course, beating him to the punch, in just letting it slide, and moving on.

The relationship has obviously ended for a reason, and isn't worth the drama, especially for replaceable items.

Heck, my ex has hundreds of dollars worth of my suits and dress clothing, still. We agreed cutting communication in full would be best for the healing, and so I just let it go (considering there was some awkwardness to my requesting some of my stuff).

I see it as my bad for not picking it up when I should have. I'd be a fool, to be this fully healed, and to go back asking for my stuff now.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 38
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/20/2012 3:28:25 AM

HeartOn64 – I would like my clothes back but not enough to call /see my ex. It would be much too painful for me to see/talk to him right now. Not sure how you get I can’t make up my mind by what I wrote.


I showed you how you were contradicting yourself.You started this thread because you wanted your stuff back,then admitted that you could "live without" them.


Also, I will get over his leaving me suddenly at my own pace. When you had nothing but kindness and good feelings about a person, without having had anything negative go on in the relationship with that person; it takes some time to move on.


Obviously something was "off" about the relationship if he up and left.At least for him and you seemed to have missed it.But yeah,mourn the loss of such a "great guy" who didn't have the decency to give you any sign that he wasn't happy and leaving you as if you had no worth,and for keeping your stuff and procrastinating giving it back to you and putting you in this awkward position all the way around.

Sounds like a real stand up guy worth wasting some more time on.

siging off....Santa Monica born and raised.

Could ya' swing by Tex Mex in the Canyon and grab me some Guacamole? :)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 39
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/20/2012 11:00:59 AM

Fleuron -Thank you for your kind and sound words of advice. Already on top of your list of how to get over it.

I’m not going to lie. Me, Ben and Jerry have been spending a little too much time together. I’m trying to get really pissed. I wish my ex had done something really crappy to me. So I’m pissed he didn’t leave me with enough material to get pissed about. And yes, yes the shopping. OK, that’s been wonderful. I’m not much of a morning person, so I have been exercising at night.

Why does it seem every song on the radio is about getting dumped?? If I could just get back my heart in a jar from that someone that I used to know because we are never, ever getting back together.


You are very welcome. :)

It’s okay to indulge with Ben and Jerry, as long as you know when to stop. That’s when the exercise comes in….VENT all the negative emotions through your workout, and learn to love the endorphins and the way you look and feel so much you won’t want Ben or Jerry or this guy anymore. You’ll look forward to making yourself feel good. :)

Exercise wherever, whenever, and however works best for you.

Your heart still belongs to YOU. Don’t wait for him to give it back; take it back.

It just SEEMS that every song on the radio is about getting dumped, because that’s where you are right now. I have a collection of angry CDs that works for me every time. Tune out the easy listening John Teshy stuff, and set your radio to a hard rock station. Scream out some hate songs and your mood will lift. :)

Just know when to stop the indulging. Replace the food and anger with physically and emotionally healthy habits. This is about YOU, not him, or any other man.


Really, I think the best way to get over a man is to get under another man.


I STRONGLY advise against this, for two very good reasons. First, using someone else to feel good about yourself is never a good idea. You won’t feel good. You will end up feeling guilty and your self-esteem will plummet when you realize it’s you who has been used.

Second, you need to get strong on your own. Develop inner strength and you will always have your own resources to fall back on whenever you need them.

Please feel free to private message me if you need a shoulder…mine are good and strong. :)
 bullie62
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 40
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/20/2012 2:42:21 PM

My question to all of you, have you ever kept your ex’s positions after a brake up? If so, why?


Hmmmm.... "positions".... I'm sure all my exes are thanking me for teaching them a thing or two. Returning them would have to be in the form of "paying it forward" with a new partner, if ya know what I mean.


Or did it somehow make you feel like you were still at some level, still connected to that person?


I'm gonna go ahead and say no...... If I'm thinking of my ex while in a position we used to enjoy, then my mind is not where it's supposed to be.

As far as "brake ups".... I'm not sure how brakes tie in here.... unless my ex did the brake job on my Jeep... then I'd just keep 'em. What's he gonna do with my brakes?



Fun with grammar..... Spell check is your friend if you don't have an education. *snicker*



bullie~
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