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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I'm so confused... what have I got myself into?      Home login  
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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 22
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I'm so confused... what have I got myself into?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
You need to learn a little about what it means to be a man. That is a long, drawn out process, and I'm not going to go into that here. But I will tell you two things that you should remember if you ever find yourself in this kind of position again.

1) When the BF or ex-BF shows up at the door, do NOT open the door. Tell him, through the door, that you are calling 911. Then do so. Yeah, I know, some men will tell you to open the door and "whup his ass". That's total BS, and to be avoided at all costs. Number one, he just might have a gun. Number two, if you attack him, then in the eyes of the law, you are the one guilty of a crime, and you just might do some jail time.

Just remember this one thing: there is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by engaging with him, either in conversation or fisticuffs.

2) Whenever a woman treats you in this way, tell her, firmly and clearly, "You have to choose. Please do not call me again if you choose him."

You have to mean this when you say it, and you have to live up to it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 23
I'm so confused... what have I got myself into?
Posted: 11/25/2012 12:06:51 PM
It's because you're into a girl who's in a defunct on-again-off-again relationship. Don't compare yourself to him (her bf/ex-bf). You're not. You're a rebound... and a friend. Mainly a friend. Who could be an optional FWB or possibly temporary guy she dates, when she goes through a solid OFF period.

Tell her that you are upset at her, but you do understand she's an emotional mess due to her on-again-off-again BF. You don't trust her emotions, and that she shouldn't trust them either. Tell her you regret getting involved with her, that she has not been a friend to you, but wanted you to be a friend to her. Tell her that you have feelings for her, it's just too hard, and that she's going to be in a whimsical, emotional messed-up situation with that guy if she keeps in contact with him on any level.... and that you'd be open to hang out again with her in the future, when she's actually 100% broken up, with Zero communication had and that line unquestionably drawn in the sand. But until then, sorry -- enjoy your kinda-on-kinda-off BF!
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 24
I'm so confused... what have I got myself into?
Posted: 11/25/2012 12:08:04 PM
GIRLS like this (yes, girls) have fun playing with peoples' emotions. I think it creates some sense of self-worth that they can wrap people around their finger, as their self-worth is probably struggling in general. Once they decide they have gotten what they want out of you, they move to the next sick exercise of self-affirmation.
You have to decide if you really are this co-dependent.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 25
I'm so confused... what have I got myself into?
Posted: 11/25/2012 10:52:38 PM
Your profile says you're 26 but you say here late 20s--trying to get an idea that you may be naive if you've been in a ltr for 5 yrs. This young woman has a lot of maturing to do and I pity anyone with her past and abusive relationship but she needs to help herself by hitting bottom vs having you waiting in the wings or she'll never learn. Plus, you are avoiding your own breakup pain. After a ltr ends there is a period of feeling worthless and discarded and unloveable, needy, grief stricken..and rebounds always seem like the solace but actually they compound the pain and make life more confusing and surreal.
You need to be alone and face that, as does she. You are becoming a strong person through these events and discovering you can be resilient and learn who you are again. Introspection is good, making friends is fine but getting involved now will stunt your healing, IMO.
Avoid triangulation like the plague. Nothing but crazy making and all out war that can result in violence.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 26
I'm so confused... what have I got myself into?
Posted: 11/25/2012 11:01:42 PM
You have to do the hard thing and leave her and any pretense of a romantic relationship with her behind. Otherwise you'll just fall into the same self-destructive pattern that her and her other guy have fallen into. They are dependent on each other (and now you) to fulfill some kind of need for drama or excitement. They live like life is a soap opera and you can either stay part of that or move on and find something healthy.
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