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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we getting harder as we get older?      Home login  
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 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 26
Are we getting harder as we get older?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
It's just that I notice we seem to be much more definite about what we do and do not want. We seem to have become somewhat inflexible.

I look at the furore about whether to have a picture or not and the scorn poured on profiles without pictures. I don't see a picture as proof of anything. All it is, is proof that somebody can download a photo from the internet to put on their profile.

The only area in which I am very unforgiving is that if I send a message I expect a reply and take several non responses as indicating a lack of interest.

When we were younger, we would have worked together to survive. Now it seems we're expected to do more - survive and (for men) to pay for the women too.

I do have hard and fast rules which are:
Monogamy - the relationship must not have extra or hidden people.
Debt - I don't have any and nor should you.
Drugs - I don't and nor should you.
Smoking - pretty much the same.
Drinking - this is fine unless it gets to the point of drunkenness or becomes a habit.
Anti-depressants - a huge no-no. I will not carry on any relationship with somebody taking antidepressants.
 britepurdywmn
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 27
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/25/2012 5:41:55 PM
Giggles, did you just kick everyone's a** in the over 45 demographic?

To read your post you would swear we are ALL a bunch of commitment phobes and "keyboard jockeys " (quote) staring at our screens wishing and hoping.

We have earned the right to be selective (hardened, if you like) through the detours our love lives have taken, frankly your pop psychology applied to every mature single is a big stretch.

Some of us have finally found our balance after giving what we had in relationships, and we do get to say that we know what works for us and what won't fly! We are prepared to live happily single if that's the best alternative.

And how do you know the "newcomers" are newcomers??? They could have 5 marriages behind them...


 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 28
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/25/2012 5:59:55 PM

Personally I think most of yall are keyboard jockeys who are too scared to be hurt, used or whatever and you look for what is wrong with someone vs what is right...ie go read the posts from new comers about things. Now read the responses, the same people on every thread bashing men or women, blaming the opposite sex for a lack in themselves, it is all about attitude, respect--for yourself first and then other people.


I absolutely agree. I see so many people who refuse to meet. POF should be for one or two contacts then a meeting somewhere safe - in daylight - like a Starbucks. It's not about going and having a meal. It's about meeting. All that rubbish about dinner and a movie - that's what you do when you already know each other unless you want the guy to pay for you to go to dinner and have a movie before never seeing him again. There are plenty women who use men just like that (and vice versa). To my mind, its two or three pleasantries through messaging then a meeting.


It is a constant theme --everyone wants reassurance that they are the ONE for someone else before they commit themselves. It isnt about being harder, or knowing what you want or what will or wont work--it is about worrying about all the other stuff and making it have a higher importance in your life. Money, family, friends, even social circles--we value what other people will say about a new person in our life vs how that person makes us feel.


Everybody is looking for certainty. This is life - the only certainty is death (and taxes). I agree - we need to see each other not the trimmings. I am white - I date any race. If the lady is interested then I will date. I don't care what color you are or height or weight or whether you have false teeth or not or whether you have a tattoo on your left nipple of the 43rd President. I just don't care. If you're nice to me, we can date. Bad breath and bad hygeine are real turn offs. I have dated minimum wage women. I have dated rich women. I don't care what you social status is though I would run away from convicts and people with mental problems or addictions as well as from abusive people.


Seriously we have threads about facial hair on men, long hair on women, short skirts, tattoos, things that are really completely unimportant or should be.


That cracks me up too. Does it really matter what people wear? I love women in skirts and pantyhose. I love wearing skirts and pantyhose myself. I'm not a transexual. I am not gay. I do like women. I have facial hair because I hate wasting the time on shaving. I have seen some very sexy women covered in tattoos. I have no tattoos nor any intention of acquiring any.

I love women and I don't care what shape, color, status etc you are. If your personality is good (and not chemically altered) then I will be happy to date you. Yes - some narrow-minded women have a problem with me wearing a skirt and hose and heels. This is not my problem - this is their problem. I am not scaring the horses nor am I doing anything nasty to anybody. I'm not gay but as I said - as long as gay people don't scare the horses, I have no objection to them doing whatever they do. Am I perhaps too broadminded for many people?

In my line of work, I occasionally deal with cross-dressers, homosexuals, men obsessed with porn mags and so on. I afford each the respect due to them. I get the feeling from the forums that quite a few people wouldn't be that way inclined.

Anyway, rant over. Can we get on nicely now?
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 29
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History
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/25/2012 7:07:16 PM
People do tend to be more open when answering from a keyboard.

Everyone has a right to determine what they want and will/will not accept. Some preferences shouldn't be compromised. However, some could use a bit of negotiating.

I don't read men's profiles so I can't offer an opinion. Women's profiles usually read like a laundry list and a first meet ends up like a job interview rather than seeing if an emotional connection can happen.

Yes we mature with time but that maturity brings hurt feelings and emotional walls that are extremely difficult to scale. Maybe some young guy will be willing to scale her walls but at our age men tire of constant wall climbing.

As we age our "maturity" increases. But so do the negative experiences that cause us to build walls. Those walls prevent spontaneous attraction. Our maturity is helpful yet, at times, works against us by wanting him/her to be Mr/Ms perfect before we'll even accept a date.

This is the problem with online dating: a decision is made before actually meeting to see if the person is really like their profile. Mental accent with no emotional interaction.

As I said before: we end up surfing profiles and wishing. Unfortunately, we'll all be here 5 years from now.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 30
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/25/2012 8:57:28 PM
In some ways I am less cautious, certainly about getting married. In my youth I avoided real commitments like the plague.

I like to think I trust everyone, but require signatures, collateral and references for anything involvement money/commitments. Relationships may involve some emotional pain to get out of, but that sort of pain has become more fleeting the older I get. I now realize there are more fish in the dating sea than I have time to catch.
At first I always go with the flow of a relationship and that hasn’t changed, so I can get into very different situations from any of my past relationships. Such as dating a woman and staying over at her family’s home and sleeping on a platform bed with a dirt floor with many others at the home of her poor isaan parents in a farming village in Thailand. Or dating a wealthy Hong Kong woman with a penthouse on the Peak in Hong Kong, both quite different venues and quite different types of woman.

Now I more firmly believe that people seldom change and what you see is what you get. If anything annoys you about a person it will usually only get worse as time goes on.

I have always known what floats my boat, but at times I thought maybe the relationship would evolve into a more worthy vessel, whereas now I think better to jump ship than hope for the best.

Anytime in the past that I got burned in a relationship, I was throwing gasoline on a smoldering fire, so if you play with nitro expect to get burned once in a while, I usually knew what I could expect to happen, sometimes like a cat I am just too curious. I think I have maybe 4 lives left, I can still use up 2 more before I have to be really careful. Got to leave as least 1 life to be safe.

I think if I were to be single again I would get dating only a more dedicated effort and go with what appears to be popular with the over 45 crowd, short term verbal commitments.

As Giggles stated, I do think most of us keyboard jockeys are avoiding something or other by being on forums (some like myself don’t fear relationships but it doesn’t mean I don’t have any insecurities about life), forums are easy and real life can be unforgiving.

Have we found our balance, or have we found a defensible position where we don’t live with passion but at least we can be at peace with limited relationships? I am still going for broke, but maybe if there is a next time around I will get defensive.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 31
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/25/2012 9:28:23 PM
In reading the responses, I seem to relate to AussieBlues response most. I am actually more flexible/relaxed and a heckuva alot more confident in myself and my abilities. I am also more attractive than I was when I was younger and more financially stable. Being happy with my life now has a lot to do with it. Granted, life experience has left me less willing to accept bad behaviors but I would not call that getting harder; I would call it being smarter. I would, however, welcome the chance to meet a man who is also healthy/happy/faithful/financially secure...there just are not that many of them to choose from here in this area of the country.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 32
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:26:59 AM
To answer your initial question " Are we getting harder as we get older?"

The last time I checked I was not getting any harder any taller or any lighter. I don't have any more hair where I want it to be, my skin is not becoming any more elastic or less blemished and my memory is not getting any better.

As far as being more difficult to get along with I think as I age I am more sure of what I like and what I am prepared to accept/put up with from others in terms of how they treat me and what sort of person I am compatible with. On the other hand what I view as acceptable and attractive in terms of physical appearance in a partner has IMO kept up with the aging process I see in the mirror.

Finding an attractive woman who is financially secure ( her income, net worth and spending habits are in balance ) who is not looking to meet a man who is is over 6 ft tall has a full head of hair, is substantially better off than her and is willing to keep her in a style she would like to become accustomed to seems to be a challenge though.
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 33
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:45:48 AM

Finding an attractive woman who is financially secure ( her income, net worth and spending habits are in balance ) who is not looking to meet a man who is is over 6 ft tall has a full head of hair and is substantially better off than her and is willing to keep her in a style she would like to become accustomed to seems to be a challenge though.


You got that right, Dino! Even those of us over 6' face that challenge. Such women appear to be as rare as hens' teeth.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 34
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History
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:58:57 AM
Last thin I worry about is that a woman will cost me money. Women have always cost me money in one way or another, and as long as I have it, I don't particularly care if I am spending it, if the process is making me happy.

What are you going to do with it anyway?
 britepurdywmn
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 35
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:04:31 AM
Finding an attractive woman who is financially secure ( her income, net worth and spending habits are in balance ) who is not looking to meet a man who is is over 6 ft tall has a full head of hair and is substantially better off than her and is willing to keep her in a style she would like to become accustomed to seems to be a challenge though. quote...
____________________________________________

Really? I think it's tragic that you would feel that way, but I'm sure you can back it up. I don't know how you define attractive, but women who have made commitments to a career are not usually on a glamour trip.

I have also met men on this site that are down on their luck, unemployed, and concerned about their retirement.
Maybe its unique to this site, it's full of people with time on their hands trying to fill a void or puff themselves up by meeting someone new.
Have you guys considered a matchmaker?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 36
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:32:44 AM
I don't know how you define attractive, but women who have made commitments to a career are not usually on a glamour trip.


And how is this significantly different for a man making commitments to a career??

Part of my definition for attractive would be that she has a career that has left her in a postion to be financially secure ( without the aid of a sugar daddy ) yet she has managed to balance her life so that she has remained fit and fun. Don't women expect men to be able to do this sort of thing???
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 37
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So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:56:39 AM

Dino57
Finding an attractive woman who is financially secure ( her income, net worth and spending habits are in balance ) who is not looking to meet a man who is is over 6 ft tall has a full head of hair, is substantially better off than her and is willing to keep her in a style she would like to become accustomed to seems to be a challenge though.

Well, I’m over 6 feet, and still have a full head of hair. And my teeth are good too(with the addition of 3 implants). And I’m not even picky about the “financial” part, I tend to agree with this sentiment from rearguard:

rearguard*2
Last thing I worry about is that a woman will cost me money. Women have always cost me money in one way or another, and as long as I have it, I don't particularly care if I am spending it, if the process is making me happy.

What are you going to do with it anyway?


Even with all of that, it’s still tough out there. I send an initial message to an attractive woman (who does not talk about religion in her profile), and get a really mean reply condemning me to eternal damnation because I am not religious. I send another initial message to an attractive woman (who does not mention politics in her profile), and get a reply telling me that Rush Limbaugh is one of the greatest living Americans, and how dare I criticize him in my profile.

And then there all of those attractive women who never reply at all, probably because they want someone who is younger/ fitter/better looking/whatever.

But with all of that, I persevere. And I go on a lot of initial meetings, and every now and then I even have a date. All in all, it’s better than giving up.
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 38
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:43:13 AM
I'm much easier to please than I was 30 years ago, but I'm offering so much less.

I'm pretty much OK with the 'just sex' thing. There are always new ladies streaming off the courthouse steps looking to 'get their groove back'. The job is to find out what they're looking for, and pretend to give it to them.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 39
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:47:48 AM
I seem to encounter solely women who are in great amounts of debt. I did a conservative estimate of one lady and though she pulled in 80K after taxes, her debts amounted to something like 120K to the taxman, 100K on her house and various maxed out credit cards and other assorted debts. I never knew the full amount but I reckon she owed somewhere between quarter of a million and half a million.
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 40
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 10:41:34 AM
We seem to have encountered the same kind of women, Captain. They are literally circling the drain financially. Others are doing so emotionally or physically. Still others have the ex(s) and/or the children from Hell. Yet others remain angry creatures awaiting another SO to absorb their animosity toward their ex-husbands, former boyfriends or other men in their pasts.

I certainly would like to find an attractive, happy and upbeat, financially and emotionally stable lady who likes men and has minimal baggage which she handles well.
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 41
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 10:44:09 AM

To read your post you would swear we are ALL a bunch of commitment phobes and "keyboard jockeys " (quote) staring at our screens wishing and hoping.


I must admit that did give me a good laugh because I might come on here every few days to read to forums.. That hardly qualifies as being a keyboard jockey.. Or for that matter staring at my screen wishing and hoping.. But perhaps it does say something about the one who posted it..

I was selective when younger and am still selective nothing wrong with it.. After all you should be selective..Unless of course you are ready for every Tom,****or Harry that drifts your way..
namaste
funnershine
 britepurdywmn
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 42
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 10:46:45 AM
Well I'm horrified on her behalf, and wondering if she sleeps very well with that hanging over her head.

At my age, (late 50's) assets are a big deal. Many of my first meetings consisted of hand wringing men talking about their last 'great divide', and trying to pry my personal financial information out of me to see if I'm financially a worthy mate. Cooks the fun right out of a meetup when you find yourself being financially qualified and you don't even know if you like one another.

I'm just saying it's not just men who feel they are at financial risk of being taken to the cleaners.
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 43
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 10:56:22 AM

We seem to have encountered the same kind of women, Captain. They are literally circling the drain financially. Others are doing so emotionally or physically. Still others have the ex(s) and/or the children from Hell. Yet others remain angry creatures awaiting another SO to absorb their animosity toward their ex-husbands, former boyfriends or other men in their pasts.
I certainly would like to find an attractive, happy and upbeat, financially and emotionally stable lady who likes men and has minimal baggage which she handles well.


Well seems like there are lots of men as well as woman according to your post in the same situation. I say men because most of the ones I have met from here are either bankrupt or close to it... Then of course have the baggage you mention by they way I see them at my singles group they are not people I would date either.. But I have no problem with not dating I have more of a problem dating someone I do not wish to.. They have been there done that baggage not for me..
 britepurdywmn
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 44
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 10:56:52 AM
We seem to have encountered the same kind of women, Captain. They are literally circling the drain financially. Others are doing so emotionally or physically. Still others have the ex(s) and/or the children from Hell. Yet others remain angry creatures awaiting another SO to absorb their animosity toward their ex-husbands, former boyfriends or other men in their pasts... quote, CDMer
___________________________________________

Well, I'm one of the ones you are seeking, but your attitudes toward women suck, and you have p'd me RIGHT off.

Do you think such a women wouldn't possess the finely tuned spidey senses to avoid you and your sexist viewpoints?

Back to work, ... I have to" buy the baby a new dress"...lol
 britepurdywmn
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 45
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 11:02:14 AM
Ditto, funnershine, I'm a fan of your posts.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 46
view profile
History
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:03:21 PM
Generally, I find it amazing reading the stories being told on these forums. My question is, how is it that you all appear to meeting all kinds of prospects that simply do not belong to the same socio-economic class as you are in. It just does not happen in my own life.

That may be the real issue with online dating. You meet all kinds of people you would never ordinarily meet, and none of them really fit with your life.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 47
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 2:10:07 PM
The last several post just back up what I said earlier--read the attitude in them and then wonder why the person is alone--

my favorite is the dude who said find out what they want and pretend to give it to them--then wonder why women arent interested in you anymore --especially since you view yourself as ok just for sex--maybe change your username to IamaDildo or something. (Btw most women over 45 know--you arent fooling anyone--they are just using you --women like sex too so stop kidding yourself about pretending --your sex life would be better if you just admitted it and cut the pretense; pretending just makes us think you are lame.)

As far as the lack of financial success of some women--it is funny the guys I talk to tell me how they got married right after college and had kids and the wife stayed at home for 20 some years raising their 3.5 kids who are all now college educated and happily married...she was the primary care giver and gave up her career to raise the family and they admit how wonderful the house looked, and how she did a wonderful job with the kids but in the end how worn out she looks for doing for others all the time, and oh yea that education she got right along with them--that college degree--she never got to use it cause she was busy raising their kids and now they think they are entitled to a younger model--someone who is more financially successful who didnt put their life on hold to give to her family. Meanwhile she is upper 40 and 50 trying to pay for a roof over her head with out of date skills--no clue what she did wrong and why the man she put ahead of herself has ditched her, so yea I can imagine she suffers self esteem issues and buys to compensate for it.

As far as the tall with a head full of hair one of my best friends is involved with a 5"8 bald guy--go figure--maybe it isnt the hair or the height but the attitude...otherwise bald guys and short guys would never have successful relationships but they do...so again maybe it is your attitude.

We join dating sites and think it is going to be so easy cause there are so many people on them--it is referred to as a candy store--but you find that most have never dealt with the real reason they are single and vs address it they want to think it is a lack in the opposite sex--when it is really their attitude about the opposite sex showing thru--read the profiles some are dripping with so much hate, and they keep going on and on about what is wrong with the opposite sex they dont even see it is them that have the problem.

If you arent having fun dating, then change your attitude.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 48
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 2:23:35 PM
Speaking for me personally,, As a young man yrs ago,, I was very hard to please. Even though I had my core values, I was always at odds with them. Therefor I rejected people because of me not them. Now that I am older, My core values are defined in a nice way that works for "ME". So today I am a lot easier to please, Now nice thing because I know exactly what I want, need and desire,,rejected others I still do,, But now I know the reasons,, such as I like who I am ,, therefore now i am unwilling to chance my personality or core values to fit someone elses needs.. My partner today, I most likely would have rejected her many yrs ago. That is not because I have settled today,, (My God No, my Girl is Amazing) it's because I have grown and learned so much along the way without becoming bitter,,
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 49
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:16:05 PM

Well seems like there are lots of men as well as woman according to your post in the same situation. I say men because most of the ones I have met from here are either bankrupt or close to it...


Ditto, Funnershine. I have a career, savings, no debt but my mortgage and I have a tenant who pays for 1/2 of that. In my last two serious relationships; one filed bankruptcy, the other was foreclosed upon. Neither had a dime saved for their retirement and both had ongoing health issues.

And Dino and Cap'n America, I am not looking for a man with a full head of hair (bald is sexy), or one who is 6' tall (I am 5'3"...short men are not an issue), or Mr. Workout (a balanced healthy life is good enough) nor do I expect a man to support me (I have always paid my way). I think there are probably a lot of women who would say those things do not matter to them either. Things like a willingness to commit, kindness, intelligence, sense of humor, positive outlook, open mindedness, manners, good hygiene and an active faith weigh a lot more heavily in my book, but they that possess those attributes are difficult to fi nd.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 50
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:30:33 PM
^^^^^^^^^


I think there are probably a lot of women who would say those things do not matter to them either.


Feel free to share the names and locations of said women so we can speed up our search. (wink)
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