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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we getting harder as we get older?      Home login  
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 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 51
Are we getting harder as we get older?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Getting harder as we get older?... I wish.

What do we have to reject?
As we get older we should become more complacent, tolerant, understanding of others, experience is the best teacher.
If we do not know who we are, what we want, we might as well give up.
Yes, we do need a partner, companion, lover, friend... compromise, and you will get it.
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 52
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 4:44:52 PM
In my case I've found that some have walls up due their past unsuccessful relationships translating to making it harder to please them. Also, it seems that the level of expectation has also risen as we mature.

I've had good relationships with a mix of bad (normal) but choose to remember the good; I still believe in love and the comraderie between two people who are head over heels for each other.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 53
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 4:47:37 PM
Bella, forget about love, if you have not had it by now, hard to get.
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 54
"I still believe in love and the comraderie between two people who are head over heels for each other"
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:07:13 PM
Right with you, Bella, praying for the winds of change ~
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 55
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:18:50 PM
No....more selective. Not enough time left to correct any major mistakes we make.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 56
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:21:55 PM

No....more selective. Not enough time left to correct any major mistakes we make.


not enough time for what? We could all die tomorrow or on 12-12-2012 :P

We could have died at any point ...or is this another of the finding someone to grow old with...we are already old...I want someone to be young with
 E_keys
Joined: 8/4/2012
Msg: 57
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:00:53 PM
QUOTE:
I'm much easier to please than I was 30 years ago, but I'm offering so much less.

I'm pretty much OK with the 'just sex' thing. There are always new ladies streaming off the courthouse steps looking to 'get their groove back'. The job is to find out what they're looking for, and pretend to give it to them.
\QUOTE

This is the one that made me laugh!!

I'm glad to hear that guys in my dating pool are ok with the just sex thing! I don't know whether this is good or not, but I feel much more of an urgency to decide whether to f_ck a guy within the first couple dates (to my younger self, unthinkable). The good news is that I really don't want to waste the guy's time having attention lavished on me if I'm not going to go there. The bad news is that I might decide it's NOT a go, in kind of a hurry.

Some of the aspects of aging don't sit well with what I'm physically attracted to. I spent all day yesterday with a dude in sort of that situation. I like his attitude, and there's stuff I like, but ... but maybe, part of the problem is not the age but the age difference. 44 year old guys still look really good to me, if they're the skinny body type I like. I hope that when I'm 55, the 55 year old guys will look just as good. Being 44, I find an obstacle between me and the 55 yr old friend.

So - I hope I can be forgiven if I take one more date of kissing and fondling and messing around to decide whether I'm going to have all those clothes off. But maybe I won't be! So, maybe I'm a little harder as I age.
 britepurdywmn
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 58
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:33:10 PM
That may be the real issue with online dating. You meet all kinds of people you would never ordinarily meet, and none of them really fit with your life.
Quote, rearguard...

______________________________________________________________

That's a very good assessment, I absolutely agree. When I started online dating after a lifetime of serial monogamy, I decided to keep an open mind about who might be a match for me. This is a part of Canada where the IT industry took a big dive a few years ago,
and large sector of the population had to scramble to find jobs at Home Depot or Canadian Tire.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 59
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:52:20 PM
Lol. The computer industry crashed elsewhere too. I did computer courses and found I was chasing an ever higher level of course. By the time I completed the one level the industry needed the next not the one I had just got. Then the bottom fell out of the market.

Now, it's more common for IT people to be unemployed than general dogsbodies.

I had a very interesting message today from somebody whose opinion I now respect very highly.

They said we should start with friendship then move to relationship if it's right. How absolutely stunningly true. It has made me think about rewording my profile.
 forumgirl1
Joined: 10/30/2012
Msg: 60
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 5:53:40 AM
I think you have hit the nail on the head there captain america...people might not like to admit it but it is what it is...and if you have already been married for many years then I think it is especially true. and i am not only speaking about other people but am including myself in this theory...
 Rain587
Joined: 7/20/2012
Msg: 61
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:58:28 AM
I've had "learning experiences" and although wouldn't want to go through most again I don't think of them as mistakes. I'm not hard but I am happy whether I'm with someone or not so I won't settle for someone that is angry, bashes his ex, tries to change who I am; especially getting upset if I take trips to see my daughters and grandchildren that live in different states. I have a son and grandchildren here as well and sometimes we plan a lake trip together. I've had a man get upset I didn't change my plans for him. Those types I am not interested in a long term with.

Baggagehandler, I haven't seen softer men my age. I see quite a few that are angry, trying to prove themselves with toys and going for younger women. I'm not saying all are but it's been the majority I've been introduced to. I had quite a few want to change who I am into what they want. Many are into looks and don't even read profiles to see if they are compatible. I even had one guy tell me he'd help me get surgery later as I age.
 Just___Jim
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 62
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 8:29:22 AM
Message:
For me, not so much "harder" as becoming more aware of what my "expectations" are.


Didn't Carly Simon sing that song once.....lol


Sure, I would love to have someone wonderful in my life, but even at my age..it would have to be "right" (with the basics intact :) ) Till then (if ever), I can't complain about what I DO have.


Well said, as it's always makes for a good foundation[relationship] when you meet or find someone with similar or as you say basic trait's which both are comfortable with for the most part.

But on the other hand, if one has too much negative stuff in their trunk, then if & when you meet someone who is really positive , then imo it's all for not. cuz they have already undermined a possible new relationship to build on.

And as many have said here, once you find happiness first within yourself, the trip of life gets a lot easier to appreciate.

And similar people will find you more enjoyable to be with too. It's a good rub.......
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 63
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 9:05:24 AM

not enough time for what? We could all die tomorrow or on 12-12-2012 :P

We could have died at any point ...or is this another of the finding someone to grow old with...we are already old...I want someone to be young with


lol... Boy you said a mouthful there!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 64
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 10:14:55 AM

1388SmartBlonde
In my last two serious relationships; one filed bankruptcy, the other was foreclosed upon. Neither had a dime saved for their retirement and both had ongoing health issues.

One question for you, “Why?”


CaptainAmerica007
Lol. The computer industry crashed elsewhere too. I did computer courses and found I was chasing an ever higher level of course. By the time I completed the one level the industry needed the next not the one I had just got. Then the bottom fell out of the market.

Now, it's more common for IT people to be unemployed than general dogsbodies.

That may depend on where you are, and what skill set you have. Here in the Houston area, things were bad for several years, but we have experienced a rebound. 5 years ago, I knew Oracle DBA’s who were working in Starbucks, unix admins who were learning welding, etc. Definitely not true anymore.

Then again, if your skills are in PC support, you’re most likely working somewhere for minimum wage.


abelian
I'm actually a lot less intense than I used to be, so even though I'm not easy to get along with, I'm a lot easier to get along with than I was.

I am less sure of myself than I used to be. My self-confidence is still fairly high, but I am much more open to opposing viewpoints than I used to be.

abelian
On the other hand, I recogbiae when someone is not going to be a good fit a lot more quickly, so I do reject people more quickly.

I believe that’s a good thing. Hanging in there, trying to make something work when it doesn’t have the chance of a snowball in hell, is not a good idea. You’re just wasting two people’s time.

Rain587
I see quite a few that are angry, trying to prove themselves with toys and going for younger women. I'm not saying all are but it's been the majority I've been introduced to.

I just looked at your profile, you’re 53? It is not going to get better. Men (all men, young and old) want to be with a woman who excites them physically. They want to look at her and feel a stirring below the waist. This has nothing to do with when or if you have sex, it’s just a matter of wanting to be with a woman who makes you feel that “stirring”. The good news? You can make men feel that way. Do not cut off all of your hair, men love long hair on a woman. Do get rid of the hair on the upper lip. Do not dress like Aunt Bee on Mayberry RFD. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you already know what I would be saying.

If a man looks at you and feels that excitement, he will not care about your chronological age.
 deserthykergal
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 65
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 10:47:50 AM
Ditto what 1388smartblonde says
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 66
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 11:11:19 AM
Are we getting harder as we get older?


Well; technically men...

On second thought..

forget it


 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 67
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 11:35:17 AM

I just looked at your profile, you’re 53? It is not going to get better. Men (all men, young and old) want to be with a woman who excites them physically. They want to look at her and feel a stirring below the waist. This has nothing to do with when or if you have sex, it’s just a matter of wanting to be with a woman who makes you feel that “stirring”. The good news? You can make men feel that way. Do not cut off all of your hair, men love long hair on a woman. Do get rid of the hair on the upper lip. Do not dress like Aunt Bee on Mayberry RFD. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you already know what I would be saying.

If a man looks at you and feels that excitement, he will not care about your chronological age.


Did you really just say that out loud? Do you even realize exactly what you said.... or how we women would assess that pitiful, self serving, doggie declaration? I'm smacking my head... seriously! lol
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 68
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 12:08:14 PM
I have a confession - I like all women regardless of age. I've been with women almost 20 years older than me. I am not biassed by age, color or anything else (though I am a strictly women only kinda guy).
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 69
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 1:55:59 PM
Smart Blonde lives up to her screen name....I agree with her 100%. As for those who want to take on "burdens" at this age when they have already "paid their own way", have at it! It's not for me.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 70
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/27/2012 4:46:26 PM
quoteth essexbob


I.T people are dogs bodies.

2 a penny now cleaner/janitor has more kudos


I remember a time when my local university wouldn't let me study computing to degree level. I'd be surprised if their graduates had jobs in computing. One fellow I was on an HND in computing with quit half way and joned the Met instead. I think a few got jobs but most didn't.
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 71
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 6:19:13 PM

I have a career, savings, no debt but my mortgage and I have a tenant who pays for 1/2 of that. In my last two serious relationships; one filed bankruptcy, the other was foreclosed upon. Neither had a dime saved for their retirement


Ay yi yi -- yeah, I've met a few train wrecks in my dating too - scary stuff. If avoiding such train wrecks makes me "hard", I guess I am. I just see it as being smarter than we used to be...or maybe more driven by our brains and less driven by our libido and the bad decisions THAT brought :P

Mostly I think we're just smarter...we know ourselves better, we *are* better in most cases than we were 20 years ago - we've learned from our experiences. Compare the profile of the typical 25-30 yr old to the typical 45-55 yr old...it's night and day.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 72
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:07:23 PM
Train wrecks. I have met those.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 73
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:33:09 PM
It can be scary out here.....and I used to think it was only women who met up with train wrecks. My apologies to all the men out there who have encountered same.
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 74
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:43:26 PM

.....and I used to think it was only women who met up with train wrecks. My apologies to all the men out there who have encountered same.


Thank you BL. It goes both ways.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 75
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 11/27/2012 8:18:52 PM
Sadly, financial imprudence is not restricted to any gender or income group. It can be very hard to identify financially imprudent people too - even when you're involved. Somehow it seems a show-stopper to ask to see their balance sheet but in these days of ridiculous levels of personal debt, it's something that one needs to see.
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