Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we getting harder as we get older?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 101
view profile
History
Are we getting harder as we get older?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
so are you all talking harder or wiser?
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 102
view profile
History
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/29/2012 1:53:01 PM
I'm meeting women who have a very full life, jobs, kids, grandkids, other family and friends, travel, etc, etc. And that's wonderful.

Not that I'd be demanding all their time, but sometimes it sure feels like I'm a just a candidate competing for time on their schedules.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 103
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/30/2012 8:11:47 AM
I look at the profiles that say ho much time they spend with family, with the church and so on then at the huge shopping lists of requirements. Quite frankly - what a crock!

As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter what a profile says. People need to meet, say hello and see if there's any sparkle before retreating to their private domains to consider the matter.

Relationships start from friendships. Personally I know I don't want an abusive relationship - been on the receiving end of that. I don't want junkies, drunks, criminals or people so incapable of coping with life that they're using chemicals to control their brains. Nor to I want people in debt (I'm not paying your debts off for you). Other than that I'm pretty nuch fine. Now if anybody disagrees with my list of dislikes, you're welcome to have some drug addicted nympho that'll empty your wallet in 2 seconds while abusing you and then dumping your body in pieces beside the road.

I actually read an entertaining tale of a true crime in Australia where a woman killed her husband that she'd abused for years, cooked his body and served it to her children then hung his skin up to cure in the doorway. Any abuser is capable of that.

But are we getting harder to please? Do people call for an end to relationships prematurely rather than trying to work out the differences as they get older?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 104
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 11/30/2012 3:33:26 PM

I'm meeting women who have a very full life, jobs, kids, grandkids, other family and friends, travel, etc, etc. And that's wonderful.

Not that I'd be demanding all their time, but sometimes it sure feels like I'm a just a candidate competing for time on their schedules.


Would you prefer that they sit at home, waiting for you to call?
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 105
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:13:22 AM
A lot of single and newly divorced are short on cash. Going out does demand a certain level of expenditure whether it's on gasoline or whatever. There is no entertainment that is free. Even sitting at home reading a book isn't free - that needs electricity for the reading light and the cost of the purchase of the book. Many people prefer to use their computer for all their entertainment needs in such a situation. Believe me, there are a lot of people in that situation. I'm just now getting out of that situation.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 106
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/2/2012 1:22:19 PM

CaptainAmerica, yes. Going out can get expensive.

What is the solution?


In the US, none that I know of. Everywhere is so far apart that in rural areas (I live in a town) where everything is so separated it's either a long walk (not the most comfortable in 100F with 100% humidity) or a case of driving.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 107
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/2/2012 2:10:46 PM

"In fact, my net worth is actually higher than his."
from Halcyon Skies

Nice that you would compromise the privacy of your SO by sharing that!



: Perhaps a "facelift" would be the better solution for a woman who's repeatedly encountering this issue with men in her age bracket.

UGH! How rude and crude!


How interesting that you immediately begin to criticize someone who was responding to rudeness from another poster.


[as to solutions] In the US, none that I know of. Everywhere is so far apart that in rural areas (I live in a town) where everything is so separated it's either a long walk (not the most comfortable in 100F with 100% humidity) or a case of driving.


For many years, it took me at least 45 minutes to drive into town--for a year, it took me an hour. That meant two hours on the road to meet for coffee or a soda. I usually did the driving because there were no places near me to meet. If a man's profile interested me only slightly, I wouldn't make the drive to meet him. My present boyfriend is a starving student, but he is the first man whom I have dated who was short on cash. I don't mind being called shallow, but a man has to be pretty special if he doesn't have enough money to at least pay his part of a meal.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 108
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/2/2012 3:42:02 PM

For many years, it took me at least 45 minutes to drive into town--for a year, it took me an hour. That meant two hours on the road to meet for coffee or a soda. I usually did the driving because there were no places near me to meet. If a man's profile interested me only slightly, I wouldn't make the drive to meet him. My present boyfriend is a starving student, but he is the first man whom I have dated who was short on cash. I don't mind being called shallow, but a man has to be pretty special if he doesn't have enough money to at least pay his part of a meal.


Am I giving you the impression that I don't have an income? Good Heavens. Don't judge me so harshly.

I like my partners to pay their part of the meal. I have dated people that I have had to pay for and almost went broke doing it.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 109
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:39:31 PM

I don't mind being called shallow, but a man has to be pretty special if he doesn't have enough money to at least pay his part of a meal.


I agree except it's about women for me.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 110
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:56:03 PM
I agre w/ Gwen, that we need to get out BUT where ever u go, there u r...so if a person has issues, they need to work on them FIRST to be dateable...

I lost some weight, I got longer hair & I go to al anon now for 4 months...both internal & external changes were necessary 4 me, I now get more offers/interest, but haven't met anyone "special" yet...
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 111
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/3/2012 6:38:42 AM

Am I giving you the impression that I don't have an income? Good Heavens. Don't judge me so harshly.


My dear captain--your financial worth was not even on my mind when I wrote about men not pulling their share.


I agree except it's about women for me.


And it should be. I recently had lunch with a man to whom I made it clear I seek ONLY platonic friends. He agreed. However, he has more money than I do, and he is used to dining at places that cost more than I am willing to spend. I do not expect him to pick up the tab every time we have lunch; so, when it is my turn to pay, we will either dine at a reasonably priced establishment or we won't have lunch.


I agre w/ Gwen, that we need to get out BUT where ever u go, there u r...so if a person has issues, they need to work on them FIRST to be dateable...


Yup! Again, I "prejudge" men who send emails that are lewd. I am not interested in obese men, but I can "judge" the girth of their bellies by their pictures. I can't "judge" men without pictures, and being shallow, I say "thanks, but no thanks." I will not date a smoker--for obvious reasons, but that is not "pre-judging"--cigarette or cigar smoke makes me nauseous that houses of smokers smell.

But if I see a well-written profile of a man who looks decent and then notice that he hasn't been married, doesn't have the same level of education as I do . . . hmmm . . . what might I miss by turning him away?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 112
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/3/2012 6:34:52 PM

Gwendolyn, you said it. I also prejudge men who are lewd, and write them off immediately.


They should at least wait until the third email before being lewd. (Grin.)
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 113
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/3/2012 7:03:15 PM

They should at least wait until the third email before being lewd. (Grin.)


That is par for some of the women who contact me.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 114
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/3/2012 9:10:15 PM
I will never forget the names of some of the guys I've seen on dating sites: Crotch Rocket, I Love My Truck and more. How on earth do they get women even remotely interested in them?

The whole problem we face on these dating sites is everybody wants to pre-filter and get perfection before meeting. Wake up guys - we're human. None of us is perfect. Only the slimiest low-life will appear to be perfect but as has been said - "you can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all the time but never all the people all the time". Pre-filtering doesn't work and does toss out a whole load of people that you might otherwise like.

Some people can through no fault of their own appear totally different online from their real personalities. You miss all that by not meeting them.

This is largely the fault afflicting the world as a whole at the moment - it's easier to look through your internet goggles (in olden days, beer goggles) than to face the real world. Problem is - unless people step out and stop hiding behind their computers, nobody's ever going to meet.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 115
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/3/2012 9:27:28 PM

Problem is - unless people step out and stop hiding behind their computers, nobody's ever going to meet.


Unless, by some amazing miracle, 2 people who are chatting together on their laptops discover that they are indeed sitting at adjacent tables at Starbucks.

But I agree in general.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 116
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:05:33 AM

The whole problem we face on these dating sites is everybody wants to pre-filter and get perfection before meeting. Wake up guys - we're human. None of us is perfect. Only the slimiest low-life will appear to be perfect but as has been said - "you can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all the time but never all the people all the time". Pre-filtering doesn't work and does toss out a whole load of people that you might otherwise like.


There is another thread about prejudging people based on whether they have never been married--to me, that is no reason to NOT meet a man. However, there are reasons to not meet men (besides the lewd and crude) based on their profiles and their emails.


This is largely the fault afflicting the world as a whole at the moment - it's easier to look through your internet goggles (in olden days, beer goggles) than to face the real world. Problem is - unless people step out and stop hiding behind their computers, nobody's ever going to meet.


In my years on dating sites, I have met dozens and dozens of men. I meet men in real life situations, as well. For some of us, meeting people isn't a problem: it is meeting people who appeal to us on every level. You are right, none of us are perfect, but I am not going to have sex with a man who physically does not appeal to me; I am not going to date a man who bores me with his conversation/interests; I am not going to support a man who can't or won't support himself. Speaking only for myself, I do not seek perfection, but when I was looking (and if/when I look again), I do require certain aspects.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 117
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 9:21:10 AM

I am not going to have sex with a man who physically does not appeal to me; I am not going to date a man who bores me with his conversation/interests; I am not going to support a man who can't or won't support himself. Speaking only for myself, I do not seek perfection, but when I was looking (and if/when I look again), I do require certain aspects.


Wow! I would never even consider jumping into bed with a woman I'd only just met. I would have to be blind drunk to jump into bed with a woman with hairs growing from a wart on the end of her nose too.

It seems that my point has been taken to an extreme. I was talking about meeting - not jumping into bed with, supporting or having relationships; just meeting.

We toss out too many possibilities by not meeting. One of the more interesting places I went to was a singles group. We all met in a cafe and chatted for a couple of hours before heading back to our respective homes. There, we could size each other up. There was nobody with two heads or an axe dripping with blood hidden behind their back. What people are doing online is looking for faults and rejecting based on those perceived faults. We can find faults everywhere we look. Look at your keyboard - is it really clean? How many germs are hiding there? What about that greasy spot in front of the keyboard where your hands rest. See what I mean - online is a fault-finding exercise.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 118
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 11:05:43 AM
LOL. Boards are great for entertainment ... Per the above. Obviously this guy is not seriously looking, but he is here for the fun.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 119
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 11:25:37 AM
I keep my pic off because I have a particularly heinous former acquaintance and her buddies still in my locality.

As far as alkis and junkies, I have met them and also the wallet lovers.

I'm jolly glad not to have anything to do with them.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 120
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:17:44 PM

Wow! I would never even consider jumping into bed with a woman I'd only just met. I would have to be blind drunk to jump into bed with a woman with hairs growing from a wart on the end of her nose too.

It seems that my point has been taken to an extreme. I was talking about meeting - not jumping into bed with, supporting or having relationships; just meeting.


No, I was not taking your point to an extreme. My profile is hidden now, but when it was visible, I wasn't seeking platonic friends on a dating site. I was seeking a man with whom to have a relationship, and that includes sex. If a man's profile picture shows him to be obese, why would I meet him? That is a point that I will not accept for several reasons, including health (in addition to the attraction factor). For me, a first meeting was screening for further down the line.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 121
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:41:04 PM
Ok. For me, I think that's a bit shallow. I'm 200lbs and 6'1" tall and I am losing weight slowly - knocking a bit off and stabilizing then knocking a bit more off. I've had relations with ladies that have been as thin as rakes and that were up to 6X. I don't have a problem with physical size. It's all about personality to me.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 122
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:24:36 PM
Ok. For me, I think that's a bit shallow. I'm 200lbs and 6'1" tall and I am losing weight slowly - knocking a bit off and stabilizing then knocking a bit more off. I've had relations with ladies that have been as thin as rakes and that were up to 6X. I don't have a problem with physical size. It's all about personality to me.


Wait a minute, OP---not wanting to date someone obese makes a person shallow? I don't think so. Personality and the attraction factor aside, an obese man would not share my core values. Our lifestyles would not be compatible.

I can also understand why someone who was formerly obese and worked hard to get healthy again would not want to become involved with a person with an unhealthy sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits. That would be like an A.A. member trying to stay sober, while dating a heavy boozer.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 123
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:28:10 AM

Ok. For me, I think that's a bit shallow. I'm 200lbs and 6'1" tall and I am losing weight slowly - knocking a bit off and stabilizing then knocking a bit more off. I've had relations with ladies that have been as thin as rakes and that were up to 6X. I don't have a problem with physical size. It's all about personality to me.


I don't have a problem being called "shallow." I won't date a stupid man, either, regardless of personality.

As for the weight, I have dated two fat men who had good personalities--humorous, kind, generous, smart. I won't go into details, but there are reasons why I won't do it again. Oh, and when I told both of them that we could be friends but I would not have sex with them again, they opted out. A few pounds is fine--in fact, I prefer a substantial man to a skinny man. However, one of my most serious relationships was with a thin man; thinness does not interfere with sex.


I can also understand why someone who was formerly obese and worked hard to get healthy again would not want to become involved with a person with an unhealthy sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits. That would be like an A.A. member trying to stay sober, while dating a heavy boozer.


Yup. An obese person's life centers around food--been there. I noted that I dated fat men; when I stopped seeing one, I lost five pounds in two weeks.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 124
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:50:53 AM
I'm not sure fat necessarily equates to eating lots of food. Sometimes its a physical/medical issue. Usually its eating poorly and lack of exercise, instead of eating smart and staying active.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 125
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:19:00 AM
I tend to agree.

I am much less outdoors than I used to be. I used to cycle and walk a lot. Then I got pushed into an unhealthy sedentary lifestyle and told to eat because I was too thin. My waist expanded from 34 to 36 to 38. My weight rocketed to 205+ and I just felt flabby.

My waist is down now to 36 again and I'm down to 197 at my last weigh-in. I will agree that lack of exercise was the main culprit. I don't eat a ton. I eat two or three times a day depending on the times and days. Sometimes I will have yogurt and fruit rather late in the evening. The key seems to be not to go to bed full and not to eat too much.

I am aiming for a 34 waist but that might be some time coming. I was appalled when I had to get 38 jeans.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we getting harder as we get older?