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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we getting harder as we get older?      Home login  
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 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 126
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So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
No, I don't find I was getting any harder to please. Not really any different than when I was 16...bonkers over a hot looking gal.

What 'got me' when I went on Match was the large pool of great women. Wow. I sat down and was able to review the profiles of more women that met my criteria than the number of women I had a chance to meet in my previous 50 plus years. It was odd (in a good way) to be able to pop in the variables and out pops a list of over 400 women.

Unlike other noble individuals here, I'm not a robot. I'm a male of the species and don't pretend to be otherwise. I want (and have found) a woman who I'm physically and emotionally attracted to. This isn't being 'shallow' unless one believes that biology and science are shallow.
 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 127
So we all stare at our screens, reading profiles and wish.
Posted: 12/5/2012 11:47:53 AM
Hmmm.......Im 55 ....my home is paid for , my car is paid for , I have a 401k with 2 companies, and I am reasonably attractive and intelligent. I assure you Dino, that unlike Santa Claus and the M&M fellas we DO exist.
 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 128
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/9/2012 1:57:29 PM
That's it. All these experiences are steeling my resolve to stop dating.

Unfortunately, the old saying still holds true "Abstinence is its own punishment". Just celebrated a birthday,further along in my fifties, so maybe it's time to re-evaluate what I want out of future relationships. Not that I have had a large success on POF, so maybe it's all for the better.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 129
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/10/2012 10:39:13 AM
I'm beginning to think maybe the best thing is to drive to the date spot, meet the guy there, ask for his ID, commit it to memory, then, if he drive home and do a full background check before going any further.


You should be driving to the date spot. You should never agree to be picked up by a stranger.

As for asking for ID on a first meet, I don't recommend it. If I were asked, I would not show it and I would walk out. Immediately.

You should do everything necessary to protect yourself, but you shouldn't expect a guy to expose himself to risk just to pacify your fears. Sweetnsexy1953 should contact the local law enforcement and file a complaint. She should also change her username.

Fortunately, I don't meet people this way any longer...
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 130
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/10/2012 12:11:31 PM
Hmmm. Good question. I have been giving it some thought. I think that we now have the experience to know what we don't want, or won't put up with. So we cut our losses at an earlier stage, perhaps. As a 20 year old, I thought maybe someone might change, or more arrogantly, that my love would cause them to want to change. Now I know better. I need to like the person as he is. Maybe our hearts are harder but we are wiser.
 Just___Jim
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 131
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/10/2012 3:58:37 PM

I got away but have scratches, bruises and bites. Now I'm really afraid of a repeat experience. I did block him but have no way to warn any other women.


The only woman you need to warn first is yourself!

This is the internet,not some local church social get together where everybody knows each other. Then again some of the local church socials are pretty crazy too!

I once met a person hear years ago & she insisted I meet her at her house!!! wtf

Needless to say when we met I said to her you should Never let a man meet you where you live! imo that's just crazy & asking for trouble.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 132
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:25:14 PM

I once met a person hear years ago & she insisted I meet her at her house!!! wtf


I had a woman want me to meet her at her house for the first meet. That was a little strange and I never did end up meeting her or going to her house. It was just too suspicious.

I heard a lovely tale from one lady I met from POF about some guy she met (also on POF). He got in her car and was quite unpleasant. In the end she had to whip her .380 out to ensure he left.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 133
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/14/2012 9:45:26 AM
Wow, after 6 years on here Gwendolyn has left.

Am I getting harder in my older age?
Yep.
Just don't give a shit anymore.
Too many other things for me to do and have fun with other than sifting through sex focused old men.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 134
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 3:52:19 AM
Sex is fun but it's not the main part of a relationship.

Speaking as a guy, I quite like the bedroom but I don't like doing it EVERY day. That gets a bit... boring. A case of sex again *yawn*.

I love kisses, hugs and cuddles. For me it's about companionship not just sex.

The big problem is that when you find somebody that you like, you're not just having a relationship with them, you're having a relationship with their whole family and their friends.

Uncle Billy Bob who has just got out of jail for pedophilia is somebody that normally you would cross the street to avoid. Now he's at your dinner table, in your house, rubbing shoulder to shoulder with you or even worse shaking you by the hand and telling you how lucky you are to find such a fine lady.

Aunty Jemima who spends most of her days shooting up crack and her evenings working the red light district to pay for what she can't steal off friends and family will be in your house and will be in your car.

Long-lost brother Joseph who joined the KKK when he was just 8 will be there, possibly with his other KKK buddies.

The one thing I learned from my LTRs is to check out the family. It is very callous to judge somebody by their family but it's something that has, I believe, to be done.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 135
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 6:14:36 AM
Everyone has their selection criteria... and it doesn't get any easier as we get older... here's my list:

No 58 yr old single dads with 10 year olds, I've already raised my kids.
No over 45 single men still living at home with their parents. (quite common in Italy)
No men who are incapable of anything more intriguing than just a screw.
No drama... jealousies, silences, constant talk about your ex, sniveling about your aches & pains, rants about 'other' people.
No expecting me to read your mind or feelings without opening your mouth.. I have no desire to be your mom, exwife or your shrink if you are incapable of knowing who you are or what you want at 50+.
No assuming you know who I am and what I want after one date.... or presume that I want to marry or move in with you.. it's the farthest thing from my mind... you're probably not 'all that' anyway... and I've got too much stuff.
No expecting me to buy your bull as if you're still 18 and I'm 15... too late, I've heard it all, more times than I can count.
Have half a brain, at least the remnants of a heart and know who you are ... be a grownup or you'll flat bore me to tears.

Fortunately the family situations in Europe are much less dramatic than those in the states, for the most part they are quite civil and allow you your privacy once you are adults... at the most, some presence at holiday dinners, if you can make it.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 136
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 9:37:42 AM
rusty, given the anger you express towards men is evident in virtually all of your posts, I suggest you are going to be looking for a long time. In your mid sixties I would think finding a guy would be difficult enough. With your attitude and requirements, virtually impossible. Still there is no harm in trying other than your time and continual disappointment.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 137
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 10:43:37 AM
timeforall, how do you read anger in her posts? (Granted, my daughter did her foreign study in Italy and was NOT impressed with Italian men.) I think it is a reasonable list. No one seems to chastise the op for his list, despite his prejudice of people who suffer from depression or other mental illnesses. The topic is are we getting harder (expectation wise) as we get older. I say, yes! rustytraveler makes that point. Certainly I didn't have any hard and fast criteria when I was younger. Experience, and yes age, has changed a few things. Like, rusty..., I have no desire to date someone with small children. I don't rule it completely out but it is a nose wrinkler (Children are not baggage! Don't even think I think that.) Part of the reason, for me, is my children. However, a special guy comes along...we would work it out. Heavy drinkers are on my list of NOT. I have had two family members die in their early fifties because of that. Interestingly, I don't want a teetotaler either. I do not have a written list, I guess sort of a running one based on my background and experience. On the other hand I could also support a "no" answer. In some ways I am easier to please, have more patience and a more open mind.

The subject of family: I don't have to like their family. I would like to see if the person does have half way healthy relationships that last, be they with family or friends. Codependency is not on my list of halfway healthy.
 Wholehearted5
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 138
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 10:52:11 AM
Generally speaking, I think many single adults over 45 may not be prepared or able to give their hearts to a potential love relationship, even when attracted to a partner. A number of single adults are not emotionally or physically available for a healthy, monogamous long-term love relationship. They may have been burned by love in the past (perhaps several times) and don’t have the confidence to fall in love again. They might not be prepared to make the sacrifices that a relationship requires or they possibly feel a partner might hurt or disappoint them (again). It all becomes too much of a risk. Don’t you know you can get hurt by giving your heart away?
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 139
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 11:01:04 AM
dancer, its totallity of her posts overall that reflect signficant anger towards men. As for requirements, you can have as many as you want. I have been amused by the various "requirements" of so many on a dating site . . only problem is that its hard enough to find that special person you want to have a relationship with. When you start prejudging everybody by silly, nonsensical requirements (as I interpret most of them), you may be excluding those few people with whom you otherwise might click. My requirements are simple. I need to be attracted to the woman and we need to click. We probably won't click if she is not intelligent, attractive and personable . . but I have no specific requirements otherwise. This bull about widowers, divorced, never marrieds, certain age parameters, etc. is all garbage as far as I am concerned.
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 140
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/15/2012 11:12:16 AM

Wow, after 6 years on here Gwendolyn has left.


I won't miss her condescending brand of elitism. She took "op-ed" to a whole new level..


Am I getting harder in my older age?
Yep.
Just don't give a shit anymore.
Too many other things for me to do and have fun with other than sifting through sex focused old men.


I hear ya, Drumming..
After a few years I realized P.O.F. really stood for "Plenty of Fakes". I keep an active profile on here mostly for the forums and amusement; really haven't pursued anyone on POF in a long time.
 Sunfire1959
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 141
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/16/2012 10:46:02 PM
I don't think I am harder as I am older, but I do think I have lived long enough and experienced enough to know what I want. When I made my profile of POF I put exactly what I want and I have gotten a mixed bag of responses. I've gotten guys who want a quick one night stand, men who are ready for a relationship (yeah right) after reading it, and then the guys who write that I actually make sense and sound like I know what I want.
I'm having a good time dating this time around and have met some pretty decent guys. Less than two years ago I was meeting the wrong kind of guy because I wasn't filtering out the guys well enough before I went for the meet and greet. Time, trial and error has helped with that and I think it won't be long before I find someone to date more than a few times.
So, no- as a whole I think harder isn't an accurate word. I would say that we know what we want. Just like when we walk in our favorite restaurant and place our order. We don't settle for what is on the menu when we know that the chef can make a specialty dish or spice up our favorite item.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 142
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 12:05:10 AM
dancer, its totallity of her posts overall that reflect signficant anger towards men. As for requirements, you can have as many as you want. I have been amused by the various "requirements" of so many on a dating site . . only problem is that its hard enough to find that special person you want to have a relationship with. When you start prejudging everybody by silly, nonsensical requirements (as I interpret most of them), you may be excluding those few people with whom you otherwise might click. My requirements are simple. I need to be attracted to the woman and we need to click. We probably won't click if she is not intelligent, attractive and personable . . but I have no specific requirements otherwise. This bull about widowers, divorced, never marrieds, certain age parameters, etc. is all garbage as far as I am concerned.


Now Time for ALL.... think for a sec.... if every woman you met wanted you to 'just' take out the garbage, wash the car and clean the garage with absolutely NO SEX, how thrilled would you be? From you're MO it's pretty evident that 'those' types of things would make you pretty angry... wouldn't they, if that's the only kind of woman you ever met? Why, because you're in the gravy business.... you want to get laid, that's it. So anybody voicing our female reality must be angry... if we don't want to 'just' get laid right?

"My requirements are simple. I need to be attracted to the woman and we need to click."

That attitude, while not unusual in the least, but still damn self serving in an adult male over 17, is simply indicative of a man who has no clue or interest in women... who they are or what they're about. Fundamentally because we are 2 different creatures with 2 different outlooks on what makes for good, better and great sex. Most women like intimacy and belonging and most guys love the state of their appendages more than anything else on earth... do you give a rats patootie about OUR stuff and what excites and turns us on, outside of bed I mean? Because really that's where our excitement starts and stays alive. Naahhh, pretty doubtful. Oddly enough after constant repetition.... this starts getting really boring to us.

So, angry? Well a bit...... but really more disappointed than anything else, that grownup males after living most of their lifetimes, really STILL haven't evolved enough to have a clue or give a damn about what moves us. If the contract of a boff is supposedly for having 'mutual' pleasure.... somehow it seems that most of us women are the ones getting short changed. Get it?....... Now go clean the garage. lol
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 143
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 12:16:03 AM

??? Are you Italian? I thought Italians were generally considered thunderous, intensely affectionate, dramatically involved with family, and place family above all things?


Lol Well there's the north (where we're closer to Germany and Austria with borders bouncing around over the centuries) and then there's the south.... here they're much more restrained, worldly and modern. ;-)
And frankly none of Italy is in the same mental place it was 50 yrs ago or what we accept as a 'cultural type' of the old time Italian immigrants to America that we've known who got stuck in a time warp from a place that no longer exists. You never cross the same river twice.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 144
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 4:44:51 AM
I can only answer this for myself when I say I think my past experiences have taught me what I don't want in a relationship. I learned that some things are just plain and simple deal breakers if the goal is to truly share your life with someone. For example, my kids are teenagers, I don't really want to date a man with young kiddos. I guess I am just past that in my life now, just as it may be difficult for a man who children are all grown to step back into the world of teenagers.
I think at this point in my life I am seeking someone with similar life experiences, who is over his past relationships and ready to share his life. I dont think I am as hung up on physical perfection ( although there has to be some chemistry there) but finding someone who is emotionally stable has proven difficult. I dont enjoy rejecting others, but I also dont waste people's time if I don't feel the person is offering less than what I offer. ( This is not financial) However, I dont need anyone to pull me up and I dont want to pull anyone else up either. Finding someone who accepts his own role in the past and is over the " she was psycho" would be a pleasant change.
I hope I am wiser in my choices, after all we aren't 20 anymore with all the time in the world to waste on the wrong one. Just my 2 cents worth.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 145
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 5:16:40 AM
Whatever you say darlin. Unfortunately for you, you will never know me well enough to having even coffee, let alone a date or roll in the hey.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 146
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 5:28:03 AM

roll in the hey.


I doubt that you will ever have one either.......at least not in the "hey"........

Quizz: How many POF forumites have graduated from elementary school?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 147
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Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 6:44:59 AM
Whatever you say darlin. Unfortunately for you, you will never know me well enough to having even coffee, let alone a date or roll in the hey.


Well h'a'y..... did you actually think I'd give diddly damn there lil'Jasper, king of the one trick ponies? lol Shall we call that a blessed promise instead of an empty threat? ;-)
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 148
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 7:21:23 AM
Something you can take to the bank darlin. Rearguard, you wii have to exkuse us unedukated folks. I do my beast.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 149
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 9:25:39 AM

Question for everyone. I've noticed in the forums all those profiles without photos and with one little sad line that seems written by a pimply 17-year-old sleepless kid who lives with his X-Box attached to his wrist. Are those real profiles, or are they second profiles, and they actually have a nice profile they use for more legitimate encounters on POF?


I have wondered that also. I do have a POF photo but it's on-request only. I'm also quite happy to Skype with ladies - as long as a tasteful amount of clothing is worn.

I see an awful lot of responses with bad spelling, bad grammar and I see profiles written in the same manner. I won't ever claim to have a perfect profile. I won't ever claim not to make the occasional miss-keyed response. I was, however, an EFL lecturer at one point. It does grate when I see bad spelling and grammar.

I agree with whoever it was that said "POF means plenty of fakes" because I have come across a load of fakers on POF. I have come across some very nice people too. I'd say it's probably 10% genuine people and 90% fakers.

I have been through a rocky relationship where I was subject to physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. At times I had wondered whether I'd wake in the morning during that relationship. But that relationship is in the past. I don't even think about her any more other than to refer to her as an unnamed ex.

I'd say my one fast rule though is debt - you can't have any debt if we're going to be in a relationship. Other than that, I'm pretty open - you can wear coke-bottle-bottom glasses, have dentures, insist on wearing Mickey Mouse ears, wear a wig - I don't care.

I will say that nothing turns me on more than a woman that wears a skirt.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 150
Are we getting harder as we get older?
Posted: 12/17/2012 10:39:38 PM
I wasn't really counting mortgages. I was thinking more about masses of other debts.

How did I survive a rocky relationship? By becoming numbed to it and taking each day as it comes. My short term memory is now terrible as I was forced to forget what happened the day before in order to face today. It ended up with my saying "today is bad but yesterday was better" for the entire relationship.

Photo by request only just in case my former lover is perusing the forums. It has been a couple of years and I am still scared to death of her and her cronies.
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