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 1ofHis
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 26
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Not sure what to do anymore.Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ditto Debi D Dishes: and MORE!

It facinates me to see all the advice that half reads...
answering for him what HE already stated. "...not getting married " this quick.

HIS original question is "Where did she go?" and "Why?"


That is what about, only that, I intend to offer comment :

Maybe not time to maintain a similar level of flirt and romance while at family?
Maybe "I love You" was said to reassure you, and the "I'll be out of contact" while with family" was not heard or foolishly unsaid?

Now I have a question ... besides Phone, DID YOU EVER MEET IN PERSON? or not?
I did not see that clearly stated. Only that she was real "on the phone"...
but not that she visited the base but near by family?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
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Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 12:52:58 PM
She's not fantastic! She's weird and demanding and crazy too boot. Seriously, wth are you talking about, a girl that wants to marry you after three weeks! Good grief.

First she wants to marry a total stranger (you) then she ignores you when you don't 'save' her from whatever she's running from by marrying her right away, now she's not mad at you....are you nuts? Run, run for the hills and don't look back and don't marry her and don't get her pregnant and don't date until you are mature enough to know right from wrong and more importantly, sane from psycho.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 28
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 12:57:34 PM
She's already pregnant and in a hurry to find a "baby daddy."
 GenJayne
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 29
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 1:05:30 PM
You are 20 years old. It's time to learn how to weed out the whacko's. A girl that tells you she is in love with you in three weeks is a little kooky in my book.
 jdj7272
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 30
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 8:10:28 PM
Marriage after 3 weeks? A woman is lucky to get a weekend getaway out of me after 3 weeks.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 31
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 8:30:45 PM
mmmmmm....

never know..

when it's right it's right...

I know people who knew they'd marry each other on their first date.. and they are still married..

It was mutual though..

I told my guy he's stuck with me so he better get used to it.. I'm not letting go.. He didn't run.. don't think he will..

There's a difference between honest open communication versus desperate stalker crazy person..

Just need to decide which she is and go with it..
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 32
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 8:41:04 PM
not too hasty - it's always obvious' this is reverse psychology.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 33
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/25/2012 9:53:15 PM
She sounds emotionally unstable to me, you probbaly dodged a bullet.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 34
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Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 11:46:14 AM
You mean this Thanksgiving? That would be rushing. It is unreasonable of her to expect such a big step in such a short time. I wouldn't contact her anymore. It sounds like she is manipulative, but that could just be my jaded opinion.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 35
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 11:59:53 AM
Well OP, any "I love you" that is uttered inside of a bare minimum 4 months, most likely 6 months will send up a red flag for me.

What happened? Anybodys guess OP, you're lucking if she STAYS gone in my book.

OFMM
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 36
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:13:38 PM
What to do? Be glad you dodged that bullet and leave well enough alone.

Telling you she loves you after 3 weeks and topping it off with wanting to get married right away? A nut case that one, smile.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 37
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Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:50:12 PM
At 20 you are far too young to be discussing marriage with anyone no matter how long you have been dating her.
Enjoy your life, date lots of girls, get your career firmly in place, travel, save your money and when you have done all you can do and been all you can be, THEN look for a wife.
The next girl that says I love you after three weeks.............................. run like hell.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 38
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:06:54 PM
DUUUUUUDE.... 3 weeks and marriage talk??!!

Run, Forest, RUN!!
 LedZeppelin2014
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 39
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:42:25 PM
Wow 3 weeks. I married my x-wife after 7 years. Just say'in
 2FunCoco
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 40
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:47:41 PM
OMG! WTH! Again!? You are a young troop and let me give you some Old sergeant advice=--Run, dont walk! Run! You're young and exploring the world your views will change as get a one year or two older and you will see things that will enhance your decision. If she is meant for you then she WILL be there. I can promise you that. Sometimes truly letting go IS the best thing. Wow! It took me YEARS to say that crap my parents told me. I learned through child support and hard experience so let me save you that dime and heart ache!
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 41
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:39:46 AM
~~~
typical woman talk...illogical and irrational and bad.
~~~
Not really.. How can emotions be wrong? Love isn't logical. It's everything but. It makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. Say things you wouldn't normally say. It's hard to push those kinds of emotions back, especially if they are strong. So hard that sometimes they can be detected without you saying anything. Knowing is knowing.. no matter how you find out. Is it better to know she feels that way, see her act it but not say it? or better to hear her say it and see her act it? I think the answer there is going to vary.. I mean.. unless she's planning on redecorating your home and moving in already.. .. or really putting the pressure on to actually get married.. I'l think it's more her emotions are so strong she can't rein them in. If they are happy what is wrong with it.. i'd never say run off to the Elvis preacher so soon or anything.. but you can know this person is the one really early on and it can be very hard to "hide" it.

Guys can be just as illogical. I've had them tell me where we'd get married during our first month, what our place would look like. One guy told me all the places we'd travel and how many kids we'd have, what kind of life we'd have.. I guess I just experience this kind of thing. I've had waitresses ask me more then once, while on a first date, how long we've been married.. Talk about craziness!! When you're ready you're ready and you'll find it. Most of those guys are married now and happy. Circumstances outside our control ended our relationships for the most part, not their openness with their feelings, or mine.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 42
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:25:17 AM
Looking at your age and assuming her age is a year or two younger might give a little bit of a different perspective.

Middle schoolers will say 'I love you' the first week. Late teens will say "I love you" very soon too. I think that's kinda normal, as it's more an expression of infatuation. Thinking someone would be the someone you'd want to marry right off isn't uncommon either, again, a flight of fantasy. The saying "by Thanksgiving" of course brings up all kinds of questions about motives and needs.

OP, I'd view this as a strong infatuation and if she stays in contact, give it time to mature to see if it really is something.

I'd agree, though, that I'd be very careful that it moves slow (no pregnancy, no marriage).

I have a coworker who is about your age, and every time she meets a guy she is full of hope and happiness. Within a week it's her "boyfriend" and within a couple weeks she "loves him". She will go out of her way to be very available to him and hurt if a day goes by that there isn't communication and worries what the problem is. On the surface, you would think needy. I think she's just a very sweet and loving girl who puts all in at once and hasn't been hurt enough to know not to. When that relationship is over, as it probably will be from the time I know her, there will be another one, and within a week he will be her "boyfriend" and within a couple weeks she will "love him." I don't know her well enough to know if this "neediness" (or in this case, I think it's just the way she thinks things should be) ends the relationships, but I do know she's said that friends have given her advice to step back and give someone their space if she gets bothered about not hearing from them for a day. Again, she's just a sweet, trusting, loving and idealistic person. In the aspect of wanting someone who is 'all into' you and loyal, she's actually be a great 'catch' for someone who wants that and all the good and "bad" that goes with that. The ability to turn it on, then off, then on again with a new infatuation is questionable, though. I think at first she's in love with being in love.

You might have something along the lines of that situation.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 43
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:27:07 AM
Professes love after 3 weeks & marriage no less is creepy. Maybe your thinking cap is on too tight cause most others would have packed her bags for her.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 44
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:43:22 AM
~~~
Men should think logically at all times, which is one of the reasons men should be a womans authority. Women are always going to be emotional...and thats fine, long as they listen to their man or father when he says "ok thats enough."
~~
Believe it or not.. I sort of agree with this. I always end up with the guys who make the decision and do the things that need to be done. I don't want any of that wishy washy.. idk what do you want to do. kind of thing.. that's my department. As long as he can also be respectful and supportive, we're good.

~~~
But it would be a bad idea to marry her and he does not even know her
~~~
Yes.. Doing that so soon would be nuts.. but she's not wrong for telling him how she feels.

~~
Which is why men should never let that EMOTION dictate anything in their lives.
~~
I don't agree, but I'm see more as I get older. That guys do this I mean.

~~
Acting on emotions is why relationships do not work. People doing what they feel, instead of whats right.
~~
Acting on emotions makes a relationship real. Logically he shouldn't have sat there with me through that all day.. but he wanted to and I really needed him too. Makes us a stronger couple.

~~
Its a bad idea to get married too soon. Get to know the person first
~~
Agree.

~~
But your example is a bad one. That guy was was speaking, not acting. Sure its what he wanted to do, but.......did it happen?
~~
No.. but not for the reasons you think.. I refused to move 3000 miles away from my family after only knowing the guy 5 months.. the other guy was house hunting for "our" house during week 3. Not his own.. ours and he bought "us" season yankee tickets in week 2 of dating.... The other guy went to war and was gone for years and told me not to wait. I did for awhile anyway though...

~~
They all end up being liars and deceitful.
~~
Sorry this is your experience.
 2FunCoco
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 45
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:00:18 AM

Which is why men should never let that EMOTION dictate anything in their lives.
~~
I don't agree, but I'm see more as I get older. That guys do this I mean.


As men get older, they have the latitude and resources to move around a relationship easier as they can. No more emotional, just more latitude.


I always end up with the guys who make the decision and do the things that need to be done. I don't want any of that wishy washy..

I'll be surprised if any independent women here will respond to that one. But I like it at times when a woman is decisive on certain things. Reality is that things have to be decisive and their has to be a decision without fail. You can't slide through life without some difficult decisions. It's almost lazy to allow a majority of the decisions to be made without some decisive input in some way.

Not picking on you but I've seen women respond like this.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 46
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:22:23 AM
OP
Thank you for serving our country. Please stay safe.

Is it possible that this young lady is just MESSING with you??

Otherwise, if she's serious, I have to agree with those who've said "run like hell!"

As far as independent women and "dependent" women-this is not a "versus" situation. If seeking an "authoritative" man to help her manage her life is what a woman needs to do, then that is what she needs to do. I personally prefer
that big decisions in a relationship be a result of a "meeting of the minds". However, I do recognize that sometimes a decision needs to be made quickly and clearly, and in those cases it should be made by whichever partner is the most qualified to make it.
Cindy O
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 47
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 12:00:15 PM
I was talking more on the actual dates side of things. If there is somewhere I want to go i'll tell him and I'll likely go with or without him. But when it comes to dates I think it's only fair that he decides where he wants to take me. If there is something that needs to be done and I'm there.. i'll make the decision. If I really don't want to go somewhere i'll tell him that too. Difficult decisions.. I'm sure women in general, including those are are submissive are capable of making those types of decisions when necessary. I just don't really care which restaurant he takes me too, as long as it's not a seafood only place, we are good to go. but of course.. I will tell him my preferences, especially since he will ask and if he really likes me..he will consider them when choosing where to go.

~~
No more emotional, just more latitude.
~~
Interesting.. with more dating experience comes more knowledge on how to what.. fake it? I just don't see how you can leave emotion out of it. It's based on emotion.. otherwise men would marry the first woman who suites his lifestyle. we all know that doesn't happen often.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 48
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 12:52:42 PM
OMG 3 weeks and she wants someone to marry her? Does she have kids? Could she be pregnant???? She wants someone NOW to marry her. There is something going on.
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 49
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Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:41:08 PM
Talk of marriage gives me hives. I would run for the hills.
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 50
Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:46:06 PM
My guess is you want your cake, and eat it too.
Perhaps she is not interested in infidelity before marriage
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