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 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 51
HELP! Kid IssuesPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
End it now.You can't handle it.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 52
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HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:03:39 AM
Teens are moody. Depression is usu. mixed in with it. It seems like they resent you for taking the little time they have with their mom away. Why not do something fun with the whole family and include them? Perhaps a park and play football or board game with them. Ask for their help in fixing car, cooking,...? Be the first to say hello and let it pass it they do not say hello back. Help them engage in an activity and invite their mom to engage too to bring the family together. They may finally open up to you and tell you what their issue is. Their mom may need to go to a counselor with them and try to work on issues. It sounds like she is avoiding issues and the kids are resenting you around. They are probably used to men just leaving when this comes up. If you really get along with this women---try to talk alone with her about the kids attitude and work as a team to engage them in fun activities so they will trust you.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 53
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:13:42 AM
They will never take you seriously or have much respect for you and in reality,even as a step father,you would have to stay out of her drama with them and that is what makes it all the harder.

Or...you can just grin and bear them as my guy does,until they move the hell out!
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 54
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HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:32:06 AM
I was just going to let this thread go past me due to the fact that the answer is really obvious to me. I married a single mom and NEVER had any issue with her teen sons. They had their issues, but generally they were respectful human beings to other people (not just me).

Normal respectful human being don't give other people concussions. No one should tolerate being called disrespectful names no matter who they are.
Do these teens act this way toward other adults or do they just treat you and their mom like crap.

As a teen I NEVER put my hands on another adult. I never cussed at another adult and as a parent to allow this to happen is just something I can't even fathom.

The second someone's child would have been disrespectful to me, I don't care who the mom is, I'm out of there. You are not their therapist. You have no say on their up bringing. It's a losing battle.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 55
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HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:36:06 PM
I would not date anybody who has boundaries like this with his kids. I didn't raise my kids like this and didn't put up with that kind of crap from them, and I certainly don't intend to take crap like that from anybode else's kids, either.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 56
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:38:34 PM

flueron: He sounds extremely selfish to me.

YOU: If he was selfish, it wouldn't even be an issue with him. He wouldn't have any internal struggle, he'd tell her see ya, and never ask people for advice.


Did you happen to read the OP’s comments which I quoted and bolded in my previous post? If not, check it out.

IMO…..the only “internal struggle” he’s having is finding a way to ditch his girlfriend without HIM feeling guilty. It’s plainly obvious to me.

Where do you see him asking how to HELP her? He blithely comments that her 18 year old son put her in the hospital with a concussion, like he’s relating that he had pizza for dinner. Get real.

Again, since I realize reading can be difficult.

OP:
I don't put up with bad behavior from my own kids and I basically don't see why I should tolerate in anyone elses kids.

I really see me getting dragged into a lot of drama with these kids and I don't have the patience for it. I guess I know the answer, but I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.


That does NOT sound like he’s being too damn “brave,” to me…..except that he admits he’s trying to have his cake and eat it, too. Guess why.

Oh, and count the number of times he says, “I….I…..I…….I…..I…..” in THREE sentences.


Lol. In my opinion your view is biased against men.


Oh really. How did you determine that? I actually read the OP and his subsequent post.

In my opinion your view is based on
My two and her five, and it didn't work out, but at least I got out on the field and tried… I tried to go into an almost impossible situation, and help heal a broken family and be a good male role model


YOUR obvious bias.

See….I read your post, too.


Men are so not selfish. We're incredibly strong, caring, nurturing creatures who make a lot of sacrifices to help others. Right on man. Firemen die every day, policemen die every day, soldiers die every day. Here's to men, the backbone of society.


Ugh. I need a barf bag.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 57
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:58:49 PM
Personally...I think what he'd really like is for these annoying PITA kids to disappear.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 58
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HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:11:03 PM
The idea that he should get in there and father these ill-raised teens is insane, unless he's a professional in the field of therapy and is not screwing the mom, he has no business butting into an already bad case. These are teens with real problems, not some sort of bratty kids who need a daddy's firm hand from mom's lover. He hasn't even been dating her long enough to be around her kids. But her son has attacked her, she's not doing her job, her kids will be in some real trouble soon and he has his own kids to keep out of this sort of environment. The dumbest thing he could do is jump in there and play dad.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 59
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:14:25 PM
The idea that he should get in there and father these ill-raised teens is insane, unless he's a professional in the field of therapy and is not screwing the mom, he has no business butting into an already bad case. These are teens with real problems, not some sort of bratty kids who need a daddy's firm hand from mom's lover. He hasn't even been dating her long enough to be around her kids. But her son has attacked her, she's not doing her job, her kids will be in some real trouble soon and he has his own kids to keep out of this sort of environment. The dumbest thing he could do is jump in there and play dad.

Not according to flueron. He's just another scum bag man, like all the scum bag men who die as police and fireman and soldiers saving others, and fighting in the military, that make her want to barf. She must laugh when they report the amount of combat deaths on the news.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 60
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:26:59 PM
I wouldn't get involved with someone who had kids that were out of control.
I know that some kids have problems no matter how you raise them, but I
would think you'd get help and get them healthy before you'd drag in some
stranger to either be a bystander, cheerleader or participant. It's not his job
or his business to discipline her kids, especially when he's got his own kids
to be concerned with and their possible relationship with this woman.

As far as not introducing people to your kids until you know the relationship
is going somewhere, how exactly do you know when the right time is? I get
not having sleepovers while you have young kids at home, but I don't get not
introducing new people as friends you're dating. But since my kids were older
when I started dating, I guess I could be clueless about that. Seems to me this
woman's kids are old enough to know she's dating.

Not sure who decided to mention police, fireman and soldiers saving others and
the military when talking about whether or not this guy should stick with this
woman...but yeah...I agree...barf. WTF does that have to do with this thread?
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 61
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:29:35 PM
The policeman, fireman, soldier issue has NOTHING to do with this thread...senseless gibberish.

That is all.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 62
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:45:46 PM
What you see is a train wreck in slow motion. Do you want to stay on it??? or do want to get off while you are still sane??? Do you want those kids around your kids??? It has nothing to do with how nice she is, There is just way too much heavy baggage.

There is nothing YOU can do about HER kids. You are no one to them and the moment you would open your mouth they would be more then happy to tell you that in your face. You know what? they would be right about it too.

This is one of the reason that many single people with no kids rather not date single parents. Also why some single parents don't want to date other single parents.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 63
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:51:21 PM
SC67: The policeman, fireman, soldier issue has NOTHING to do with this thread...senseless gibberish.

That is all.

It doesn't if you can't see the bigger picture :)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 64
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:51:27 PM

Not according to flueron. He's just another scum bag man, like all the scum bag men who die as police and fireman and soldiers saving others, and fighting in the military, that make her want to barf. She must laugh when they report the amount of combat deaths on the news.


Well I can see your username fits you. I can think of a few more that would be appropriate but you probably wouldn’t like too much.

I never called OP a scumbag. I never called men or anybody else scumbags. You’re hysterical over nothing. I can see trying to discuss this thread with you is futile.

But you are aware that there are WOMEN in all of those professions, right? If not I’m sure I’ve just enlightened you.

Please don’t try to speak for me. I do it so much better than you could ever hope to.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 65
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 1:55:59 PM
Flueron, I'm going to ignore you now, because as far as I can tell from your remarks towards men are derogatory, and hateful. If you're going to insult a gender at least back it up with some studies, and or statistics. Either way, please stop addressing me, you're obviously very bitter towards men, and I'm sorry if you were hurt really badly at some point, but don't take it out on me.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 66
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 2:15:12 PM

Men are so not selfish. We're incredibly strong, caring, nurturing creatures who make a lot of sacrifices to help others. Right on man. Firemen die every day, policemen die every day, soldiers die every day. Here's to men, the backbone of society.


ahahahahahahaha!
Irrelavancy and a thought for a day all in one sentence.
I see what you did there.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 67
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:19:07 PM
eventually a really good woman is going to come along that understands why I stick up for men, and will love me for it, and she'll be blessed because she'll have great guy who will cherish her always.
 2FunCoco
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 68
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:28:54 PM
WTH! OMG! WTH! LOL. Let me give some advice here! Whoa! Gasp!

1. You can NOT tell a woman how to "raise or rear" her kids after 16 years.
You will be the devil even if you have stellar kids. So forget that route.
2. You can either be the kids friend or their enemy but choose quickly. Ok, friend = try to reason with them even if it's stupid because something teenagers say will be JUST that. stupid. Enemy = take thier mothers side (totally up to you here) You can always switch sides when your are truly known to be one side or the other. LOL.

3. You can not reason with teenagers. So do not try to.

ok, you got it? Make sense!? LOL

or you could just keep your distance from that house and try to figure out a better plan to be with her. these kids are almost GROWN! They obviously or NOT going to respect you. Yeah, come guys try to GET respect because you have NO bargaining chips with them to begin with. You want their mother so what do you have to offer to them?

Try using on others posters suggestion and you will go broke trying it. come as man, blah, blah ,blah, take my advice and figure if she is worth the fight. We are older and I am not willing to take too much crap from kids. It's just me. The kids know better and if the mother had respect the kids would know better.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 69
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:48:22 PM

eventually a really good woman is going to come along that understands why I stick up for men, and will love me for it, and she'll be blessed because she'll have great guy who will cherish her always.


^^^ I think you'd "stick up for men" no matter what.
Plus,this Thread is not your own personal advertizing space.
On Topic,i really hope Op bows out of the situation because i dont think he really wants to help her at all and i hope she can get some professional help for her troubled son and think about dating when her family life is more stable.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 70
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:17:07 PM
I don't have kids, and precious little experience being around them, but as an outside observer, I have generally found that solid, respectable people raise solid, respectful kids. It's not often someone has a little miscreant and it's like, "whoa, the parent seems normal! What happened to the kid?!" So maybe as good as YOUR relationship with her might be right NOW, something tells me she's getting the benefit of the doubt a little in your mind, OP. Doesn't sound like she's had a good handle on these kids, and I certainly wouldn't want to step into that. Especially if I had well-adjusted kids of my own. Move on is my vote. Good luck.
 msemeraldeyes73
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 71
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:24:22 PM


eventually a really good woman is going to come along that understands why I stick up for men, and will love me for it, and she'll be blessed because she'll have great guy who will cherish her always.



Inflated _Ego : Try to stick to the topic and avoid hijacking threads and people might not find you so annoying. JMHO.

Yes this is a dating site... but how about you advertise on your own profile not on everyone else's thread...


Not according to flueron. He's just another scum bag man, like all the scum bag men who die as police and fireman and soldiers saving others, and fighting in the military, that make her want to barf. She must laugh when they report the amount of combat deaths on the news.


And misquoting other posters in order to make yourself look better?? Hmmm



Flueron, I'm going to ignore you now, because as far as I can tell from your remarks towards men are derogatory, and hateful. If you're going to insult a gender at least back it up with some studies, and or statistics. Either way, please stop addressing me, you're obviously very bitter towards men, and I'm sorry if you were hurt really badly at some point, but don't take it out on me.


And insulting a poster who disagrees with you hijacking and completely talking off topic to a thread.

Create your own thread about how men are so perfect and women all suck... And try to stay focused in here.....


Forum Etiquette!

ps... So glad I check a man's prior posts before agreeing to a date. This confirms why I do it.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 72
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:26:55 PM
^^^ I think you'd "stick up for men" no matter what.
Plus,this Thread is not your own personal advertizing space.


I am on topic. I'm encouraging him as a man because the haters are saying ridiculous stuff about OP, if I remember trying to say he's bad for having second guesses about a dangerous family situation which many here agree is dangerous for him, but the few little haters want to forget logic and criticize him because he's a man, and make generalizations about men that aren't even true if you study male behavior, then the haters tell me they want to vomit if I say anything good about men at all. Go after the haters, don't get on me about it. Also apparently you haven't seen all my posts. I stick up for whoever I feel is right.

I have almost gotten myself stabbed in the neck protecting women I hardly even know from killers before so don't talk to me about who I stick up for. I have stuck up for women my whole life. I've gotten in fights with men for pushing women on the ground, all that, but 20 million fatherless homes? I'm sticking up for men now too.

on topic:

I hope OP gets out too.
 msemeraldeyes73
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 73
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:35:45 PM


Ugh. I need a barf bag

+1
I vote we buy the value pack because its getting bad in here.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 74
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:13:50 PM
You need to get out!! Sounds like this women had too many dates, around her kids. Sleep over's, really?
And wonder why the kids have no respect for her. Nothing like thinking, your own mom is a slut.
She needs to forget about dating, a think, more about being a good mom.
In the kids eye's your just another man, doing their mom.

Dont worry about hurting her feelings. Worry about yourself, and your kids!!
Good Luck to you!!!
 imanew1
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 75
HELP! Kid Issues
Posted: 11/29/2012 2:07:30 PM
the kids are pissed because the family mom and dad separated and mom has had a few men since dad and now you ,
my mom did this and It drove us nuts I finally hit one guy she brought home I was 18 at the time my younger brother 16 went to drugs and my younger sister 17 didn't see what was wrong and had an open door to her room as well because it was ok mom did it . there pissed at there mom and mom knows it that's why she wont confront them ,
the son wont say hi because your the ass doing his mom and he is still a kid he is probable trying to figure out what women want as a man you know we grow up thinking women are the best ting and slowly learn differently ,you can see it all over the place with the troubled teens teens and the single parents the past 20 years both have been on the rise
im a single dad of 3 teens and I went out last month with a few people I know not on a date but there are women and my kids turned evil lol I new what was going on and I stopped going ,
kids should come first if dating is messing up your kids stop dating for a wile I haven't been on a date in years
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