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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 39
Ended out of the bluePage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Yes thats what bugged me the most, I'm unfamiliar with women who can claim to have that top draw sex and yet feel NO connection or to feel a connection for it just vanish, a mystery it will remain.


If it wasn't the sex, it could have been money. She's a salon owner---you're a driver. Perhaps she felt the relationship was unbalanced financially.

Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that she didn't see a future with you because you didn't make enough money?
 blueeyes2410
Joined: 6/26/2010
Msg: 40
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 11/28/2012 10:51:11 AM

So.... she felt no connection but the sex was "Top Draw"? There are very few women who can have have no butterflies or feelings for a man, send him a bunch of text messages about introducing him to the fam, proceed to have Top Draw sex with him, then dump him like a hot potato. Yep, so VERY DEFINITELY bipolar.


This. Well I am NOT saying that this is 100% what happened here, but it's a possibility. I had 2 ex's diagnosed as bipolar, well the one I believe actually had Borderline Personality Disorder. But they both were like this, especially the one. The one guy was madly in love with me, the relationship moved very quickly, he was obsessed over me, kissed me passionately, wanted to see me everyday, couldn't get enough of me, then BAM that changed overnight. And I obsessively analyzed what I did wrong. I beat myself up for it. His feelings for me went from 100 to 0. He was verbally and emotionally abusive too, but that was something else. He either worshiped me like a goddess and I was the most beautiful person on earth or I was the ugliest and stupidest person on earth. Then all of the sudden, his feelings went back from 0 to 100 again. Telling me he loved me, telling me he saw us growing old together, kinda spoke of marriage. And we were back together. Then BAM out of nowhere he wanted to break up. Would disappear for days, then come back. Ugh this went on for 4 months before he finally left. He even explained to me how sometimes he liked me and sometimes he didn't, and he didn't know why. But it was either intense interest or intense disinterest. Came back one last time begging for me back and saying he wanted to make it work (right after he was diagnosed with bipolar and was put on meds). Since he was in therapy and getting help, I decided to give it one last try. We agreed to meet up. First, he cancelled on me. Then, he finally offered to reschedule. When the time came to meet up *POOF*. Completely ignored me. Gone with the wind. Ugh did I feel stupid! But I think he was misdiagnosed; I believe he has Borderline Personality Disorder and kept "splitting" his view on me from "white" (good) to "black" (bad). BUT I have seen stories on Bipolar relationships where the feelings come and go.

Again this may be a far-fetched explanation, but maybe it's possible. I think what's more likely is that she kinda liked you but maybe just not enough? Or there was a connection but just somehow got lost? Anything is possible, but don't beat yourself up. On to the next! Let her come to you if she's interested.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 41
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 11/28/2012 12:34:13 PM

I didnt pester the girl, i sent one text asking how she was and asked to give me the respect I gave her to help me understand the " not feeling it".


Dude, you *WERE* pestering her. Anyway, it doesn't matter what *YOU* think you were doing -- it matters what *SHE* thinks. It's called being Passive-Aggressive. And why did you need "respect" in understanding the "not feeling it"? She said NO, and that's all that matters. Did you seriously think that you were gonna get her to have third thoughts about this?

But, you're 25. 25-year-olds are SUPPOSED to have a few messy relationships under their belts. What they AREN'T supposed to do, is cry in public about their flame-outs like some weepy teen-age girl.


Yes thats what bugged me the most, I'm unfamiliar with women who can claim to have that top draw sex and yet feel NO connection or to feel a connection for it just vanish, a mystery it will remain.


Get used to it. People, men and women alike, flake out all the time, and end relationships for bizarre reasons constantly. If you think that Passive-Aggressive texting will make everyone behave better... well, holding your breath and stomping your feet will accomplish about as much.
 caps_off
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 42
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 11/28/2012 1:57:59 PM
Anyway, it doesn't matter what *YOU* think you were doing -- it matters what *SHE* thinks. It's called being Passive-Aggressive.

100% wrong. He was asking for clarification, which is reasonable. And what you wrote makes me think you have no idea what passive-aggressivism is.
But let's apply your philosophy to this thread. Why are you continuing to argue this point to the OP? He already told you what he thinks. Do you really believe you're going to change his mind? No, so stop acting like a "weepy-teenage girl." Take his answer for what it is, and move on.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 44
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:06:08 PM
Well, OP, we can only speculate at this point. Maybe you dodged a bullet if her communication skills were so lacking that she was unable to elaborate further than just telling you she didn't feel "butterflies".

She doesn't sound particularly swift---or perhaps, as others suggested, she IS bi-polar. Either way, she probably did you a favor by moving on.
 Scared888
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 45
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:40:39 PM
I think you were used.

I don't think she wanted anything else from you but sex.

I hate people like this. Both men and women do it.

Don't make promises to people or talk about the future if you dont actually plan on doing those things with that person. It's mean and it hurts. Just be honest.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 48
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/1/2012 1:07:13 PM
I am sorry this happen to you. Did you poop in her shower, and just leave it there?LOL
You sound like a very nice guy. Have to give her credit, she did tell you to your face, and didnt wait for you to leave, and send a text.
You will find someone that will appreciate you. Try to take it slower next time.
Good Luck to you!!!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 49
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/1/2012 4:49:11 PM

There are very few women who can have have no butterflies or feelings for a man, send him a bunch of text messages about introducing him to the fam, proceed to have Top Draw sex with him, then dump him like a hot potato. Yep, so VERY DEFINITELY bipolar.


Wow, is this a professional diagnosis? Maybe she just wanted to get laid. Or is a very bad communicator, or both. OR changed her mind, or about a zillion other things.

I would think there are very few women who would tell a man to his face (or in text) that he sucks in bed. Since she expresses her emotions as no ‘butterflies in her stomach’ or whatever, she’s obviously not very articulate.

However; it’s pretty easy to say, oh yeah, baby the sex was soooooooooo good with you, you’re the best, purrrrrr….ha ha.

Most women know that most men believe ANYTHING about sex.


Did you poop in her shower, and just leave it there?LOL


Yeah, OP…did you do that? If some guy did that to me, I’d drag his ass right back there to clean it up.

That was funny, NOCLOWNING. :)
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:13:43 AM
You'll never know, you need to accept that and move on. Probably at least half of us have experienced the same sort of thing, no idea why someone rejected us.
You're looking for closure which would be great if her reasons made you feel good about yourself. What if her reasons make you feel worse about yourself?
You don't know why she doesn't want to see you, certainly strangers don't know. She knows and has chosen the old standby "I'm not feeling it".
I would assume she's trying to spare your feelings. Some things we really don't need to know.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 55
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/2/2012 11:08:03 AM

You strike out there im afraid


Really?


She did get back to me with the text, " Heya, painting went well! I just wasnt feeling it. Enjoy the rests of your weekendx."


It wasn’t the shower….it was the sex. Everything was fine and lovely and romantic and lasting forever-ish until you had sex.

Trust me….if a woman wants to make you think you’re a great lover, she can. That doesn’t mean you are a great lover, or that she enjoyed having sex with you.
She told you she wasn’t feeling it after you had sex. See?

It doesn’t really matter, though, does it? She doesn’t need an “excuse” to end it with you. She freaked, she isn’t feeling it…what difference does it make? What she said two weeks or two months ago doesn’t matter now, does it?

Since you seem a bit emotionally fragile, take things slower with the next woman. Don’t allow yourself to become so emotionally invested in text messages and phone calls and Facebook and WORDS. You’ve learned that pretty words don’t mean a whole heck of a lot. Right?

Give a woman time to SHOW you how she feels, rather than just TELL you. That kind of relationship takes time, and I don’t mean time rolling around in bed together.

One more thing….I suggest you don’t get into the habit of trying to puff up your self esteem by tearing down someone else. It isn’t healthy, and it doesn’t work.
 pinkmittens
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 58
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/2/2012 9:20:57 PM
free help painting!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 60
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/3/2012 11:58:01 AM

Yes , she then went on to clear things up more clearly after. Maybes you should read the posts first before you come up with a rash analysis.


OP…..I did read your posts. You just don’t like what I have to say.

You don’t want to hear that some women say the sex is great when they don’t mean it….and I don’t blame you. I’m sorry…you do seem emotionally fragile to me. If not, why did you start this thread? Why try to dissect the situation?

Okay, then…how’s this….you’re sexual dynamite. You’re so hot, your bedding bursts into flames spontaneously. Your touch leaves scorch marks on women. I could go on but I’m sure you get the point.


Your clearly opposed to what has been posted on here which is fine, at least reply with a constructive argument.


Look, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. My argument is simple. She was into you, then you had sex, then she wasn’t into you. How much clearer can it be?


I gave that girl nothing but respect and complimented her often, care to explain seeing as you know a vast amount about what happened and what was spoken, how Ive managed to do tear down her esteem?


Well here’s part of the problem…you’ve misunderstood me.
You’ve been tearing her down on this thread.

You, Msg. 3:
I do believe she has done this before , the guy before. she recently told me they did sleep together and after that she claimed there was no spark. That could be the catalyst , but then again from our experience shes either a very good actor or like you said flick of a switch.


You, Msg. 7:
Seems plausible, just very frustrating given the effort and time put in. Shes played her hand well.


You, Msg. 12:
Thanks for the input people , she obviously wasnt as genuine as appeared.


See what I mean?

Will you feel better if I say that you were horribly, horribly wronged…she doesn’t deserve the awesomeness of you, and will forever be haunted by your memory?
Years from now she’ll be chanting your name repeatedly, futilely, in her nursing home rocking chair, with eternal, unbearable regret.

All better now? :)
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 62
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/4/2012 1:06:11 AM
it actually was a first for her as many others try it on immediately.....Again she mentioned how she hadn't really been treated like this and found it nice that I hadnt forced anything on her.


There are too many mixed messages. Maybe she's the type that is used to having casual sex and no attachments to people what-so-ever. People are drawn to the things they want. She wanted to have sex with you and thus you two had sex. People push away things they don't want or run from the things they are afraid of. Maybe the excitement of building a potential relationship with you turned to fear.


"I freaked out, I'm not ready for this"


Personally, I probably would have done more talking before having sex to find out what she's really looking for and to make sure that we were on the same page or not. I also wouldn't be too hung up on this person after the fact even if the sex was out of this world. She sounds a little messed up.... and well... hard to please. Probably doesn't even know what she wants.
 Aardente
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 63
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/4/2012 2:06:55 AM
I mean no disrespect but you present yourself (in my view) as the 'victim', as though you have been dudded. It takes two to tango. Seems to me you are relaying your own perceptions of what happened and searching for some sort of moral justification through peer support. She has a whole unique perspective. She may be telling you things to not cause a scene or for a number of reasons. I think you can not begin to understand her motives you can only understand your own.

Have a look at your own actions and try to learn from that as I do not think you are an 'innocent' party at all.

As a close frind of mine ondce said - bewware fast friends.

Hope you don't take this as a personal dig.

Regards,

Paul.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 66
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/4/2012 9:50:25 AM
I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if maybe the sex wasn't as great for her as it was for you? (Maybe the first round was not what she expected, so she went for round 2 in the morning to be conclusive?)

I think the EXACT same thing.

OP, maybe you didn't perform the way she wanted, or maybe you just 'assumed' she was satisfied and didn't care enough to make sure she was. Perhaps you're not 'built' the way she was hoping, or she simply wasn't feeling the same passion you were both times.

It's pretty shallow to dump someone after the 1st or 2nd time you've been intimate with them just because the sex wasn't the end all and be all, but she just might be the type who has no patience and doesn't waste any time moving on.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 67
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/4/2012 12:11:13 PM

Yeah I feel much better if you would say all those things, It would mean so much to me coming from you ...
... I can accept that we have not worked out, I was seeking understanding. I think that is perfectly reasonable to ask of such thing.


Maybe by “understanding” you really mean “empathy,” as opposed to figuring out the situation. We’ve all been burned, and wanted to know why, and what happened. If you want closure, realize she won’t give it to you. You have to give it to yourself.

Focus on YOU; not her. You don’t need to understand her. She’s over. Understand yourself. Recognize that you have some responsibility in this, too. You let her call the shots. Figure out what you really want in a relationship, and don’t settle for less.

Like I said before, I think you should try to take things more slowly with a woman. There are lots of women who will respect that and appreciate it, very much. Don’t give your heart away too quickly or too easily. Words (from anyone) are cheap and easy, as you’ve just discovered….. give a woman the chance to SHOW you how she feels about you…. BEFORE you get in bed with her.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 68
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/4/2012 1:30:42 PM

Give a woman time to SHOW you how she feels, rather than just TELL you. That kind of relationship takes time, and I don’t mean time rolling around in bed together.

Pretty good advice.

Even thickheads like me have eventually gotten the message by the way a woman has interacted with me as we've gone along. It's the subtle things rather than the obvious, she wants your scent with her because it reminds her of you, so she'll occasionally help herself to your shirts, she's at ease in your company and her body language will reflect that, it's the little things that count.

Fleuron is right.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:28:03 AM
I think something did happen in the shower. I think she got a txt or call from an ex and wants to get back with him. I read all this and can't remember when she told you the butterflies were gone but I think it was before you had sex. That doesn't make sense. If a woman thinks the butterflies are gone, she doesn't have sex for the first time with a man. If you'd been having it for months and she started to lose the feeling it might happen that she would try one more time to see how she felt. It doesn't make sense to me that if the butterflies were gone before the sex, she would have gone through with that. I'm sorry you got hurt. It is very interesting to hear of this happening to a man since this happens to women all the time. I don't think you did anything wrong. Next time, date someone closer!

Firefly
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 71
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:45:48 AM

You make it sound like I am the one reasonable for us sleeping together. First off it takes two people and although she initiated it I obviously wanted too…...
This argument is based on fleurons idea that sex was the issue.


OP…..didn’t you read anything else I wrote?

What’s wrong with suggesting you take it slower with a woman until you’re reasonably sure about her feelings for you? I’m not talking about sex only. You posted that this woman talked a good game with flowery possibilities for you two, then ditched you. It doesn’t matter WHY. I’m sure you were a fiery sexual dynamo in bed and sex had nothing to do with it, okay?

You seem like the type of man who wants something substantial with a woman…am I wrong? If you want something substantial, you need to build something substantial with her. WORDS mean NOTHING, unless they are followed up by ACTION.

I suggested that you acknowledge your part in this….I didn’t say you were solely responsible. You did let her call the shots, not ONLY with the sex…..by your own admission. I’m merely suggesting you do some introspection to determine what you really want in a relationship, so you are better prepared to recognize it when you find what you want…..and what you don’t want.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 73
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:10:14 PM

I can actually agree with you ...for once :)


Omg….I’m feeling faint with shock. ;)

You seem like a genuine guy with a good heart, and you took shit from me like a man. :)

I do wish you the best, OP. :)
 missbella28
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:41:30 PM
Know how ya feel because it happened to me just recently.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 76
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/6/2012 6:09:29 AM
One thing I have noticed about the behavior of people that use dating sites is that they really think nothing about cutting off contact without any explanation whatsoever.

I had a similar experience last week. I met a girl for drinks, had great conversation and talked about doing all sorts of things. I didn't really expect it, but we exchanged phone numbers and I said as I paid the check that I would call her the next day. I did, and she was out Christmas shopping with her mother and didn't pick up, but said to call on Sunday. Again, I call and no reply, but I didn't leave a message. A few days later I figured it out and simply said it appeared that was all there was and "no worries."

People just think we are all disposable here online.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 77
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/6/2012 7:48:24 AM
One thing I have noticed about the behavior of people that use dating sites is that they really think nothing about cutting off contact without any explanation whatsoever.

I had a similar experience last week. I met a girl for drinks, had great conversation and talked about doing all sorts of things. I didn't really expect it, but we exchanged phone numbers and I said as I paid the check that I would call her the next day. I did, and she was out Christmas shopping with her mother and didn't pick up, but said to call on Sunday. Again, I call and no reply, but I didn't leave a message. A few days later I figured it out and simply said it appeared that was all there was and "no worries."

People just think we are all disposable here online.


Your scenario is not unique to online dating sites---it's just as likely to happen in real life. A man and a woman meet each other in a bar. They exchange phone numbers. The man either says he will call, and doesn't---or he calls, and the woman doesn't answer or return his call. It happens all the time.
 blaqwynter
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 78
Ended out of the blue
Posted: 12/6/2012 11:22:06 AM
Maybe all she really was looking for was one good night of hot sex. Some people are like that. They will charm their way into your life, make small talk, and get intimate with you, as well as make you feel that there are no expectations. But maybe all she did need was that one night to see if she felt anything, but didn't.
Like Jim Morrison sang.. ''People Are Strange.''
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