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 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 28
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History
Married to a Disabled WifePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You changed your status to living together... real nice :)

Ugh, this kind of stuff makes me sick. I hope any woman that you try and "date" reads this thread :)

Get your act together, grow up and take responsibility for your own actions :)
 SingleInArlington
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 30
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/27/2012 6:59:08 PM
Am not thinking at all, was already a bad idea to ask for advice anyways :) have changed my status already, even if there is somehow someone on here who actually gives a damn ;) will see thanks anyway


Your marriage is not as easy as you would like so you want to run and your not getting the responses you feel you deserve in here so you want to run. This just might be a pattern! Your married and have kid/s so you should give a "Damn" about that.
 Hotmerlot
Joined: 10/9/2012
Msg: 31
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:03:00 PM
Strike One: You are married and on a dating site.
Strike Two: Your wife has near zero mental capabilities but you want to divorce her (and what put her in a home?)
Strike Three: You don't have the balls to leave her and instead try to get her to leave.

At this point you are out of the ball game.

Strike Four: You don't want us women to play with your head. (Really??)
Strike Five: You held cheating over her head.
Strike Six: You don't think it is too much to ask for someone that knows what life means. (WTH are you asking for with this vague statement? A sandwich, a friendship, a pat on the head)

At this point you are out of the ball game and you've been voted off the island.

Get some backbone, take care of your responsibilities, get a divorce if you need one. But do not expect someone (a single woman) to swan into your life and fix it. Act like a man.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 32
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/27/2012 9:27:10 PM
scorpius77- I wondering if she's really disabled or if that's just a put down because, as you said, she "doesn't do what needs to be done".
You are a grown man, take care of yourself!
Really, whining about her not leaving. You leave her, she would be better off.
My #1 pet peeve about POF is people who are still married and on a dating web site, bad form!
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 33
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/27/2012 9:42:11 PM
Move out if she will not and get counseling for yourself. Take your children (if you have them) with you...a mentally ill mom with anger issues has to take that anger somewhere. If you are gone, who do you think she will take her anger out on? Your #1 priority right now should be your children, not dating.

On second thought, maybe your children should live with a relative for awhile...you both seem to have issues with anger.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 34
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/27/2012 10:11:21 PM
Mood swings is another word for emotional abuse. So you're looking at this from the wrong angle. You're wife is an abuser. You need to do your homework and go to a counselor and show them she is using moodiness as an excuse to emotionally abuse you and if it doesn't stop, you are going to try to get her to get help, and if she doesn't get help, you are going to divorce her.

Cheating on her is INEXCUSABLE. I'm not yelling I'm emphasizing. You're repaying abuse with adultery and that is inexcusable. Be a man. Straighten the situation out, or leave. Plane and simple. No half stepping. Men don't half step. You should have told her that if she doesn't have sex with you and treat you better, you're going to leave her and find someone will, but not within the context of marriage. Even by my biblical standard you are allowed to divorce for abuse, and emotional abuse is abuse, but divorce is usually the symptom of something else. I understand as a man that whenever you try to change the behavior of a female now to something you shouldn't even have to ask them for which is to treat you better, they take it as an attack on the woman, and you being controlling and play that whole game, you just have to stand your ground against that attitude and say, no, and show them the science and the studies on emotional abuse, or manipulative behavior, which are, and I bet you will relate to this when you read this, acting like anything you say or do isn't good enough, the silent treatment (not dignifying your response with a direct answer or answering you with a question), name calling, unwarranted mistrust (which now you told her you are going to mess around on her, so you have to apologize to her and earn that trust back) you didn't cheat yet hopefully though so she can't hold it against you forever, and being unforgiving.
 MrMeSir
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 36
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 12:43:27 AM
I've come to realize most people who use these forums are bitter people who want to impose their views on everyone else, scorius. Keep your head high and good luck with your life and relationship, hope you start feeling better about stuff in the future.
 SingleInArlington
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 37
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 2:05:30 AM
@OP - Your entire posts have been vague at best. Your first excuse as to why you couldnt share 100% of whats going on is because it wouldnt be right. Your second excuse is because of "all the idiot comments from everyone" . You havent shared 10% of whats going on and its your post lol For the love of god "Inflated_ego" came up with something from you saying "mood swings" but he did a vastly better job at explaining something then you did. If all that he explained applys to you, I dont know! What her disability is, you still havent said.

You said " you have tried everything else already" yet have not explained what everything else is. The only thing you added to this was that you told her you would cheat on her. I'm still baffled how that is going to help anything other then a divorce. You flame the other posters for not understanding how to communicate with you but you are the one who has communicated poorly.

As a child I was adopted by my grandparents and my grandmother would always have these outbursts or breakdowns. She would cry and yell(actually to the point where she would foam at her mouth a little) at me on a regular basis. It was very frustrating as a child. By the time I became a teenager I learned how to control her. I could see the outburst coming and I could stop them by redirecting her. She is now in her 80's(really fragile) and I still have to redirect her from time to time. So have you done everything? I'm not convinced.

The only thing I'm convinced of, is that you have already left this marriage and you have no interest of trying to make it work. So yes be the "Responsible caring one" and end this thread. Its really just been a waste of time.
 Izzy0220
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 38
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:41:35 AM
I hear you and welcome to my world. I believe the best thing to do is what I did moved out find your own place and put lots of miles between you and your wife.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 39
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 10:45:48 AM
If you REALLY cared about your wife......you would NOT be on here.......but rather.....doing every thing and anything you could to strengthen your marriage.

INCLUDING counseling and accessing any resources that could help you and your wife.

What the hell are you doing on here? You are a married man seeking out a sidedish, yet you tell your wife you would never cheat on her???? Things that make me go hmmmmmmmm - that in of itself makes you a liar.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 40
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 4:18:17 PM

OP you didnt get what you wished.... an ego stroke and now you are lashing out. Just from the facts you present,
you being married, looking for an affair, not leaving your wife, slagging her off, painting yourself as the victim,
your verbal lashing out at others when they present a different opinion than you wish for.
As much as you would like to play the victim in this, i have more than serious doubts about your mental stability. See facts above. As would any other straight thinking woman.


Spot on.

As to the OP saying that he doesn't give a piece of excrement, methinks he doth protest too much--of course he cares. He was looking for validation AND he was trolling, testing the waters for sympathetic women. He will find one sooner or later, probably by lying to her, and then, he will have a whole NEW set of problems.

Karma.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 41
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 5:13:59 PM
Are you sure its her? People are not agreeing with you, and your getting mad.
Now be real honest with yourself. Do you really think, a women wants to be with a man that is married, and has so much drama? Not saying the drama is 100% your fault. Most people on here, has had a bad relationship. Cheating is not the answer. If it cant be fixed, then do what everyone else does, Get a divorce. get your head together, before looking for another relationship.
Not throwing flames at you, but sit down and think these things out. Life is short, if your not happy, do what needs to be done. Get your life in order, before tring to get into another relationship.
Wish you luck!!!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 42
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History
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 11/28/2012 10:54:49 PM
OP, you really sound like an idiot. You really thought talking about your marital problems on a public forum with the subject "Married to a Disabled Wife" is classy and respectful? Unbelievable.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 43
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/7/2012 6:45:29 PM

she drives me insane am on anti depressants for a while now due to her tempers and mood swings.


So, you are forced to take medication in order to deal with your situation, but she is the one who is disabled?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 45
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/7/2012 8:46:38 PM

For those who flame about me being with my kid on here, to ease your pity little heads that picture was taken 10 months in, in a fight against the social services due to the problems that are going on, the reason why i did not give 100% of all the facts is of these idiot comments from most of you.


Or perhaps the "idiot comments" are because you didn't give 100% of the facts, and so the comments are based on a very simplistic view of the situation (in your mind) because the people commenting are relying/commenting only on what information you supplied??

Quite honestly, you didn't supply "100% of the facts" for a reason, because you are "shopping" for sympathy or justification for you cheating. It's been done over and over on these forums, people who start a thread about their "SO" being angry and yelling at them, and how its not the first time, etc... "shopping for sympathy"... until someone happens to look at their history and "call them out" on it, and/or the op admits on the thread that they've been cheating on their partner and this was the 4th person they've cheated on them with (and gee, wonder why their partner might be kinda angry?), and.... oh yeah, see, when you have "100% fo the facts" suddenly the *entire story changes* from one of perhaps the partner being 'verbally abusive for no reason' to 'gee, I'd be angry too at you cheatin - although I'd be leaving by that point probably'.

So if there is more to the "story" that you are leaving out, and you don't like the comments based on less than 100% of the facts, you really have only yourself to blame. We're not therapists, its not our *job* to "talk to a person and find out the whole truth", we're just commenting on what you posted. If that's not the whole truth, it's your own fault for not posting the whole truth.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 46
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:17:30 AM

I am a very helpful and caring person


Ummmm, NO your not or you wouldn't be on a dating site looking for other women............if you were that "helpful and caring" person you'd be trying to get YOUR WIFE the help she needs instead of getting on dating sites and playing your "poor pitiful me" schtick..........

I can bet that "the rest of the story" is your not getting any..............and, thus, the main reason you are here.

If you have been in these forums AT ALL, then you knew before you posted that the majority here DO NOT(and rightfully so I might add) support cheating or people looking to cheat. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.......

It boils down to this. If you want a divorce ......get one. Yeah, it hurts but life goes on. If you want to save you marriage, then DO IT. But going down the road your headed IS NOT THE ANSWER.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 48
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/17/2012 5:17:17 AM
Really? You really don't think that asking a woman to put up with a married man who cannot deal with his disabled wife is not "too much" to ask?

Yeah, THAT'S the thing dreams are made of.

I'd rather have my gums set on fire.
 KER6969
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 49
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/19/2012 7:42:30 AM
Sounds as if to me there is more to this story than you are telling. I'd be interested in hearing HER side of things.

Rather than chose to cheat which is what you are doing get some counselling. Anyone who makes the choice to cheat clearly has deep rooted personal issues within themselves that they need to work through. Stop blaming your wife for your own issues.

Did you ever think that someday your children might find out that you cheated on their mother? Do you reall want your kids to see you negatively because of a stupid choice you made? Think about that.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 50
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/19/2012 11:42:19 AM

Rather than chose to cheat which is what you are doing get some counselling. Anyone who makes the choice to cheat clearly has deep rooted personal issues within themselves that they need to work through. Stop blaming your wife for your own issues.

Did you ever think that someday your children might find out that you cheated on their mother? Do you reall want your kids to see you negatively because of a stupid choice you made? Think about that.



For someone who is educated can't comprehend what he wrote? He stated he was upset and just type that. He didn't mean he would, it is out of frustration . Nobody knows for sure what's he's going through so we can't really judge him. Give the guy a break people.
 seekingakeeperinyou
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/19/2012 1:11:19 PM
I was married to a disabled wife for years and before she got too far I told her not to worry I wasnt going anywhere. It was very tough at times and must admit thought about but stuck by her as i am shure she would have for me.It got to the point I didnt /wasnt shure who or what I was at times in the last two years but I stuck by her till her last breath. I was a US Marine and I know and take serious "Always Faithfull" and glad I did. And when it got real bad I told Drs .I would do whatt I had to ,to not see her suffer pain they couldnt control. she passed on her own and Im here with head held HI
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 52
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/19/2012 7:53:54 PM
Op you are both in a very bad way.

Do not argue and fight, go to a solicitor, Be honorable, LEAVE the House immediately.

{ She is not your enemy, she is weak and frail ,and had enough of the marriage too. }

Same day'' get a letter drafted to your wife, by a solicitor, stating you seek divorce, as the marriage has irreconciably, broken down.

Get the letter sent to her that same day, the day you leave the House for good,get it sent by special courier, along with a bunch of red roses, for the love she has given you for years and years.

Your health and her health are suffering, because of your attitude and dogged behaviour.

You cannot say it is your house, when married, it is matrimonial property.

The House is as much hers, do not make her leave, you cannot by law,you cannot ethically either or morally,
the lawyer will advise you of your rights.

See an estate agent, get a valuation, get a realistic sale price for the property ,in writing, and then go see a bank.

If you want the House that much, buy her out, she has the right to a good quality life without you, as much as you have a right to one life ,without her.!

She is entitled to her share of everything!! plus a projection of your income for many years.

Cut your losses, be a gentleman, leave the House now, and offer your wife, and yourself aquality existence.

Dont be a marter, leave, but leave, as a gentleman should.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/20/2012 12:12:03 PM
disabled wife?

Dude she is disabled, what is wrong? you know she is disaled, go to the doctor , you may need couseling. You may be making her worse, you are the sane one I assume, in sicknees and in healthj goes the vow.

If you are caring have her get help , make her feel loved to death, love her have docs and meds help her, help her get meds counseling etc...

Even emotionally disabled people need love and caring, if you are too weak for that, you have choices to walk away and abandone her, she is not evil she is sick .

I married a woman who was disabled in several ways, she had a death sentence , I knew that before I married her she had no family it was alot of work.

I knew her as a severly depressed person negative, alwasy thinking of death, First year no one ever say her eyes dry , never saw her smile, I married her anyhow, it was in sickness and in health , after a year of doctors and couseling , no more crying smiled and laughed alot loved to live, she did not need meds , maybe your wife does.
I know emotional problems are harder on people than being not able to walk .

It is my 2 cents
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 55
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/20/2012 12:36:52 PM

"For better or worse," Scorpius.


Says a divorced man. lol
 Hotmerlot
Joined: 10/9/2012
Msg: 56
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/20/2012 7:04:29 PM
For better or worse? You are like the worst, bet she didn't know that when she committed to you.
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 57
Married to a Disabled Wife
Posted: 12/21/2012 8:23:18 AM
You already know what you need to do....you need to end this situation you both sound incompatible
it's simply a waste of both your lives existing this way...just end it and move away.
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