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 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigationPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
You are clearly not over her affairs.
Neither of you will thrive as a couple until you both can get past it.
Everything else is unimportant.

Including the question you asked
which masks the deeper issue.
Deal with that and your relationship insecurities
will dissipate as well.

good luck.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 16
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 2:40:09 PM
In order to live life fully you must be invested in the truth, your outlook on your own personal truth, there is much to learn in the exploration of self and to discover what you need to know about YOU in order to be good for you.. meaning to deal with your pain and anguish and to allow that to be released from you so that you do not become ill or use others to exercise your negativity. Dealing with the harm and not inviting more to another person's life is crucial to your well being. If you decided to have an affair, you will be invading the emotional integrity of another .. and perpetuating the same poison onto another "your wife had no right to do this to you, you have no right to inflict deceit upon another. ... There is no truth here therefore there is no investment, you cannot deal with any of this unless there is truth.

To believe that this was a one time thing or two is a dream.. past behavior is the predictor of future behavior. This behavior is not new .. what is new is your outlook on the future of your own life.. and your own emotional health. Your turmoil and angst is a driving force that if you harness it .. will take you to a life invested in a healthy outlook on yourself. The person you must be okay with, you must nurture and protect is yourself and if you have children they will be loved by someone who has allowed themselves to heal and be loved.

How you react to this is a choice and in the choice you make comes the person you will become. This can be the catalyst to being the best person for you in you as adversity is the building block of becoming a better man.

Infidelity is an immature response to a legitimate problem.. and that is not about you .. You do not own her behavior .. you own yours and how you respond to the situation. How you take care of yourself is the measure of your own personal character. If you care about your own personal health I'd say it is time to end what is clearly not a marriage.. as by definition a marriage or common law union exists from a bond of mutuality and respect.. this is more complex than a runaway vagina and some slapping jingle bells.

You need to focus on becoming healthy for yourself and nurture the wounds that have not been reached by you .. once you do this you can move respectfully into a space and time to meet someone who you can begin with.. ( it may even be your wife if she chooses to get help) If not you should not sell your personal health and energy short by stripping dignity from a man that is already stripped enough.. take care of who you are as you are.. and always be who you need to be for you.. the rest just happens.

I think the best indicator of any change would be her willingness to seek some mental help, if she refuses you know exactly where this is going.. I'd say she is a runner who enjoys a roof over her head and a way to cook up some stories in the hopes of convincing you that dysfunction is a wonderful life.. I think you just need some reassurance that it's okay to walk away and take care of yourself. If you need help to sort out your mixed emotions and to shelve your history .. go seek counselling or hit the library for some books on this matter.

by the way.. the best indicator of knowing someone is unfaithful is to "feel" it .. 99percent accuracy according to profilers is that nagging DOUBT or hunch or vibe.. what you do with the information and your ability to live your life fully for yourself is your own. good luck .
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 3:15:00 PM
I hope the Mods do not delete this post, since it's very different than many of the other ones around this subject.

Now addressing the OP. I am a believer two things. One is that actions speak louder than words. And two, people do what they have done before.

So to put it to you bluntly. She is going to cheat. She is going to cheat in part because of your lack of cojones in allowing her back and now being wishy washy about what you are going to do.

The sad part is that its you, with your revenge cheating, and being still angry about it that will cause her to cheat. If a couple gets back after cheating, it should be a clean slate. If there's this resentment and stuff, things are going to get a lot worse. But you need to look inside of your heart, if the answer is that you are angry, pi ss ed off as hell, incredibly resentful, you have every right to be. And you should move on, instead of continuing the downward spiral that you are about to enter.

The worst part is that in the process, not only will you hurt each other emotionally, but physically since one or the other may end up with an STD.

So, my advice is simple. End it. Or wait until she cheats on you.
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 19
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 5:59:26 PM
She cheated. You're back together and you want to hurt her by having a revenge affair. Would you like to borrow my camera ? You could really stick it to her if you get it on video. Don't worry about protection either. I mean, what are the chances of a couple of cheaters who are fvcking other cheaters who are most likely fvcking other cheaters to get a free pass to the doctors office ?

Water seeks its own level.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 20
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:24:19 PM
You are married and living with her??? Why does it say "divorced" on your profile??
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 21
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:31:03 PM
I dont know if a relationship could work, once someone cheated!! You might try to forgive, but could never forget!!
You would always, always wonder if she is doing it again. She not helping around the house. Thats another sign that she just dont care anymore. I think, its time to end it!!
Wish you the best!!!
 4Utopia
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 22
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:50:05 PM
Honestly, I don't think it really matters. You have to decide if you can trust her and want to continue the relationship. If you are thinking this deeply into the situation then perhaps the relationship is already dead and you need to use your energy to move on. Once trust is violated in a relationship - recovering from that place can be challenging. It is possible, but BOTH people have to want it. From your post, it doesn't sound like either of you is really committed to healing the relationship and rebuilding the trust necessary to be happy together. Stop questioning, stop plotting and planning. Pack your things and move on. Find the love you seek!
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 23
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:50:54 PM

You are married and living with her??? Why does it say "divorced" on your profile??


I noticed that too, and searching for dating. This place is a mess.

I'm really tired of fishing. Can't wait for summer so I can go crabbing. No, not those kind. The delicious kind from the Chesapeake.
 vosche
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 24
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 6:59:56 PM
if you're even thinking about cheating in revenge you need to end the relationship now! why do the same to someone else who doesnt deserve that treatment...
 JGuaraldi
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 26
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/28/2012 10:45:00 PM
listen, my marriage lasted a year and a half. in our entire 7 year relationship i cheated a number of times with 4 girls and she cheated a number of times with 5 guys... result... END. we both had trouble accepting the fact of being alone till we found someone that better suited us, and we worked at it for the kids. result... END. we tried marriage counseling and even talked about renewing our vows, didnt work. none of it worked. im not saying she will do it again, but chances are shes going to. and as far as the revenge... result... END. youll keep goin back and forth until one of you leaves permanently, and let me tell you from experience, IT SUCKS to be the one that gets left. weve been split up for a month now and her best friend became my "friend with benefits" which ended their friendship. also, she gave me 3sums with girls and i even opened up and let another guy tag team her with me... result... he was the 5th guy she cheated on me with after the fact and hes the one she left me for, shes 24, hes 37. result... END. now granted a little immature, but it gives me hope that someday i can rub a hot 18 yr old in her face... but after the 3 or 4 weeks, i started talkin to the first girl i cheated on her with 6 years ago... were together now. she has 2 kids with baby daddy and i have 2 kids with baby mama. its only been a few days since we got together so its hard to tell so soon, but it seems like were both on the same page in life. she and baby daddy did the same back and forth bs me and my wife did and were both at the point where we are sick of hurting and being hurt. i think its best to start over with someone new. take time first. im glad it all ended after a year and a half of marriage bc i think i wouldve DIED if i was with her for 18 yrs n she did it. being older, its hard to find single ladies who are attractive and attracted to you. ive actually had NO LUCK WHATSOEVER with this site. i had better luck with facebook talkin to exgfs and old friends, and also requesting friends of friends and just talkin to them as a person not comin on to them. you find out more people are in the same situation as you are. as far as the tubal litigation, i dont think thats a sign, shes already been doin it, so why wud she do that to continue... and as far as a vasectomy, ive been considering this bc i dont want any more kids. i dont wanna be "that guy" with 2 baby mamas, my question for you is; does it feel different, less pleasure when u orgasm? or is it the same feeling without all that mess?
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 2:55:23 PM
Adding fuel to the fire...

...how do you know those kids are really yours ?

Even if they are, stick a fork in your "relationship"...it was over long ago.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 28
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 3:13:04 PM
JGuaraldi... can you spin your head around 3-sixty.. sixty nine times.. yeah that head.. I dunno about the worlds largest roller coaster ride but if I come back in my next life as belly button lint that drops on some guys wank-stinker I sure hope it isn't yours or Chuck Norris's.. I'm dizzy now, it's time for my nap.
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 30
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 4:52:18 PM
Two words OP: Get Counselling!
 1966ok
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 31
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 8:06:51 PM
The part where she had the guy she slept with meet you at a bar,wow she has some balls! Talking about clearing out bank accounts and leaving? My advice is to speak with a divorce lawyer and counselor,keep your options open.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 32
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 8:20:59 PM
I made a pof account and that i was thinking about having a revenge affair.

I hope you don't mislead the lady you meet on here, as there are some who are looking for a serious relationship with an available guy!
You, OP, should not be dating, or looking for a revenge affair. Either work on your marriage or leave, then date later on. Right now you're on here looking for a woman to use for sex. How lovely.

Maybe your wife doesn't have any other motives for getting that procedure done, although I have never heard of a doctor suggesting that to prevent ovaian cancer. In fact, that's riduculous that she told you that. I think it's a big lie told to you by your wife. I'ts for those certain they don't want more children.
My concern is your married, on a dating site, looking to use an unsuspecting lady for your own selfish reasons. Are you going to lie to her, say you are separated, or maybe use her as your free therapist?
Why don't you go on one of those sites that cater to men like you, who are married & looking for an affair. Ashley Madison, is a site, I'm sure there are others.
You are not ready to date, & you don't have the right to mislead others for your own selfish desires. I dontthink there is any hope left for your marriage. You're both cheaters, the whole situation is so dysfunctional, & ugly. You cheat so much I hope you use condoms
 SHUDNTBEONHERE
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 33
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 8:40:29 PM
OP,

I cheated once back in the late 90's while I was engaged and then in my second marrige from 2002-2006 I was cheated on twice. That was enough for me to get rid of her. We sold the house and I took most everything (equity from the house and furniture) with out having to get a lawyer. Revenge cheating/affair solves nothing and will only create more problems. If you're in a situation and have the resources to be on your own get rid of her. She cheated on you twice? and a one on one was good enough? So she did it again with a 3sum? In my opinion that tells me you're at the bottom of her barrell. Again just my opinion.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 34
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/30/2012 7:13:17 AM
Get a lawyer and get out of that toxic relationship!

She most likely has been cheating on you for a long time, her jealous attitude, well most cheaters are extremely jealous and possessive.

Don't play any games, get a lawyer and get her out of the house and finish raising your kids, you are only 38 so you have a lot of time to heal and move on.

Open your own bank account now and move half your funds over. I'll bet she is ready to walk out on you and move in with her lover, in fact that's what I would tell her to do.

The tubal is because she does not want to get knocked up while she is out whoring around. Please get checked for STD's, you never know what she may have dragged home....
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 37
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/30/2012 9:46:50 AM
I'm not in the medical profession, but I've never heard of a doctor prescribing a tubal ligation as a safety measure against cancer. THAT I've never heard of.

Hate to say it, but your wife is a real pig. She has zero boundaries and zero morals. God only KNOWS what she's carrying home to you every night when she's done flying her freak flag at yet another orgy or threesome.

You might want to consider a Stage IV bio-hazard washdown for starters, though. Ugh.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 39
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/30/2012 12:15:14 PM
Sorry to hear.
It sounds like she wantst o get a divorce.
Does she need YOUR health insurance in order to get the tubaligation?
If so... that would be very upsetting to me.
I probably would be going over my own finances today... protecting my assets... making arrangements to move my children to my parents house... and I would be talking to a lawyer about filing for divorce.
The cheating is bad enough.
Some couples can work through that.
However, it doesn't sound as though that's what she really wants.
Even if she doesn't want to get a divorce, it seems as though she wants to use you as a safety net.
That's not cool either.
 bookmajor
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 41
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/30/2012 5:25:33 PM
Maybe if she says she is getting a tubal ligation because the doctor really DID recommend it. For you to think of cheating for revenge is not just childish, it's thoughtless in the worst way; that third person might get hurt as a result of your juvenile actions. Shame on you!
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 42
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/30/2012 5:51:13 PM

I am so very bored of my mate - yet there is no kinder, more loving face than his. When I have had a taxing day, he is the one I want to call. I long for novelty, but love the coziness of familiarity.



She thinks that life with out boundaries is acceptable behavior.. it has never worked since human bonding occurred ..she is trying to rationalize dysfunction .. she needs to run into a brick wall or two .. her words suggest it is exactly where she is going..
She sounds like she is writing a hallucination.. has she ever been a drug addict/alcoholic.. she sounds like she is trying to reason with out a frontal neo cortex.. like a poorly written polygamy bible..

She is ready to head down the garden path but believes in her last statement that you are her backup plan.. that she can have recreational genital slapping and that you will always take her back..
I guess you need to convince yourself that it's worth the wait for someone who considers you usable to sit around waiting for her well oiled body parts to show back up when she "needs" cozy.. !!

She has you pegged as a sucker whom she can use whenever she is on a break from skanking around..

If you do not consider the bond between two people valuable it will not have value..

You need to work on gaining your esteem back and search for someone who values life the way you do otherwise you sell your life short of what is important. Once you are aware of how manipulative she is thru distance and awareness I doubt you will allow yourself to look back.
 mosena87
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 44
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/30/2012 8:05:27 PM
This relationship was over a long time ago. You never should have taken her back in the first place. What the hell were you thinking?
 RonMcDon73
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 45
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 12/1/2012 1:30:18 PM
I suggest you ask one of your best friends to come over to your house when no one is around; so no one can hear you scream and cry like a little girl who just found her Barbie collection sodomized by Elmo. Ask your friend to help you out by kicking you in the nuts. After he/she removes their boot from your scrotum they need to repeat this mantra to you, " The woman you married is not the hell spawn you divorce." This ritual should go on until you never forget it, this is in your best interest. Once you accept this like you accept the sun is hot, then you can proceed.

Depending on how old your rug monkeys are, if you've been with the ball and chain for 18 years I assume they're fairly old by now? They can decide where they want to go when older normally and if you're older you wont get anally pillaged with child support for too many years. Go for 50/50 or primary and you won't have to worry about it at all. Though if you make more than her she's probably going to treat your pension like her prison wife and get some alimony to waste for a few years, this is the price of a man marrying outside of a Muslim country. Hopefully you're loaded or have nice relatives that will let you borrow their couch to live on for awhile.

I'm always amazed when people take their S.O. back after they've slid up and down someone else's meat pole and gargled someone else's DNA. Once I found that out I would have tossed all her crap out in the yard and had a bonfire while busting out some refreshments. I could never get the thought out of my head that every time I kissed her I might get her BF's pube in my mouth. Snowballing is a much more traumatic concept to me than to you I suppose. Some things no amount of Crest or mouthwash can erase.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 46
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 12/1/2012 5:18:21 PM
@ livealittle_luvalot,

I can't say much about what a doctor would or would not recommend in this situation, but speaking to your personal situation, just remember: When one does another wrong, one loses. Revenge causes BOTH to lose. Just something to keep in mind.
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