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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What is "I need space"      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 55
What is I need spacePage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Apparently he did all those things for you from afar to keep the emotions alive, but when it came down to the wire he couldn't maintain all that empathy/patience after all that travel and high expectations for a warm intimate reception...
For your part it appears that you may not have understood the great importance of continual intimacy in communicating to a man your full acceptance of him and your value of his presence there with you at the moment.


this statement above is very on the money.....

and I will add... that you were/are basically telling him that YOU will be the ONE to control his sexual life, and WHEN he will be getting it! ..... He came back from a trip, and you did not want to get down and dirty with him??? wow... this is pretty telling.... your TRUE sexual feelings possibly came out... maybe you just don't like SEX all that much... maybe he saw that any outside events, will affect (or give you an excuse) to fend off SEX... you are telling him that YOU are holding the SEX master card!

I would walk away from YOU as well... unless I was a "eunuque".... French for castrated man!
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 56
view profile
History
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 9:57:40 AM
It sounds like he feels wounded or angry probably because of his past experience. No matter what, if just because having no sex, he tries to withdraw (“need space”) or punish you by being cold with you, he’s not worthy for a relationship. Good relationships are all about work and learn to understand each other. Intimacy is not only about sex. Some women could pretend to give in with sex to satisfy their men. That is faking. Some are just too honest and cannot pretend.

I understand how hard it is when one looses someone that she/he loves so much. But everybody survives anyhow. You may or may not loose him after all. Try to cool down and enjoy your own “space” in the meantime.
 Gracizdad
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 57
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 10:36:54 AM
I`m sorry for what may seem like bad news but, IMO " I need space" means " I`m not that into you"
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 58
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 10:44:37 AM

Fleuron suggested that she might be able to look after his needs.. no doubt.. he seems about as superficial as you will enjoy..


Yes, suggesting that a woman who claims to love a man consider his feelings is so very “superficial.”

James-at-50: Her boyfriend probably DID think she could be reasonably expected to behave like an adult, since OP said:
My man was very comforting. he was texting and called often.


WomanInProgress:
Fleuron...I agree with you here. That quote you posted had enough in it that I guess I assumed there was more of an explanation than that - and the OP didn't go into extreme detail. I still can't say this guy was 100% right though knowing her dog died - he knew enough to send her things in condolence previous to coming back. She told him enough that he should have at least wanted to discuss it a little. He pretty much shut down.


Maybe he mistakenly thought he meant more to her than a dog.

If she was so broken up over the death of her dog, WHY did she:

1.pick her boyfriend up at the airport instead of telling him to arrange other transportation;

2. go in with him at his place instead of dropping him off;

3. wait around while he showered instead of leaving; and

4. make out with him instead of talking to him?

If my boyfriend picked me up at the airport after we’d been apart, I would think and HOPE we’re hitting the sheets…..especially if we were making out. Who the hell wouldn’t? Give me a friggin break.

If she wanted consoling for the death of her dog, she could darn well say so, instead of mind f ucking him.

WomanInProgress:
I have also been accused of being insensitive because I expected sex after making out by guys I've dated because I didn't just enjoy the kissing for what it was. I could easily accuse them of being a tease and not giving me what I want, but I'd think most would agree that it would be a harsh reaction.


^^^ I’m not sure I understand this…? If you stopped because of lousy kissing, how would that make him a tease…? Because he led you to believe he was a good kisser? ;)

OP is wondering why her boyfriend went cold on her. She can’t see that she went cold on him first, lead him on, rejected him and hurt his feelings. I see it very clearly.

I’m simply offering a perspective other than, “He should respect her feelings.” Sure he should, and he did. AND SHE should acknowledge and respect HIS. I think she should honestly look at her own actions and take a moment to consider HIS feelings. Especially now that she’s decided she loves him.

That’s the kicker….once he put some emotional and physical distance between them, she suddenly “loves” him.

If she loved him she’d TREAT him like she loves him. You don’t just say, “I love you,” and everything magically falls into place. You put some real effort into it, and you WANT to put real effort into it. When you love someone, their feelings MATTER.

sweetness-one:
No, I'm right there with you.

Wouldn't it be rather natural for him to contemplate or even worry to himself "okay, she was into this a minute ago, but now she's pushing me away; did *I* do something wrong?" or...well, WHY is she pushing me away now?


Exactly.

He wouldn’t know what to think, and her expecting him to guess is childish and stupid.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 59
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 12:14:45 PM

She turned him down for sex, but didn't tell him the dog died. She said she wasn't feeling like herself, but he didn't ask why.

He knew about the dog, and responded with calls, etc.

Maybe he mistakenly thought he meant more to her than a dog.

If the dog was around longer and she had to go put the dog down personally - that's pretty tough, and to some extent yes the dog's death would probably trump a lot of things until she got past it. The dog and the boyfriend aren't in competition for importance here nor should they be - and if they were one would have a hard time keeping up being dead.

If she was so broken up over the death of her dog, WHY did she:

1.pick her boyfriend up at the airport instead of telling him to arrange other transportation;

Because she missed him despite her dog's death?

2. go in with him at his place instead of dropping him off;

I've done this regardless when dropping anyone off from an airport - I don't leave them at the curb unless it's understood that either I can't stay or they aren't up for company. If it was a close friend, family or a boyfriend I'd see them inside as a courtesy - but that may be regional or specific to my social group.

3. wait around while he showered instead of leaving; and

To spend time with him after not seeing him for a while, I'm guessing (but no one really knows but the OP)

4. make out with him instead of talking to him?

I have to agree here that I'd be not only not in the mood for sex, making out wouldn't be something I was into either. Perhaps she just assumed he knew the dog thing was bothering her as it was established.

If my boyfriend picked me up at the airport after we’d been apart, I would think and HOPE we’re hitting the sheets…..especially if we were making out. Who the hell wouldn’t? Give me a friggin break.

I guess it depends on the people and situation. I've had to put animals down and had it kill my sex drive for a week or so, I've never had a guy not understand this, and though I've explained it - I've been told that it was expected and understandable. I have also had an ex want to talk and be close to me but not want sex after having to put a dog down. I can't say I'd feel rejected personally during a time like this, even if it wasn't explained.

If she wanted consoling for the death of her dog, she could darn well say so, instead of mind f ucking him.

From what I understand she may have not been feeling sexual, but I wasn't seeing it as her needing to be consoled, I'll reread the OP.

^^^ I’m not sure I understand this…? If you stopped because of lousy kissing, how would that make him a tease…? Because he led you to believe he was a good kisser? ;)

I don't date lousy kissers. What I meant was I have assumed that kissing would lead to something more - and been told by someone I was dating I should enjoy the kissing for what it is, not always as a prelude to more. If I took that as personal and pouted because someone who made out with me wouldn't then give it up - I'd probably be told I was acting childish.

Maybe she saw the kissing as just kissing...because her mind was elsewhere, or she wasn't looking at it the way he was, and wasn't into the sex. Telling him more clearly certainly would have kept things from happening the way they did, but I don't see this as an unforgivable situation, it can be discussed and compromised on. He was traveling, she was dealing with something traumatic - and it's the holidays. Some understanding isn't out of the question.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 60
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 1:50:21 PM
The only context that I've had with "needing space" is that this is over. He's probably telling you in an indirect way that a it's time to say goodbye. While you are crying, think about this...if he's like this now, can you imagine how he would be in a permanent relationship? You don't need that drama, and this is probably the best thing to happen to you...you just don't know it yet. TC, you'll be OK. We've all had our hearts broken, and survived.
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 61
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 4:33:00 PM
aw how poor, the guy turned out to be a user. Peekaboo, slap in the face.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 62
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 5:24:15 PM

….the dog's death would probably trump a lot of things until she got past it. The dog and the boyfriend aren't in competition for importance here nor should they be - and if they were one would have a hard time keeping up being dead.


Fine. The dog’s death trumps the boyfriend. WHY didn’t she just TELL him that, instead of getting him all hot and bothered, just to flounce off without explanation?

I stand by my comment….she could’ve talked to him about it, instead of expecting him to read her mind while leading him on.

WomanInProgress, I appreciate your post, I really do. But you are missing my point.
IF OP was such an emotional wreck over the death of her dog, why didn’t she just stay home? She lead him on, then pulled his plug.


Perhaps she just assumed he knew the dog thing was bothering her as it was established.


Obviously not!


From what I understand she may have not been feeling sexual, but I wasn't seeing it as her needing to be consoled, I'll reread the OP.


Mature women don’t start sexual activities with their boyfriends who have been away if they aren’t feeling sexual and have no intention of making love with him.
There’s a name for women who do that.


I don't date lousy kissers. What I meant was I have assumed that kissing would lead to something more - and been told by someone I was dating I should enjoy the kissing for what it is, not always as a prelude to more. If I took that as personal and pouted because someone who made out with me wouldn't then give it up - I'd probably be told I was acting childish.


Ah, gotcha. Thank you for clarifying.

I didn’t think the boyfriend was pouting. I think he was understandably hurt and confused….which could have been easily prevented by OP making a simple explanation, instead of playing, “Guess how I’m feeling and why!” with him. Ugh….that gets to me!


Maybe she saw the kissing as just kissing...because her mind was elsewhere, or she wasn't looking at it the way he was, and wasn't into the sex.


I suggest that she had plenty of time to consider what was happening while her boyfriend was in the shower. I’m not buying that OP was catatonic with grief, incapable of forming coherent thought.

She admits:
I could suddenly tell he was disappointed.

but STILL she didn’t explain her feelings to him.


Telling him more clearly certainly would have kept things from happening the way they did, but I don't see this as an unforgivable situation, it can be discussed…


AGREE. I think she needs to apologize to her boyfriend, if she truly loves him….so they can move on, either together or apart.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 63
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 6:17:20 PM

Fine. The dog’s death trumps the boyfriend. WHY didn’t she just TELL him that, instead of getting him all hot and bothered, just to flounce off without explanation?


Yeah.. the dog has been in her life for years.. so yeah the dog trumps the boyfriend .. she was dating him. I don't know if you have ever experienced death of anyone or animal close to you .. but are you saying that if the boyfriend dropped dead she should give the dog a blow job.. ???

seriously you believe that grief and anguish and sorrow over death are manipulation.. the dog just died.. it isn't the dog died twenty years ago.. it just DIED..

AND for your information.. if you were a rapist and said that a woman deserved to "get it" if she got a guy all hot and bothered, you're words are scary.. you are condoning to dismiss her grief.. she needed him for something he could not provide.. comfort.. he's good at providing his penis for some stoking but for higher functioning skills forget it..
Like I said before .. if her mother drops dead and he gives her the old eye fvck look is she supposed to jump in the closet in the morgue and look after his needs.. If you believe big events of life's passage of extreme grief should be dismissed to give your boyfriend whatever he needs off the menu.. you are wired wrong..

I got news for you all .. if he really loved her he would of backed up and recognized he screwed up.. he is all about instant gratification .. his ego and his penis.. not a man for the long haul.. because life deals us.. we all have tragedy and we all have painful events where we need comfort and love and protection..

I'm glad she felt confused because in that moment it was defined by his future actions exactly how little he really cared .. he was treating her as someone to sexually objectifying .. her job was to service him.. and dismiss her feelings.. a recipe for more abuse. Women who believe they are lube job service employees will have men that treat them that way.. he is bad news.. and he needs a wake up call..

Let's reverse this.. say one of his kids died.. and a few days later he kissed her and felt passion and then reentered his grief.. and said he didn't feel like it .. Is she supposed to say.. " omg you don't want to put the golden hammer in my vagina.. why you bazz taud .. I have to leave .. because my vagina needs to be serviced and you should be servicing me .. come on// this is self centered narcissism ... someone who is that superficial and believes in negating emotional turmoil as something to dismiss is way way too full of themselves.. anyway great sex only comes from great people.. anyone that full of themselves is never good at the act because they are too full of themselves.. so as a lover she can for sure do better.. egotesticals are way too superficial to "go deep" in any aspect of life..

She needs to keep her distance from what oxytocin is doing to her brain.. she is smart, good looking and well educated and in a place emotionally of vulnerability .. he realizes she is on a short lead and will go back to his form of sex for ransom.. His value system is Egyptian .. and his behavior is passive agressive.. if he loved her he would call her .. he is well aware of her wounds and right now he knows she would jump if he called.. the longer she stays away from this dysfunctional piece of work the bettter.. try dating a decent, caring, protective guy who gives a damn about your feelings instead of mister egyptian hot shot with an anxious penis.. and nuttin more.. he's bad news.. she goes back she will find out what his actions have already dictated .. hes a dI ck tater .. hah.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 64
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 6:32:15 PM
Fleuron .. oh yeah.. men eye fvck me all the time, it happens unfortunately with unique eyes .. anyway .. does that mean I should "put out".. after all the poor bloke is giving me a good retina thumping and I am ignoring his advances.. geesus christmas if I gave every guy the rod nod that offered me his undivided sexual eye contact.. I'd be up to my ass in jiffy lube..

When any woman engaged in sexual interplay with a man.. her man.. her boyfriend or a new partner and decides she is not going to have sex because she is not feeling engaged in that moment .. NO MEANS NO...
I'd be scared of the day that we all believed your story ..that you should put out when clearly you should get out.. her body and mind were telling her something.. He isn't worth it ... because he devalues her grief.. a good man does not devalue a woman's grief.. his woman .. his sister .. his daughter .. his mother .. his grandmother... we teach our men to be great men.. her being including her sexuality is to be protected in grief.. a good man knows this .. and loves his woman and never sexually objectifies the value of his relationship with his woman.. great relationships require more..
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 65
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 7:10:22 PM

I am so glad that she is making out with him and all of a sudden in his brain he should tell himself: "wait a second, she doesn't know what she is doing making out with me right now and grieving at the same time"......Give me a break....An animal is a very hard thing to lose, I get that!!!!!....If he needs to keep his unit in his pants, she needs to be a big girl too and act like one...If she had done that, the "making out" would never had taken place and then and only then, had he had an issue with that, then you can post what you did...But that isn't the way it went down....Sorry!



Who taught you that men and women engage in sexuality with the same thinking/brain.. men and women's brains are way way different.. and women do not engage in the act of sex with out a warm up, in order for a woman to be into her man.,. he better be into her on an emotional level or she loses interest.. women need to be emotionally connected to feel horny for their man or she disengages .. lots of women have sex and are never present with their partners.. meaning they don't have sex with the man they are with, they disengage create a space between their partner.. more do that than have a great connection.This is factual statistics.. We've seen them, people who are always on a different page .. it's all about them.. .. and then there is the opposite.. people who connect because they exercise the art of connection, emotional intelligence .. you can feel someone else's emotions if you allow yourself the time in space to do so.. Her needs of emotional comfort in that moment would have made for better connected sex if he decided to register her emotions instead of worry what was going to happen to his erect penis.. any guy that gets this has a way way better relationship than one that cannot connect.. somebody should write the book.. He's not that into you, but if you bend over he'll give you a screw... or 69 shades of grey poupon.. geesus.

Anyway .. if this situation created a runner and not a keener.. she didn't lose anything but an erect penis.. because life deals us all some heavy duty tragedy if your river runs deeper than 5 or 6 inches.. .. and when the next thing happens.. he'll run again with his erect unjigged jiggles .. yikes..
 1cares
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 66
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 7:18:01 PM
First and foremost, thank you to everyone who has posted. Right, wrong or indifferent, you all have helped me figure out what went wrong. I weighed both sides very carefully, and decided that he was there for me when I needed him, and when he sought comfort in me, I wasn't there for him. Since he means a lot to me I am not going to lay down and give up. I decided to make a couple bold moves in hope that he remembers how caring and attentive I can be and perhaps reconcile.

First, I went on match (where we met), and wrote him. Over the course of our relationship we have written each other on Match in cute ways and I thought that maybe that may be a good way to admit that I was selfish that night. This is what I said: "Hi, You remind me of this amazing man I was dating. He was everything I was looking for, and I had the most fun with him. Up until a few days ago things between us were great, and then something broke. I spent some time reflecting on what could have happened. He was away for two trips, and I am sure he was tired from all the traveling when he finally returned home. Despite his tiredness, and worries about the future of his country, he wanted to spend time with me. I had just gone through a traumatic event and he was there for me. Despite his busy schedule, and obligations, he comforted me, sent me flowers to make me smile, and felt my pain. I don't know if he knows this but he really helped me through that very difficult time. On that night he needed some attention and some TLC. I was selfish, and couldn't look past my own situation to realize his needs, and take care of him like he deserved. Instead of showing him appreciation and how much I care about him, I rejected his advances. I wish I could turn back time and change my behavior, and take care of him, and not act in a selfish manner. I know that at this point he probably won't receive my words, or apology, and I understand. I really care about this man, and really do appreciate him for everything he is. I learned a lot from this and if he ever considered reconciling, I would consider his needs, wants and emotions regardless of what is going on in my life because he has done the same for me. Since he has asked for space, I will honor his request and allow him time. If you were in his position what would you do? "

Then to follow up with that, I went out and got him a luggage tag (he complained that night that his broke during the trip). I got him one that was pretty neat. It may be simple, but it is one small thing he 'needed'. I wrote a little note in one of my initial cards that said "I messed up, but I wasn't "naughty" ;) (Trying to be light) "This is something you may need for your trip" (he leaves tomorrow for another work trip overseas)

I don't believe he was home or he was sleeping after I knocked and rang the bell, so I just left it on his doorstep.

Was I cheesy? What do you think of my actions? They really were heartfelt, and although I can't make him change his mind, I am hoping he realizes that this is something we can work through. He has said in the past that he can't believe how I can change my behavior so quickly. One time he did say something to me about a disrespectful comment I had made, and I apologized and it was easily forgiven.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 67
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 7:49:35 PM
I know you need some psychological help as you believe that abuse is healthy.. He told you he wanted space.. and if you read any good books on how men think.. it is the buzz statement for I'm done. Men are cowards at ending relationships so they say that so you won't pull a dramatic ending.. You just reinforced exactly what I said.. he can keep you on the back burner and use you .. because you are usable.. he found the perfect victim and you behave exactly like one. If you go get some help and explain exactly what you have to us .. every therapist you meet.. will tell you it's time to work on your skewed compass and self worth .. because it is in the toilet .. and this guy can see it and he has had no problems scoping and snaring a victim... If you were told he wasn't interested and you keep pursuing you have not only been victimized but now you are victimizing yourself.. you need some help in understanding that to empty yourself on an emotional level is to remain empty.. he is not into you.. and like will never be into anyone but himself..

My father used to say never invest on an emotional level with a man who cannot return the same or you waste your emotions.. you just invested in a waste of your time and your energy and your love .. treat yourself better .. heal yourself and move along..

PS... are you related to R2D2?
 pinkmittens
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 68
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 8:36:14 PM
Wow. Don't tell me you always had sex right from the start. Men will "say" anything to get the booty if it works.

You didn't put out and he isnt interested ........ work on getting over him. might be tricky but it's doable.

You deserve someone who would snuggle with you because they want to be near you and understand!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 69
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 8:37:37 PM

I don't know if you have ever experienced death of anyone or animal close to you…


Yes, I have experienced both.


….but are you saying that if the boyfriend dropped dead she should give the dog a blow job.. ???


Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. EYEROLL. Yeesh, way to go completely off the rails.


..seriously you believe that grief and anguish and sorrow over death are manipulation..


I didn’t say that. But after reading your previous nonsensical comment, this one’s not surprising.


AND for your information.. if you were a rapist and said that a woman deserved to "get it" if she got a guy all hot and bothered, you're words are scary.. you are condoning to dismiss her grief..


Good gawd….quit putting words in my mouth, especially these crazy ones. You seem to be on a crusade of some sort…add to that an obvious lack of reading comprehension skills and a propensity for exaggeration with offensive language.

Once you compared her dog to one of his kids, I stopped reading.


Fleuron .. oh yeah.. men eye fvck me all the time, it happens unfortunately with unique eyes .. anyway .. does that mean I should "put out".. after all the poor bloke is giving me a good retina thumping and I am ignoring his advances.. geesus christmas if I gave every guy the rod nod that offered me his undivided sexual eye contact.. I'd be up to my ass in jiffy lube..


Ya know….that’s just disgusting. How about you quit addressing me, as I will no longer be addressing you. There’s debate, and there’s banter, and then there’s your blatant disrespect. I don’t play that game.

Moving on….

OP:
Was I cheesy? What do you think of my actions? They really were heartfelt, and although I can't make him change his mind, I am hoping he realizes that this is something we can work through.


OP, you weren’t cheesy. I think that was AWESOME of you, and I am truly impressed. Good for you!
I really wish you the very best, and hope everything works out with this man, truly. :)
 1cares
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 70
What is I need space
Posted: 12/1/2012 8:46:01 PM
"Wow. Don't tell me you always had sex right from the start."

No... We did not have sex from the start. We waited about 3 months until it was special for both of us. Our relationship wasn't all about sex. We had tons of fun together getting to know one another. He did snuggle with me many many many times. I am a smart girl, and I have met some real creepers in my day. This man is not one of them.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 71
What is I need space
Posted: 12/2/2012 1:35:34 AM
You made an attempt, OP, all you can do now is wait and see if he responds.

I can see both sides here, first off you "made out" with him - which I would read to be more than just a kiss, which I personally think if things had gotten to "tongue down your throat" making out would have "led him on" somewhat to your refusal to go farther. Plus, after that you said he "retreated to the other side of the sofa" and refused to talk... you knew it bothered him, *at that point* you should have apologized, said you were just upset "right now" over the death of your dog and really weren't feeling up for it. He took it personally, it seems... and though I don't agree that you "had" to have sex with him to "when he sought comfort in me, I wasn't there for him", he did at least deserve you explaining your feelings to him (even if he was "refusing to talk", he didn't need to, you did).

Him "needing space" and abandoning you, at the same time, was also rather childish, *if* you had explained the above to him. Has he ever owned a pet? As a pretty much life-long pet owner myself, I would understand fully how you felt, and me personally would have been contacting you the next day (or two at most) to see how you were doing... but that's just me, knowing how I would feel (and have felt) losing a "friend".

Sounds like really crappy communication to me on both your parts.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 72
What is I need space
Posted: 12/2/2012 12:30:46 PM
This was not only cheesy, it was pandering to his control. Seems like you're doing all the work with this issue, and if you stay together, it won't change. We women do that and it takes years to figure out that we're bowing down to him. You are becoming a doormat...you've been forewarned. I just hope you get smart before it becomes permanent. You hear it in the news all the time...middle eastern men take their children by American women and move to their home country...and stay.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 73
What is I need space
Posted: 12/2/2012 1:32:21 PM
OP: During the 7 months you were with him, what was his attitude towards your dog? Did he view your dog as a piece of furniture or as a canine child of yours? Was the dog loving towards him or did the dog sense that the guy isn't a pet person? I currently don't have any dogs (only have a cat now-had dogs in the past), but if I was dating anyone and they couldn't accept the fact that any pet of mine is a family member and just as important as a child, there would be no relationship. If he wasn't a pet person, did you try to overlook it to save the relationship?

You're getting the predictable and typical POF answers here: As soon as there is a problem in a relationship, dump, dump, dump. Don't bother trying resolve any issues. Everything has a short shelf life and is easily disposable-including people and relationships. Even though everybody is trying to convince you that men are horrible monsters that are only after sex, I have another opinion on what the issue might be. Maybe in this guy's mind, having sex might be part of the healing process and takes your mind off the dog for a few orgasmic minutes. I know most people will be laughing at this theory because it blows their theory of all men being horrible monsters trying to destroy women by wanting to have sex. He tried to console you when he was away, so maybe he was at wits end trying to get you out of your funk and got frustrated, so he did the pouty baby thing. How was your sex life with him otherwise? If it was good, he'll probably overlook this dry spell. If you have a habit of shutting him down, it will be a bigger issue.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 74
What is I need space
Posted: 12/2/2012 1:47:43 PM


Speaking of toilets, that's where all of your posts belong.


AW.. thepigofyourdreams the general of generalizations.. .. did you ever think thepigofyourdreams that your actual username speaks volumes through words about who you really are.. toiletry triviality .. hmm if you would want more from others expect more from yourself first , Yoda taught me that.. I almost missed that part tho because I was on the toilet..aren't yah glad I got aw.. off the lidder to fill your heart and mind with whizzdome..

. anyway just to relieve you of your speaking in and of toilets.. no worries about being the pig of my dreams. cause I ain't into you toilets or posts.. omg. too much..

according to experts in the field of how men think and behave written by men about their pursuit of the "one".. not number two.. hah.. .. pig dream material or otherwise... if he wanted you, he would be in pursuit.. he was using you OP .. eventually you will put the logic to his actions with the thoughts, right now you need to wean yourself from your oxytocin overload.. .. because you've mistaken some attention for someone who gives a sh vt .. this guy by his actions proves he isn't into you or he would be..



oh yeah.. ps aw pig.. now that we have familiarity I'll just call you by your first name.. you can call me supply.. why don't you give up the ciggs.. you really appear to be quite into yourself in your profile.. and if you keep smoking you're going to look like a cigg.. nothing ages a human faster than the cellular damage of nicotine.. now you can say what you want but I'd say anyone right into themselves ain't going to enjoy how it will alter how you look in about five years .. nothing worse than the face of an old smoker.. yikes. just saying. just some like toilet talk k..
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 75
What is I need space
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:11:35 PM

Five words for you...

"Thanks, but I'm not interested."


Oh, come on. Can't you two love birds work it out? You two would look like a lovely couple.
 MariansTN
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 76
What is I need space
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:37:55 PM
I'm sorry but if you can't have a "down time" or he's going to get his ego all beat up, he may not be for you. We all have our issues when we may just not feel like it, if a man or woman is going to leave you because of it, they just weren't that into it. I'm sorry but I think he is so wrong.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 77
What is I need space
Posted: 12/3/2012 2:34:17 PM
I get the part about the dog, I really do.
I've always had pets and I'm always devastated when they die.

According to the OP's post, her boyfriend was very solicitous
of her issues with her dogs, he kept in contact, sent flowers etc.

What I don't get is picking the boyfriend up at the airport and
not telling him of her feelings instead of driving him home, letting
him take a shower, accepting his presents, ordering food, making out
and then refusing to have sex.

Seriously, if my boyfriend had been gone for a while and he didn't
want to have sex when he got back, I'd want to know why other than
"I'm just not myself". If you're not yourself, who are you and why?
I'm just not myself translates to "You've done something wrong and
until you figure it out, I'm not interested" at least in my mind.

"I need space" is code for I'm wicked pissed right now because I
missed you a lot, your actions belied your intent to forgo sex and I'm
not really interested in the person yourself decided to be today.

This isn't about having sex or not having sex. It's about a female expecting
a male to read her mind and being disappointed when he didn't. I'd say the OP
knows exactly why her boyfriend is being cold to her, she just wants a little
validation that it isn't her fault.

Nothing like tossing out an I LOVE YOU after you've crossed a bridge and then
burned it. I've found I LOVE YOU works best when it's not used as a defense or
a tool to hurt.

But that's just me.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 78
What is I need space
Posted: 12/4/2012 10:29:52 PM
1cares- 7 months and you turn him down once and you get the cold shoulder, not good at all.
He is telling you loud and clear who he is and what to expect.
He is punishing you.
Envision your future with him- You have a bad day and aren't in a peachy mood and he pouts and withdraws for days.
You disagree about anything and you're wrong.
You dare to express your feelings or have an opinion that isn't his, it's going to be your fault and he will stick it to you in all sorts of passive/aggressive ways.
Is that a pretty picture?
No, it isn't. Do yourself a favor, see the big picture and walk away (I take that back, RUN!)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 79
What is I need space
Posted: 12/4/2012 10:41:55 PM

Even though everybody is trying to convince you that men are horrible monsters that are only after sex, I have another opinion on what the issue might be. Maybe in this guy's mind, having sex might be part of the healing process and takes your mind off the dog for a few orgasmic minutes. I know most people will be laughing at this theory because it blows their theory of all men being horrible monsters trying to destroy women by wanting to have sex. He tried to console you when he was away, so maybe he was at wits end trying to get you out of your funk and got frustrated, so he did the pouty baby thing. How was your sex life with him otherwise? If it was good, he'll probably overlook this dry spell. If you have a habit of shutting him down, it will be a bigger issue.

Maleman, I think you're actually onto something there. We're only getting her perspective, and yeah, he just wanted sex, blah blah. Well, sure, he was gone for a while, and at the same time, to bond -- but you didn't. You could have come off as bad, and yes, some people will have sex, go out somewhere, etc. to get their mind off things even when not so much in the mood to, etc. And if he's not able to really be a part of the consolation process, and always felt detached like maybe he was a bit of a sugar daddy or something, and comes back to a debbie downer, after him bringing gifts, etc -- not good.

In essence, I don't know exactly what it is, but it'd be hasty it's just a guy wants sex and all that. Could just as easily been a scenario where it exemplifies you being detached from him before, and even though this time you have a reason to be a bit detached -- enough was enough, etc., and he had to call "timeout" and reassess. To you the relationship may have been grand and oh-so-great because he was always bending over backwards for you, etc? Never fought because he felt like he always still had ground to make in order of truly having you as a partner and not a passenger on your life train?

Again, food for thought. :)
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