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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's so wrong with cheating, really?      Home login  
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 Makeyafamos
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 76
What's so wrong with cheating, really?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I'm just giving you the unvarnished truth, with a little creative license.......a liked the chihauhau myself, you have to admit it was a nice touch!


A toast to you. I laughed. It was witty.
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 77
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:40:57 PM

Ok here we go – if I found out about my girlfriend doing what I do, I’d be upset and hurt, just like most people. I’d probably leave her.

Now that being said, it’s not going to affect me in my next situation. Because, I’m going to do what I want to do and whatever happened with her (the old cheating girlfriend) is in the past. It will have no bearing on the new relationship.

So I guess that means I still would be indifferent. Were you expecting (as others have postulated as well) that once someone cheats on me – then I’m going to see the light? And decide that I need to not cheat?

Come on. When will all of you realize that your actions will not deter someone from cheating on you if that’s what they want to do. So many women and men have been baffled and confused about WHY someone cheated on them, because their so perfect and the good wife or husband. Hey, this is my point – it doesn’t matter. People do what they want to do regardless.

And no I can't be content with knowing she is doing other guys, I don't want that. I don't want to know. I've stated this several times.



No, you are not being indifferent. You are just being a hypocritical walking jack ass. That's all. Not sure why one would even want to "be proud" of this sort of behaviour. .. Like going around stealing and hitting other people but when other people steal from you and hit you, you don't like it. ... And nope, I am not expecting that would change your behaviour in your next relationship. All I am saying if you like giving it out, you should like taking it as well.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 78
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:46:40 PM
I think you presented a very eloquent and well thought out post until you got to this point. Once again, why do people feel the need to attack me.


No attack. It's just life. Why getting defensive? It's odds that a particular type of ACTIONS tend to attract. The problem with your mentality is that you find an excuse for every single action. It is also the typical mentality of the abuser, physical and emotional. It's the mentality that gives you the justification to take what may not be yours, cheat on a test.

When you are young the excuse flies high because you can get away with it, and you then escalate, escalate, until the s hi t hits the fan. But you are not going to listen to anyone. You are just having a great time with the forumnites, basking on your self righteousness. So go on an enjoy.

It's good to be the stud, until life throws you a curve ball and you end up like the fluffer.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 79
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History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:47:40 PM
"A toast to you. I laughed. It was witty. "

Thanks for acknowleding my writing ability, the post was funny but when this happens to you, it won't be funny.

What you're getting crap about is that you're being totally dishonest by leading women to think you are IN a relationship with them and knowing you have absolutely NO intention of not going out behind her back. Don't think anyone gives any credence to your claim that you take the relationship seriously by going to great extent to HIDE your cheating so you don't get caught. Really! That's just an insult to anyone's intelligence.

As if that weren't enough, you say you'd be upset if SHE cheated and if you found out you'd break up with her. That's just flat out selfish, hypocritical and...well, IGNORANT. You best sleep with one eye open, because the next skank you hook up with for sex MAY be married or have a boyfriend and your health could be in extreme jeopardy if he's big, mean, jealous and ARMED. You may not make it to the recliner, you could just be a two line newsstory on section B that few would even read. To quote someone else, guns don't kill, men who come home early and catch their SO in bed with someone else do.

It's obvious you're enjoying this thread so, have at it, I take it since your posting this much, you didn't score tonight....haha. Yeah some of us are laughing AT you.
 Makeyafamos
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 80
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:50:47 PM

You are just being a hypocritical walking jack ass.

How can I be a hypocrite if I clearly say,that she can do the same thing I do? Have I not been shouting that. I have no problem with her cheating on me. Here is the caveat though - I just don't want to know about it.

And call me names all you like if it makes you feel better.


Like going around stealing and hitting other people but when other people steal from you and hit you, you don't like it.


Ok, see once again this is not what I'm saying, because in the example you just posed - it ACTUALLY harms someone. I haven't harmed a single woman I've been with. Not one.


All I am saying if you like giving it out, you should like taking it as well.


I've no problem with someone doing to me what I'm doing to them. Fact is as someone else posted. MOST men and women cheat. This website, forum, posters, etc. are full of cheaters. Women I've been with certainly may have cheated on me, but I don't KNOW they did. And I'm cool with that.

My point is, I'd rather NOT know then go through the pain and heartache of knowing. I think you people are not getting that, because so many people have this need to know. Even if it hurts them. Not me, all I'm saying.
 ReadBeforeWriting
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 81
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:55:25 PM
OP, you realize and are honest enough to admit what many males know but may not proclaim: sex to a male is a primal function, usually not attached to emotions.
Females have difficulty with this and unless a male pretends that for him, sex is a manifestation of love/regard/esteem, he won't GET much sex.

I am not wired to engage in casual sex/sex without emotions on MY END, but I fully realize males are not wired as I am, and I accept this difference.
Would/do I expect faithfulness in a male partner?
I would understand, if he had meaningless sex with a trampy kind of girl for whom he had no emotional attachment, and that by so doing has little to do with how he feels about/values me.
Now, that said, if he began to PREFER her over me, or value her in any way, THAT certainly WOULD bother me. A lot.
Also STDs are a reality, and that must factor in.

Would I PREFER he be totally satisfied with having sex with only me? Absolutely I would.
But I do understand that for males, sex is sometimes just a bodily function, and sometimes just a recreational thing, and as long as he couldn't care less if the girl with whom he had sex was run over by a truck right after, I'd be OK with it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 82
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:59:40 PM

Ok, see once again this is not what I'm saying



I think you people are not getting that


Notice that all the forumnites do not get it, yet you do. If nobody seems to understand your point, perhaps the problem is not all the others, but the person or the point you are trying to make. Your logic is filled with double standards, hypocrisy, and tons of hurt. When you cheat on someone, you hurt someone.

Perhaps you have been cheated so much, that you are by now numb and pretend that you do not care, that is just the way of the world. But all you are doing is masking your hurt, your pain as normal and want to get even and dish it out. Cheating is hurting, even when they don't know. It is even worse, because you are bringing into the relationship all those other things.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 83
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:00:24 PM
Here is the caveat though - I just don't want to know about it.


OP ...how can you be so confident ...that you or your parnter ..won't find out ..?

It happens to the best you know ..!...then what ..?
So by your words ..what does cheating hurt ...? everyone you love .
because you take that chance ..everytime you cheat ...!


you cannot separate cheating ..from the possiblity ,, that someone will find out !
So you are playing a high stake poker game ... and betting with the people who care about you
 Makeyafamos
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 84
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:02:38 PM

No attack. It's just life. Why getting defensive?


I'm getting defensive? Lol, you hoped that I would get my heartbroken AND catch an STD.


Perhaps you have been cheated so much, that you are by now numb and pretend that you do not care, that is just the way of the world.


No I think YOU might have been that you seem to be taking this so personal, or maybe you're just trying to impress someone looking at these posts with such a GREAT guy you are. So sensitive and understanding.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 85
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:07:04 PM

But if both parties are ok with each other having sex outside of the realionship, then by all means!


That is not cheating, that is being a swinger, having a FWB, open relationship, totally different.
 Makeyafamos
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 86
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:10:49 PM

What you're getting crap about is that you're being totally dishonest by leading women to think you are IN a relationship with them and knowing you have absolutely NO intention of not going out behind her back.


Ok yeah so. I did say this. So what?


Don't think anyone gives any credence to your claim that you take the relationship seriously by going to great extent to HIDE your cheating so you don't get caught. Really! That's just an insult to anyone's intelligence.

If you really truly believe that a guy who cheats and doesn't go to great lengths to hide it doesn't care, then I take it a guy has cheated on you and you've caught him.


As if that weren't enough, you say you'd be upset if SHE cheated and if you found out you'd break up with her. That's just flat out selfish, hypocritical and...well, IGNORANT.


I did say it was selfish. But its not hypocritical, check what I've been saying. She can do the same and I'm sure she would leave me too. That's fine. As for as the ignorance of it - that is your inaccurate opinion.


I take it since your posting this much, you didn't score tonight....haha. Yeah some of us are laughing AT you.


Well it's only 6pm here on the West coast. So don't worry yourself about it. I have plenty of time and options to handle my business. But you're on the East Coast where it's after nine, so what's your excuse?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 87
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:11:40 PM
you hoped that I would get my heartbroken AND catch an STD.


You really follow the dialogue of a victim. I don't hope anything about you or for you. I can care less. I am not as compassionate as many forumnites here.

I am simply pointing to you what every single person here has pointed out. Life has consequences, eventually they will catch up with you. I will be a thousand miles away not giving a rats a ss, having a martini, or making love to a woman that cares about me, and hates cheaters as well.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 88
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History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:18:49 PM
Look, OP, I think you've done a decent job at responding, at least you've not resorted to name calling.

Here's what I believe, having a few decades on you and having raised two great young men your age (both happily married BTW). Having casual sex is something many people do at some point in their lifetimes. But to purposefully indulge in casual sex just to HAVE sex, it becomes just a function. It's about as attractive or romantic as watching a dog hump another dog. To continually DO that, you become desensitized so that it doesn't mean anything other than satisfying an urge, "scratching the itch" so to speak. The more you become desensitized, it's similar to the pattern of an addictive behavior, each time it gives less and less of a rise, or whatever it is a person is looking for. Sex with no emotional attachment whatsoever degrades it from something special to something ordinary and common. And the less it satisfies the more you need, and the more you have the less it fills that void. There is no happy ending, it can't lead to anything positive.

Just as a PS, be glad I'm not your mother, I know I am....really.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 89
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:28:37 PM
But to purposefully indulge in casual sex just to HAVE sex, it becomes just a function.


I am going to disagree with this statement. Men, particularly when they are young, and are capable or endowed or have skill and can get casual sex, will have it. It's actually not an exclusive of young men, and we will do it until we are blue on the face, or looking for something else (like a relationship).

With that said, the issue is not casual sex, or f vcking 10 different women a week. The point is, do it honestly, tell them that you are not committing, that they can do what they want, and if they chose to be with you, everything is clear. That can still lead to a lot of hurt, but you were honest to begin with.

When you cheat, you get cheating back, when you are honest, you get more honesty back. So, if you are going to sleep around, go for it. But the reality is that if that is what you chose to do, be honest, and that is not cheating.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 90
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History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 6:53:28 PM
If my fellow was the type that felt he might engage in casual sex when he wasn't around me or if I wasn't available, I wouldn't want the details but I would want to know that it is probable. That way, IF he and I continued our relationship, we'd have to engage in safe sex practices through out OUR whole relationship. (He'd have to be a pretty special guy for me to put up with safe sex practices for the entire relationship!).
Chances are, no one is that special that I would choose this sexual hassle with him over a possible monogamous relationship with another. So even though I MIGHT put up with it for awhile, he would have to know that he would not be thought of as long term, monogamous relationship material.

But that is all just talk...

Could be that I loved him forever and ended up fine with it all.

I do believe a lot of others play the "unaware" card, to save face or what have you.

This is a question that asks a lot about peoples morality and I do believe, most would get hurt.
I would suggest you find someone like minded.

So...there you go OP, someone else who MIGHT NOT mind as long as it's not in my face or I'm going without.

Wrap it and careful you don't sleep talk! Or call her by the wrong name.

OP, if you really want to go this way YOU are going to have to get over the fact that it is possible that you will find out.

Are you sure you'd have to break up with her? If so, I don't recommend it for you. You might be giving up someone who is not so easy to let go.

Just a thought.


ADDED The school analogy is waaay off. The person more qualified should get the job. If the cheater got the job, that would NOT be fair.
Then again, the employer could have an aptitude test at the job site.
 JJTall
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 91
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:12:28 PM
OP, I have to ask you something, and please answer honestly:

Would you like it if a girl you were diggin, and wanted to get serious w/ was out bangin other guys?


If the answer is NO, then there's YOUR answer. in other words, if you don't want it done to you, DON'T do it to someone else.

I'm sure you'll say you "don't care"...but we all know you do, and eventually, when you do find that one special girl to call your own, don't be surprised/mad/angry if you found out she's out being the neighborhood village bicycle.

Karmas a ****.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 92
view profile
History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:18:08 PM
"have you ever been in love"

Good lord, there's the "l" word. I haven't seen the OP use it yet....snicker.

Oh and OP, just because I'm posting you presume that I'm here by myself......
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 93
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:20:52 PM
Another step back for men on dating sites. THANKS OP!!
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 94
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:26:58 PM
If the person you are with thinks that you don't cheap on them and you do with out telling them.. That means you lie to them which means you are not as honest as you say. Now lets say the girl you are dating is not as stupid and finds out about it later on.. What do you tell her then??? what would happen if you being as ignorent as you are do find out that she sleeps around... How would you react??? I hope you say you don't realy care casue sex is sex and its no big deal. .. Your way of thinking is childish and is based on the idea that you can do anything you feel like as long as you don't get found out... I bet you wont like the idea of being lied to.
 VB_Mermaid1974
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 95
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:30:22 PM
You can learn a lot about a person from what they post on these forums. It sure helps to weed out the ones who are a few fries short of a happy meal.
 Hotmerlot
Joined: 10/9/2012
Msg: 96
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:39:48 PM
A clear example of the separation between the men and the boys.
 toightpants
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 97
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:43:43 PM

What's so wrong with cheating, really?

That's really up to you to decide.
I couldn't care less if you cheat.


what's so wrong with having sex with someone else, while you're in a relationship?

It would make me feel bad.
Because I felt bad, as a non sociopath would do, I would then treat my partner differently, possibly more poorly, or far better than I can afford.
Either extreme, or somewhere in the middle, my behavior would change, which would cause inconsistencies in the relationship.
Inconsistencies lead to insecurities which will cause problems and help break up a relationship.
Plus I would take the focus and time from focusing on our relationship applying it to cheating and hiding it.
Which means the relationship would ultimately be shallow and meaningless.


If you engage in safe sexual practices and don't get emotional caught up in it, is there really a devastating effect to a relationship?

For me, yes, there would be a devastating effect.
When I was growing up I got into trouble when I lied. Spanked, grounded, had things taken away.
I was trained to have automatic associations that lying, or covering them up to avoid consequences, was bad.
In instances where I wasn't caught and avoided punishment things had a way of turning out to make it worse in the future.

Like when I let all my friends copy my math homework in 8th grade and then transferred to high school in 9th grade I was placed in a lower level of math class because there wasn't enough room, and then my copying friends that did make it in made fun of me for not being as smart as they were, and I lost them as friends when I couldn't help them with their homework that they couldn't understand and I hadn't yet learned about.
And then I, without any real friends anymore, decided to let a kid cheat off a history test (because what's the big deal, I let kids copy my stuff before so who cares) to be liked, seen favorably, and I was caught (through the kid I helped cheat), suspended, and I had to take summer school which meant I couldn't detassel corn or bale hay like I did every summer for money, which meant I had to wait another year to make enough to buy a car, which meant I had to take fewer hours at a job because I needed a ride from my parents, which meant I was fired from one of my first jobs because I was late all the time.

So for me, yes, there is a devastating effect because I've had the experience to back up the idea that lying is bad and can lead to negative consequences. Since I have those experience driven emotional associations that lying and cheating lead to bad things it has an effect on my behavior when I do those things.

Plus there is no guarantee the person you have an affair with won't get you caught. They can get pregnant, birth control isn't 100%, get an STD, they can go ape shit and slash your tires, start calling at 2 am, run into your girlfriend out and about and act funny around her, key your car, pop in at work, text you from a friends number you don't delete off your phone.
The only way to guarantee your partner doesn't learn of any perfidy is to not do it in the first place, so there is nothing to learn.


Some may call this, having your cake and eating it too. If you can, why not?

It's not really having your cake and eating it too so much as having a plastic cake that looks pretty, is hollow inside where you keep your money, while you go out to the cheesecake factory to fulfill an appetite.

You say

If I want to cheat on them (and sometimes I did, not all), they would never know.

But can you guarantee that in no way did knowing you cheated and covered it up affect your behavior towards your partner in any way shape or form that helped to end the relationship?
Not every bad thing you do is going to lead to a direct confrontation regarding it.
In reality you can't isolate morality or experience from yourself, hold it out, and simply reject the tendrils that affect other aspects of your emotions and behavior.



If a woman is cheating on me (and they may have, I don't know or care), as long as I don't know about it - I'm not hurt.

If you keep yourself distant enough in a relationship no one can hurt you then you aren't really in a relationship, the other person is just a toy there to gratify certain things you want.
If you can be hurt by something the other person says or does then you can't know if it is motivated by their response to their cheating, or in reaction to your behavior that is affected by your cheating, but the harm/conflict/strife/breakup in the relationship can be attributed to the cheating behavior.


I subscribe to the ignorance is bliss theory

That's a scary theory to subscribe to.
Because you can't just hold it true for one thing, like cheating.
Being human you will use that theory for other things in life you'd rather avoid, never learning how to actually handle or cope with things you can't avoid.
The more you use it, the more natural it becomes, the more that simply shapes how you view and interact with people and your complete paradigm.
 YourBrandNewGuy
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 98
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:47:22 PM

Another step back for men on dating sites. THANKS OP!!


Good point even though I don't see this clown as much of a man.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 99
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:49:23 PM
its not enough to just be sexually active in 1 relationship but you have to sleep with other women too!? If you want to cheat so bad without worrying about hurting your official lover maybe you should just watch porn and masterbate! better than cheating and if you wash your hands often you probably won't get an STD from them. Just saying. GJBrown here saying Do not cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 100
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:49:25 PM
Across the board, be it in relationships, education, taxes, financial dealings, sports &games...
What's RIGHT about NOT cheating is that you get to RESPECT YOURSELF.
Cindy O
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