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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's so wrong with cheating, really?      Home login  
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 goblinbomb
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 126
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I've thought about this before and what it comes down to is if you care about the other person enough to risk the relationship and hurting their feelings. If you really don't care enough about them to risk the off chance of them finding out and getting hurt then do what you want. If you really really care about them then you wouldn't do anything to risk hurting them. Its a trust issue.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 127
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:53:59 PM
Really what is going on here is an "open relationship" without calling it that. The OP seems to want the appearance of a "regular" (meaning monogamistic) relationship but it's okay, supposedly if both cheat on each other, as long as SHE doesn't tell HIM if she does. Who cares why, it doesn't appear either of them do.
 eklektika
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 128
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/5/2012 7:14:35 PM

If a woman is cheating on me (and they may have, I don't know or care), as long as I don't know about it - I'm not hurt. If she feels she needs to get some additional fulfillment, she should be able to go to do that. So now I'm sure some of you are saying, why not have an open relationship then? Well the problem is, I don't want to KNOW that she is actually doing these things. I like the illusion of commitment more than the actual commitment.


So by saying this you wouldn't like it if a girl cheated on you! Why is that?? This is a little hypercritical no?? Oh wait "you don't care, but you don't want to actually know"...why don't you want to know?? Because you would actually care. It's wrong to cheat because people care and if you actually loved someone you wouldn't want to hurt them this way and you wouldn't want to put them at risk for stds.
 Wonderfully_Jacqueline
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 129
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/5/2012 7:22:30 PM

OP- Since you are okay with cheating on a woman then I hope that you wont mind when one of these women that you cheat on cuts your Di*k off. Oh... and I also hope that you wont mind when you get to the ER, that the doctor you see happens to be the one that cheated in medical school and fails at sewing in back on.


Omg....so laughing here.....
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 130
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:09:41 PM
Simple..

If you're in love with someone.. then you will want no one else.. not only that you will care enough about them to respect them and to value their values.. cheating on them does neither of those things. when you want to be with someone, then you wont' want to be with someone else.

Otherwise it's all just a sham.. and you're a jerk. ;~)
 annutique
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 131
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:13:40 PM
When two people come into a relationship they come equal. At least they both think so.
When you cheat on your partner, you disregard this equality, while she is still thinking that you are on the same page.
There is no balance in your relationship: you know more than she does. Your cheating influences your behavior towards your girlfriend, and you cannot control this fact.
Stay open about your rule from the very beginning; be equal to your woman.
 Siteseeingwme
Joined: 9/20/2012
Msg: 132
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:03:44 AM
Why cheat? See other's without cheating. I don't understand why people just don't tell the truth from the get go. That way the other person knows where they stand and hopefully would like the type of lifestyle you would like. The other person in the relationship can not come back and say you lied. If they don't like it, there is someone out there for you, just keep looking. This way you will not have to hide anything, or worry about them finding out. The man that can be confidant in himself and tell the truth from the get go without being rude or egotistical about how he conveys it, is very sexy to me.
 frmsonly
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 133
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:49:33 AM
First things first, congrats OP for getting people so many people worked up about something only a few have even noticed what you did here. You labeled your thread about cheating but what your describing isn't cheating at all. If there's an agreement you both don't care ....well we don't either lol
 tfr5015
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 134
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 2:48:34 AM
Why do you date at all? I mean, you go through great lengths to be a****to your girl who would probably wanna know so she has an opportunity to go find a man that treats her with the respect she deserves. If you need to **** other women, just do it and be single if you are so confident in yourself that you don't need someone as your backbone at the end of the day. You have sex with your girl because that's really as far as you can take it to show her your love physically. That's why you don't do that with other women if you actually care. But you don't. It really sounds to me like you are justifying your lack of confidence as a man to keep a woman faithful by sleeping with other women so it makes you immune to getting hurt. I do something hurtful to you first so I'm always on the offensive. I hope you wake up one day and realize that everything you live for right now is a lie. What would've been the point of living all that time? No, I wouldn't even wish that on you, thats how shitty that is.. But your girl will feel like that when you slip up, because youre a part in her life.. The truth gives what you are doing purpose, she puts all this time into loving you, she wants her actions to be validated by your mutual honesty. Which they aren't. You got to trust her until she screws up. Someone starting in a relationship doesn't do things and then try to cover. They just try not to screw up and be the fairest they can to the other.Someone ****ed you over hard man.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 135
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 4:25:19 AM
Whether she even knows she can have extracurricular sex too is what makes this deal fair, equal and above board or not. And she doesn’t know.
.

Maybe she does know, maybe she doesn't. Maybe she is giving him the same lip service.
(I actually believe the OP believes this).


You don’t need to know. Because you already know she’s not cheating.


Actually no, he doesn't know she's not cheating, he's threatening her with his leaving because he probably believes she will cheat.

I just figure the OP is so convinced that people will cheat on him that he is going to beat the hurt HE'D feel before it happens by pretending it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't know. He's jaded but doesn't want to be. I also think that he is making these scenarios up so he can fake it through(as if you can work it out in your head with out actually having to go through the pain one would feel). lol.

I think the OP is not brave enough to have an open relationship because he is afraid of losing his love to another.

I believe this OP is really struggling with his deep love issues. He probably feels a ton, so much so that it is overwelming to him. So, instead of risking the hurt, he puts on some bravado and plays the player and convinces himself with his safety logic.

Ignorance is only bliss if you can't handle the truth.
Obviously the OP couldn't handle the truth of his partner leaving him for another nor can he handle finding out she's cheating, nor can he handle believing monogamy. The problem is...ignorance is leading him to where life is not hot, but lukewarm at best.

The saddest thing is that the OP is hiding his insecurity behind his cavalier attitude. He needs love and support and understanding.

OP, are you ever going to open up again? Or are you going to live in an anticipated tough reality and deny yourself love?

Have you considered this? The consequences? Can you not choose to be blissfully unaware of your anticipated shitty outcome? lol.

Might be more fun and kinder to ALL that way.
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 136
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 7:06:47 AM

You labeled your thread about cheating but what your describing isn't cheating at all. If there's an agreement you both don't care ....well we don't either lol


He didn't mention anything about an agreement. He's not talking about an open relationship. He's arguing that cheating on someone while in a monogamous relationship is ok as long as they don't find out about it, which is possibly stupidest thing anyone has ever said on the internet.
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 137
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 8:50:29 AM
What a sad commentary on the scene today, threads of , "whats wrong with cheating", "is it ok to go after married people" and finally "hitting on another persons date"......there's nothing wrong with any of it if your goal is to get your teeth knocked out, have some frickin morals.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 138
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What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 8:51:13 AM
If your are in a relationship with Ann and want to do Becky on the side and do, then
Ann is having sex with Becky ( candida/HPV and Lord knows what else) and all the other sexual partners Becky has had sex with.

Think that raincoat is all it takes? NOT.


If you see nothing wrong with it morally or integrity wise op It is still stupid and careless behavior regarding Anns health..So you do not care about her..



As long as I don't know, I'm fine with her doing what she wants to do. I wouldn't feel anything

^^^^^^^^^^
If you got an itch, blister,crabs or burn you would be FURIOUS.
 blaqwynter
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 139
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 8:57:50 AM
You stipulate that you NEVER get caught. Well sorry to say dear friend, one day you will get caught. They all do, no matter how much of a ''Master'' of the situation you claim to be.

You seem to go great lengths to hide this in secrecy; why don't you pursue an open relationship? Wouldn't that be easier?

Like I stated above; One always gets caught, no matter how good you are. ;-)
 ItsKaren
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 140
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 10:17:33 AM
Freaking horrible...and this is why so many girls have problems trusting men. Ha I hope OP learns his lesson one day and someone doesn't tell him the truth when he sleeps with a girl who has an std...I mean they aren't in a relationship..it's just a one night stand...
-_-
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 141
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 10:25:03 AM
'Ignorance is bliss' subscribes to the absense of accountability. Unaccountability invites chaos....not cake.

Being unaware of deception does not change the fact that it's deception.
 MacInOC
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 142
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:07:40 PM
Fun reading. Op, cheating is bad. Give your dates a chance to be the best girlfriend ever - without cheating on them. You just may be surprised.

That said, I get a chuckle at all the STD paranoia folks associated with cheating. You do know that the risk is not much different than serial dating? For example, if you have sex with someone who's had sex, with say 5 people, before you, it does not matter if that someone did the 5 in parallel (cheating) or serial. Bottom line is they had sex with 5 people before you.

Lots of forums with armchair psychologist diagnosing their bad mates as narcissistic. Not everyone who lies, cheats, is abusive, addicted, or whatever is narcissistic. Sometime they are just bad.

Carry on.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 143
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:16:58 PM
Well.. yea.. in my case however.. I do not bed hop.. I will not sleep with you until there is something between us.. So if he's cheating.. he *is* putting me at greater risk. Plus he's lying. I don't knowingly sleep with liars.. and it's not ok if he doesn't tell me. I do not date guy who expect sex immediately either. It's a total turn off to me. Well.. maybe they can expect it.. can't really tell them how or what to think.. but they can't be pushy or demanding or anything for it, they have to respect me and what I need. I will simply hit delete on your number otherwise. Yes.. the number of people they slept with *before* meeting me, is not going to decrease, but if you have something from one of those people, I'd hope you'd share that info or take care of it (meaning cure it) before trying to bed me. If are actively sleeping around while with me, my chances of catching something from you increases, as you won't have a chance to discover the illness before passing it on to me.

Serial daters don't generally get to sleep with me.. As inferred by that name.. they are chasing other tail too and give up on mine rather quickly..
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 144
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:22:43 PM
Mac...I've been just plain bad. Perhaps we should discuss it ;)
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 145
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:03:12 PM
Do you not have a conscious? So, if you go and steal something, as long as they don't know you did it, that isn't wrong?
Cheating is wrong. If you have an arrangment that's a whole other situation. If both partners know that it is allowed to seek sex elsewhere but, not talk about it and hide it from eachother then fine...to each their own but, when one is commited and the other is sneaking around that's just wrong. Relationships are built on trust. If you are protraying an illusion of commitment but, not actually commiting then the whole relationship is just an illusion and shouldn't have ever been considered a relationship in the first place!!
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 146
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:12:56 PM
OP,

Having a Masters Degree makes you "book smart", you can regurgitate something that you've read or heard during lectures. Whoopee!!!

Your cheating classmates did affect you my friend, you're jaded / ambivilent about breaking societal rules. So I'd say you're affected.

As many have written, trust and morality, dedication, respect and the L word .. loving that other person should be some of the reasons you'd keep your pants on.

G
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 147
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 2:28:15 PM
well.... if your partner defines ''cheating'' as nothing, then cheating isn't wrong...
just like... meat eaters don't see eating meat wrong while some vegetarians do,
and.... some people like threesome, foursome, groups, etc. but some object...

p.s. most people do define cheating as wrong, and people in general follow the ''normal'' attitude
(I expect to be attacked lol !!)
 MrGoNGitit
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 148
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:50:07 PM
Man that's funny you posted this because I was just thinkin the same thing over the last week or so... Ordinarily I would probably concur with most of the posts on here and tell you you should be honest, lying is lying, cheating is cheating, blah blah blah.. But real talk, morality is subjective, and rationalized. Just about everything is becoming ok nowadays, divorce, abortion, homosexuality, why not just add uhh..( what's your condition called? insatiable disassociative narcissitic illusionary philandering) to the list? lmao! From what I've seen from women, and from people in general, trust is not a commodity widely traded. Even though I try to live my life as truthfully as possible, and to treat others how I want to be treated, I do not expect it to be reciprocated. I'm sure you figured some woman you were with was actually doing the same thing didn't you? Don't underestimate another human being, they can dig just as deep as you, depending on the person. lol This is going to sound really callous but if a woman doesn't have the intuition or the experience to identify a creature like you when she sees one, then that's on her. It's 2012 baby, and all is fair in love and war. When I say creature I don't mean it derogatorily. But watch out for that Karma though buddy, cause it can be a ****.. If that doesn't click with you, maybe it will later.
 Just___Jim
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 149
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:51:25 PM

Really what is going on here is an "open relationship" without calling it that. The OP seems to want the appearance of a "regular" (meaning monogamist) relationship but it's okay, supposedly if both cheat on each other, as long as SHE doesn't tell HIM if she does. Who cares why, it doesn't appear either of them do.


True, and when you here about those who fall head over heels & chase these type of folks, it makes you also wonder what is their mo too?????

imo,birds of a feather somehow,will flock together regardless of his or hers lacking in character & social up bringing or maybe in their case That was their up bringing in folks to per-sue.....

Case in point, why would a Sandra Bullock chase a Jesse James, a well known skirt chaser ?

If women think you going to change these types of men you are badly mistaken.
 JJTall
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 150
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 4:08:17 PM

Why have a relationship if your just sleeping around anyway! Just stay single


Hey, lets not let a little thing like common sense get in the way, ok? Some people just can't grasp a concept like you've described.......it's simplistic, but some folks seem to have difficulty with it.
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