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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's so wrong with cheating, really?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 141
What's so wrong with cheating, really?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
'Ignorance is bliss' subscribes to the absense of accountability. Unaccountability invites chaos....not cake.

Being unaware of deception does not change the fact that it's deception.
 MacInOC
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 142
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:07:40 PM
Fun reading. Op, cheating is bad. Give your dates a chance to be the best girlfriend ever - without cheating on them. You just may be surprised.

That said, I get a chuckle at all the STD paranoia folks associated with cheating. You do know that the risk is not much different than serial dating? For example, if you have sex with someone who's had sex, with say 5 people, before you, it does not matter if that someone did the 5 in parallel (cheating) or serial. Bottom line is they had sex with 5 people before you.

Lots of forums with armchair psychologist diagnosing their bad mates as narcissistic. Not everyone who lies, cheats, is abusive, addicted, or whatever is narcissistic. Sometime they are just bad.

Carry on.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 143
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:16:58 PM
Well.. yea.. in my case however.. I do not bed hop.. I will not sleep with you until there is something between us.. So if he's cheating.. he *is* putting me at greater risk. Plus he's lying. I don't knowingly sleep with liars.. and it's not ok if he doesn't tell me. I do not date guy who expect sex immediately either. It's a total turn off to me. Well.. maybe they can expect it.. can't really tell them how or what to think.. but they can't be pushy or demanding or anything for it, they have to respect me and what I need. I will simply hit delete on your number otherwise. Yes.. the number of people they slept with *before* meeting me, is not going to decrease, but if you have something from one of those people, I'd hope you'd share that info or take care of it (meaning cure it) before trying to bed me. If are actively sleeping around while with me, my chances of catching something from you increases, as you won't have a chance to discover the illness before passing it on to me.

Serial daters don't generally get to sleep with me.. As inferred by that name.. they are chasing other tail too and give up on mine rather quickly..
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 144
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:22:43 PM
Mac...I've been just plain bad. Perhaps we should discuss it ;)
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 145
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:03:12 PM
Do you not have a conscious? So, if you go and steal something, as long as they don't know you did it, that isn't wrong?
Cheating is wrong. If you have an arrangment that's a whole other situation. If both partners know that it is allowed to seek sex elsewhere but, not talk about it and hide it from eachother then fine...to each their own but, when one is commited and the other is sneaking around that's just wrong. Relationships are built on trust. If you are protraying an illusion of commitment but, not actually commiting then the whole relationship is just an illusion and shouldn't have ever been considered a relationship in the first place!!
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 146
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 1:12:56 PM
OP,

Having a Masters Degree makes you "book smart", you can regurgitate something that you've read or heard during lectures. Whoopee!!!

Your cheating classmates did affect you my friend, you're jaded / ambivilent about breaking societal rules. So I'd say you're affected.

As many have written, trust and morality, dedication, respect and the L word .. loving that other person should be some of the reasons you'd keep your pants on.

G
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 147
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 2:28:15 PM
well.... if your partner defines ''cheating'' as nothing, then cheating isn't wrong...
just like... meat eaters don't see eating meat wrong while some vegetarians do,
and.... some people like threesome, foursome, groups, etc. but some object...

p.s. most people do define cheating as wrong, and people in general follow the ''normal'' attitude
(I expect to be attacked lol !!)
 MrGoNGitit
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 148
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:50:07 PM
Man that's funny you posted this because I was just thinkin the same thing over the last week or so... Ordinarily I would probably concur with most of the posts on here and tell you you should be honest, lying is lying, cheating is cheating, blah blah blah.. But real talk, morality is subjective, and rationalized. Just about everything is becoming ok nowadays, divorce, abortion, homosexuality, why not just add uhh..( what's your condition called? insatiable disassociative narcissitic illusionary philandering) to the list? lmao! From what I've seen from women, and from people in general, trust is not a commodity widely traded. Even though I try to live my life as truthfully as possible, and to treat others how I want to be treated, I do not expect it to be reciprocated. I'm sure you figured some woman you were with was actually doing the same thing didn't you? Don't underestimate another human being, they can dig just as deep as you, depending on the person. lol This is going to sound really callous but if a woman doesn't have the intuition or the experience to identify a creature like you when she sees one, then that's on her. It's 2012 baby, and all is fair in love and war. When I say creature I don't mean it derogatorily. But watch out for that Karma though buddy, cause it can be a ****.. If that doesn't click with you, maybe it will later.
 Just___Jim
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 149
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:51:25 PM

Really what is going on here is an "open relationship" without calling it that. The OP seems to want the appearance of a "regular" (meaning monogamist) relationship but it's okay, supposedly if both cheat on each other, as long as SHE doesn't tell HIM if she does. Who cares why, it doesn't appear either of them do.


True, and when you here about those who fall head over heels & chase these type of folks, it makes you also wonder what is their mo too?????

imo,birds of a feather somehow,will flock together regardless of his or hers lacking in character & social up bringing or maybe in their case That was their up bringing in folks to per-sue.....

Case in point, why would a Sandra Bullock chase a Jesse James, a well known skirt chaser ?

If women think you going to change these types of men you are badly mistaken.
 JJTall
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 150
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 4:08:17 PM

Why have a relationship if your just sleeping around anyway! Just stay single


Hey, lets not let a little thing like common sense get in the way, ok? Some people just can't grasp a concept like you've described.......it's simplistic, but some folks seem to have difficulty with it.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 151
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/6/2012 5:08:41 PM
Quality, like everything else, is relative. You can appreciate a person of high integrity, personality, empathy, etc. a great deal more when you compare/contrast him or her with someone on the low end of the scale. In that regard, even the lowest of the low performs a public service, however inadvertently.
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 152
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 3:02:55 PM
If I give of my body to someone I care about/love, I would hope he cares enough about me to keep us both safe by only being with each other sexually. Particularly since I have never contracted an STD or anything far worse and want to keep it that way.

By the way FYI.... I have a friend who has had mulitple partners, used a condom with yet another sexual partner and he still got a dose from her.

Not cheating sexually or otherwise on your partner is in fact love which you don't seem to deserve!!!
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 153
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 3:47:38 PM
Yo my man I joined the navy when I was 17 yrs old and spent 3 glamorous yes gaining one amazing education about myself and t the mysteries of life

In less then 3 years I had relations with over 87 women and all but three were married.

People cheat no doubt about it they can look you right in the face and deny it until the moon turns blue.

Of course there is a degree of cheating like Wild Bill (Bubba ) Clinton stating oral sex is not sex as his momma must have given him lots of BJ's as a child

Then there is the NYS Governor Spitzer who paid for non cheating sex and his wife like most of these democrats women have no self respect thus they stand by their man

There was Governor Mc Skeevy of NJ who liked having a guy service him and his wife and then little Weinner who let his wife have relations with Hellery Clinton while he was showing his weiner on the net and then of course the Reverend Jackson who knocked up some bimbo telling Clinton the sins of sex and then the other democrap who's wife was dying of cancer as he was knocking some bimbo up

People cheat and lie and love leaders like Reverend King who had several girl friends much like the whore mongers in the Kennedy clan

Just enjoy yourself and remember guys get blamed for cheating but there is just as many women out there doing it also OR there is one lady really bust out there in cyber land

People SCREW and eat because it feels amazing
 sawdust_and_oystershells
Joined: 12/3/2012
Msg: 154
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 4:47:42 PM
I generally do not think cheating is a good idea and here are my reasons.
First and foremost, the major issue: STD's. If you are fooling around with someone other than your partner, especially without protection, your partner could potentially and unwittingly receive said STD.
On top of being lied to an STD just adds salt to the wound.

Secondly, you are breaking trust. Whether your partner knows it or not is not the issue, the issue is you are breaking the trust they had freely granted to you; that is a gift. Going behind there back makes a fool of them, and breaks that trust which they had granted to you in good faith, and is an abuse in itself.

Thirdly, if when and they find out, and they will... it will needlessly hurt and confuse them.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. If a cheater and a liar is who you want to be, then by all means go ahead and cheat. But it is on your conscience, the world isn't going to absolve you. You must be responsible for your own actions. Other cheaters will probably say that they agree with you, but I guarantee your partner probably doesn't. Do you think your partner would continue to date you knowing this?

My suggestion is to date casually, make it clear to your potential partner that you want to see other people. Or date someone who will be your steady partner and allow you knowingly and openly to date others. There are people open to these types of "open" relationships. But otherwise, don't lie, don't waste someone's time . Time is precious.

Don't enter a relationship with someone who thinks it's monogamous, they probably wouldn't date you otherwise.
It all boils down to respect for others.
 blueprint770
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 155
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 5:23:16 PM
I didnt want to entertain this thread but im bored.

yeah, you sound like you tried to enlighten us with some ground breaking philosophy but its not working.

come on man, if youre are too much of a coward to ask your girl for a threesome then just say it.

In all seriousness, your silly rhetoric comes off as childish and selfish. Hopefully you'll learn dignity and respect for others before you find yourself regretting your ideals.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 156
view profile
History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 6:56:25 PM

This is all fine and dandy and I AGREE with you. Like I said many times though - if the person NEVER knows what's going on, trust isn't lost. Women that I've been with had no idea. And they perceived me as that good man you speak of. So what harm occurred?


OP, the harm that has occurred is that these women never had a chance to make a decision based on reality. By cheating on them, all the while knowing that they do not wish to play the ignorance game (although you do), you deprived them the freedom of making choices that they are entitled to but couldn’t because you decided they didn’t need to know.

I know people who live the “ignorant is bliss” life. “As long as I don’t know I’m happy” they say. The difference between them and you is that they chose this relationship together. In your case, you chose it for them. Therefore, you have abused your right of freedom by taking away their freedom to make informed decisions.

That is what’s wrong and nothing else.
 vsgagi
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 157
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 8:42:14 PM
LOL!!!!! What you find on the forums. Love it!
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 158
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/8/2012 9:00:02 PM
Or another three words :
Ignorance is stupidity.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 159
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 6:56:45 AM
But I challenge a lot of you to look in the mirror yourself. I see a lot of point the finger mentality here. As if none of you have ever “lied,” “cheated (in any fashion),” “stole,” or hurt someone.


I've traveled around the world, and have been to many countries in Asia (and in other continents), where your way of thinking would be considered normal (I'd even go as far as to saying being enforced, through societal pressures in some countries). I think for you, it's a case of being in the wrong society.

I mean, I can name tons of countries, where the women would expect their men to cheat, and is something accepted due to the patriarchal nature of the societies in question.

Many marriages as such, survive infidelity, at high ratios, where the marriages remain happy and lengthy (whereas in westernized societies would've resulted in a bitter divorce).

I almost felt like an outsider, with me being the loyal type in some of the countries I have been to. So is it your way of thinking that is wrong, or the fact you're thinking that way in a society where it isn't acceptable (hence the backlash)?

But back to the point you were making. Nobody is saying there is anything wrong with polygamy (or at least, I'm not). I have friends who strongly believe in it, and all the power to them. I know people in open relationships, who are happier than most married people I know. They get to explore themselves sexually with others, and still have a partner to return to, who is fully accepting of their behavior. Heck, I've dated girls who wanted open relationships, only to realize it wasn't for me. To each their own, really.

Why lie, though, is the only question I have for you? Why tell someone you love them if you really don't, or mislead someone to telling them they're your only one, when you could be honest, and make it clear you are not looking for anything serious, and keeping things playful? Tons of girls looking for sex or flings, only (or nothing serious).

I think everyone has stolen, lied or deceived someone at some point and time in their lives, however most grow from their past mistakes, and mature as adults through having made them.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 160
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 10:44:56 AM
OP You are one SERIOUSLY misguided individual............

I didn't read all the responses but I will say this ONE THING.........

WHAT'S DONE IN THE DARK ALWAYS COMES TO THE LIGHT..........................
 makeyafamos2
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 161
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 4:57:11 PM
My last two cents on this . .. . so of course I’ve been vilified by some, others have seen my point whether they agree or not, and others have agreed.

The main issue however is simple – what you don’t know, doesn’t hurt you. That’s it! You can talk all day long about how I lie or I’m having a relationship on false pretenses, but so what – so what if I lie? So what if I misguide the other person into thinking they are with someone who has the same goal as them. Let’s put this in perspective via analogy – Citizens of any country, I put this to you – do you really want to know the vile, inhumane, disgusting, despicable things that your countries government does? US citizens (of which I’m a member) are you ready to renounce your citizenship if the government comes out and discloses the true nature of some atrocity committed?

No, I thought not – the fact is - and this is just one analogy over several I could present – we act like we want to know, but not really. We know the hurt that comes with being devastated from learning about how we got fooled or played. And we know how that knowledge affects us going forward. All new relationships become heavily scrutinized and potentially jaded because of it. The truth is far more destructive than the lie or omission.
The issue is not “why” I do what I do, or even if it’s right. All of that’s on me and my conscience or lack thereof (depending on your perspective). The egg is already broke. So you feel the best course of action is to come clean? Lol.

My question again was what’s so wrong with cheating – and by that I mean the physical act of having sex with someone else. I’d argue and win, that emotional cheating is far worse than physical. For the record I’ve never emotionally cheated. I like sex (call it a problem if you must, maybe it is), and sexual diversity. I don’t want an open relationship – because I don’t KNOWINGLY want her having sex with someone else.

Ok, I think I’m done – hit me up because I’ll probably be banned or something.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 162
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 4:57:57 PM

I subscribe to the ignorance is bliss theory

This theory is riddled with narcissism....
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 163
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 5:10:44 PM
You are knowing lying to another person. Unless this person has hurt you someway it's really uncalled for. You aren't in pay and trying to hurt someone. You just want sex. Yes I have lied, but I have no ever cheated on anyone. Sure like anyone did bad things but that's the past. I no longer lie, and intentionally hurt someone for no reason. To knowingly to do something wrong over and over again and have no remorse is wrong. You have no morals. Nobody is perfect but many people try working on being a better person. Using the excuse that people have lied or hurt others in the past doesn't make what you are doing ok. Why do you need a girlfriend if you just want to sleep around her back? There are women out there that will have sex with no strings attached.

There is one big difference between you and the rest of us, we do have a conscience. Even if I do something bad I do feel bad what I have done and try not to do again. You just don't care. Seriously would you jump off a bridge because quite a few people do it also? You are not even doing something out of anger or revenge, still not good but you are just doing it because you can get away with it and have no remorse. I guess the devil has taken over your body.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 164
view profile
History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 5:30:05 PM
OP, I have leveled with you and responded directly to your question but you ignored my response. Why should these women you cheat on not have a choice in making informed decisions whether to get involved with you or not? You asked what’s wrong with cheating and I have told you something no one else has, which is that you are limiting their freedom in making their choices based on reality, not what you have decided for them. Is that not like playing God?
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 165
view profile
History
What's so wrong with cheating, really?
Posted: 12/9/2012 6:54:11 PM
Good detective work, CawkBlawker.
There is no way he has an MA. What a pathetic loser.
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