Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > "Meeting the right one"      Home login  
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 22
Meeting the right one Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
There’s a difference between who you are and what you do. The first is your identity. The latter is your behavior.
You can choose to be tactful and diplomatic without sacrificing who you are. These are not identity issues.

People have often said to me "If you really want to actually get to know more people, you have to be less outspoken and say only nice things, "bla bla bla…

You don’t have to say only nice things. But you could say the not-so-nice things in ways that are helpful and timely. It will win you friends and allies and that’s more effective than alienating people.
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 23
Meeting the right one
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:26:46 PM
@OP and supplygoodguy
Nothing wrong with being outspoken...,outspoken alters the world

Agreed. But outspoken in your manner tends not to get too many dates until they have actually changedexthe world.

A lesson I have learned is to listen to the other person and ask them the reasoning for their opinion, acknowledge their reasoning and explain the reasoning for your opinion and see if you can bridge the difference.

OP, in reading your post, it's hard to tell if you're not being tactful or just not meeting the right people. Tact and politeness is always called for, no matter how outspoken you are.
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 24
Meeting the right one
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:42:09 PM
Ok, first of all....there is some differences in speaking your mind, and truth. Just because you may freely let your opinions flow doesn't mean they are the truth. All it means is that what you speak is the truth in your opinion.

Also, there is a difference in speaking your mind, when asked, and deciding that everyone needs to hear your opinion. People that offer their true opinions when asked about something are generally appreciated by their friends. People that offer their opinions when their opinion was NOT asked can be pretty iritating.

I guess the decision is yours. Do you feel as though speaking your mind has contributed you being single and distancing yourself from those whom you would like to have a relationship with?

but I really warm up to people once I get to know them well.

That could be your problem. Women and people in general usually don't give someone the chance to "warm" up. We live in a society that makes quick decisions. Instead of being outspoken (and possibly offensive) in the beginning. Why no cool it, get to know them, and then slowly let your outspoken behavior come into play. That way they will get the chance to know you, and you them, without feeling as though you're a cold person...which is indeed the perception if you have to get to know someone before "warming up".

But...with the "blah, blah, blah," comment when describing people that suggest you not be so outspoken, I think we all know what you're going to do which is continue like you are and blaming others for not giving you the chance that you are likewise not giving them. The common denominator in the equation is you.
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 25
Meeting the right one
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:47:03 PM
I love your response, Outmind! Totally cool!
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 27
Meeting the right one
Posted: 12/6/2012 7:43:58 PM
I think you're on the right track.
Could I offer up - there's a difference between being outspoken and being rude. I don't know you, clearly, but if you run into the right person and are "outspoken" (a.k.a.rude) you'll drive them off.
Try tact, try zipping it up...sometimes. The trick is knowing when. Sometimes outspoken can also mean, you don't hear what others are contributing to the conversation. Everyone wants to be heard....
Just notes.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > "Meeting the right one"