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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Best friend cheats on BF      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 26
Best friend cheats on BFPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I had to walk away from a friend before, as I could accept her lifestyle.
That's sad ... but that is the way it is.
I am a person of integrity, and she was not.

If you have the strength, tell you friend that it is time that she fessed up to her boyfriend.
Tell her that either she does it, or you do.
Then follow through, and walk away from that relationship.

Best of luck!
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 27
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Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:44:43 PM
I had to walk away from a friend before, as I could accept her lifestyle
.....................................................................................^ not !

I respect all my friends ....... Think her actions would cause me to lose respect for her
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 28
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:52:12 PM

and had some whiskey. Correct



Naaaaa. When making executive decisions I tend to try to stay sober. Better choices made. Never as much fun,but always better in the long run.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 29
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History
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 5:16:56 PM
Mind your own business, lest the messenger be shot.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 30
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 5:23:46 PM
I would just stay away from both of them. He will find out. Its sad, but you will look like the bad guy, for telling him.
Keep your boyfriend away from her.
 blaqwynter
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 31
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 6:12:07 PM
Wow Mysterious Stranger, You make sense all around. I guess I should tell him, and you are def correct about evil people. I am not perfect I admit that, and I have done some pretty harsh things in my day as well, but eventually I would fess up about it, no matter the outcome.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 32
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 6:29:22 PM
Real friendships require authenticity and boundaries.. no one has the right to arrest the happiness of another via deceit.. so this guy who has been dating your very self centered narcissistic immature so called girlfriend needs to be able to deal with the truth and move on.
I would suggest that you bring another really good friend or confident or relative and meet this guy and divulge the information as this is not going to be easy for you to do and you are being affected by this on the emotional plane of someone who has proper frontal neo cortex reasoning.. your soon to be ex best friend needs some serious psychiatric help and a work up on her brain as to why she puts herself both physically and emotionally in harms way.. no one with a proper working brain plays russian roulette with their brain or their genitals.

You owe yourself a better friendship with you firstly .. that means you walk away from her to give yourself a gift.. the right to have people around you that are not toxic.. now if she goes to get help and then begins to see what she is doing and has some genuine remorse then great ... work on the friendship but as she is right now you owe yourself sanity and peace and joy and loving people who will not add you into their secrets to maintain and condone her dysfunctional behavior. If she will do this to her man she will do this to anyone.. so if you believe she is an honorable person to you .. good luck..

See this man and explain to him with someone there that you can trust and let him know what he needs to know to move on..if he decides to remain trapped in this that's his business but you must firstly take care of you .. do not waste any more of your valuable time as a wonderful human being on people who would deceive and use you in their self delusional lies. You deserve better and expect better.. k..
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 7:44:20 PM
I know a couple who were married and the woman started having an affair with a guy who was always sleeping around with any woman available. It seemed like everybody knew about it except the husband. I'm sure he suspected, but never had any solid evidence to make the accusation to his wife even though people were dropping hints. Sure enough, she ended up with an STD. But she turned the tables on her husband. When she suspected she had it, she demanded that they both get tested and they both ended up with the STD. She put on a big act by freaking out and accusing the husband of cheating and giving it to her. I was good friends with the guy at the time and I know for a fact that he was not cheating. But she kept the charade going and divorced him and blamed the divorce on his infidelity and giving her an STD. The judge in divorce court believed her over the husband and she got almost everything. The guy ended up in a small run down apartment with 3 or 4 pieces of furniture. Not long after, the guy she was having an affair with moved into her house, but she kicked him out not long after when she found out he was sleeping with other women. What a train wreck.
 The_Whole_of_the_Moon
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 34
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 7:52:00 PM
If you decide to end the friendship do the one thing that will end it permanently.

Tell the boyfriend.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 35
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Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/6/2012 9:48:42 PM
She's your friend so just tell her that you do not want to hear from her again until she either gets rid of the new guy or breaks up with the old because YOU don't want to be friends with a cheater.

You tell her this because YOU can't stand listening to her AND you have lost respect for her and YOU don't like the situation of being put in her drama.

If old boyfriend asks you why you knew and didn't tell him you can say this is what you told her and you are sorry that this happened to him but his relationship drama is none of your business so he'll have to discuss this with someone else. (like her).

If old boyfriend is a good friend, tell him he might want to ask his girlfriend if she's been faithful and leave it at that.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/7/2012 12:43:35 AM
I would have one less friend. Sorry, but my friends are people that I value and respect, and I would lose all respect for someone who did this and wanted to drag me into it and talk about it all the time.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 37
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/7/2012 3:30:13 AM

I would have one less friend. Sorry, but my friends are people that I value and respect, and I would lose all respect for someone who did this and wanted to drag me into it and talk about it all the time.
+1 For me, the deciding factor on the friendship side would be the level of remorse. If a friend had an error of judgement but acknowledged and regretted it, they'd have my support all the way. But someone who was cheating in an ongoing way, and was basically laughing behind their partner's back - that I'd have no respect for and the friendship would be over.

If it was me being cheated on, I would want to know, so I'd really struggle with NOT telling the boyfriend. I'd feel like I should mind my own business, but I know I'd put myself in his shoes and then I'd want to tell him.
 JohnAGalt
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 38
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/7/2012 7:24:14 AM

Again, poster above me is right. Fellow posters, shame on you for saying stay out of it. Your saying that its ok for this girl to cheat and he does not need to find out about that. Stds like HIV is serious, we're talking about ones own health! He needs to be aware of this, so he can break up with his so called gf, go get tested and hopefully he's negative. As for his gf, she deserves to contract something with her acts, karma is strong and i hope she gets something. No justification at all for cheating by anyone. You cheat, u get what u deserve, but don't dare give it to your current spouse, they didn't deserve it by ur actions.
so I guess youve never heard the term " shooting the messenger" first thing you dont know anything about the guy,how he will react, I dont think she mentioned if she was friends with the friends boyfriend, and by the way STD isnt for cheaters, he could have a STD and not knowing prior to meeting her and vice versa, maybe she uses condoms, maybe in their relationship they use condoms although thats not 100% safe.

As in should she tell him about the friend, that depends on how she feels about the boyfriend and is she prepared for the fall out? if she can accept the risk then why not, if not and she has no proof other than her friends word, then she should stay out of her friends business and cut them loose.
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 39
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/7/2012 7:54:27 AM
OP, not sure if you said this but if it were me, a face to face talk with your friend would be the first thing I would do.....Then you could tell her all you have said here and more...Point blank ask her if cheating is ok...There is only a yes or a no answer....Ask her if the boyfriend should be told, yes or no.....Whatever the answers will direct you to what you feel you need to do....To me, if you sincerely are worried about the guy and safety, then if she isn't going to tell him, then tell her you will....Hopefully there is still dialogue with you both at that time that feelings, what ifs, etc can be expressed......"friends" gets thrown around in life and there are really so many different degrees of friends...Maybe in your case, you get to see at what level your friendship is with her........I understand we all can agree to disagree when there is a difference of opinion with friends, but in this case, I would not accept with this issue........Another thing is she told you about the cheating...Was she bragging, was she telling you because maybe she felt terrible about it?......This may sound strange but your friendship could become stronger and you may be able to help someone see in the future that her actions were terrible and she will respect another and not do again...Talk to her face to face, give her the opportunity to make things right......What she needs to understand fully is that she is the wrong one in all this.
 Sailing78
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 40
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/7/2012 9:50:24 PM
I say tell him, and then break all contact with both of them. Dump your friend, then make sure the BF understands you want nothing to do with him. I wouldn't want to stay friends with someone who was like that, so I'd be done with them anyways. What have you got to then lose by telling him? Your relationships with her and the BF are done anyways, why not let the truth finally be know? You can go about your life knowing you did the right thing, and then let the two of them to sort things out like they rightly should to begin with.
 tomslick24
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 41
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/8/2012 4:29:39 AM
The fuse on the dynamite has been lit...............don't dump a long time friend but back away slowly from the dynamite and STAY THE HECK OUT OF IT.Let Karma take over ............and rest assured it will.Many moon's ago I was in a similiar situation and the only one that got blown up was me.
 Monique00
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 42
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:34:52 AM
Stay out of it. You are no saint either. Do you actually feel sorry for her boyfriend- or is the real issue your jelouse? You are not the morality police. I belive telling him would be for your own pleasure and nothing more- no matter what others and you keep telling yourself.

Do you know anything about their relationship? Issues and all? Have you asked her why she is cheating? Have you actually had a real talk about the complications of cheating- and the reasons behind it and the dangers- at least before you blow that whistle. For all you know, he caught be bashing her up and this could be her acting out in desperation.

Is her boyfriend a saint? Do you know much about him? Also has your friend ever hurt you in the past or screwed you over- is this really about revenge- for you? How much of a friend to you was she- has she always been an honest and caring person before this? By the sounds of it no- if you could automatically dump her and go running to the boyfriend. Did you bother delving deeper? Or is that not as fun as the drama that you will actually cause?

Being the centre of the drama, as the 'hero' - ie - you - will be exciting for you intially. It will unfold completely diffrent after that. Either you will make their relationship stronger by telling him - and you will be seen as meddling- or she is just going to have an easier transition if she gets 'dumped' as you have done the dirty work for her. Either way- you will be left out in the cold.

Telling him will make your life easier and everyone elses life harder- intially - but the tide turns fast.

I suggest walking away- if you can help yourself. If you're not there for her- get out of her life in every way. These sorts of things always get found out and sorted.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 43
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:47:55 AM
MYOB!!
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 44
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/8/2012 2:18:55 PM
Although I agree with you wholeheartedly on your feelings regarding this situation it's not your call. She divulged something very personal to you and trusted in you to share it. You need to turn the cheek on this one as the situation is volatile. Talk to her about how strong your convictions are in this area let her know how you feel towards her now that you know.

I do not like cheaters or ones who have to have their cake and eat it too as that is a sign of weakness and I'm not like that. But, when it comes to friends I take it as their business. I know you feel bad for him but...as my mother says, everything comes out in the wash. He'll find out eventually and if he has any dignity left, he can walk away and move on.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 45
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/14/2012 9:20:39 PM

MYOB!!


I do agree with that, if it were me I would distance myself from her, but I'd stay out of it.
It has purely to do with my personal morals, I wouldn't want to be "best friends" with someone who was doing that, because it goes against my own personal feelings, but I wouldn't be interfering in their relationship (whatever that is).

And, well, if he should ask "why doesn't she come around anymore, why don't you hang out together anymore?", then that's up to her to explain.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 46
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Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/15/2012 3:24:16 AM
Unless you are interested in the Bf and want to end your "friendship"........... shut up.
Im with F1 in I don't have the desire to be friends with people I have no common morals with.



Don't gals just hang out and do fun things anymore with out all that drama?
Best friends dont base their friendship or time together yaping about lovers/kids/grandbabies in my world.

Go have some toddies by the river/beach/lake , take some music.
Dance barefoot and be silly.
 mariettablue
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 47
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/15/2012 5:21:46 AM
I think your Best Friend confided in you because she knows it's wrong but it feels too right to stop. You have all these feelings about what she is doing then you should tell HER exactly how you feel about it. By this I mean just tell her "I don't like what your doing in your relationship and I don't want you to tell me anything else because honestly it makes me want to tell your BF because I think it's unfair." This way she will more than likely stop telling you about it and it takes you out of the middle. Your only involving yourself the same way you got involved and it puts it back on her to make a decision to tell or not. She might even ask you to help her tell the BF.

You don't have to lose your friend or abandon YOUR moral values in this scenario. I have had many friends that have done things that I don't agree with but that didn't break the friendship up. Usually your friends with someone for what you like or have in common with them, not what you don't like! You can always be encouraging of the right thing and sometimes it may take them a while to make their mind up but when it happens a real friend will come to you and say " You know what, I'm sorry, you were right all along and I should have listened to your advice."

Being a friend is the same as being in a relationship. Would you walk away from a relationship at every problem that arises?.........Didn't think so. Good Luck!
 AusteniticSteelMan
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 48
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/15/2012 8:53:20 PM
So you want her boyfriend then? =]

Cause I think you're kinda stickin your nose where it doesn't belong.

But sending him an anonymous note with proof could give her the smack she needs >=]
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 49
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/15/2012 9:50:41 PM

Wow! I can't belive everyone else here is saying "Don't get involved" Come on people! This guy has a right to know. So its fair for him to be left in the dark while his gf goes out and cheats? If i was in an ltr, and she's cheating, i wanna know! It's called common sense.
This is serious, she could bring home herpes, ghono or especially H.I.V! O.P your friend has absoutley no morals, go and tell her bf now!!
This is bad advice, who gave you the right to decide what is right and what is wrong? I wasn't aware the almighty gave you some special power when descending from the clouds from Mount Olympus .

People who have never confronted someone about cheating do not realize that often the spouse/partner being cheated will not side with you in a lot of the cases, and how the hell do you know it'll make it right? Divining rod perhaps, or you have some crystals or magical beans?

And who appointed you, or anyone else as Guardian and Button Pusher over these people's hearts, their lives, and their futures?

I'm going to send you a quarter so you can buy yourself a clue.... all those STDs out there, They ain't all being passed around by married cheaters having affairs, You're not going to end STD infection rates by cracking down on "accomplices to affairs."



I think your friends bf has a right to know. Especially if there having condomless sex and now shes out there cheating! I hope karma gets the best of so called friend
And you assume she having unprotected sex out there? wow that is amazing, I bet you can eat two bowls of kelloggs fruit loops, 3 tacos from Taco bell and leap tall buildings , can you predict who will win the superbowl too?

Look OP, staying out of others business has nothing to do with condoning cheating, I have to laugh when I hear people who want to be the arbitrator and executioner , its' none of your business, why stick your beak in and be part of the drama, you're practically a stranger to this person, what makes you think he is going to listen?
And where is the "courtesy?" There isn't any when your motive is self-serving. So, you really aren't that concerned with his pain.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 50
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Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/16/2012 10:30:14 AM
All you relationship destroyers, battleships of the love and lovelorn is a two person game. We already know for sure that Black-u-weather stirred up a bunch of trouble with her friend-- and hey- its that time of life that lots of women lose their long term buds.. Difficult to interest anyone in stopping that trend..., sure make an issue with your "friend" and watch that become "acquaintance" and "someone I used to know", then not even nodding on the street,.
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