Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Sorry Op...Doesn't look dad is going to be around long term , so start thinking of you and the baby
....Have you heard the ole saying "be careful what you wish for "...?

At 40 yrs ..I would have expected you to choose a mate more wisely ...A little late now.
I don't think you should leverage your pregnancy to try and hold onto daddy.(never works for long)

Seriously Op...Start planing a life with you and the baby ,
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:29:59 PM
Are you going to let your future dates know about the bun in the oven? Why was he wanting to have a kid if he knew he couldn't support you or him/her? what do you want from him if you are looking for a relationship? Might want to warn your other dates before hand.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:39:33 PM

Don't be hard on me because you have no idea what I am going through.


Yeah, you're the first person (ever) who got pregnant while "seeing" some guy. It's unfortunate, but that's how the cards are dealt.

That guy doesn't want to be a father. I'm pretty sure that he's going to try to convince himself that he's NOT the father. Make sure that he knows that he has to pay child support.
 Zamboni_Operator
Joined: 11/20/2012
Msg: 12
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:47:14 PM
OP, if you're recently pregnant from this guy, & you appear to be in some sort of relationship - at least to the point on agreeing to deliberatley "make babies" - then why does your profile state you're available & looking for a long term relationship? Please reply here.

Many men get nervous about becoming a father. Despite your guy's present hesitancy, I would give it a chance & see if he comes around once the baby is actually born. That can have a profound effect on a man. You never know, he might embrace fatherhood. I know you shouldn't have to coddle him, but maybe you should try & take some pressure off him & remind him that no matter what he decides his role will be, YOU are going to have the baby & raise the child, even if it means being a single mother.

You don't make it clear... when the two of you decided to forego birth control & try & get pregnant, did the two of you mutually envisage you as cohabitating parents raising this child? Or was he more the "sperm donor" so you could have a child before you're too old, regardless of what he does?
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 13
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:47:22 PM
Funny you put your ages in the last line. The whole paragraph made it seem like you both are teenagers. When I read the ages I nearly fell off my chair. I guess you both have a lot of growing up to do.
 TalkingPie
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 7:39:28 PM
I'm curious as to what you discussed, regarding living 200 miles apart from each other. If you're talking about having children, you must have made plans of living together, no? Isn't that generally something you clear up before deciding to bring a kid into the world? The only exception I've seen was when someone was after a visa.

I find it very hard to believe you both agreed to have a child, actively started trying, and at no point resolved the fact that you live 200 miles apart, and at least he in a place that isn't conducive to raising a child.

When a guy is just thinking about getting laid with little regard to anything else, we say he's thinking with his penis. Could this be a case of thinking with one's uterus?
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 17
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/8/2012 2:08:36 AM
so he's sponge-worthy. i think you already know that your pregnancy is not happening in the best of circumstances. you "thought" you were both in the same boat?? in other words, you didn't really talk about it with him in any way that could be described as "planning"??? of course that's true, that's why he wasn't thrilled when you made the big announcement. well you should know that can't force a man to "be there for you" just because you're freaking out now. how do you think he feels? helpless, basically. EXTREMELY helpless.


telling me he is useless, he doesn't deserve me, I deserve better

he doesn't want anything to do with you because the last thing he's prepared for at this time is to be a daddy. but you will hold him hostage now because this is your last chance to have a baby. sad. i feel sorry for the kid. p.s. this is a high risk pregnancy under any circumstances and your mental state can't be lessening the risk.

you can't control his actions beyond the legal means available to you to demand child support, so if he's backing away you'd better get yourself mentally prepared for the fact that his "support" is going to be the minimum demanded by the law. work on getting your head straight so that YOU can be prepared to be a mother who is as positively focused as possible.

vvvvv
what the hell?? "talking about the risk" is not the same as "passing judgment". it's common medical knowledge.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >