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 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 79
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Messaging guys first never develops into a datePage 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I guess that being normal for me not to get any dates form dating sites even when e-mails are exchanged.

It is not unusual , if someone is not interested then too bad , if you are expecting to be asked and it does not happen then you ask simple as that , and if he is reluctant show him a boob and say you want sex , immediately most will say where at i will be right there, quick and dirty way to get dates, I if pulled my junk out would be blocked and police would take me aawy, hahaha

Do not worry move on .

If you really want a guy you would like to meet initiate contact first, tell him what you want and feel and ask him out for a change, rejection is a possibility but that is life, if that happens...next...next...be like a guy, be the one with the action instead of being passive.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 80
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/20/2012 11:19:32 PM

Hi I have noticed that whenever (hardly ever now) I have expressed interest by sending the flirt option guy or sent a message and this is usually when they are users who want to meet me. They will normally reply to a message but not one of them has asked me out. In the real world I am friendly and quite outgoing and would have no problem talking to New people and guys normally respond well.

Welcome to what pretty much every guy goes through all of our lives. 99% strike outs, occasional interest, given phone numbers, and then make phone calls that never get returned. Happy dating!
 brian747ff
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 84
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/22/2012 4:59:10 AM
You'll probably find there not who they say they are, it's easy to go on a picture sight find a good looking fella take the picture & put it on pof as them lovelly jubbly.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 85
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/22/2012 8:20:42 AM

Men and women BOTH make excuses for their lack of success, blaming the site or the opposite gender.


Yes some people don't have much success on dating sites due to their mistakes. Having said that, I do think there are plenty of people on dating sites ( especially on POF ) that are flakes, jerks, liars, cheaters etc. Also sometimes people do lose interest because things that have nothing to do with the other person. These things aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 88
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/23/2012 10:20:02 PM

Do men actually ask women out on dates these days? It seems like it's just propositions. That's been my experience.


Why the heck do you have a profile cleavage shot without your face in it? What does THAT say about you?

If you want somebody to see you as a person, your FACE is your identifier. If you want people to see you as body parts, then keep posting pics of other things.

Geez it's not brain surgery.
Just keep your profile text clear;
- List things you ACTUALLY DO as things you actually do
- List things you WANT to do as things you WANT
- Keep the negatives out
- Add a little humor and poke a little fun at yourself

If you see somebody you like, TELL THEM WHY.

If they don't reply back; well, they don't HAVE to reply. So be it. Move on and keep looking.

Guys messaging first and developing into a date is probably about .85 percent. Not even 1 out of a 100. You have to be INSANELY attractive, or be willing to hunt down really stupid vulnerable women to get that amount any higher.
Gals messaging first and developing into a date may not be high - but if it's 10 percent, that's 11-12x better than most guys. Keep your perspectives in check.
 Ken_19
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 99
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/29/2012 9:35:25 AM
Well first if you wrote me (if I was young enough), I probably wouldn't ask someone living in Dublin, Dublin out. Don't know where that state is, but it sounds far away and I have a self-imposed 10 mile rule. Beyond that, who can tell?
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 104
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/30/2012 9:01:27 AM
Need thicker skin. Online dating's a whole different monster than dating offline. Since most women aren't used rejection in any way shape or form & especially if hardly experiencing it offline, they feel it's the holy grail of failure. Rejection is quite common for those that initiate contact.
 ImReadyForUnow
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 111
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/4/2013 9:17:26 PM
RustyCat79,

I'm with you. I never get a response to messages (not flirts) I send to gentlemen.
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 115
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/18/2013 10:01:31 AM
It's pointless to respond to someones messages for whom you have no interest in.
 WomanInSF
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 117
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/18/2013 12:02:34 PM

I'm with you. I never get a response to messages (not flirts) I send to gentlemen.

Same here...
 pisces273
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 119
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/18/2013 12:56:48 PM
Truth be told, I rarely if ever, get responses from any woman to whom I have sent a message. I take my time and develop intelligent emails showing that I have read their profiles and indicate where our interests may be similar. Not so much as a no thank you, not interested. I think it's just part of the impersonal nature of the online experience. People tend to use this virtual world as their escape from reality. Not having to actually face a person makes one more inclined to be disconnected from basic manners/etiquette.
 tel203
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 125
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:06:22 AM
I Find it the opposite - I always respond no matter the location, age or likeability match. I prefer to be contacted as it shows no shyness - Its only chatting at first lol.
 Man In New Hampshire
Joined: 9/23/2005
Msg: 126
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/20/2013 8:53:48 AM
venusenvy777

Couldn't sat it better myself. It's not a "I want to be most popular" site. It's a dating site.
 Seventiesbaby2013
Joined: 7/21/2012
Msg: 127
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/20/2013 10:13:45 AM
They say to contact guys. I contacted 50 wrote to them. read through tons of profiles found 50 I likes and thought would be exellent matches for me, Two wrote back. One said i was not his type. The other didnt answer my second email. I will never do that again.
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 131
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:55:51 PM
I recall reading how a socail counsellor who was well versed in online dating etiquette, said that the right thing to do if you get a message from someone who's not a match to you, is a non response. To all those who make a big deal of a "hi how are you" type message. I welcome all forms of contact, as long as the intent is good. Users who state they disrespect a simple "hi, how are you", I think aren't being reasonable. How can you reasonably expect more of someone who decides to approach you online as opposed to in person? In person, people usually only break the ice with a simple "hi" or "how are you". Man, it's no wonder why some people are single or chronically single thinking like that. It's not right to expect strangers to conform to a "T" to your trend of thought.
 tigressue58
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 134
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/21/2013 2:39:50 AM
I think they are afraid our pictures arent real. So many women post pictures of themselves from years ago or before they gained 1oo pounds, or they put pics of their daughters or friends up posing as themselves, so do not feel alone. I am 55 and these are my pics and guys are scared to do more than text or talk to me too. So, dont take it personal.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 135
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/21/2013 4:56:47 AM
You can either suck it up like so many men do or don't make first contact.
Flirts are nothing.

I think if you live in the south and are of my generation, SOME view it as aggressive or you are easy to get in the sack.

A few local men have actually told me that.

No one owes you an answer to anything.
Personally I rather be ignored than waste my time and told why.


I am 55 and these are my pics and guys are scared to do more than text or talk to me too. So, dont take it personal.

^^^^^^^^^^^^
Are men telling you in e mails they are afraid of you because you are to gorgeous/good to be true?
OK
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 140
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/21/2013 11:27:48 AM
When I dated online I had to get out there and seek the men I felt some attraction to and message them.

I have no idea why men never ask me out. I assume it is because I am not attractive, it has nothing to do with "intimidating" men. I don't intimidate men. I just dont inspire them sexually.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 145
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/21/2013 3:50:31 PM

Translation: not picking ME.

How could you possibly determine anyone being overly picky? You don’t know who anyone is picking, or not picking, except YOU. Don’t become one of these woman-hating/woman-blaming guys, too blind (or whatever) to accept that the only person you can change is yourself.


I don't necessarily think a woman is picky just because I didn't match her criteria. However I do think some women and men on POF are picky. I felt that some women were picky when I had actually matched or exceed her requirements.


The site works. Women messaging men first works. The assumptions the unsuccessful women and men in this thread are making about what is and isn't responded to, and why they aren't getting results are totally off the mark. If you are having results issues look within. Work on your pics, profile and messaging skills. Quit blaming others for your results. It's you!


Some people may have relationships with other people from POF. But even many of these people had many first dates / meetings that went nowhere before getting into a relationship.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 149
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:19:15 PM

I agree some women and men on PoF are probably picky…everyone has the right to be “picky” and choose who they want to be with.


Sure. As long as they realize and accept that being picky could limit their potential dating pool.


How do YOU determine that you “matched or exceeded,” a woman’s requirements?
I would think that kind of thing would be HER decision.


She has a list of requirements ( age, distance, height, religion, body type, smoking and drinking habits, having / wanting kids or not etc ) on her profile that I clearly match.
 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 152
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/22/2013 6:58:06 AM
funnily enough all the dates I have managed up to this point have been with women that have messaged me first. I say take the plunge and any woman who suddenly makes excuses such as whats the point it never comes of anything and resort back to status quo isn't trying hard if they really like a bloke and they won't message him I would question why they are on a dating site.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 154
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/22/2013 9:39:11 AM
"Its simple, every body wants a meal ticket"

Speak for yourself!

I don't want a meal ticket! I WANT to pay my own way, I am so proud and independent. But I find men HATE that in me!
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 158
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 1/22/2013 7:12:05 PM
I WANT my dating pool limited! I don’t let just any Joe Blow swim in mine.

Quality over quantity for me.


I'm not suggesting that people should go out with anyone who is interested in them. However I do agree with the poster that stated there is plenty of middle ground between having no standards and being extremely picky.
 slick3211
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 169
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 2/2/2013 3:32:12 AM
Messaging guys first never develops into a date???? like men messaging women 1st always develop into dates??

problem is that most women hate rejection, so they will message 2-3 guys, and when they get no responses, they are quick to FOLD and come and CRY that "Messaging guys first never develops into a date"... while the male counterpart has messaged 100's of women, without any responses, then one day after 253 message to different women, he gets a response... and begin the "game".... but you do not HEAR the man bytching about "men messaging women 1st, never work or develop into a relationship.... Cuz real MEN have developed thick skin. With the advert of women's liberation, and equality, women have to accept the same RULES of engagement that have been in place for men for years.... Build a thick skin, keep on messaging MEN, shut up about it if they do not respond, and keep on moving!

How many women did not respond to me??? who cares... I move on....then you have the morbidly obese, or the fugly, that will contact MEN in general, because NO men will ever contact them.... So why would a gorgeous women accept to "suffer in silence" if she is attracted to a man...and simply wait until he notices her, when she already noticed him??... why could she not let him know she is interested like the fugly does to a man she is interested into??? Cuz she would be breaking the WOMEN's RULES.... Let the man chase you! I think it's stooopid... it simply allow her to "suffer in silence" wait 5-10yrs, especially when online, she could notice him, and the man could be oblivious of knowing she likes him, and he might never come across her, like in a public place, where 2 people are likely to cross eye contact, when in proximity... but not online... we are all so close via the WWW, but all so far from each other, separated by a simple "messages" to each other... What does a woman have to LOOSE if she messages a man 1st??? her poor little ego will get bruised??? who will know except her and the distant person that did not respond?? who cares...

this goes for both MEN and WOMEN... if you like him/her// make a move...or there might be never anothr chance to see each other! just like in real life in a public place!
 slick3211
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 170
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