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 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 9
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Past sexual historyPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
i`ve never asked a partner about her past partners, its none of my concern, likewise, unless asked, i dont disclose my own past, there`s no need is there ?, all you should be concerned about, is from here on..not from back then :O)
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 10
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Past sexual history
Posted: 12/15/2012 11:52:13 AM
"---ahem----
^^^^talk about porn stars and they will appear......"

hahahahaha only in my dreams budgie :O)
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 12
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Past sexual history
Posted: 12/19/2012 10:45:00 PM
i`ve had the grand total of four women in my life, i`m happy with that, i feel no stigma to it, even though the last one was some 5 years ago now, :O)
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 13
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Past sexual history
Posted: 12/20/2012 4:06:24 AM
A persons sexual history does not necessarily define them. I do not see it as an intimidation either. So what if they have been wild at some point. So what if they have slept with a sex god with a massive knob. A relationship is much more than sexual history and experience. It is who they are and what they want now thats important. If they want to be with you then you should feel privileged.
 fleursky
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 14
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Past sexual history
Posted: 12/20/2012 10:55:12 AM
I really couldn't care less about a partners sexual history & the same goes for mine in the way that it's no-ones business whether I've slept with 5 or 500 people.

For me the word is in the title of this thread.......'past'

When you get into a relationship with someone surely it's about the present time and future?
 qedeshim
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 16
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History
Past sexual history
Posted: 12/20/2012 6:28:31 PM
We all have a past sexual history, and sex when all said and done is about sensation, activating nerves till overload, which most creatures seem to have mastered which exist today. So that is not rocket science, as the mentally challenged have to be medicated to prevent problems. When all said and done sex has two components physical and psychological. The physical is hardest to master, as its about physiology, learning about nerves, how combinations of nerve activation intoxicate, and how long the combinations intoxicate for, so like learning to play a musical instrument, getting new and exciting sounds within the restraints of the instruments ability.

Most learn basic tunes, get bored and need another instrument, one which is exciting as the grass is always greener etc. This is the psychological bit/part. where additional elements are introduced to spice the "music" up. So dressing up, playing with mechanical and chemical toys, transforms the situation and makes it appear exciting, despite the need for props. So fooling ourselves fools others too, and visa versa

I took a different route, and as a male discovered, the female anatomy is pretty much the same anywhere in the world, and despite culture, size, religion, or skin colour, under ideal conditions the responses are almost if not identical, in individuals. But people are not ideal, the majority carry baggage, which is a psychological ingredient which interferes with the natural physiological signalling to the brain, disrupting how it should react. So like tickling a child’s foot in which the sensation is found to be overpowering, as they giggle themselves into exhaustion, the adult child controls the sensation, and many can demonstrate it has little or no effect. So the mind can control the body. Adults therefore interrupt the nervous system through a variety of psychological mechanisms thus, few realise the degree of their evolutionary inheritance.

We are the most sensual of animals having over 200 touch receptors per cubic centimetre, but are possibly one of the least touchy. Culture has brainwashed us all into accepting limits, when there are none. When I say culture I mean a combination of historical social mechanisms from religion, to humiliation, all make us fit in between acceptable bands of acceptable responses.

So some sleep with many and learn nothing apart from the fact the partner failed in some ways, and like lighting up another cigarette, the smoke initially feels different. But fooling ourselves collectively is what its all about, reinforced through media titillations, ideas are not explored but copied. So the sheep copy each other expecting the stars, and finding over time its about square pegs for round holes.

One can learn from history, but in to-days rush for the enlightenment that complete self gratification promises, such a quest becomes a reason in itself for the only true answer. Human and personal history becomes irrelevant if not learned from.

We all like the same things, just we like it in slightly different ways, but although sex can be addictive, the rush for the orgasm can obliterate what really lurks within our physiology. Sex is a drug, but like all drugs they are for specific ailments. Can sex stop period pains? Can sex alter the flow rate? Can sex reduce the time a period normally take? What can sex actually achieve apart from immediate sexual gratification? How might these additional elements work? Like a Christmas tree without the tinsel, baubles and the rest of the decorations, it is just another fir tree, but with the right decorations it is transformed into something quite different, just as the art of touch, when learned, can do.

It you think the Tantric lot understand sex, and how yoga, and the other martial arts grew from its sexual mapping of nerve endings, which can be disrupted to the point of death as well as influence human behavioural and psychological patterning, as they grope and show respect, prior to psychological induced climaxes, then you must be joking. Knowing how a tree grows does not make one a cabinet maker, or owning a pint factory make one a sculpture.

Sex, is just part of the world of touch, and touch like music varies in tone, and length of notes. You are all undiscovered world, where you pleasures to date are just paddling on the sea shore, compared to what is possible. So making sure populations accept fast food, immediate service is expected, does not necessarily tease out ones taste buds, to the point of tears.
 qedeshim
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 17
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Past sexual history
Posted: 12/21/2012 4:23:20 PM
Some interesting comment as I read through all the opinions

If sex is special, a sacred thing does mean prayer prior to the act, a full moon, as rarely makes for occasional celebration?

A man will have to be quite brutal with the hundreds of girls he's sleeping with because some will definitely be falling in love... That says a lot about the character: brutal, cold and calculating. So falling in love with what exactly, Sex, physical attributes, or is it personality? They say absence makes the “heart “ grow fonder, and sexual restriction due to lack of access is what this post suggests creates love?????


Some people can have sex without affection and some people cannot/do not want to - So what is affection? Open ones legs, shut one’s eyes and think of Christmas? Is not sex without affection personal masturbation??? Sex being mutual masturbation between consenting adults???

I couldn't respect a man or woman who consciously, willingly indulged in behaviour that he knows is going to hurt women or men, to just use them for sexual or monetary gratification... Sex is sold in books, movies as just that momentary gratification, seems someone does not get out much these days. What is the use of respect, is that just a euphemism for poster to say sling your hook mate? Or on the other hand is one suppose to bow and scrape prior to the said sexual act, to show overt respect????

As for indulging in behaviour that I know is going to hurt people .... well, if a woman tells me that she is fine with a situation and that she can deal with it, I have 2 choices: I can either believe her, or I can believe that she's lying to me or herself. Seems we have a bit of a sadist here, why not ask for signed permission, or join an appropriate club, where hurt is but a pleasure and everyone is happy?

To me, it doesn't really matter how many women a man slept with in the past, only that he will be faithful to me in the present and the future and that he is clear of any STDs. Well does this person have some sort of testing kit, on the first occasion, or does the lucky chap have a doctor’s not to verify not unclean? As for being faithful in the present, does one normally fraternise with a male who turns up with a troop of willing sex slaves? Of course everyone is faithful at the time, as there is normally no chance of being unfaithful. Or is this person suggesting they just want a sex on demand, if so get an ex boy scout, as ever ready to please.


I know men and women are different (although that's probably changed a lot) but I'm just not (knowingly) attracted to the kind of man who has sex indiscriminately. Well an informed one here, who one might question knowledge of the opposite sex. No males and females are pretty much as they always were. How does one have indiscriminate sex, does one notice a make getting confused around said house, and finding they are with the pets? What next accidental sex?



Past sexual history is better left in the past in my opinion. Shouldnt it be the future you focus on not how many sexual partners someone has had. It seems again confusing are you suggesting an individual should while with you be concentrating of additional future partners?? I think that is very inspired thinking, something I had not thought about. Are you also suggesting you are up for it then? If so, should not one start to be a bit more discrete?


A man that has had many sexual partners, casual or otherwise, tells me he may possibly not be terribly good at a long term relationship. So what is a long term relationship then if not about long term sex. One does not sign up for arguments, moods, pain and such does one. One puts up as some say with the rough and the smooth the bumps, as the sex is just too good to give up with such a dream lover, surely?
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 18
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History
Past sexual history
Posted: 12/21/2012 4:35:57 PM
I think Fag Ash talks too much without saying anything.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 21
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Posted: 12/26/2012 12:11:38 PM
A related question, that really makes me cringe, is when men on dating sites ask me when was the last time I had sex. I've been asked this by about 50 men so far!

I have been pondering why they ask me this. I have come up with the following...

If it's been ages, they will think I am frigid. Or they will think I am getting desperate and that gives them a good chance of getting me into bed.

If it was recently, then they assume I am into casual sex, or that I have only just split from a partner.

I can't see how I benefit from being pigeonholed in any of these ways, so I always refuse to answer.

What do other women say to this question?
 lovepassionx
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 22
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Posted: 12/26/2012 12:26:58 PM
I think the type of men who ask this question are worried about how they compare to their partners ex's, so a little of it comes from low self esteem.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 23
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Past sexual history
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:11:08 PM
Its the person's past that has made them the person you are attracted to right now so there should not be any problem.

The older you get the more chance there is of one or both of you having had more partners. As regards STI's there is just as much chance of you catching an infection from someone who has had just a few partners as there is one who has had many. Its not about the number of partners they have had but how careful they have been and the precaustions they have taken.

I am not interested nor jelous of a womans sexual history - I am only interested in the here and now. That is all that matters afterall :)
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 24
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Posted: 2/5/2013 5:14:20 PM
MSG 59

I have never questioned a partner or a possible date about their sexual history. But that says nothing about my lack of communication skills or any insecurities. It is not on my agenda because I trust my instincts about who they are in relation to me and us. That trust has nothing to do with their history. I get to know these things in time and at their choosing mostly. And them mine. Low self esteem? The opposite I would suggest,and with a respect for her ;-)
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 25
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Past sexual history
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:46:12 AM
I once had a car and didn't know it was an antique. I loved the car but after learning of the history, it's true value increased. Too late, I'd already sold it before learning its true value.

So learning that Russell Brand shagged her made her much more of a catch?


Good to get all topics out in the open. Those who are too closed and of the perception that real total open and honest communication is not what they want or do.....ok.

Not everyone feels the need to know every detail of a persons history. That person your asking may simply not see any relevance in some things from their past,either in their own lives or its impact on their partner. If I met someone who had an unhealthy fascination to learn every detail of my sexual history then I would start to wonder what reason lay behind it.
Respecting who they are now while allowing them to reveal their past in their own time is far more preferable to me that demanding information that they are not yet comfortable to provide.
That seems more emotionally mature that the "mature" approach you have spoken of.
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 26
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Posted: 2/6/2013 9:03:11 AM
I`ve never enquired about a partner`s past bedroom history, i fail to see what relevance it has to the present, likewise, i dont see the need to volunteer my own history, though of course, if asked, i`ve never hesited in answering her questions,

Tomorrow is more important than yesterday people ! :O)
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 27
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Past sexual history
Posted: 2/6/2013 4:32:44 PM
I learned of one partners recent sexual history when I withdrew wearing a condom that was not on while going in!
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 28
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Posted: 2/7/2013 3:05:44 PM

Who on earth on POF has a past sexual history..
Most people on here, moan about not even getting a date.
Men message the girls..the girls don`t anwser...not much "getting it on" where sex is concerned!

Even less if the forums are such an attraction? ;-)
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 29
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Past sexual history
Posted: 2/8/2013 3:09:43 AM
"My question is, how do others feel about a potential partners sexual past, what, if anything would really put you off someone or do you feel that what has happended in the past should stay there and shouldn't affect the way you feel about someone when everything else is right about them."

You have to also take into account that someone could be lying. I just refuse to answer, but if I am pushed I would always lie, because men use that Magic Number to instantly pigeonhole women into one category or another and I hate those labels.

And if someone as basically decent and honest as me would lie, then anyone could be lying. Therefore, what do I think about a potential partner's sexual history? I jsut hope he's GOT one, because there is nothing worse than a man who does not know what he is doing in bed!

I used to think the more he'd had the better he'd be, but the most skilled lover I ever had turned out to have made love with only three women before me (he was 50).
 sherberie
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 30
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Past sexual history
Posted: 2/8/2013 2:45:38 PM
Unfortunately ,, as our media is currently telling us,sometimes someones previous sexual history can be more serious than just numbers. After dating a guy for over 3 years, he was arrested for "historical" sexual offences (on minors). I was totally shocked & horrified. He said he was sorry, but I felt he was only sorry about being caught ,, not what he had done. And yes ,, he is now an ex.
 AprilTaurus01
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 31
Past sexual history
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:08:36 PM
My rule no condom no contact unless we are serious and then he needs to have his health papers. I need it in writing and yes I would get mine done and do have mine in writing no exceptions. Its not a car you can't put a new engine in it. Take care of your body and be safe no matter how many lovers you've had in the past. Get tested don't be too shy to ask or have him keep it wrapped
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 32
Past sexual history
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:20:57 AM
I look at a person's character, prior to whether I'd look at their sexual past.

I'd have more of an issue if your high numbers, related to stereotypes of people who have extremely promiscuous lifestyles. I.E Extremely low self-esteem, body image issues, history of cheating (which to me would ring red flags of an unhealthy sex addiction), and the like.

I think that, would be more of a problem to me, than your sexual numbers.

Or, if you had done things I would have a hard time accepting. I.E Prostitution, and the like.

Otherwise, if you were just having good healthy, and safe fun. I'm not sweating it.
 TheRe-SownRose
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 33
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Posted: 2/11/2013 8:09:19 AM

When I said I don't care about peoples sexual past I meant number of partners, not sexual health. I actually have a really bad phobia of STD's and health in general.

I am a massive hypochondriac when it comes to STD's, especially incurable diseases such as HIV and herpes. I am so bad I've actually avoided dating people with acne and rashes because I've thought they may have AIDS. If I see someone with a mouth cold sore I automatically think they have genital herpes because cold sores can be passed to the genitals. I know it sounds stupid, I was fine until doctor Google came along!

When ever I get serious with anyone I do demand a full STD test. It's the only way to stop me being a hypochondriac with them.



Ah, DT...so much ammunition here.....
 TheRe-SownRose
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 34
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Posted: 2/11/2013 8:21:46 AM

'm very thicked skinned. My mates have tried to play on the hypochondria and failed ;-)


Haha I'm sure they have, not sure you want this friend to though, unless that's a challenge??
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 35
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Posted: 2/13/2013 3:08:30 AM
I am fascinated. When I have attended the clap clinic i have seen couples in the waiting room but they only get seen singulary. I have never had any results in writing. How can one get results in writing to pass the above mentioned certification requirements? And they are only as good as the last test, your partner who you dont believe to tell you the truth cant provide a certificate to say he/she isn't shagging someone at work in the lunch break then coming home and doing you for supper.
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 36
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Posted: 2/14/2013 5:48:33 AM

I THINK I could cope with the idea of having sex with an ex-prostitute, or porn-star.... The number they'd slept with wouldn't be the issue, I can just imagine that some of them will be very jaded about sex.

So whilst they will be very experienced, it could just feel completely passionless

Many prostitutes completely detach their emotions from what they do and can enjoy sex and passion with a partner just like anyone else can. But it does depend on the individual in exactly the same way as it does other people in society
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 37
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Posted: 2/14/2013 6:38:56 AM
^^^^ Just as the cynics and the jaded in pof, I am sure that a sex worker is just as likely of having a normal relationship.
I am sure that figures will indicate that a lot of sex workers are a bit messed up in general. But ones mental health can change, and even those who are effected by their experiences are capable of a loving relationship. Each as they come,so to speak.




Like I said, I think I wouldn't be bothered if it was something in their past, but i doubt I'd be fine with it, if it was something they still did (even if they did completely detach themselves emotionally)

If it was just a shag, then the latter possibly wouldn't be an issue.... Especially as, I've always wanted to fvck a porn starlet.

How would you view the part time prostitute who once or twice a month has sex on an night out with a guy to fund her evening? As a guy who seems quite sexually liberated is there much difference between you shagging a new conquest as often as you like to her shagging a buff guy for money?
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