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 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 11
Is he even interested???Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

maleman999: What does that have to do with anything? Were not in a relationship, so I can do whatever I want.


If it has nothing to do with anything than why mention that he still has his profile on here?? If you're still on here looking and say you're not in a relationship and can do whatever you want...then so can he... If you already know you're not in a relationship as stated above, then what are you even asking?? You haven't done anything with him...so clearly you're just friends then.

Communicate with him and ask him where you guys stand and let him know what you want.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/20/2012 1:01:50 AM
It loathes me to take this down to the raw basics, but I will.

I've just checked out your pictures; you have lovely, very kissable lips. There can't be a straight man on the planet, who if he was attracted to you - and knew you were attracted to him, wouldn't make a move to kiss you within days!

THREE months and he hasn't done anything beyond cuddles and holding hands! And after all the effort you've made, including all the obvious signs you've sent out!

Seriously. Stop wasting your time and deluding yourself with all the signs you think you're getting from him - because, for whatever reason, he's absolutely not interested.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 14
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/20/2012 2:59:23 AM
Clearly, you want more than he's willing to give. I think you've already proven that you're patient and non-pushy. Too bad about that b-day card though, what an anti-climax THAT was..... a metaphor for your entire "relationship" as it were.

You might never know the real reason for that brick wall of a personality. I take it he's non-communicative as well which is why you're starting threads about what the hell is he thinking. I hate to guess about these things but he does seem emotionally frigid. There's a huge difference between "take things slow" and three months of being completely cryptic and obtuse. It must be like cuddling with a trout.

Well good luck there, you must think he's just super.


At this point, I am so confused of what we are.

Nowhere. Hey, how is the scenery though??
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 16
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/20/2012 6:43:06 AM
I think he's trying to get with your sister.

That's my guess.

But what you should do? Forget dating the guy, and just be his friend.

 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/20/2012 6:52:23 AM
Relationships in my book require some degree of intimacy. You have no intimacy. By this point you need to have a talk with the guy. Ask him if he finds you attractive? Is he interested in a relationship with you? He he a shy virgin?

I do have rules myself. If the first date did not evolve into a kiss. There will never be a second date. It's that simple. We we do not become intimate by about no later than a 5th date. I am not going to keep contacting this woman for I am not interested in having another friend. So usually these are things that I do, I escalate, I initiate. If the woman does not reciprocate, it tells me that she is not interested in me, period.

That is why you need to talk to the guy. Maybe he is afraid of doing these things. Or maybe he is just not finding you THAT attractive. One or the other.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/20/2012 8:38:45 AM

He has paid for every dinner we went out on. Meaning, he spends a few hundred dollars on me..he never ask to if we can split the bill....I don't want to be the one to kiss him first, I think a guy should be the one to do that move.


Any guy who spends hundreds of dollars feeding a woman has some interest in her. Drop the "I'm old fashion, so the guy pays for everything and he has to make the first move" crap. Did you thank him for the free meals? Why didn't you thank him by giving him a kiss? Contrary to what you think, you he will not label you a slut or whore if you give him a kiss to thank him for the free meals. Kissing him might have got the ball rolling to achieve your goal.

Another thing you might not realize is guys are not mind readers. Try telling him how you feel. Guys place very little importance in cards. To most guys, a card is just a piece of paper that will be thrown out when the Hallmark event is over. It's only women that view cards as the Holy Grail sent directly from heaven. Besides, what difference does it make what he thinks of the card? In message 3, you said "Were not in a relationship, so I can do whatever I want." Have you told him that?
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 24
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Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/20/2012 9:43:18 AM
He still has feelings for someone else or he's not that into you as a girlfriend. Move on if you are saddened by the wait.
 matt051177
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 25
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/21/2012 6:46:47 PM
Something is seriously up with this guy. Some possibilities:

1. He's a conflicted homosexual
2. He is actually a "she" and is afraid that if he kisses you, you'll figure it out
3. He has herpes and is trying to figure out how to break the news
4. He needs some serious psychological help

I'm only being partly facetious here. Point is, it doesn't really matter--run for the hills, this guy's a dud.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 27
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/24/2012 11:30:47 PM

Meaning, he spends a few hundred dollars on me..he never ask to if we can split the bill. My friends has told me that guys don't just pay for any girl unless they are interested in them.



Dang I wish that was true all the money I would have saved. I went out with a woman who I had zero interest in at all. I paid for everything for entire afternoon. She complained that I didn't even hold her hand. So that theory goes out the window. :P
 SunDevil29072
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 29
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/25/2012 6:38:02 PM

He still has feelings for someone else or he's not that into you as a girlfriend.


Yeah, this was my thought as well, but more toward the former. I think that if it was the latter, he would just say that he's not that into you.

I guess that you can take the initiative (it can't hurt), but if he hasn't tried to make a move on you for the last three month because he's not sure how you feel, then he is denser than lead.

The best of luck.
 dontneednostinkinname
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 30
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/25/2012 7:45:49 PM
I don't know all but I know I wouldn't try to score with someone just because they slept over. IIIFFF I was attracted to her I would have tried to kiss her within that 3 months time (but that's me, doesn't make me right). I do know a number of friends (guys) that have so little dating ect in their lifetime that they have no idea how things should progress sooooo they end up stalling, doing nothing and blow it!!! Even when they like her!! The worst part is they learn nothing from the experience so it repeats it self with the next girl if they are so lucky to meet another. My OPINION is he wants friend not a Girlfriend, he does like her but not romantically.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 31
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/25/2012 9:52:00 PM
Cathy (OP),

Okay, so I dated this guy from POF for three months

No, you haven't been actually Dating him. At best, you've been KINDA/SORTA seeing him as a quasi-friend with the potential to date (assuming he's not gay or has a gf/wife in which he can't really date but thinks it's okay to do this). If you even think it's remotely close to actually Dating:

(a) You haven't kissed yet. After 3 months. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
(b) I slept over at his place once but absolutely NOTHING happened (no cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc.)
(c) After a month of hanging out on a virtually all-out platonic level, he says he wants to take it slow. You mean not anywhere? That's not slow. That's putting it in park.
(d) You feel under-appreciated (no sh!t) because he didn't care about the home-made card you got him with no response, thanks, etc about it.

We spend lots of time together.

So? That alone doesn't mean much if anything, if that's all there is. Usually in these situations, (a) it will last more like 4-6 weeks, not 3 months, and (b) the genders are usually reversed in the situation.

At this point, I am so confused of what we are.

You are what you do. You're not Dating. You're not even close to it. Congrats -- this is an actual "Friends First". It kinda sucks, doesn't it? In the end, you're not avoiding the trials & tribulations of the dating scene. You're still wrought with concerns, questions, wtfs, etc.

Actual "Friends First" isn't taking it slow. It means it goes nowhere. You're actually just friends. That's what you are and have been. It's a dumb way to kick things off from a match-making site (kind of like not starting from square 1, but starting from square -1).... but for it to last this long -- why? You obviously must have been happy with it. But obviously you have your limits.

Thing is, he's not a guy you've been dating. You are what you do. You haven't kissed, you haven't even been a real "cuddle buddy" for crying out loud! He's a guy who likes female attention and companionship -- but that's it -- at least from you. You're trying to win him over. It hasn't been working -- except the way he's wanted it to -- NOT dating. That IS how you've been, hence, that is what you two are. Not dating, just friends with the (now small) potential to date.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 39
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:22:14 AM

3 month relationship and nothing happens while sleeping over? is this even possible?


Only if there's no reciprocal interest.
Sorry,Op,
 Amy1022
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:35:02 AM
I think if this guy has spent hundreds of dollars on you, and likes being with you AND has held your hand, then he may just like you. However something is holding him back if he hasn't kissed you. May I ask how old he is? My feeling is that he may have some kind of problem, sexually related, that he has not resolved, and is afraid to get intimate with you because of it. Maybe sometime soon, when he feels comfortable enough about it, he will talk with you about it. Reason being, I dont think a man would spend a lot of money, etc., if he wasn't into you. I think he is, and if you feel the time comes when you have a moment, ask him about it. Ask him why he hasn't kissed you yet, or if he feels comfortable showing emotion in public (some men don't like it). I don't think he's leading you on, the quesiton is why would he want to in the first place? Let me know what happens, I'm curious!
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 43
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/28/2012 3:47:10 PM
Being in a relationship with someone for 2 years and not have sex? Really? Does that even happen?

Mmmmmmm....maybe time has evolved!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 44
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Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:10:20 PM
Where is this guy? Can I date him? No, but seriously, if there was non-sexual intimacy I'd be a happy woman. Since there isn't even non-sexual intimacy I would back off and/or confront him. You don't have anything to loose, right?


Being in a relationship with someone for 2 years and not have sex? Really? Does that even happen?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkoo1lUp3ns

I have no intentions of speculating anything about him but in general I do know that there are such cases. I am studying this and learning not to judge people.

 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 45
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Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:25:53 PM
Single in A. No problem. Just sharing something I learned in response to  msright78. It wasn't directed at you as I don't even recall what you said.

Another reason I mention this is to point out to the OP that there are more reasons than we can imagine why someone is the way they are. Since OP started a thread it may be important for her to find out what's going on. We can guess until the end of time but she has better chances of finding out by asking him directly. If he is asexual she knows it's nothing personal. Just saying.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 46
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History
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:51:02 PM
Ah, okay.
Yes, it's great to meet others who enjoy learning new things.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 47
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/29/2012 10:32:12 AM
He is not into you, but he sure does enjoy the emotional crutch that you have provided. He doesn't have any feelings for you, but he thinks you are nice. He hasn't even made a move on you and that really says it all. If a man wants you, he will want to be with you. He will want to kiss you, hold your hand, sit close to you, hanging on every word. He doesn't feel the physical chemistry with you. You should break things off and move on as soon as possible.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 53
Is he even interested???
Posted: 12/30/2012 11:01:25 PM
Well that's too bad, it sound like you two got along fairly well. However, it may do him some good in the future to open up about what you are feeling and felt, as he's aound painfully shy as well as yourself. Three months is frankly ridiculous amount of time to wait for ANY affection, and to not talk about it doesn't indicate either, that either one of you is ready for a physical relationship. There is nothing wrong with that, and as pretty as you are, you will have alot of suitors, just take your time. blessings~
 SirDimitri
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 56
Is he even interested???
Posted: 1/2/2013 2:43:21 AM
Sounds like he's looking for a friend, nothing more. Maybe, for some reason he doesn't realize he's looking for a friendship, or maybe he's not sure what a romantic and/or sexual relationship is, but ultimately, he's looking for a friendship.
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 57
Is he even interested???
Posted: 1/2/2013 9:41:43 AM
Outmind - can I ask you something?

When you have dated someone around 5 times, which is when you say it either makes or breaks it, do you view this person as someone you are pursuing a relationship with exclusively?
I agree with you about the fact that there is either an attraction or not by that time...but I would hesitate even then if I was not getting the solid idea that this was more than casual dating. I would want to think that I was someone he felt he could be with long term and that that was what he was hoping for.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Is he even interested???
Posted: 1/2/2013 10:59:29 AM

But, I'm sure he has kissed a girl before..I mean he was in a relationship two years ago for a year. His ex gf wouldn't stay with him if they haven't kissed. Thats not a "real" relationship.

Nor is it actually DatING, if you haven't kissed and there's no solid romance setting the tone. At best, you're platonic with mere indicators that it COULD be more than platonic down the road.

So, at this point..we all know he just wants to be friends and nothing more.

And that's all you have been. There was questionable possible-attraction-for-more-than-friends. You took it as actually Dating. Taking it slow means you at least have to cross that line beyond being platonic -- requiring light kissing sparingly, in the very least. Haven't done that? You were never more than friends. There was just the potential, which you rode out for months, hoping to see if it could be something more than potential... and you wanted to convince yourself there really was "something there". But "something there" was NO more than having an opp-sex pal from work in which there's possible sexual tension. You can say that's an important situation if you really dig them, fine ... but until something actually Happens -- there isn't "something there" beyond being friends.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 59
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Is he even interested???
Posted: 1/2/2013 7:26:21 PM

annywn: We do still get along really well. No arguments or anything like that. He still makes me laugh and smile.
But, at this point, I am not sure if I still have feelings for him or feel the same way I used to. I haven't seen him for three weeks. It's good that we had a small break from each other, so I have time to focus on myself.

OP,
Moving on is something you can and will do no matter what. The question is, are you interested in knowing his side or not? I don't agree with many respondents assumptions what this relationship is. Why don't you just ask him? You don't need to know how to approach the subject.

There are only two ways: you either assume or ask to find out. I'd go for the latter cause you have more to gain from.
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