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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedro      Home login  
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 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 19
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Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

ok hlaf the size of a mobile home, the den is 15 feet by 8' the bedrooms smaller, the kitchen cant even fit a table.

And yet there are three adults leaving like this? There are grown adults (one over 30) living in spaces that can't even fit a table?
And she uses 200 dollars of the income to spend on Starbucks?
You got a lot bigger problems than a gay BF sharing a bedroom.
 ripcurl7772
Joined: 9/14/2012
Msg: 20
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 9:28:01 AM
This is how people live in NYC. A studio the size of a large van cost $2,000 a month. I'm done with her, I will tell her tomorrow. Also she is cooking a 4 course meal for her "gay friend" on christmass because she can't deal with a 7 hour car ride to where my family is. ...priorities.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 21
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Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 9:52:18 AM

This is how people live in NYC. A studio the size of a large van cost $2,000 a month.

I acknowledge that, but that doesn't mean people should treat it like a clown car.

Also she is cooking a 4 course meal for her "gay friend" on christmass because she can't deal with a 7 hour car ride to where my family is. ...priorities.


Are you sure she's a girl friend?

And to be honest, I'm not quite sure I'd spend 7 hours in a car to spend the holidays with someone else's family I'm just dating.

Think about it. This woman is lives in a studio place with 2 other people. You really thinks she is all that bothered about spending the holidays with your family?
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 22
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 10:14:35 AM
Why are you people feeding this troll? Scroll farther up and read Walt's post. It is spot on.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 23
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 10:27:48 AM

looking at your timing of joining this site and the "dating" of this young lady for 6 months. I know, it must be my calender but if you joined in September, you have been going behind your "girlfriend's" back looking for another??????


I'm going to agree with this point here. Your profile isn't even hidden. I've been JUST dating someone... not even to the point of having a relationship, but out of respect for the person I am dating... I have hidden my profile. I removed my first date section and my introduction saying what I'm looking for. If I were to enter a relationship with this person, I would change my status to "Not Looking". And... I would conduct myself like a person who wants to be in a relationship.

Now...to me it seems as though you two are just dating and are taking a very casual approach to things. IF so, you are overreacting to what is going on. You have no rights to complain. Even if you had negotiated a committed relationship with this person, you might still be overreacting to the situation. Lot's of people have friends of the opposite sex - some gay, some straight and there are no issues because they are indeed a trustworthy individual. IMO I think this should automatically be a "no big deal".

But if it is a big deal to you for some underlying issue...then why not talk about it... see where things are going and ask her if she wants to be with you exclusively... maybe start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend.... and then invite her to spend more time at your place so you can keep an eye on her.

It seems a little immature to just break up with someone. But hey... maybe it just proves the fact that the relationship wasn't very serious and not meant to be.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 24
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 2:03:34 PM
or am I being jealouse?
No! I don't believe he is gay,& I don't think she is being honest with you. There is no reason for this man to be taking up residence in her bedroom. He is a grown man & can find his own place to stay. He doesn't have any business in your g/f's bedroom, & they both have serious boundry issues.
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 25
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Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 4:58:02 PM
Due to serious financial issues I have been forced to live in a clown car for the past 8 months with twelve women. All of them lesbians, I swear. There is absolutely no touching unless we have our clown noses and costumes on and of course we respect each other as friends only. Yet neither of my wives seem to understand and are both threatening to divorce me (They live in separate states and don't know about each other.)

So, like the poster's g/f I am subject to unfair suspicion. Although I am reminded of a gay guy I know who, while examining the material of a woman's blouse snuck a feel of her breasts. I was shocked when he turned to me and winked. "I'm gay, but I do like titties," he told me. Maybe the gf's friend is gay but occasionally likes to play vagina tag.

Sleepovers like that are for kids, not adults.......of course this may be a troll posting but it is fun.

Hey, why don't you invite him to sleep on your couch instead?

Gotta go. Twelve foot massages takes a long time.
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 26
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 9:03:35 PM
If it was a bi girlfriend sleeping on the floor beside her would it bother you as much? Or is it the fact that HE is a MAN? Gay or not doesn't matter the but a man in her bedroom on the floor does. Even IF he slept on the living room floor ( far from her bedroom) if they really wanted to do something together they will find a way to do so. With or without your permission.

It comes down to this:

Do you trust your girlfriend? If yes, calm your s h i t and relax.

If you don't , well go with your plan to dump her.
 ripcurl7772
Joined: 9/14/2012
Msg: 27
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 9:18:16 PM
TOld her we are finished. Its not that I expect them to have sex. Its that I have a job, and a car, and my own place. In other words I am not so desperate that I have to settle for shixx. IF i am dating a girl, yeah she is going to not have another man sleeping in her bed.. ....crazy guy I am I don't believe in that. I will have to put it in my profile cause Im sure there are so many single woman who have male "bed" mates...The funny part is this girl is very smart otherwise ...and also completely stupid to think A guy would be good with this.
 wonderland013
Joined: 12/3/2012
Msg: 28
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 10:27:06 PM
haha AintNoDeal,
couldn't agree more and put it any better myself.
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 29
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/22/2012 11:20:09 PM
OP. Here is the difference of being part of a decision and being informed of one.

"her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!'
"to THEIR arrangement she has made plans to go see him instead of me."
"they love each other in many ways..."
"he is gay don't worry"
"There is no talking her out of it already tried."

Your answer is in the list above.

No, you don't have to put up with it. You didn't put up with it. You dumped her over it. So it matters not if we think you are jealous or not what's done is done.

I have a gay friend going on 20 plus years now and I would never dream of having him in my bed or on my bedroom floor. But that's just me. SHE on the other hand doesn't see it as a problem. Along with the arrangement for $200 bucks a month to have him stay with her. She's a woman that is in her 30s and she will do and has been doing whatever she wants. This shouldn't come as a surprise to you. When someone I'm dating starts to "inform me" of what's going to happen, it's not long before I'm out the door. If they can't discuss it rationally with me and I already have "no say", as you do in this situation.. Why would anyone want to stay with that? If you trust her (not to sleep with him) then talk to her and tell her anywhere but the bedroom. But either way she sounds to me like a woman that has already made up her mind as to what SHE is going to do. You either tag along or move on.

Was it the right thing to do? Only you know that.

One last thought...the woman who posted that she also lives in a mobile home stated other options which your girlfriend also knows about. The kitchen becoming a bed and so on. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise that you find out now and not later.



 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 30
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/23/2012 3:09:49 PM
So...where exactly do you sleep in this big "double" bed...whether he is gay or not ...will depend on who he would want to sleep next to when you sleep over.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 31
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/26/2012 12:32:11 PM
TOld her we are finished. ... I will have to put it in my profile cause Im sure there are so many single woman who have male "bed" mates...The funny part is this girl is very smart otherwise ...and also completely stupid to think A guy would be good with this.

I could see a gay friend who was visiting from out of town to crash at her place, etc. But yeah, to have such a close friendship, deciding to live together, and to share (or virtually share) beds living together like that -- not cool. And as another poster said -- being gay doesn't mean you can't or never would think of ever having sex with the opp sex.

Use this as a litmus test: Would it be cool if you had a lipstick lesbian BFF female friend who was going to live with you and sleep in your bed, who you spend tons of time with -- even over your girlfriend? Do you think a girlfriend of 6 months should be cool about it? Should she be? Absolutely not. Hey, some COULD be -- but you can't expect someone to be cool with that -- it's common sense.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 32
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Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/26/2012 4:32:52 PM
She doesn't care what you think, and her friendship obviously is held in higher regard then your relationship. Just move on if you fear competition.
If he is gay, then his crashing at her place 5 days a month is no different than if he was a female.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 33
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/26/2012 4:51:09 PM
y'know why I wasted 10 seconds to read this? all the other posts from guys whining a woman won't date them b/c they can't get themselves together enough to have a normal living situation. Now you nice guys see why this can turn into a problem when in the future, you accept a roomie to help swing the rent

:)
 vosche
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 34
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/27/2012 7:26:30 PM
someone in this story isnt gay..guess who it is
 BostonTerrierx2
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 35
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/27/2012 9:39:18 PM
My old roomate is a gay dude. I have lots of gay friends. Myself though, I'm straight. Here's what I know...

1) I will never, ever stand for my female partner to be that close to a gay friend. NOT EVEN MY GAY FRIENDS.
2) Women and gay men tend to enjoy being catty. They like to gossip and when you're not around your entire sexual history will be discussed along with the skid mark in your boxers, your poor choice in shoes and lack of romantic imagination.
3) In the case of my buddy; he and my ex GF got really tight and (go figure) he would brag about how many men he'd been with and would give her pointers on bedroom antics.She told him about my anatomy. In detail Absurd.
4) Women are curious by nature and you're not going to stop her from hanging with her buddy and if you try, she'll tell "gay friend" about it and "gay friend" will get offended and you will become public/pubic enemy number one. She'll ditch you in six monthes if "gay friend " asks her to.
5) No man---Gay or Straight should EVER be in your ladies bedroom---day or night. THIS IS THE ONLY POINT YOU NEED TO BRING UP.

My advice is to myself... I don't wanna give advice because it's your relationship at stake. If she can't see a problem with this and she won't bend, then you have a real problem and a bigger one down the road. Your call. Good luck.
 ARODD77
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 36
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:04:09 AM
I think this is very unusual. Ask yourself, why in her room with her? What's wrong with putting a blow up bed in the living room where the couch is. He can deflate it when he awakes. I know they say he is gay but take a step back and look at the situation. If the opportunity arises with them in the same bed and with a little to drink, a so called "it just happened" mistake is likely to happen. For me, this is a deal breaker. She should consider your feelings about this and make a decision. If she does it anyway, then you have your answer. Life is too short to be put on the back burner by someone you care about that doesn't feel the same way. There are plenty of fish in the see my friend. I'm just saying. I hope all goes well for you.
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 37
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:19:08 AM
If the dude wasn't gay I'd say you'd have point...but since he's gay and they aren't even sharing the
same bed and even been roommates in the past. I'd say leave it alone and don't worry so much about it.
 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 38
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:46:25 AM
It doesnt really matter what he is. It is something that to you is a deal breaker. You told her this and she told you which relationship is more important to her....Time to go.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 39
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/28/2012 9:30:57 AM
First off, he's her friend, not the roommates. That's probably why she's having him stay in her room, so she's not dumping some stranger on other people who are paying her rent. Any rational thinking would make that extremely obvious.

Second, you've been dating her for 6 months, I think that's long enough to sleep over. Why not just stay there the nights he's there? Or have her stay with you? Tell her you're not comfortable with that, and offer those ideas to where everyone can be happy.

Seriously, use your words, we're not in highschool anymore.
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 40
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Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/28/2012 2:15:30 PM
So you're uncomfortable because she's sleeping with an ex, even though she says and has some justification to say that she's not having sex with him. Sounds legit. You have told her that you're uncomfortable right? Have you offered up your place for those five days a month for her to sleep with you? That seems to be the easiest solution.

As some previous responders have already said, if you're not comfortable with this and she's not willing to compromise, sounds like you two shouldn't be together. Hell, one or both of you could be doing this just to give the excuse of breaking this eff'ed up relationship apart.
 grambo123
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 41
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Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/29/2012 10:27:57 AM
You know i read an article saying most people are bi. How do you know he is gay ? So he says. I am with those that say you got two choices make her know how strange you find her decision or move on.
 40Golfer
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 42
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/29/2012 11:58:11 AM
Dude you have already been dumped! She just hasn't said the words yet.
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