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 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 23
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Is she controlling or testing??Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
The words "ditzy" and "self-centered" popped into my mind when reading your description of her.

Testing? Nah, that takes effort and a lot of mental acquity. She just wants what she wants.
 shhs4698
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 24
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 9:04:32 AM
@Grambo123: For the restaurant date I told her there's a nice restaurant in x city and asked her if she was available to go and she said yes then a bit more into the convo she said let's go for sushi and I told her I don't eat seafood and we talked about that and I told her she'd like the restaurant (It's actually a seafood restaurant that serves other food) and we talked a bit more. Anyway, she said let's go for sushi again, after I told her I don't eat seafood. She didn't say "There's a sushi place by x but they have regular food, how about it?". So then I jokingly said sure! Anyway I told her I'd see her at said time and she said I thought you wanted to go for sushi so I told her again I don't eat seafood and let's go to the place I picked. I had a solid plan, place and time and she wanted to go for sushi when I clearly told her I don't eat seafood.

As to the movies we both talked about certain movies and agreed on one with a date and time set. She texts an hour and a half before it starts saying let's see x. I'm trying to see it from your POV about being non commital but the movie, date and time was agreed on.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 25
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 9:22:54 AM
She's not testing u hun, she's controlling the situation.

Testing ppl is completely different to see someone's reactions to certain outcomes.

She on the other hand is controlling anything and everything u guys plan and it seems to me that ur opinion doesn't really seem to matter to her. Hence the seafood dinner when u clearly mentioned that u don't do that.

Any person who gave a crap about the other person's feelings the least bit, would have suggested or been accommodating to events that u guys had planned. She clearly likes to control


My best advice for u is to run. Why? Because, if she's controlling things right now, it'll get worse. What's next? Telling u, u can't see ur friends? Or have friends who are females?

Do not date ppl who don't respect ur opinion and ur choices.
 SweetLady075
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 26
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 10:50:22 AM
OP.. I think you are making too much of a big deal about this.. It seems like you may actually be the one that has some control issues.. You are nitpicking everything she says. It seems you want to be the one making the decisions where you want to go.. Then you have a problem with her asking why did you sit there?????? Your main concern seems to be because other's could have heard her say this. I'm not trying to be harsh.. but you need to be alittle more secure in your manhood....
 RonMcDon73
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 27
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 1:59:32 PM
You did well standing your ground and not bowing down to the temple of vag. Women like that, but when a guy does it, she owns his ass and she knows it.

The only way to ever deal with a controlling female is to flip the script and knock the back wall out of her box in a way all she ever does is pur when you show up. Then you have a pole addict on your hands and they can never get enough, just like any other junkie. This can also result in a stage 5 clinger, and unless she strongly resembles Isla Fisher it's just not worth the hassle.

So you have to decide if her level of hotness is worth the rest of the effort it's going to take to keep her controlling butt locked down proper. You can always ask her to go on some group dates and see if she has any hot friends you can shag later after you give her the walking papers.
 grambo123
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 28
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Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 5:08:46 PM
@shhs4698 - I can see your concerns here. Did you ask her about what she mean't by you wanted to go for sushi ? Obviously she is into you or else she would have ended the relationship. Maybe she really likes seafood or is allergic to something else.

Alternatively and I am not sure if it applies to your situation:

When I was growing up and hit my twenties money was tight. McDonald's was considered to be a luxury meal. I used to scrounge for bus fare to get me to school. This summer I bought a high end Chevrolet truck and when asked about financing I said I don't do financing. In other words I paid cash for it. See when I was younger I refused rides always said I was busy when invited out and worked a full time job. I had my pride. Real truth I could not really afford to go out.

I see you work construction or at least are on the docks. Up here that is considered a job that pays really good money. When I take a lady out I pay for it. Some women do not like that as they then feel they owe me. The real truth is I make the money for the meal in about 15 minutes so am not really expecting anything other than a outing and a chance to talk/get to know them. I am Chrisitian and to be honest I give about 100 times more to help the less fortunate than the meal in question costs. I certainly would not think of asking those guests of the home for Christ for any "extras" so it is confusing as why they [the ladies] think the same would not apply to them. It could be you found a girl with honest values and is uncomfortable with the costs. It sounded from your first post about the movie that she tried to make it somewhere else rather than a different movie. You never said what she does for a living ? Maybe you could go back and see what the difference in prices where she wanted to go to and what you wanted to do ? Not saying this is the case but, it could be the explanation you are looking for. As so many other's pointed out her change of venues seems to be on the small stuff and you may just need to chose some other alternatives with her.
 Izzy0220
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 29
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 5:34:49 PM
Sorry but sounds that you are the one testing. If you both agree just go, enjoy her company and have fun. But if you go thinking who is the one in control that kind of sucks and none of you will enjoy the date .
 hookupforu
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 30
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 5:39:54 PM
You are capitulating and being too easy to please. She is walking all over you and ultimately women dont respect that. She may be testing to see if you will stand up for yourself and have your own ideas. If you are interested in her seriously you need to have a good talk. See how she reacts. It is after all at least 5 dates you have had.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 31
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 5:43:58 PM
It isn't a question of "controlling or testing". The real question is, "why do you find this combating attractive?"

you said all women do this, but contrary to PUA opinion that its an IOI...not all women do this. Only the ones who search out a win, over searching out a relationship. When you want a relationship, spending time with the person is great no matter where its done. When you want a win in life, you're making up for where you've lost (not getting attention from Daddy, wondering if men are interested in you or your hot body, sick of guys hitting on you and just wanting to put a guy thru the grater and see if he'll put up with it thus you've won him, seeing if a guy is man enough to handle this without becoming a doormat or becoming angry, whatever the case may be).

so, again, why does this behavior fly under your radar? why does her desire to win rather than relate not raise a red flag? It seems like normal behavior to you in a relationship, not something to avoid at all...perhaps its something you do, as well, which is why it seems so normal.

If you think the word "dating" has to have the word "game" attached to it, then combating like this seems acceptable. it is a game, and either one or both people win. but if you wish to get past the nonsense, and not need to win a person in order to consider a relationship a success or you find its a hollow victory and you want more out of a relationship...then you'll have to focus on what you're trying to win and why.

but if you want to continue playing the game, go check out swingcat, he's a PUA that discusses this.
 shhs4698
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 32
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/29/2012 7:53:39 PM

You are capitulating and being too easy to please. She is walking all over you and ultimately women dont respect that. She may be testing to see if you will stand up for yourself and have your own ideas. If you are interested in her seriously you need to have a good talk. See how she reacts. It is after all at least 5 dates you have had.


Good point and if she is trying to walk over me I already stood my ground twice. Once with the restaurant and the second time when she tried to change the movie an hour and a half. So if she is testing, like another poster said how many times is she going to do it? I like balance and I went with her 2nd date place she picked and wen't to where she wanted to go on her 4th date that she initiated. So the pattern I see is that I don't change what she does but she changes what I do.

The majority if people in this thread said she seems to be controlling and a few said I'm controlling.

The reason I'm so concerned about this is because I don't want to be with a controlling women but am "drawn" to them because of my child hood. My mother is controlling and my father is passive so I'm passive by nature. My brother is married to a dominerring woman and I don't want that to happen to me say my radar is on high alert.
 SweetLady075
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 33
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:58:10 PM
^^^^^^^^

This is exactly what I was thinking.. I got the feeling that you had some issues surrounding thoughts of being controlled. I think you may have told yourself that you refuse to be control by a woman, which is understandable, so anyone the slightest thiing will give you a red flag.

I dont think there is much of an indication that the woman you're dating is controlling as of yet. It seems like she is just one of those women that can't make up her mind. I know plenty of people like that. Doesn't make them controlling..Just makes them indecisive and it drives me crazy...
 Grinn82
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 34
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/30/2012 2:27:28 PM
everything is a test.
 Sundust20
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 35
Is she controlling or testing??
Posted: 12/30/2012 3:51:13 PM
Run my boy,run run run run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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