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Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 17
Am i being to Hard on him?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
You and your situation is a bit contradictory.

You are married,but only claim not single/not looking status.
You are fine with Porn,but only if you are together.
You are used to his fast and limited sex,but consider it totally selfish.
You are here looking for someone,yet you are a wife.
You 'LOVE IT TOO',but don't feel the need to "buzz chase".
You are very liberal and understanding,but can't understand why he choose to watch porn alone.
You expect his honesty,yet can't handle the truth.
You aren't intimidated by him watching porn,yet don't want him to.
You are married,but haven't been together for 2 months. are being too hard on him.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. * Gandhi
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 18
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Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/1/2013 5:36:44 AM

You're married. You're looking for male "friends" on a dating site and you have issues with his pornography use? Did I read that right?

Yeah, exactly!

Why oh why do people get taken in by this kind of b*llshit on these forums. And there's loads of it.

She's married, and on a friggin' dating site looking for a bit on the side ("friends" my ass!) behind her husband's back. Either that or she's on here with her husband's approval. Either way it's laughable.

And now she's on the forums bemoaning a problem in her marriage - her husband watching porn the morning after sex. You couldn't make it up.

Well actually you could, if you're just on here looking for attention...
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 19
Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/1/2013 7:10:56 AM
Just a side note in defense of people in general who are in LTR's or are even married.
Some of us frequent the forums and don't even check out "others".
Being that she's married,she could put that down as her relationship status,instead of not single/not looking.
The there really should be an "intent" that states one is on here for FORUMS only for those of us who only use the forums instead of making people think we are looking for male friends as the only options available to us.

It looks like I, too, am here to cheat for looking for "friends" and male at that.

I am not and she might not be either.

If she's upset that he's "cheating" by using porn behind her back,I truly doubt she's OK with cheating in general.

But her reasoning is a little off and leans towards contradictory.

Some of us,(me included) would also mind if our guy was acting as though having just had sex wasn't "enough".
Not to mention if we had a long conversation about it and how it effects us,and he goes and does it anyways and LIES about it,hides it by turning down the volume,claims he was looking at something else when she knows GD well what he's doing,wouldn't fly in my house either.

Thankfully,my guy doesn't watch porn at all.
( I know because he is computer illiterate and doesn't even know how to get on a site)

But if he wanted to,I'd hook him up.
*****He has sex with me instead. :)
Joined: 7/24/2011
Msg: 20
Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/2/2013 12:32:51 PM
(This is too complicated to lay out a simple judgment yea or nay.

I wont declare you right or him wrong, or the other way around, because it's more complicated than it's presented to be.


First, there are two kinds of porn viewing in your story: personal/private, and mutual. The fact that you watched it together, is an entirely different experience, and involves a different set of sensibilities and behaviors than anyone uses when they are watching it alone.

Catching someone when they think they are in personal privacy mode, often causes them to revert to kid caught by mom mode. Denial, and lame cover stories are common.

You seem to have a common double standard about porn, despite your protest to be open about it. That is, you want HIS use of porn to follow YOUR expectations about it, and not to be designed to facilitate HIS life. You have times and quantities in mind, according to what you've said here, and you laid into him but good for failing to use porn in a manner that you approve of.

Another possible way to tell the story you told here: though you both had orgasms, his was so rapid that he didn't get as much fulfillment as you got from yours. You fell asleep, he woke up still in sexual mode, but rather than prod you selfishly for what might or might not lead to anything, he went back to private porn mode, to take care of himself. He wasn't in touch with himself enough, or had not thought through the details of how and why he uses porn (most people don't), so he had no way to explain things to an angry woman accusing him of porn addiction. But in a way, he was actually being unselfish.

Just things to consider. Maybe he's a selfish jerkwad, I have no idea. Maybe you are being too hard in him, maybe not. But for sure, it's not a simple matter of "gal uses porn the RIGHT way, guy uses porn the WRONG way."

And by the way, I have no expertise in the area, but I have run into tons of stories where a couple is having problems as you describe, and one blames porn use for the problems. In every case I've seen so far, the problems came first, and the porn use was a poor attempt to cope with them, not the cause.)

Brilliant!!! Your right.... thank you.
Joined: 7/24/2011
Msg: 21
Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/2/2013 12:44:50 PM
(quote) You're married. You're looking for male "friends" on a dating site and you have issues with his pornography use? Did I read that right? (/quote)

First of all stay on topic- There no option on the Profile edit that says ï enjoy forums" That's the beauty of having choices in this world.... respond to what is relivant and skip what is not.... No one asked you to go check out my profile and judge me based on that first before addressing my totally legit question.... for those of you that actually offered perspective.... thank you... It really helped.... i see it differently now and that was the goal. XOXO
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 22
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Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/3/2013 3:55:55 AM
Well Candi, I think your man better wake up. You are Tall and Gorgeous, he should start seeing things your way!!! :)
Joined: 7/8/2012
Msg: 23
Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/3/2013 6:10:58 AM
I think you two should probably seek out a professional. There's a gap somewhere in you communication and vibe together. There could be a couple of things in the way. Is there something sexually that he's into that you don't know about or unwilling to fulfill? Lastly right now i think you guys may be in a rut in your relationship life and that routine is leading to a lack of excitement. Find that balance and try something new together and grow together :)
Joined: 10/22/2012
Msg: 24
Am i being to Hard on him?
Posted: 1/3/2013 9:22:55 AM
When I was married we would occasionally watch a movie and go on from there....but movies are just that....actors doing a Im with a woman thats the deal.....if we arent done we keep going till we are satisfied....and usually in each other arms.....when im not dating thats another
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