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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > The "my place" date      Home login  
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 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 26
The my place datePage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
How many of the people who have said they would never do it, have met someone at a public place or in a bar, and then ended up going back to your or their place, or even a car in the parking lot? When you did that, you probably didn't have a full legal name, home address, date of birth, criminal records, civil court records, property records, real e-mail, employer, or phone number. But that was safer, because you first met in a public place. (shakes head)


It sort of makes sense that the type of girls who would pick someone up at a bar like this wouldn't be posting on the Internet.... they'd be at the bar picking up guys. How easy is that? It's much quicker and efficient. Plus, you would never have to deal with the issue of people not looking like their pictures. And.. it makes sense that the reason why guys complain about having worse luck with Internet dating than in real life because... well... the Internet pool of women might be a little more conservative than the general pool. Maybe most women who post on the Internet would NEVER think of picking someone up in a bar. I know that's how I feel.

I feel good with a my place date perhaps 5 to 10 dates into dating especially if I am interested in a relationship. If the my place date doesn't come after 10 dates... it's a sign that I feel more friendly towards the person than romantic.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
The my place date
Posted: 12/31/2012 8:26:57 AM
I still don't believe for a first date a woman should have the guy come to her house or go to his house. Meet in a public place. Arrive there through your own form of transportation. Once you have establish some trust, some connection then go for it, but I think that takes more than the first date.

A while back, I didn't mind the one night stands, but since the type of relationship that I prefer now is more long term, I'd rather work the relationship a bit longer. Also, I believe that the sex gets better, when you're working on a longer term relationship.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
The my place date
Posted: 12/31/2012 11:17:48 AM
Wouldn't it be something if one could simply add "And I'm not asking you to my place to have sex, just to have a date in a relaxed environment".

It's so simple. Yet, it seems like suicide to say that.

I hate games.

As a woman and as someone who works in law enforcement, I can tell you that going to the home of a person you don't yet know very well (first couple of dates) or having someone into your home before you know and have reason to believe you can trust them is a very bad idea.

Besides the whole sex thing, I can't tell you how many times I've been called to the scene of a crime where the run down from the first responding officer is something like: "This girl (or guy) just met this (fill in opposite sex here) on the internet 2 weeks ago, invited the person over and now all his/her stuff is missing." So there are considerations beyond just sex. Theft of property you've worked hard to own, stalkers, etc...

That's not to say all people have bad intentions. As sure as I know there are less than reputible people on POF just as there are in the world in general, there are plenty of people who have good intentions here and mean no harm. Just coming at it from a security standpoint, I would NEVER invite someone into my home that I don't know well and whom I don't trust yet. And if I accepted an invite into a person's home I was yet unsure of, I would take precautions by letting someone know who I am with and where I will be before going. Just food for thought for the women out there: I'd also be cautious about accepting drinks. I'd probably bring my own beverage depending on the level of trust I was feeling.

That's definitely a valid concern, and a reason why meeting at someone's place for a first or even second date is risky and uncomfortable to ask.

It's a shame isn't it. As they say, one rotten apple spoils the whole barrel.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 29
The my place date
Posted: 2/6/2013 10:52:54 PM
Well, I have a first "my place" date this weekend with a girl I've been on 4 dates with already, it was her suggestion, so we shall see what happens. I don't expect anything other than some movies and general closeness.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 30
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:02:45 AM

It's interesting with virtually all the women posting that they would never consider doing it, and the guys posting that we've done it several times. Perhaps there's a difference of the demographics of the site and the ones who are posting in the forums.


I met my guy at my house for the first date.We cooked,laughed,got to know eachother in the SAFETY of my own home and I for one think it's just silly to be so distrusting and afraid of people and considering my background of having been sexually abused you'd think I'd be the one with ZERO faith in men.


You can be kidnapped off the sidewalk; raped in the bathroom at Starbucks; or have your drink drugged at the local bar. Where you meet does not guarantee safety.



Exactly.It's ridiculous to think there is any guarenteed safety in life.


Call me "too trusting" or stupid,but I broke EVERY single dating rule there is known to womankind and it all went very well.So well in fact....that we also had first date sex(my instigation) and have been together ever since May of 2009.

At one point I had a knife in my hand cutting something in the kitchen and jokingly said....."Be afraid...be very afraid! lol
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 31
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 2:45:01 PM
I made that mistake once. It snowed. A lot of snow. Trapped with a stranger for 3 days. Sure it was good the first 12 hours or so but believe me, when it's not someone you're interested in as a LTR, that's a lot of time to spend with a person and all they want is you and your body and an "emotional" connection, to boot. And, snow boots would have been great. The moral of the story is: always check the weather forecast and be prepared with an escape plan.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 32
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 3:09:43 PM
You should not meet for the first time at or in your home, but in a public place. The majority of communication are things other than words, such as body language, and can only be fully experienced by meeting face-to-face and that should be done in a public place for safety. This is called reading a person with your intuition or gut feelings, and it is very real. And the best security experts in the world will tell you this is your best defense against harm, or even a bad date.

Even men should not do it... there have been plenty of cases where a man has gone to meet a woman in a dark parking lot or a private home and been mugged at gun point, even beaten.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 33
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:51:49 PM
If I invite a man to my home for a date, Im open to sex.....wouldn't have him over unless I was.
Same thing for the invite...if I accept the invitation, Im ready to have sex with him.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 34
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:27:47 PM
Well, it's only happened to me a few times, but a few women have approached me about coming over. Usually, it's after 9pm. Some women hit that cute 'dry patch' that men are not allowed to have and guess what? They're entitled to have fun at my expense. Yep, they came over at night (we chatted on the phone first). They make sure I sound like a decent guy and next thing I know, we're going from white wine to me buying them breakfast in the morning. You can fill in the blanks....

Could it have been dangerous for either of us? Sure, she could have been 2 or more guys coming for a robbery. They always make sure I understand they want nothing serious. Yes, we kept it safe.

I've only invited a woman for a 2nd date at the earliest, and it was to make them dinner. Correction, I don't cook, but I can fake it pretty well. I never mention, 'don't worry, I won't touch you'. If they ask for that assurance from me, sure, ok, but it means nothing after 2 glasses of wine and stimulating conversation. We both understand the meaning of my place so things usually progress steadily at that point.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 35
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:31:06 PM

Well, I have a first "my place" date this weekend with a girl I've been on 4 dates with already, it was her suggestion, so we shall see what happens. I don't expect anything other than some movies and general closeness.

That sounds absolutely lovely.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 36
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:37:31 PM

Well, I have a first "my place" date this weekend with a girl I've been on 4 dates with already, it was her suggestion, so we shall see what happens. I don't expect anything other than some movies and general closeness.


That is awesome kid. Remember two steps forward, one step back. Go with no expectations and great things will happen.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 37
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 8:25:24 PM

That sounds absolutely lovely.


It does. It's funny, I wanted to suggest a date at either of our places this weekend, as I think we are at that stage where we can communicate via touch and just being together than by constant talking, but was worried what she would think my intentions were. I'm really happy she is comfortable enough with me to invite me to her place before I even mentioned it.


That is awesome kid. Remember two steps forward, one step back. Go with no expectations and great things will happen.


Yep, definitely no expectations other than some privacy together. I tend to go at whatever speed the girl is comfortable with and it seems to have worked well so far with her. I think she likes that I am not pushy, although I know a lot of girls like aggressive and assertive, it's just not me.
 vasculartech
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 38
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 8:49:33 PM
I would pretty much only go to a house date if I wanted sex. It is pretty much the same as a hotel date. Otherwise, a regular date out is the safe bet. If you really want to get to know someone, then don't sleep with them right away. It forces you to be something other than sexual.. i.e. yourself.
 vasculartech
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 39
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 8:55:50 PM
Hahaha! that is an awesome story
 davadiva
Joined: 12/20/2012
Msg: 40
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:44:32 PM
I totally agree with cityfangels35. I have never been to a man's place that sex wasn't an expectation of the visit on the part of the man. It is simply uncomfortable. No one likes rejection and being sexually rejected is the worst. Just don't go to a man's place until sex is part of the equation. Then everyone is happy.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 41
The my place date
Posted: 2/7/2013 10:05:06 PM
truth be told I've pulled the "my place, movies/drinking date" lol.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 42
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 6:40:12 AM
This is another one of this items where the forum women generally take a random walk away from what happens in reality. I don't know why what is said here is so different from what actually goes on in the dating world.

A couple of dates and then you wind up at someone's home. Many women prefer the safety of their own home but more likely the man will offer to cook them dinner and that pretty much seals the deal. I'm one of those "unusual" guys that figures if we aren't hot and heavy by the 3rd or 4th date, it's time to move on to something new. Despite what the ladies here say, if she agrees to come to your home, more likely than night.. she'll have a toothbrush with her
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 8:17:47 AM

I'm one of those "unusual" guys that figures if we aren't hot and heavy by the 3rd or 4th date, it's time to move on to something new.


I am with you on this. I am not going to wait 5 dates to get a first kiss. Or the other lady that wants to get to know you better online for a long time. Or the withhold sex, on the assumption that I am not going to treat her with respect or be only a sex object.

Every single woman I've dated for a given time, before date 5 we have gone to her place or mine. I am an incredibly good cook, that is the one thing I can totally brag about. With that said, also about 90 percent of the time, panties were flying across the room. However, once a lady is in my place, what has worked for me is to NOT be aggressive about it. It made them want it more. So, they got what they wanted.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 44
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 10:34:44 AM
The expectation of sex being part of the "my place date" may be something that changes with age... I had plenty of in-home dates as a younger woman, whether it was their place or mine, that were more about plain old economics than anything else. It just made more sense to cook the spaghetti (or whatever we had) ourselves.

Now that wouldn't matter, but it sure did then. I also think that people tend to be more casual about visiting one another at home when we're younger, just in general. Later on we get more set in our ways and less comfortable having someone new in our space. So, an in-home date is more likely to be a signal that the metaphorical door is open as well as the literal one.

And even in middle age, this isn't universal. Couple of years ago, or so, I dated a man with whom the second date was at his place. He really, genuinely just wanted to show off his cooking for me, he knew we weren't close enough to think about sex yet! Well, think about it, of course; act on that, no. It was a nice date.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 45
view profile
History
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 10:59:10 AM
I met a man I had been talking to for awhile at his place for dinner a few years ago. First meet, it went great. Dated him for about a year.
Went to another mans home for dinner on the second date, again went great and dated him for over a year.
Neither expected sex.
I've also had men suggest this in a first conversation and I know exactly what they expect. I use common sense/gut instinct and have never had anything bad happen.
Not sure I would ever do this now as a first meet, things/people have changed on this site since then. Either that or I'm just more informed.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 46
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:02:07 AM

Neither expected sex

My personal vote is that this is rather naive of women. While sex may not have happened, I would bet they were expecting it.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 47
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 11:08:29 AM

While sex may not have happened, I would bet they were expecting it.

We can pretty much tell when y'all are and when you're not. This isn't to say they wouldn't have been willing, but expecting it is quite different. There've been other dates with whom I absolutely knew that going to his place would mean sex, as well - they took a different approach to the matter.
 yerkiddinrite
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 48
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:18:26 PM
I've been noticing the "want to cook you dinner" references in profiles lately.

I briefly spoke with a man who wanted me to come to his place and he would cook me dinner. He told me he couldn't leave his wood stove long enough to go out anywhere in the cold weather. I decided if the only way I could meet him was at his house, then I would pass. It didn't feel right to me.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 49
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:28:11 PM
I was recently corresponding with a guy on here who lived about five miles away. He cancelled our initial meeting because of the weather (which was a legit reason at the time), but never wanted to commit to meeting after that. I told him that I wasn't here to be his pen pal but that I would meet him in a public place if he ever decided to go out. The messages and texts kept coming with his insistence that I come to his house for our first meeting. Yeah, right. Delete and ignore...next!
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 50
The my place date
Posted: 2/8/2013 12:34:21 PM
This isn't to say they wouldn't have been willing,

Tomato Tomahto...

I would bet if you posted a poll on this site and asked how many men expected to have sex on the first date, you would get reply after indignant reply saying absolutely not, they wouldn't even consider sex on the first date, and even condemning any "cad" who even consider such a thing.

What would actually be fun is if you ladies asked the guys to empty their pockets when they show up for that first date to see how many of these gentlemen were carrying condoms with them ..... Not expecting anything of course....

Below:


it doesn't look like you paid much attention the first time

Ouch.. consider me schooled ;)
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