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 AUTHOR
 1WishList
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 88
The my place datePage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
You're 24, so being the 'nice' guy that you come off as, of course you're going to consider all the things you mentioned.
Any young gal will be glad when she finds you - such a gentleman.
But, back to topic: As someone older, who has dated more, I enjoy the "My Place Date".
Whether it's at my home or my date's home.
It allows for both of us to enjoy the time together on a very low-key level.
Music on, the comfort of our own kitchen, preparing food together along with wine to share, easy conversation, et al, .... is a very lovely evening.
And, if sex should come to mind for both of us, it's not an awkward progression.
It's about who you're dating, and allowing to know you, that would lead to whether a "My Place Date" is a good plan or not.
 OC28AV99
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 89
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 1:13:04 AM
Yep, cityfangels, I'm with you. The cuddle/snuggle text, especially pictures of them in their bedroom! are what I call "976 Dialers", obviously looking to shag. I just delete them. And I can't believe that people are letting virtual strangers know where they live before they know them well! That's what restaurants are for, and you can always split the check. If they turn out to be nuts and things go sour, they know where you live. It's not high school anymore, guys, it's the internet. I had a really overbearing one that kept trying to "come pick me up" for our dates after our first date, and wouldn't take no easily. I'm glad I stood my ground because turned out he had a bad drinking problem, a dui, admitted to having casual sex, and told me he was my new BF after 3 dates. That was our last one, and now I don't worry about him trying to find me. I'll stick to public places until I know they're normal.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 90
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 6:56:59 AM

I am realising the older generation are way hornier and uncontrollable than us young whipper-snappers

You don't really believe that do you? Srsly?

While the expectations surrounding a "my place" date may vary in different generations, I doubt the above statement is anywhere near true. When I was a young "whipper snapper" (as you put it) ... all I needed was a car and a parking space to put expectation in my head. So unless guys have changed dramatically (and from what the young women have said in the forums I don't think they have) .. you're still the horny group.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 91
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 7:24:54 AM

You don't really believe that do you? Srsly?

While the expectations surrounding a "my place" date may vary in different generations, I doubt the above statement is anywhere near true. When I was a young "whipper snapper" (as you put it) ... all I needed was a car and a parking space to put expectation in my head. So unless guys have changed dramatically (and from what the young women have said in the forums I don't think they have) .. you're still the horny group.


Ha, no it was a bit of a general statement based on this thread, but I don't really think many people only require a car and a parking space anymore for expectations to set in, but I could be too naive to realize there are people like that out there still.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 92
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 10:41:31 AM

I don't really think many people only require a car and a parking space anymore for expectations to set in


Outdoors sex? Oh how novel. LOL!
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 93
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 11:26:05 AM

don't really think many people only require a car and a parking space anymore

lol.. throw back to my day when "parking" was the thing young people did...
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 94
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 7:44:32 PM
throw back to my day when "parking" was the thing young people did.


I've very often heard people say "in my day ...", and I always think how odd it is that we consider our younger years 'our time', rather than now and every other time we've lived through. Perhaps it's just a figure of speech, but I think it's a very telling one. The way I look at it, if we're here, it's 'our day' (grin).
 1WishList
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 95
The my place date
Posted: 2/19/2013 9:43:50 PM
[Yep, cityfangels, I'm with you. The cuddle/snuggle text, especially pictures of them in their bedroom! are what I call "976 Dialers", obviously looking to shag. I just delete them. And I can't believe that people are letting virtual strangers know where they live before they know them well! That's what restaurants are for, and you can always split the check. If they turn out to be nuts and things go sour, they know where you live. It's not high school anymore, guys, it's the internet. I had a really overbearing one that kept trying to "come pick me up" for our dates after our first date, and wouldn't take no easily. I'm glad I stood my ground because turned out he had a bad drinking problem, a dui, admitted to having casual sex, and told me he was my new BF after 3 dates. That was our last one, and now I don't worry about him trying to find me. I'll stick to public places until I know they're normal.]

Maybe I read the Original Post incorrectly, but, I believe he was asking about the "My Place Date" not as a first date, but, rather, as a possible date site, further along in the "dating" process.
And, as I posted above, it is a really nice way to get to know someone you're dating in a more relaxed setting.
You silly girls jump to these horrid, dramatic scenarios and don't read for meaning.
C'mon ..... you LOOK somewhat smart in your photos, ... Prove that you are by reading, fully, what the posted question/thought is. It really isn't that difficult. :)
 Madailein
Joined: 6/9/2012
Msg: 96
The my place date
Posted: 2/20/2013 1:28:18 AM

I've just seen a few threads involving dates at a persons home and how they have progressed and it makes me curious about the whole "my place" date. ~OP~

Hello Abrit, if a man invites me to his home on a first date, I’m not going to even consider it. I think it is tactless.


I've never personally had a date at either my or a girls home, but it is something I would really like if it wasn't for all the assumptions of sex that comes along with it.

Now after I know someone it naturally progresses that we have dates at home or at least end up or begin our dates at one another’s home. I think you can do this without the “assumptions of sex” coming into play if you are the host. You would take the lead as to how the date progresses. Why don’t you try it?
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 97
The my place date
Posted: 2/20/2013 1:47:36 AM

Maybe I read the Original Post incorrectly, but, I believe he was asking about the "My Place Date" not as a first date, but, rather, as a possible date site, further along in the "dating" process.

That is correct. I believe the OP and his prospective date were up to their third or fourth at the time.
 SnoochieBoochie12
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 98
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History
The my place date
Posted: 2/20/2013 1:10:40 PM
I'm a female that invites people over for the my place date.

Partly this is because I love my flat, feel comfortable here and don't much like leaving.
Partly it is because I love cooking and dating is always a good excuse to cook.
Mostly it is because should I decide I want to have sex with the guy in question it removes the awkwardness. If you are out for drinks, or out for a meal there is always that awkward moment, do I invite them back sort of thing.
But basically yes I use the my place date as it's easier to have sex that way.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 99
The my place date
Posted: 2/20/2013 5:23:52 PM
If I were a woman and a guy asked me on a date at his place, unless I was fully prepared for sex I would say "hell no".

For a first date, sure. But if you already got to know them some after a couple dates, going there would be "speeding things up" as a whole date, sure. But not necessarily to bang. A girl can say NO if he asks to shag. :)

because of the amount of ***holes who do use a date at home as a tactic of sleeping with a girl.

You can easily just go out for something to eat, then go back to your place to watch a movie. And say, "Just to let you know, I actually want to see this movie, so no funny business!" It can ease the tension. Also a "I am NOT going to have sex with you, so don't even think about it," is actually something that could be said, too.

Either way, you can make it comfortable and stress-free, nixing out any preconceived notions that you're just trying to pork her. What's the worst thing that could happen? She suddenly thinks "Wait, this guy actually isn't trying to get in my pants! Am I fat? Do I look fat in these jeans? OMG, I'll show him!!"
 OC28AV99
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 100
The my place date
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:08:50 PM
[That is correct. I believe the OP and his prospective date were up to their third or fourth at the time.]

That's true and I understand that no one meant the first or second date, but I guess it depends on how well you feel you really know them. If you're talking on the phone everyday and the dates are on the weekends, then I'd say that yes, you feel comfortable enough with them to do it and that it's a reasonable, safe decision. I'm talking about guys that don't call, only want to go out - 2 or 3 short lunch dates - then start pressing for your address. That's a different scenario where one wouldn't feel comfortable having them over just yet, esp. if there are a few red flags. I'm glad it's worked out for those who enjoy it, but I've dealt with enough creeps to actually set a policy!! Sorry :).
 StayC1970
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 101
The my place date
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:24:14 AM
From what I have run into is men use this tactic as a "get laid" tactic. I've done it before and have had it go both ways. I tend to steer clear of men that invite me over on first night now because I am looking for something serious and not just a one night stand. For all intents and purposes, I think of my safety a lot more now. Too many crazies out there. I think maybe after going out a few times that inviting him or her over would be okay.

I wish the best for you, good luck.
 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 102
The my place date
Posted: 5/18/2013 9:34:48 AM
Not too sure but every date I've been on since joining POF has been a "my place date". And none of them resulted in sex or a second date. I'm always more than happy to prepare a meal for my date and take him through my home. I've felt absolutely comfortable about the idea since the beginning, and although most men questioned why I was so comfortable inviting them into my home without really knowing them, I really never really considered it that way. Then again, I worked in a hotel for years so that kind of extension comes naturally. I also live in a city where you know someone, you know someone who knows them and the like. It's like bringing six degrees of separation down to two degrees.

I like inviting men for dinner in my home I guess; it gives me tons to talk about and they have the opportunity to see me as I am in my own element. All the dates have been fun and pretty entertaining and in all cases I've ended up with a friend.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 103
The my place date
Posted: 5/18/2013 12:19:16 PM
Ugh... every woman, and some of the mens posts from 1-4 made me sick, 5, had one or two mature answers that i could respect... but 1-4.. just typical stuff....

HOuse calls are great ways to get to know someone, you can quickly see how a person is by where they stay, how they live, etc, and as one person put it, its low key. Public places suck all the closeness out of it, cuz you have to treat everyone like a potential axe murderer.. which is legitimate, given all the ****ed up things.. so i guess its best to talk to a person and feel them out.

Lets just assume... that getting some ass is the goal, at least for guys. Its just what we want. Why is wanting sex in a home a bad thing now? ****, and stop all this no sex talk.

IF i were to Ever invite a woman to my house again, and she not drop her draws, i will never want to see her again.
Same goes for cuddling..
Being cuddled? While i wanna ****, is the same feeling as rape.
Maybe thats too strong a word but its close to that. Rape of time and closeness.
 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 104
The my place date
Posted: 5/18/2013 7:11:14 PM
Yes, house calls are a great way in my book. On some dates we've even taken to a walk after dinner and then he drives me home. I'm not saying that a woman should invite every man at every chance into her home, but it hasn't done me any harm to speak of. I find men charming and if I'm comfortable I'm going to make them dinner and talk about the things I like to talk about. It's pretty simple.

I haven't had a web date in a really long time, mind you, but would consider it again.
 infinity2018
Joined: 5/5/2013
Msg: 105
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History
The my place date
Posted: 5/18/2013 10:02:54 PM
It's been so long since I dated and this is the first time I joined a dating site and not long ago at that. I've read replies along with your concern and it baffles me that no one talked about the health issue. How do you know that your would-be-intimate partner has no communicable disease? Do you both take a medical test if you think you will be intimate with someone? I'm even afraid to kiss and which is why I am reluctant to meet anyone although I'm getting interested in one I've been communicating w/ thru this site.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 106
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History
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 8:57:00 AM
I had a "my place date" one time. Nothing sexual did happen, but then again, I had a vasectomy that morning.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 107
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:26:08 AM

I've read replies along with your concern and it baffles me that no one talked about the health issue. How do you know that your would-be-intimate partner has no communicable disease?


What does that have to do with where a couple has sex-whether it's at someone's home, a hotel room or in the back of a van or truck?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 108
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History
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:30:07 AM
The "my place" date usually means that I am comfortable enough with you to bring you home, or you take me to your place, and then we "both" decide together what will or will not happen, and accept it!

If and when that "date" is going to happen, that is when I bring up the whole health thing, pregnancy, birth control, testing, on and on, with an understanding that it must be mutually wanted, and mutually handled, and I will show you mine if you show me yours, including whatever health tests are asked for by one or both.

Being sexual is wonderful, but being careful about that sexuality, even more. Life is to short to take chances that are just unnecessary and plain stupid. If there is one place that mutual consideration and concern should happen.....it is in the bedroom and enjoying each other sexually.

cd
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 109
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History
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:14:29 AM
I wouldn't do a "my" place or "his" place date early on even if there were no assumptions of sex. Eventually? Sure. And the timing would be different with each guy depending on how comfortable I felt. I don't even give out my address, etc at first.

Cause my mama didn't raise no fools.

here's another cliche for ya:

You know what they say when you "ass u me"......and that is as relative to those of us who ass u me d "first date" and those who didn't since it was not specified.

Yup, I got a million of them--lolol--so each to their own.... different strokes for different folks....what ever floats your boat....etc..
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 110
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:38:09 AM
This is a different topic, and I'd recommend searching the Sex forum for more answers, but since this topic is old and the OP's gone, we're not insulting anyone, I'll take a quick side trip:

How do you know that your would-be-intimate partner has no communicable disease?

You don't. You need to get to know that person well enough to trust them that their history is such that current tests are sufficient. Which is no reason to put away the condoms, either, unless you're allergic - I am, so this is a huge issue for me. Even so, I've managed not to catch anything without always being abstinent, so, not to worry, it can be done.

Do you both take a medical test if you think you will be intimate with someone?

Yes, of course! If he doesn't want to do it, to hell with him.

I'm even afraid to kiss and which is why I am reluctant to meet anyone although I'm getting interested in one I've been communicating w/ thru this site.

Though there is a very very remote possibility, realistically, you're not going to catch anything via kissing. If you're concerned about HSV-1, don't be, because you probably already have it - most people do, but just never have outbreaks. We're all little stews of antibodies, viruses and bacteria, the vast majority of which are completely harmless.

That said, the My Place Date, as you can see from the variety of replies here, does mean sex to some people, and does not to others, or not necessarily. So if you're considering having one should you reach a point of feeling comfortable with it, what the expectations are might be a conversation you'd want to have prior to it.
 infinity2018
Joined: 5/5/2013
Msg: 111
view profile
History
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 12:01:06 PM
Thank you, HelenBackAgain. I realized after I posted my concerns that this is the wrong thread. I should have created a new one but still so very new to this. Again, thank you.
 59thShadeofGrey
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 112
The my place date
Posted: 5/19/2013 12:13:50 PM

its a code for sex...


Wow. So all those women who put cuddling in their profiles are a bunch of horndogs? Cool!
lol!

I don't invite women to my place - I'd have to clean it up then.

However, when I see a womans place and it's fastidiously neat, I DO invite them to my place... to clean it up.
;-D
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