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 AUTHOR
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 22
Lost LibidoPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
op/RizerFizer…


The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you

Neil deGrasse Tyson
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 23
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 9:29:42 AM
Please make an appointment with a medical doctor. Ask the doctor for a referral to a psychologist. Your social awkwardness coupled with low libido could be caused by:

1. High-functioning Asperger's Syndrome;
2. Online porn addiction;
3. Low testosterone; and/or
4. Depression.

Get going. This is your LIFE, not a rehearsal.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 24
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 11:11:20 AM

Sure I probably have depression and all that, but that never affected me so much so that I no longer was attracted to the opposite sex AT ALL!

You're sadly mistaken. :) You ARE attracted to the opposite sex -- PORN, as you put it. Unless you're looking at dude-on-dude action, you Definitely Are attracted to the opposite sex.

Second, your depression, Over Time, will make you lock into another gear. You're in this other gear, and stepping outside yourself you're like "Whoah, what's going on?"

Sure it hurts being rejected all the time and always being a loner and at the end of the day to dull that pain I've learned to simply ignore my impulses.

Yes, your body adjusted. Much like losing weight the old fashioned way. Most people, outside of 10-15 pounds, will gain the rest back (and very possibly more in the end) even though their diet ends up being somewhat better than it used to be after they've gone thru that workout kick for months. Part of your brain is like a thermostat and will make adjustments no matter what you say outloud to yourself. It's a totally different part of you.

It's your body's defense mechanism. So you need to Do things to change it up. Like changing your workout routines if you want to keep building muscle -- doing the same thing over and over indefinitely will only get most people so far and hit a stopping point.

Solution?: Don't Watch Porn. Yeah, good luck with that one, right? I guess start by not "relieving yourself" with the porn. Then also do another thing You Do Not Feel Like Doing (that concept is key) -- approach girls. Read some books about it. Exercise, work out, change things up -- it's good for you anyway, so it's win-win, right?

You'll get out of that funk in not too long of time if you Really want to do it. Problem is, doing all that -- most people don't, and you probably won't either. :)
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 25
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 1:12:14 PM

I read that a lack of libido in guys is very rare. I used to want to hump anything that moved, now I could look straight through the most beautiful girls and not even flinch. I've never had a gf so porn is pretty much the only thing that I've ever had. Never was head over heels with it but now I can't even be bothered with that.

Sure I probably have depression and all that, but that never affected me so much so that I no longer was attracted to the opposite sex AT ALL! Sure it hurts being rejected all the time and always being a loner and at the end of the day to dull that pain I've learned to simply ignore my impulses. I've just become too good at it I think and now I'm freaking out. I'm 26, what to do?


Most of it comes from a testosterone deficiency. If you're watching porn every day, of course you're going to have a lower libido than guys that wait to be with a girl. I've answered this question in your other thread too. Go to the gym and cut down on watching porn. You need to boost your testosterone levels and become more social. You need to get over your ego and realize that EVERYONE gets rejected. Hot guys get rejected, guys with lots of money get rejected, guys that know everyone in the club get rejected. The only difference is that they don't care because they're not coming from a state of scarcity, they're living in a state of abundance. They have a strong social circle and they have women in their life. Big deal if some cute girl rejected you, you weren't a special case. She's probably rejected a hundred other guys too. It's not personal.

What you need to do is start interacting with women and people in general more. If you go out and talk to women more, the motivation for getting better and fixing your inner problems will be standing right in front of you. The internet has a ridiculously huge wealth of information on how to fix your insecurities and talk to women. Look things up and try them in real life. Stop getting stuck in negative thought loops like you're not good enough because of your looks, or your height, or your friends, or you didn't pass chemistry in grade 10. Put your awareness on yourself instead of putting your awareness on the girl. If you're depending on her to accept you or compliment you to make you happy, you're going to feel bad as soon as you don't get that from a girl. If you feel good naturally because you're self amused, your positive energy will transfer onto her and she'll be having a good time too. You need to come across like you don't need anyone's approval.

Some people are addicted to a negative state of mind. They could be in restaurant in Hawaii and if they get their food served to them a little bit late, they use that as an excuse to get into a bad mood and complain and make others feel annoyed. In reality, they're in Hawaii with their friends and they're getting served in a restaurant. The point is that everyone is addicted to a state of mind, positive or negative and your brain creates pathways to access it faster. It's like playing the drums. Your brain creates muscle memory so you can move your arm faster the next time you play the drums. If you focus on positive things and become addicted to a more positive state of mind, your brain will start relating everything to that state and access it faster. One thing you can do is become present to the moment and quickly reframe negative things. For example, a girl rejects you and instead of thinking about it all day and telling everyone how you've been rejected and reinforcing your negative thought patterns, you reframe it and realize that her rejecting you gives you time to focus on girls that are more compatible with you and makes you realize what you need to work on to be more attractive to other women.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 26
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 3:09:14 PM

I've never had a gf so porn is pretty much the only thing that I've ever had.


Does that also mean you have never actually had sex?

Sounds like you may have desensitized yourself to sex thanks to porn.
I'm no doctor,but I think it's more mental than physical and a psychotherapist might be more
helpful than messing with your hormones being that you are so young.

And depression WILL totally affect your libido.

Don't freak out.Try to stop watching porn as long as you can.
And talk to a professional.Also,why not try dating for a change.


Wanting to'hump' an actually 'humping' are two different things!

In my experience,the less sex you have the less sex you want.

Any possibility that you are into men?
 RizerFizer
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 27
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 4:45:06 PM
Not sure where all this talk about porn is coming from, I don't remember what I wrote in totally but I haven't watched any in a long time, can't remember the last time in fact. In terms of the other stuff, well my daily routine comprises working, playing sport for a few hours, working on a few of my business ideas and going out over the weekend. As I mentioned, I eat healthy, I don't watch TV and Joe around every chance I get. So overall I don't understand what more can be done. I've done counseling, I don't believe drugs work so those are out of the question.
 RizerFizer
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 28
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 4:47:02 PM
Hah, the previous poster quoted my reference to porn, we'll there you go, but this was a long time ago so can't say it's part of my life anymore.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 29
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 7:38:55 PM
OP, unless I missed it, you did not reply to what you thought about going to a therapist. Sounds like you eat well so that is good but what are your thoughts on maybe going to a therapist and talking to them about what you are saying on here?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 30
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/16/2014 8:51:57 PM

Not sure where all this talk about porn is coming from, I don't remember what I wrote in totally but I haven't watched any in a long time, can't remember the last time in fact. In terms of the other stuff, well my daily routine comprises working, playing sport for a few hours, working on a few of my business ideas and going out over the weekend. As I mentioned, I eat healthy, I don't watch TV and Joe around every chance I get. So overall I don't understand what more can be done. I've done counseling, I don't believe drugs work so those are out of the question.


What do you mean you don't understand what more can be done? If you're talking strictly about your libido, you might want to try adding in some weight lifting to boost your testosterone levels. The next step is to interact with attractive women. It's best if the motivation is right there in front of you. It's hard to get "turned on" when you're working or chillin' at home. Work on developing a social circle that involves going out and talking to women. Work on making conversation with women during the day. Work on talking to attractive women at night. Work on being more addicted to a positive state of mind instead of a being stifled and addicted to a negative state of mind. There are a million things you can do, but they require effort on your part.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 31
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/17/2014 3:47:57 AM
Again,are you a virgin?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 32
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/17/2014 5:42:46 AM
Ok, it's been over a year. Did you go to a regular Dr and have your testosterone level checked? Low libido can be a result of lots of normal blood deficiencies easily regimented through vitamins or hormone pills.
My body does not produce B12 except in trace amounts, I suppliment it with vitamins. Without it I get the blues and become lethargic.
Have you tried just asking a girl out and see what happens? No risks no rewards.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 33
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/17/2014 10:24:47 AM

the previous poster quoted my reference to porn, we'll there you go, but this was a long time ago so can't say it's part of my life anymore.

Porn -- the "other white meat". Oh wait, that's pork. Ehh... tomato, tomAto, clitorus, cliterus. ;) You may actually want to try your hand at not necessarily porn but sexual stimulating pics/videos, actually -- but without a "happy ending". Exposure to it and soaking your senses into it will get the engine turning to some degree without any conscious effort, even if/when you don't "feel it" at all. What would normally give a guy a mild case of blue balls, apply to yourself. Sound crazy? It's not. Unconventional? Yeah, socially, but you're not doing it in public -- but here's the kicker -- it's a pretty basic, common-sense concept.

Don't do what you feel comfortable with. If you do, and only want to remain in your comfort zone, you're pretty much going to go nowhere.

As I mentioned, I eat healthy, I don't watch TV and Joe around every chance I get

Joeing around has nothing to do with it, nor is watching TV.

I've done counseling, I don't believe drugs work so those are out of the question.

If drugs don't work, then do some lines of coke if ever you see it. It doesn't work, right? :) Pharma is the new drug dealer. Drugs work alright -- but many not hit the bullseye while having too many unfavorable side-effects you'd rather not have. But very few are going to have nill effect in any way.

I get the feeling you're basically wanting to shoot down any suggestions like you have it all figured out -- but you don't. It's almost like you have a negative attitude and Don't want anything presented that you may possibly be willing to try or possibly had a half-hearted attempted in the past at or suggested in the past by someone else ("Pshhaw!" mode).

Essentially, don't do what you feel comfortable with. There's no silver bullet answer, but your body has been conditioned, with the help of depression or whatever type of mental/mindset issues you may have over time, that girls on the non-platonic scale is a negative/stressful concept -- nothing positive -- hence, no appeal even if you want to have appeal. It's beyond your Direct control at this point. You have to change things up. You can't just say "I eat fine, I don't watch TV, I don't sit on my arse." That's not going to solve problems. Changing lifestyle in many ways & habits -- in and of itself -- will help out.

Another thing to consider: You need a positive association with girls. Again, do what you are Not comfortable with IF you actually give a sh!t about all this for the long run. :) One solution is to befriend a guy who goes out who talks to girls and has a decent level of success. Be his wingman, and just "roll with it" even though you're not sexually motivated. Engage with some girls, and after a while, when you find yourself in a situation with some that's Positive, it will help swing that pendulum back.
 RizerFizer
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 34
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/18/2014 7:06:49 AM
Confident realist, I think you're on the right track and not. I think I am to an extent shutting down suggestions, however I think there is a simple explanation for that, I don't trust people or myself, so in am always ex deprivation of what other people say. I think this is partly due to two factors, the first one is that people are often wrong, so unless you know beget you'll simply do what you've been told and end up not getting anywhere due to the information being erroneous. The second factor is obviously lies, the funny thing is, there is a fine line between not knowing and lying, technically incorrect advice is a lie and therefore over time, I just came to the conclusion that there is no point listening to people. So what you're picking up on its somewhat correct although not quite. The way I see it, I only ever rely on what I know and think. That's not to say that I don't ask others for advice/opinions but I just store it away and not act on it.

In terms of finding a friend like you suggested, hah!good luck is all I have to say to that! I've wanted people to hasn't out with all my life... admittedly I write everyone off as duds due to my low self esteem but yer, I've not be able to ever find someone who was successful with women, all the people I have ever known have been hopeless when it came to dating.

As For the other questions, will I have asked girls out, in fact I've been mam enough to ask of every girl that I've ever had a massive crush on even though I was shaking like a leaf inside when doing so, the answer was no every time
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 35
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/18/2014 3:51:03 PM

The way I see it, I only ever rely on what I know and think. That's not to say that I don't ask others for advice/opinions but I just store it away and not act on it.


People that are good at dating are giving you advice. The only reason not to act on it is laziness.


In terms of finding a friend like you suggested, hah!good luck is all I have to say to that! I've wanted people to hasn't out with all my life... admittedly I write everyone off as duds due to my low self esteem but yer, I've not be able to ever find someone who was successful with women, all the people I have ever known have been hopeless when it came to dating.


How can this be possible? I can think of at least five friends off the top of my head that are good at dating. You need to become a little more active in your community or at least network with people so you have a bigger social circle. You can have one friend, and then when that friend brings you to a party/concert/bowling/whatever, you can meet five more people.


As For the other questions, will I have asked girls out, in fact I've been mam enough to ask of every girl that I've ever had a massive crush on even though I was shaking like a leaf inside when doing so, the answer was no every time


They said no because they didn't feel attraction. I tried to explain in detail how to create that attraction, but it doesn't sound like you're listening or taking this seriously at all.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 36
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/18/2014 6:33:03 PM
"I don't trust people or myself, so in am always ex deprivation of what other people say."

Misanthropy, though popular amongst loners, does show.
It comes off afraid, incomprehending, condescending, inexperienced and not huggable. Why do misanthropes want a hug at some point and are surprised by the cool reception?

People actually don't enjoy anti-social, insensitive, robotic extraterrestrials. I'm not judging you, though it sounds like I am. There is a loner side of me and semi professional misanthrope, but I recognize the pretension behind it--people want someone with a human, kind and understanding emotional fluency.

If you have it, but it cannot be discerned, it's not helpful either. You have to interact, take action, do good deeds, learn to communicate more effectively. YOU have to lead this-it's your life that's passing by.

Either you stop the inferiority/superiority kick and get down with the sweaty masses and learn to communicate and relate to bumptious others, or you can stay in your safe loner chrysalis, like the adults who won't leave their room in Japan and be infected by judgement, superficiality, stupidity, frustration, confusion, or-- success, pleasure, joy, affiliation, awareness etc..

" I think this is partly due to two factors, the first one is that people are often wrong, so unless you know beget you'll simply do what you've been told and end up not getting anywhere due to the information being erroneous. "

"The second factor is obviously lies, the funny thing is, there is a fine line between not knowing and lying, technically incorrect advice is a lie and therefore over time, I just came to the conclusion that there is no point listening to people."

So you knowitall. Really attractive rigidity and refusal of discovery, admittance that you are ignoring resources in favor of staying narrow or single minded. At least you didn't infect your purity by considering experimenting with a new way. Get mentors-at least you can admit some people have demonstrated they know something--and more than you.

" So what you're picking up on its somewhat correct although not quite. The way I see it, I only ever rely on what I know and think. That's not to say that I don't ask others for advice/opinions but I just store it away and not act on it."

That's why people are annoyed by your kind and don't take you seriously. You don't respect their time.

"In terms of finding a friend like you suggested, hah!good luck is all I have to say to that! I've wanted people to hasn't out with all my life... admittedly I write everyone off as duds due to my low self esteem but yer, . "

Self esteem comes from hard work:
facing and moving through difficulty, complexity, the unknown, failure, embarrassment, humiliation, loss, fear, pain, sorrow and trying to make the best of it by learning from those experiences.

Dodging it=low self esteem which derives from avoidance-never learning from suffering. The answers are all there.

"As For the other questions, will I have asked girls out, in fact I've been mam enough to ask of every girl that I've ever had a massive crush on even though I was shaking like a leaf inside when doing so, the answer was no every time"

Perhaps you can develop a rapport such that you are not shaking next time, but everybody gets rejected..
 Chipmunk1312
Joined: 5/12/2013
Msg: 37
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 5:04:33 AM

In terms of finding a friend like you suggested, hah!good luck is all I have to say to that! I've wanted people to hasn't out with all my life... admittedly I write everyone off as duds due to my low self esteem but yer, I've not be able to ever find someone who was successful with women, all the people I have ever known have been hopeless when it came to dating.

As For the other questions, will I have asked girls out, in fact I've been mam enough to ask of every girl that I've ever had a massive crush on even though I was shaking like a leaf inside when doing so, the answer was no every time

OP. Google MGTOW. You will find the no nonsense answers to what is happening to you there.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 38
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 6:12:46 AM
Porn sets up unrealistic expectations and can damage IRL relationships and libido towards real women.

Seek therapy.Leave the porn alone if you ever want to have a good sex life.


Sounds like you may have desensitized yourself to sex thanks to porn.
I'm no doctor,but I think it's more mental than physical and a psychotherapist might be more
helpful than messing with your hormones being that you are so young.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Watching others (have ) "performing"sex professionally would depress most of us at your age esp if thats what you think is normal.
No one can live up to that.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 39
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 6:18:10 AM
LostRizer, seek some professional help...like a top notch hooker. She if she can get the Rizer back. Seeing your not taking drugs professional help is needed and I think a good hooker will handle your problem better than any shrink.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 40
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 11:57:33 AM

Porn sets up unrealistic expectations and can damage IRL relationships and libido towards real women.

Seek therapy.Leave the porn alone if you ever want to have a good sex life.


This is a bit unrealistic. Watching porn all the time might make you less motivated to go and interact with women in the real world, but it won't give you a terrible sex life if you use it in moderation. Anyone over the age of 10 knows that it's fictional and they don't expect every woman to have fake breasts and act like strippers. What is a therapist going to do? They probably don't know the first thing about dating and will just give him more terrible advice. The best advice is to spend time with people that aren't terrible at dating. That's a common saying right, you become similar to the five people you spend the most time with. I can break it down into easy steps if he still cares about being successful.

1. Spend time with men that aren't terrible at dating. Having a few female friends will help too.
2. Listen to the advice that successful people give you and act on it.
3. Interact with women you're attracted to.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 41
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 1:13:27 PM
It is a combination. It can be toxins, psychological, physical, environmental..

we are complete beings and we are multi dimensional. We are not just physical, we are not just emotional, we are not just intellectual... we are all of the above.

So frame of mind, healthy self awareness and a good psychological outlook are INCREDIBLY important as a base point. If you don't have those, anythign you have on top of them will not be anything near satisfying.

Then you have the physical health component. Are you neurologically healthy? Physically healthy and active? Good diet?

Are you intellectually curious and well read? Do you learn, grow, have you read up on things to improve yourself?

If you take care of all the components that are part of h, DEFINITELY do therapy as it sounds like you COULD possibly have a mild case (that i am not diagnosing, only suggest you check to see if you have it) of depression which definitely affects sexuality, and you definitely need to understand your self image and your sense of self CAN'T come from other people and their rejections or acceptances.

You need to figure out who you are, what you love, what floats your boat, and get in the best emotionally, mental and physical shape of your life.

You do that and make sure neurologically you have what you need to keep you centered, revved physically and energized, you will be good to go.

Best of luck
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 3:28:21 PM
Just from reading the op, I gathered that he just plain stopped being so ruled by horniness...that he partly made a conscious effort to ignore the physical impulse, and partly stopped caring so much in the first place...because he either stopped being content with simply satisfying the biological drive or started being bored with not having more, or evolved past what it's believed that men are supposed to be - mindless f-k anything machines at any opportunity.

In principle, I wouldn't think that there's even anything wrong here - what might be wrong sometimes is males believing that they're supposed to be that "mindless f-k anything machines at any opportunity".

And I kind of wonder about this thing lately where all of a sudden men everywhere need viagra and testosterone. I don't know if I trust it. Are we sure we aren't being manipulated like sheeple are? I'm just one guy, sure, but I sure as hell never needed viagra or testosterone, and still don't. Suddenly there's supposedly an epidemic of this? And what image of sexuality do men still buy into that op thinks that there's something wrong when he simply stopped only caring about purely biological sex?
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 4:14:53 PM
What I should've added was...with "I never needed viagra or testosterone"...I don't try very hard to have sex, aren't driven much by it, but this isn't because of any lack of interest in women, appetite, or ability to perform...but it's because of my attitude about it all, and I don't mistake this for what my physical capability is, my interest, appetite, etc.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 44
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/19/2014 4:39:07 PM

I'm just one guy, sure, but I sure as hell never needed viagra or testosterone, and still don't.

Check back with us in 4/5 years.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 45
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Lost Libido
Posted: 1/20/2014 4:59:00 AM

Porn sets up unrealistic expectations and can damage IRL relationships and libido towards real women.


As somebody who has watched their fair share of porn, it hasn't damaged my libido at all. I can't speak for those who have an addiction to porn.

I have kept my expectations realistic and see porn as a supplement to a healthy sexual relationship. It's a snack, not the main course.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 46
Lost Libido
Posted: 1/20/2014 5:12:32 AM
the answer was no every time


Meaning you have never had sex before.

I'd lose my libido too, if that was the case, by 26.

(Oh geez,you are now 28 and this thread is 2 years old! DOH!)

Seems to be you feel defeated and so does your penis.

If you give up trying to meet women,how can you ever resolve this issue?
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