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 AUTHOR
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 176
Dating in our 50'sPage 8 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Sooooooo, after ur done,,,I guess getting laid is out of the question
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 177
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/17/2013 8:32:58 PM
Damb ur fine...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 178
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 9:00:16 AM

I think the majority of your posts are snide....


Your posts aren't exactly lacking thinly veiled insults, either.


My guy happens to come to my house the majority of the time, so I do most of the cooking, which I enjoy. So in my case, it equals out.


So you assume that what happens in your relationship applies to all other relationships?
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 179
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 9:08:28 AM
Paderic.. I don't care who you date or if she wants to pay equal at every single date. Some of us live our lives differently and I never said everyone has to think my way. I think if women want to accept your way.. that is completely up to them. I said I don't choose to date those with this mentality. Its not a matter of who is right and who is wrong, its a matter of personal Choice. It was nice to see so many gentlemen agree. I know they exist.. I am currently dating one.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 180
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 10:34:05 AM
This topic has been bounced around many times on this site. If people just stated what they preferred and left it at that, the threads would not spiral out of control. For whatever reason, people don't seem to be able to leave it at that. Invariably, someone takes it personally and responds by getting in a few digs of their own. That's pretty much how this topic and others about dating preference get chippy.

If you don't want to get dragged into it, stick to talking about what you prefer and don't make judgmental comments about those who might be different than you or not what you prefer.

It doesn't bother me either way. I can discuss things nicely, or I can be as nasty as the moderators will allow.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 181
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 10:40:33 AM
OP......I have a theory about that.

It seems to me that the guys, whose sexuality/ performance is wanning the most need the stimulation of what they may consider illicit sex/ one night stands/variety, etc. in the over 45 crowd. They suffer from the Peter Pan syndrome, denying their aging by looking for stimulation in numbers. It may be a mixed cause and effect; physical and mental/emotional. They can't continually perform satisfactory on a regular basis which would be required in a steady and monogamous relationship and/ or are incapable of creating the bonds of a LTR. They may lay the blame on the women "not doing it for them", but when it's sooo many different women and only them the common factor, I tend to believe in my theory.

You're wise in weeding them out by not getting involved sexually with them when that's not what you're looking for. There are men out there who want a monogamous relationship as much as we do. A good/fine man is as rare as a good/fine woman, but we're all out there. I met a great guy from here over 2 years ago, after being on POF for a year. We have numerous couples amoung our relatives and friends who have met their spouses/partners online. We're now engaged and our wedding is in Aug/13. Just keep doing what you're doing, you'll find the right one somewhere eventually.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 182
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 1:36:13 PM
It's such a shame that there is so much negativity and hostility on these threads. Most people join a dating site with the hopes of meeting someone special. Meeting someone who will enhance their lives. Isn't that something to be optimistic and positive about? Constantly putting down the other sex is destroying any chance of success in finding that special person. Who, in their right minds, would want to meet someone who has smoldering animosity towards their gender?

By the time we reach 50, MOST of us are not looking for a one-night stand or a purely sexual relationship, although there are, like in anything, some exceptions. We are looking for the total package. Sex is wonderful and it's an important part of a healthy, happy, successful relationship but there is so much more involved. I married my best friend, the most kind and wonderful man I've ever known and I find him incredibly sexy and he feels the same way about me. Isn't that what most of us joined this site hoping to find?

Stop the negativity and berating of others. Open your hearts and minds to finding the right person for you. Be positive and welcoming. Get to know someone before you rule them out. With us, it wasn't love at first site. We got to know one another and love grew. What a shame it would have been for us to just walk away from each other since there was no sparks immediately. Give love and a relationship a real chance.
 pisces273
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 183
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 1:45:11 PM
I don't think you could be more wrong. Can't really generalize and say "most". While there may be some older men that seek a younger woman, that would most definitely be the minority. Mature men realize that there's more to a woman than what meets the eye. Men are looking for women with whom they are compatible. The search is for someone with whom they can share common interests, someone that has real life experiences and relative stability. If there's no common ground, there can be no foundation on which to build.
 YouTalkFirst2019
Joined: 10/23/2012
Msg: 184
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 3:21:48 PM
Dislike motorcycles, macho stuff, yet was a 'peace' office. Too too too many die on bikes, helmet or not. I would never take a chance with someone health for an ego trip, danger/speed rush, etc etc... Sun, beach, walking, peaceful, in San Diego is more me...
 conbrio2
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 185
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 3:39:56 PM
This is almost as funny as the who pays for coffee thread.

I dunno. I'm old fat and ugly, yet mad passion seems to ensue anyway.

Who knew?
(Oh yeah I like to take turns paying, and have no problem buying a guy a cup of coffee or dinner)
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 186
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History
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 9:05:02 PM
If you don't want to get dragged into it, stick to talking about what you prefer and don't make judgmental comments
-----------------
Who's making judgement calls-
Don't you think that if I find myself in a relationship (which I am) that I will cook dinner for her as often as she cooks dinner for me? Or is that another of those things that you don't believe because it doesn't fit your neat little gender stereotypes?

Some men prefer to cook, others prefer to pay, as with women.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 187
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/18/2013 11:05:17 PM
I have no clue how many meets I have been on over the years--I have offered to pay at each and only once has one guy let me and one said I could leave the tip and one said I could buy ice cream--I didn't think less of them--it was a meet--on a date most the men acted insulted that I offered since they had asked me--

However, some of my male friends have told me how old it gets to take a woman to dinner and then realize that the women was only there for the dinner--that she had no desire to be with them--

I consider it my obligation to a man if he is buying me dinner that he be someone I want to be with --I don't go out with a man unless I consider him a possibility for long term. It could be I end up not liking him or him liking me--but Im not going to use a man for a dinner.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 188
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 6:47:16 AM

Who's making judgement calls-


Judgmental comments and judgement calls are not synonymous.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 189
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History
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:51:24 AM
...Was waiting for your predictable retort.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 190
view profile
History
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 8:43:03 AM
OP:

Procol...here's a few stories for ya...lol
I have been "interviewed" on a first date about what I like to do during sex
I have been asked to "just touch me" (him)
I have been asked back to his place ... not so bad...but when you never hear from him again after saying no thanks, you know the score
I have been asked what kind of panties I wear on a first date
Lots more but you get the drift.....LOL

THIS IS ALSO MY EXPERIENCE. I HEAR YOU SISTER.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 191
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:14:05 AM

I thought men in their 50's would be looking for a stable, fun and attractive woman....but it is STILL about hookups. While I do look for chemistry, aren't there other things that are important? Isn't that what makes the physical side fabulous? Or am I being naive?


Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places. I wonder why you assume younger men aren’t looking for a stable, fun and attractive woman for a relationship….?

I’ve never wanted “hookups” with men; I’ve never had them and I never will.

IMO, it’s not the AGE that determines what a man wants or how he behaves with a woman.

I wouldn’t imagine “hookups” would treat a woman to a cup of coffee, or anything else, either…at least, that’s been my experience.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 192
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 12:11:33 PM
I've had a couple of interesting meets this week.

After chatting with a guy for a fair bit I agreed to meet him at a popular eatery on Tuesday. He had asked if he could "take me to dinner" sometime soon. That was his exact words. I didn't want to do a meal and preferred to meet for drinks.... but he said he would not have time to eat after showering and changing...why don't we have a meal as we both would be hungry. So to my thinking, it made sense. I took into account that we did have some good exchanges through this site. So I accepted.

Earlier that day I had gone to lunch with my neice and my daughter and by the time I was to meet him, I wasn't all that hungry. So I just ordered a small house salad and a coke.
When the waitress brought the bill to the table, he took a look at the bill and said, "Just give me a ten and I'll get the rest. "....What rest? He had a full meal and a glass of wine. My portion was only $9.71. Lol

And the second gentleman ( he really was a gentleman in all senses of the word) had also asked if I would meet him for dinner. I liked him and we had been chatting for sometime so I was very comfortable doing that.
He helped me off and on with my coat, pulled back the chair, opened the door.I was impressed. He even brought me a nice bouquet of assorted flowers and a little stone formation called an Inukshuk.( It signals strength and direction in life) He had made it himself. I thought it was such a thoughtful gesture. And so unexpected. Can't tell you how pleasesd I was.

Unbelievably, ( I mentioned this in another post) I was asked out for a third meet on Friday evening as well, so I thought why in the hell not. As it turns out, he cancelled in the afternoon. This guy had asked me out weeks before, but he cancelled due to issues with his truck. Ithought that was very feasible...This time he said he wasn't feeling well. Hmmm...now I wonder. Don't know what to make of him now.

Three different men, three different scenerios. But interesting all the same. All I can say is dating can be very unpredictable, regardless of our age

...mae
 fearlessdreams63
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 193
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 8:37:30 PM
Men in their 50s are looking for a stable, fun and attractive woman. They just want her to be between the ages of
30-40. Soceity promotes the younger woman/older man scenario. Men are valued for their earning ability and women are valued for youth and beauty. Many women are willing to have a life with a much older man for the monetary comfort he can provide.
I think a great life is about shared experiences and common reference points in time. I mean how fun can it be when you make a reference to Earth, Wind and Fire and your partner thinks you are talking about the elements and not music LOL.
A very smart man told me to get out and get busy doing things I love and I will meet someone. I think he's right. It made me think of Shawshank Redemption and the quote "Get busy living or get busy dying".
Ladies lets get busy living and the rest will take care of itself.
 fearlessdreams63
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 194
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/19/2013 8:44:55 PM
I do know how to spell, just not type.
 sempre12
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 195
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/20/2013 2:21:59 AM
I find men over 50s are more confused than ever, they are set in their ways and most (not all) want occasional companionship when they want it . I also was under the impression that men this age would want to find a life long partner.
Guys time is running out! who wants you when your dribbling and needs a zimmer frame to walk with .....lol ,
Women our age know what we want and are ready to form a beautiful future with the lucky guy that takes that chance :) .............Oh well their loss !!
 knowingme2
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 196
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/20/2013 3:23:53 AM
I pay,they pay,it doesnt matter.Defending yourself does to some I guess,maybe you dont work as thats the old fashioned way too. Who cares. If you find a nice guy,nothing else matters.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 197
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/20/2013 11:16:26 AM
sempre, lol.. I found that to be true of the last man I dated. He was all about the LTR and commitment until he was asked to back it up. he wanted to see me when it was convenient for him, do what he wanted to do, even on vacation, then wondered why I finally left. Funny thing, he is on this website asking for LTR again.. and he will be extremely fun in the beginning, acts sweet and shy, brings flowers, treats you like a princess, until he thinks he has won your heart, then the flowers disappear, negative comments will begin and poof, the prince turned back into a frog. Why would you waste your time doing this?
 NotyouraverageD
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 198
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/20/2013 11:56:34 AM

I have been "interviewed" on a first date about what I like to do during sex
I have been asked to "just touch me" (him)
I have been asked back to his place ... not so bad...but when you never hear from him again after saying no thanks, you know the score
I have been asked what kind of panties I wear on a first date
Lots more but you get the drift.....LOL


Even though there are nine pages of responses, I stopped reading after this one and here's why:

It's completely impossible to give an informed answer without knowing what kind of guys the OP is responding to.
The OP seems to think that all men are out for simple hookups, but I don't think that's true at all.

Are we to believe that those sexually explicit questions and suggestive references come out of the blue? That the guys in question were perfect angels in all communications leading up to the first date, and then these curve balls were tossed at you?

I think this comes down to what women really want vs what they say they want.

Because if you want a nice guy, who will respect you and your boundaries, who will treat you like a lady and not push you sexually - there are plenty out there.

But those guys bore you don't they? Guys like that respond to you and get tossed onto the trash heap.

AND THEN... the wisdom filled conclusion "All men just want hook ups."

I think the OP needs to go back to square one and evaluate her expectations and look at the men she's responding to for clues and try to learn from all of this.
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 199
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/20/2013 2:31:16 PM
Thank you facesca4u...I could not have said it better (I am the OP). If anyone bothered to read my profile - you would see that I am very clear on what I am looking for - and that does not even remotely suggest that I am open to this kind of behavior. Since I was so explicit - I was naive enough to assume that I would not attract men who would even think of saying those things to me. (Of course, since then, I have learned to steer clear of certain descriptions...such as "christian". That's just bait....funny how that's even more absurd, and sad, in writing.)

I am now ready to flee at a moment's notice...at the first sign of something wrong. So much for giving someone the benefit of the doubt - dating on this site has taught me to be on the defense....oh well....
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 200
Dating in our 50's
Posted: 1/20/2013 2:37:41 PM
Now dont be like that either Dizy. Your nerves will be shot! Dont put up walls you will only trap yourself inside them. You have to find the balance. I go on a date with an open mind and no expectations. That way, Im not disappointed. However, experience has also taught me to listen to my instincts and to trust myself that way.
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