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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?      Home login  
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 The_Whole_of_the_Moon
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 26
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

This doesn't really make sense to me in that even if you WANT to be in a relationship

If someone chooses not to be single they will keep searching for someone. Finding someone is not guaranteed.

If you choose to be single you stop searching for someone.
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 27
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 3:04:39 PM
Okay, as the person who started all this... I am allowed to take it one step further.
What do you do when you realize that there is no "Mr. Wonderful" in your future, but you are not dead physically?
P.S. Love the forum part of this site - it makes me feel less disconnected with what is going on in my life - thanks.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 28
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 3:36:14 PM
^^^^^LCDizme12 thats why you find a FWB to take care of other needs..
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 29
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 3:40:46 PM
LOL I guess that is the obvious answer! LOL
 YourBrandNewGuy
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 30
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 3:53:06 PM
You can be single and have a boyfriend that lives near by.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 31
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 4:09:56 PM
My profile says exactly that. I've had numerous relationships since my divorce 20 years ago but in all that time obviously I haven't met "the one".
I find it harder and harder to "click" with anyone and have realized maybe some of us are meant to be single.
I've been married twice and know there's worse things.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 32
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 4:12:44 PM
Perhaps. Personally, I don't worry about it one way or the other. There are worse things in life than being single . There are worse things than being alone. I think most people would like to have someone to do things with: travel, cuddle, etc...especially when the person gets to be my age. I get out and about, going out of my comfort zone, meeting people, etc. If I meet someone and it clicks, cool. If not, hey it happens.
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 33
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 5:01:19 PM
LCDizme12 - great thread you started! The ultimate irony if it all is, for all the talk of "never settle" -- Singlehood looks to be exactly that - something "we" have SETTLED for.

I think this is another one of these ideas we all think about - and when people put their thoughts out there, we see how similar a lot of those thoughts are, like: (snippets from various replies)

I am getting too comfortable being alone. (...) you don't want to take any more chances. (...) the fear of giving up this wonderful freedom (...)

And then:

Maybe I've wasted too much of my life wishing for things I'll never find instead of being realistic. (...)
I think many WOMEN (caps mine) on here are saying they have filled their lives with work, friends, family, social activities & have done without the partner/romantic aspect of life & don't think they are apt to find it at this point. (...) What do you do when you realize that there is no "Mr. Wonderful" in your future


It's all pretty stark, isn't it? Alone, each comment is easy enough to not really sink in...but seeing them all together in this thread, it's ... sobering.

I'll 3rd this following comment:

if the conditions we once knew occurred again we'd be ok not being single again.


I get the idea that is almost universally true - aside from spot4username :) Every rule does need an exception!

Yet, it seems staying single is something lots of us are choosing, preferring the safety of the "ideal" we envision vs the near phobic fear of "settling" for someone "less". And as a result, we end up settling for nothing, for singleness, or hardly dating at all. Kinda interesting, in a Twilight-zone kind of way. Do you think maybe we put too much pressure and expectations on it all, with such an outlook? It's especially interesting for me that this thread came up this week, as I've recently been getting out with someone who normally wouldn't have "fit my checklist", and I certainly wouldn't have fit hers - but we decided to have some fun with it and see what happened...and sure enough, it's been...FUN...just like it ought to be. Doesn't mean it has to be a "relationship" and doesn't mean we have to be a perfect fit...maybe we're all too convinced that we need to find the *perfect* person, or that we're so great/such a princess that "surely our knight will ride in any day now and be our Mr Wonderful", and it's made us not able to get out and have some fun, with some good people?


Enjoy your life, and if someone is meant to be in it then it will happen.


And on that -- if we all thought that way, no one would ever be in our lives 'cause both sides would be sitting on their azz waiting for the other to "make it happen". Bravo to the "Initiators" ;)
 LCDizme12
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 34
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 5:55:23 PM
I am not looking for "perfect"....just someone to laugh with, lean on if I have to, be my friend and lover. Respect is huge for me. As I mentioned in another thread, I have never wanted the sweaty palms/thumping heart syndrom. That's fleeting.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 6:46:51 PM
I've seen on other posts that an ideal condition for some is to meet that special someone-the ONE, but maintain separate residences so that each person has their "me " or "alone" time and space, and just have occasional sleepovers and get-togethers. Pretty much like going on perpetual dates. It sounds good to some people in theory, but I don't know of any cases where this worked out in the long run. At some point, one of them (usually the woman) feels living apart isn't a true relationship and start pushing for what feels like a more "real" relationship, which translates to marriage and moving in together under one roof. This is usually the make or break point in the relationship.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 36
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 7:02:07 PM
There's a big difference between only wanting Mr. Wonderful and settling. I haven't met a person I'd want to move in with, and I disagree with above, many people are perfectly happy with relationships that aren't the norm. I'm not lonely, so I don't need to ever settle, and I like my own company, I like being alone for long periods, so being single is maybe more suitable for me than for some others. Some people would rather live with someone they'd trade in if they could find better, but that's not a life I'd want. I'm not waiting or looking for Mr. Right, there's some people who work out for you, many who don't, I'm happy if the men I've been with already are all there is going to be. LOL But saying you are looking for Mr. Perfect or you are settling is insulting, some times you are happily browsing.
 stayinalivefl
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 37
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 7:18:23 PM
You're probably existing on a higher plane than many.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 38
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 8:18:35 PM
It is less a question of want or planning to remain single... It is more about chance (or whatever word one wants to use here, like destiny, fate, karma, luck, etc.) If the "right" person were to come along, then one becomes "flexible" in terms of what he/she wants or plans... AND love blossoms and they live happily ever after !!!

All it takes is that one individual to come in to one's life and things change.
 BostonTerrierx2
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 39
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 8:28:49 PM
"They're all crackers."

That's all you gotta know. Man or woman; "they're all plain crackers." Nothing lasts anymore. So why give a damn? Stop worrying about finding anyone... Wanna know why people are lonley? Because we're all here acting like fools rather than doing things like humans do---you know? Where we speak face to face? Maybe meet someone on the street or in a restaurant?

It's not about meeting people and finding love anymore. It's about your shelf life in a relationship. Some last six months, others a year and some forever... We need to get over ourselves and get the hell out of the house.
 Southwestguy71
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 40
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 8:40:37 PM
No SC, I think YOU'RE right! You need to be picky when it comes to finding someone with whom you want to spend your life. I know that means a lot of men like me will be on the 'outside looking in' with dating and relationships, but that's just life. So, I don't think you're wrong about that at all.
 lamoja
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 41
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 8:45:22 PM
So sad but possibly very true! Im alone and often feel lonely.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 42
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 9:25:38 PM
aw.. I love .. love .. I am an incurable romantic with an insatiable curiosity for life and the art of living .. and treasure hunting is my business so.. I just live to seek and covet love and it is naturally part of who I am . I believe that we seek what we desire and we allow into our lives what we choose. I come from two people who loved each other very deeply.. it is in me like a map and I know what love feels like for I am truly loved by those I love. We may be single but no one is meant to be single .. there is far more benefits to being partnered in a healthy connection. We live longer and have more enriching lives both on an intimate level and the energy we feed to other people..I know this as walking into a room with my parents in any social setting it was not difficult to know that what they had was unique.. they were both strong independent and very respectful of each other's minds.. rare rare bond..

I don't think people are meant to be single but there is alot of dysfunctional behavior in people that make them single ..I find that all the men I have met so far .. are emotionally connected to ex's which makes them unavailable... most people on this site need therapy not a relationship. .. firstly they need to have done the work to be relationship material.. most are in limbo which might be ok for them .. but I am not into investing in their agony of a squeaky rat wheel.. insane activity produces like.

I am looking for someone who actually is single .. which means when we create .. we create to make a unit .. single is really hard to find..you can't make anything of value when you value nothing.. and even though I am sometimes painfully alone ........ it is much better than investing in someone who cannot invest back..

MY DAD .. he gave me some great advice growing up.. he told me to never invest in a man that cannot invest back or you give until you are empty and end up with nothing..

No we are not meant to be single.. but you must be single and capable of forming a bond in order to create a great relationship .. and single is where it starts.. single people have done the work and are relationship material.. very very few of em on this site .. for sure .. dysfunction creates more dysfunction.. so single is great until a great single comes along..
 ladysuccubus
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 43
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 10:17:27 PM
I know what you mean, I put myself out there, the steps are taken, but no one seems interested in having a relationship with me. The closest relationship I had was last year, and it ended by him breaking up with me at 3 in the morning via text. He was also a huge loser with no job, no ambition or car or goals in life to better himself even though I was willing to help him get off his feet. Said we were not compatible. Sadly I can't even get a loser like that to be my boyfriend. I have become very picky because of it..I have decided to take a break from dating, my profile is hidden and I simply come here to use the forums. I need a break from rejection. Focus on myself for a while. Trying to lose weight, get a better job..etc.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 44
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:01:14 AM

And on that -- if we all thought that way, no one would ever be in our lives 'cause both sides would be sitting on their azz waiting for the other to "make it happen". Bravo to the "Initiators" ;)

How do you connect "enjoying life" as sitting on your duff and never leaving the house? It simply means that if you are social, happy and out and about you will meet people of all walks naturally instead of trying to come up with a plan to try and meet people that you specifically wish to date. One is a watched pot, the other isn't.

It also stands to reason that someone who's actually happy staying home is by default going to be fairly happy with the solitude. Someone who never wants to go anywhere but demands in person company from strangers is not going to be emotionally stable.

You are at your healthiest, most attractive to others and most open when you are at a point where you're content single (and no, content single doesn't mean to avoid dating, it just means not focusing on it).
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 45
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:16:25 AM

You are at your healthiest, most attractive to others and most open when you are at a point where you're content single (and no, content single doesn't mean to avoid dating, it just means not focusing on it).

Well, I am as content as I can be, but don't know about being attractive to others...LOL..
I actually think me being so content working against me, if I would be interested in a serious leading to marriage type of relationship.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 46
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:25:11 AM

Well, I am as content as I can be, but don't know about being attractive to others...LOL..
I actually think me being so content working against me, if I would be interested in a serious leading to marriage type of relationship.

That all depends. If you were honestly content you wouldn't think it was working against you - you wouldn't ordinarily notice or care outside someone else bringing it up.

And yes, being OK with a serious relationship if it goes that way is way more attractive in a person than someone who feels empty without one and is constantly seeking to land it. Two totally different vibes.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 47
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:38:13 AM
^^Well, I guess I only run into woman who is on a husband hunt.
That's why I think it working against me, as I seriously don't think I will ever get married again, and make no secret about it when asked.
Got a few "compliment" on my profile, was told I am honest, but that was a sort of back handed compliment.
Was told that it seems like I am fine the way things are, just miss a female companionship every once in awhile.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 48
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:39:00 AM
People who put on their profiles and keep telling people "My children are my whole life. They will always come first." are candidates for being forever single. Being a loving parent is fine and dandy, but to put up a barrier to exclude other people is going to keep you in your little bubble world by yourself.
 CyclistWill77
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 49
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Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/11/2013 8:09:18 AM
I often get the feeling that I'm meant to be single. I am one of those rare truly single people. I've never been lucky enough to find someone who wanted to take a chance with me. Hung up on an ex? No, in my case there is no such thing. Its not for a lack of trying on my part. I've shown interest in at least 1000 people (an educated guess) in the past 20+ years, not a one of them has been interested in what I have to offer. I have a job that I take pride in, a car (a couple in fact), no criminal record, ambition, all the things women say they want in a guy, but I still fail to be good enough for anyone. Heck, I've been on a total of 9 dates in my life, and those have all taken place in the last 5 years. All but 3 of those were meet and greets and that was it.

It seems like I have better odds winning the lottery with a ticket I found on the street. That said, I have learned to be self sufficient, independent and very thick skinned. At the same time I'm a bit envious of each and every one of my friends who are married or at least in a relationship of some sort. It always makes me wonder what they have that I don't.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 50
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/13/2013 8:30:15 PM
Doris Day got it when she sang "Que Sera Sera". No truer words were ever spoken. Who really knows what is meant to be. And as far as making things happen, one needs to look in the public library under Fiction. As stated previously, life is all about luck.

Personally, I figure the best approach is to enter in to things with good intentions, and then see what comes.
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