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 catlady68
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 25
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A lie is a lie. You can always explain whatever is going on in your profile. I won't date separated people and if I found out someone lied to me, it's a no go. If someone begins a relationship with a lie, what else are they going to lie about?
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 27
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 3:27:07 PM

I for one am sepertaed it will be 18 month January 15th and on my profile I say I am single, I consider myself single


See? Now, THAT is a lie! You might "feel" single, but you're not. But, hey....if the guy doesn't care, then good luck to you.
 OKgirl529
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 30
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 4:45:20 PM
I've been separated since I was 7 months pregnant...our son is now 3 years old!
I definitely put Separated in my profile, but wish people wouldn't judge so quickly.
The divorce hasn't happened due to financial reasons (but I'm hoping I can afford it when I get my income taxes).
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 31
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:34:43 PM
Op, it's never okay to claim that you're divorced when you're not.
Just like it's not okay to select 'single' after having been married. The term divorced exists for a reason.


...the summary of my point is that if it is the only lie on their profile then it is one that is arguably justifiable given the hurdles we "separated" people face.


^^^It's not imo, arguably justifiable to lie.

When people talk about understanding why the online thing is so hard, it's in part due to these kind of lies that often start at the bedrock level, just when people beaten down by the last relationship are just starting to trust that they can find something better.

Most of us on here have been through separations, we get the purgatory stage. That said, people have options as to how long they dwell in that purgatory.

Unclench the fist holding onto the 'issue' and you have a way to move on and get to the next level, quickly.

Most times what you're hanging on to isn't as important in the bigger scheme of things....I know people that have held on to separations beyond 4 years....they came out diminished, beaten and in agreement that it wasn't in the end worth that time lost, or the money spent on lawyers.

It's always a choice what you prioritize.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 34
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 6:55:59 PM
Once you're caught in a lie, then the rest is suspect.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 35
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 7:17:18 PM
I am separated and i have to agree with the cautious ones simply because they have alternatives.
Separation is technically still married.. no matter how we choose to define it. So in the eyes of the law and in many jurisdictions having a relationship during your separation is cheating. Unless of course it is part of your separation stipulation to do as you please..in which case you can explain that to the potential date and have them choose.
In some ways an HIV positive person is probably more attractive to people on POF than a separated person.. They can use condoms...but a separated person? no..can't live with the legendary guilt of sleeping with someone with that incurable disease...> Sad, but certainly feels that way
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 37
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 7:36:20 PM
message 44: sorry to hear of your abusive marriage. good on you to get out.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 41
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:58:37 PM
Here's what I've learned dating online...women are no worse or better then men. Wait...I take that back. Every single time I met a woman that said she was divorced on her profile, but wasn't, told me the truth when I met them.

And you know what? My heart went out to them. Like all men, I wanted to be a hero and save them, really. White knight complex big time. I'm here! I'll rescue you! I'll friggin court you and support you! I fell for them. And you know what? They just wanted sex! hahahahahaha. The joke was on me. They were not emotionally available.

But, hey, they were honest. I'm the dumbass that thought I could handle a romp in the hay without any attachment. Nope. I now avoid women that are currently separated. Just like women that avoid men like that with good reason.

Both sex's need intimacy. I get that. The thing is, when you follow your heart, you get burned when you play with fire.

Nobody wants to say they just want sex. Women feel like trash and men don't want to be perceived as players. So goes the tap dance...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 45
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:38:49 AM

You can't play god about words and interpretation... I should hope that in life there is still some common sense and if someone has been divoced for a few years then Im my world they are single....

Yes, in YOUR world. In the real world they are and always will be divorced. They've been married. That doesn't change.

If you are single you haven't been married. If you are separated you aren't single or divorced. You are where you are. Have the backbone to clearly state that, and let others decide what they want to do.

Taking the choice from others based on your view of what they should do is manipulative. If someone's open to separation, they'll let you know.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 50
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:30:07 PM
The guy wasn't batshit crazy because he was separated, that's insane to think every person in whatever status is the same. Don't date people who are separated, fine, but don't group people like that, that's insulting. If you dated a single man who was batshit crazy would you then never date a man again...because with that thinking, of course all men must be batshit crazy.

I've been out with my share of men who talked about their ex non-stop, some were single, some were separated and some were divorced for years. Some people are not ready to date, I don't jump to that conclusion by whether or not they are single or divorced or separated, I figure it out by talking to them a bit before bothering to go on a date with them. It's the person who has issues or not, not their status.
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 51
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/8/2013 9:50:22 PM

I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was being invited to "look at your profile". I thought I was only supposed to read what you were actually saying on this thread about some alleged justification for bullshitting people for no other reason than because you felt independently authorized to deny people the ability to make their own informed decision about someone such as yourself.


I would assume that since you were all but accusing me of being dishonest on my profile you might have actually checked to see whether that was the case or not before throwing out a bunch of nastiness. And if you had read what I had said you would have seen that I stated that I didn't condone lying about it but that, given what I have seen on the forums and experienced first hand, I could understand why some people do choose to be inaccurate on their profiles.

Where in what I said does it state I wish to deny anyone the ability to make their own decisions. If people want to be narrow minded, dogmatic and stereotype an entire group of people then have at it. That's not the kind of person I would want to date anyhow.


Boo hoo, life is so unfair sometimes. Hard to believe a man your age would be challenged by such an uncomfortable concept. Does someone also need to tell you to stop picking your nose at the dinner table? Here is a simple factoid for the mature adult mind: If somebody wants to avoid separated people, it's THEIR decision to make, not yours.


Oh dear, you are a nice lady aren't you? I never claimed life was fair. However, nothing changes in this world unless people talk about issues or do something about them. I have every right to speak my mind just as you do yours and if I want to call out behaviours I feel are unfair or just plain stupid I am free to do that. As for maturity, you really don't communicate or discuss things in a mature fashion at all. Yours is a school ground name calling style.



It is the same as saying all blondes are dumb. Or all muslims are terrorists. Or all people who live in England have bad teeth.


No, it's not the same AT ALL, but I can see why you think they're the same because you think superficially. What you're describing is a list of negative social stereotypes based on superficial criteria without any basis in fact, not an actual psychological, emotional or social process. And the fact that you'd even make such a preposterously specious argument proves you never even bothered to think it through. Is that because you're lazy, or selfish? Either way, it would explain why you also seem to feel it's perfectly okay to lie about one's marital status just so that one can get one's own way with another person who would have taken the liberty to decide differently had the truth been available to them. Not that you'd ever do that. :/


Believe me, I do not ever think superficially. And it is absolutely the same thing. Many people ARE stereotyping separated individuals. This thread is full of it. Many are stating assumptions as facts rather than realizing we are all individuals with individual stories and situations. You cannot and will not ever be able prove that just because a person is "separated" they are necessarily emotionally unavailable, not over their exes, likely to reconcile with their exes, not having taken time to heal (even though many of us have been separated for many years and have taken time to reflect and heal and learn about our mistakes and what we want in a relationship and a partner. Should someone who broke up from a relationship a few months prior not date? Maybe POF should require people to state how long its been since they were last involved with somebody?), cheating on their spouses, still married in the eyes of god (well, news flash, we aren't all religious and so maybe the theological aspect of marriage isn't an issue for many people), plenty are insinuating that separated people are full of issues that never ever plague divorced or single people and on and on. Those are all assumptions made without thought or knowledge based on a legal marital status rather than on an individual's unique situation.

So I will state things again clearly and slowly for you so you can understand. I don't believe people should lie on their profiles and I am very honest and upfront about my marital status. What I did state was that, given the very negative stereotype about being separated which does not apply across the board, I can understand the motivation to lie about it on one's profile.

Until you have experienced some negative stereotype personally or encountered the type of zealotry that some people exhibit I think it is overly judgemental of you to so harshly condemn people for it. That is what I am taking issue with here. The crap and assumptions people start spouting as if they know everything and can figure out what someone else is all about simply because of a particular label or definition. Walk in their shoes for a while and see if you feel the same way. All I'm saying is I can empathize with the reasons it happens. But that takes maturity and the ability to be rational about it.
 RegularGuy98383
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 52
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/8/2013 10:04:18 PM
STOP THE PRESSES!!! Is it true MetalVixxn, "a mouse is not an elephant"???
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 54
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/14/2013 1:11:40 AM
Why do some lie?

Probably because they don't want to be weeded out for what they believe is a formality. The thing is though, if they were honest, the people who thought the same way (just a formality) wouldn't be the ones weeding them out.
The ones who do think it's more than just a formality and don't want a separated person, for whatever reason or judgment, should be weeded out, for the good of both.

I could care less if they are separated, probably because I'm not counting his chickens as mine and I don't give a rats azz about getting married.

I do care if he lies. It shows an immature decision making process.

I still believe marriage is a fear based decision.

Hopefully the ones that think my view sucks, won't contact me and we will save a bunch of useless messaging.

Weed them out with the truth I say.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 55
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:48:36 AM

Well, whilst digging deeper I came accross a few things, and including the definition of single!
And it does appear that yes in fact divorced people are single!

This must be a Canadian thing.

In the US, if you've been married and get divorced you are legally categorized as divorced, not single. Perhaps in Canada things are different...? I'm chalking this up to a misunderstanding. Carry on.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 57
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:37:27 AM
^^^It's not a 'Canadian thing'...you were right WIP.
Marital status as it pertains to 'single' status, is defined the same way as in Canada as it is in the US.

From a quick search as defined by Statistics Canada:

Classification of legal marital status
This classification was approved as a departmental standard on October 20, 2008.

5 Single (including living common law) This category includes persons who have never married (including all persons less than 15 years of age). It also includes persons whose marriage has been legally annulled who were single before the annulled marriage and who have not remarried. Those who live with a common-law partner are included in this category.

Date Modified: 2012-12-18


Click the link to see the brief listing of classifications: http://www.statcan.gc.ca/concepts/definitions/marital-matrimonial01-eng.htm

Further, it's my understanding that under Canadian tax law, once you've married you can never be considered 'single' again.
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 60
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/15/2013 4:40:37 AM
Lying=RED FLAG. NUFF SAID.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 62
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/15/2013 8:59:49 AM
Why don't you have the courtesy of considering other person's feelings by waiting until your current situation is dissolved before embroiling them, in your personal mess, "AwesomeKisser"? If your separation is that complicated that you can't obtain a divorce or don't wish for one willingly, why should anybody seriously seeking a life partner consider you seriously, seriously?

The level of selfishness in such people remarkably still shakes me, because it's always about their needs, as they're encased in a crappy situation and are willing to use others for their benefit, whilst expecting others to relinquish their dreams for something that may never be? This brand of egregious selfishness is the dooming catalyst for bad relations.

It's more than just a piece of paper, in this case - and no matter of doing your level-best to minimalize what could destroy of the others you invite in your life, it's still a big deal.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 66
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/16/2013 12:08:08 PM

The level of selfishness in such people remarkably still shakes me, because it's always about their needs, as they're encased in a crappy situation and are willing to use others for their benefit, whilst expecting others to relinquish their dreams for something that may never be? This brand of egregious selfishness is the dooming catalyst for bad relations.


^^^Well stated. Not being free fully is something that's just messy.

Selling someone on your 'crappy' interim situation, that never resolves...means that they do have to mark time while it does. It's defeating and yes selfish. But I'd have to also suggest that people who enter into these things have some accountability here. I know I have to own that I allowed myself to accept something with someone that was objectionable. 'Hopeful' doesn't always work out and become something tangible--and after a few years you do have a sense of whether or not you can go on with the same unabating situation.
 Wendyguo
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 70
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 3/28/2013 11:52:39 AM
First of all, I statement, my English is very poor, some words wrong, please understand! First of all, I am a divorcee.
I would like to ask: whether the site has stated that, only in divorce? Or a general dating site?
If, only divorced people come in, separation of the people to come in, these are in violation of the rules of the game. If a normal dating sites here,
Separated people came in also is reasonable.
Only, in terms of dating, we will know each other more. To get to know each other and identity certificate, before deciding whether to down...
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 71
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:46:39 PM
Well, Wendy, you say that you're a divorcee, yet you put single for your marital status. So, that's a lie. Maybe if we get to know you, you might even say that you're actually separated, especially now that you mentioned that separated people (maybe?) are in violation of the rules of the dating game.

How do you trust people who "fudge" on their profile?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 72
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 3/28/2013 3:15:56 PM
Y'all do realize that if you aren't married, you are single, don't you? You can be divorced and be single, in fact you can be separated and be single, since you no longer live with or participate in a marriage. I get that people who are divorced or separated, etc. should list it, instead of lying about it, but lots of people are single, meaning not living with or seeing a partner. Why people get so excited and pissed off is because they want a mate and then they meet someone and find out they can't marry them right away, it ruins their momentum.

The fact is, lots & lots of people lie and they aren't going to stop just because you get all pissy on a website. You have to do your homework when meeting people and dating them, it's your part of the job of running your life. People on dating sites who lie, are not going to stop just because you tell them off in a post.

I changed my status from separated to not single,-not looking, only because I don't want anyone contacting me to meet at this point in time. Guess what, that still makes some people hysterically upset, like I'm trying to trick someone. You can't win, there's no reason why anyone should be criticizing others profiles, if you don't like what is in them, move on. If you really think someone has broken the rules and it's that important to you, turn them in. But so far, I don't know that you can do anything about someone lying about being married/single/divorced/separated. Stop looking to be protected and do your job in finding out who the heck you are talking to.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 73
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 3/28/2013 8:21:25 PM
Y'all do realize that if you aren't married, you are single, don't you? You can be divorced and be single, in fact you can be separated and be single, since you no longer live with or participate in a marriage.


That's your opinion, but I disagree with it.
I was single and living alone. When I got separated, I moved out and was living alone. Was I single when I was separated? Not in my eyes (yours, maybe). I'm divorced now. Should I put myself as single, since I live alone? No.
I guess we'll agree to disagree.
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 81
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 4/11/2013 8:44:44 AM
This really has become as pointless debate. Those that want to be dogmatic or choose to have black and white views will do that and you won't change their minds. Whatever; make your own choice. If you are that black and white about things then best of luck to you in life and dating. You are not likely to be someone I would date or spend much time with. And fortunately, the whole religious view on marriage etc applies to fewer and fewer people these days. If you think that a marriage is a piece of paper or a decree by god rather than a mind set and a commitment made between two people then best of luck to you too.

What I have found in my years on this planet is that life is not black and white but many shades of grey. Most people and situations are unique and should be judged on their own. If you want to pass judgement on me because I'm "separated" and dating then go ahead I suppose. But I feel really sorry for your narrow mindedness.

Lying about your marital status is wrong (which was the original point of this thread). Being a narrow minded judgemental arse is wrong too. Enjoy all :)
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 82
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 4/11/2013 10:33:59 AM
surprise, surprise! This is NOT a gender specific issue!

There are MEN out here to do the same sh*t!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 84
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Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 4/14/2013 10:31:14 PM
A woman who is single may or may not have been married before. If this is such a big issue for you OP you can always ask. To say you are single is not lying. A woman who is divorced IS single. That's a fact!

If you asked her if she's ever been married and she says no, even though she she is divorced 30 years ago, then she is lying. Give me a break. I'm not gonna say I'm divorced on a status if I've been divorced decades ago. That's ridiculous. No stranger needs to know personal information about my past besides whether I'm single or not.
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