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 momieov213
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 51
Single MothersPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
if men or women think it's selfish 2 try & work around a single parents schedule. as a single mom of 2 special needs young kids. my free time is limited. & nowadays u can just trust any1 to watch ur kids like parents use 2. if u don't get that. ur the selfish 1. as time goes on & time is right u can meet the kids & spend more time 2gether. but single parents have 2 b very picky on whom they choose. cause have 2 take kids into consideration when choosing a new mate. making sure it's not just a fly by nite thing.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 52
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/16/2013 9:27:45 AM

however it does take a certain mentality to date some one who has kids by another man.


Yes, one that is not a self-centered, egotistical, I am "the be all, end all of everything" mentality. Thanks for clarifying that for us.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 53
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/16/2013 9:46:51 AM

(jojostiles) many guys are retarded when it comes to a mom who has kids im 24 and I have a 4yr old and 2 yr old twins and still get men who are aggravated because im either working or with my children. I cant drop my life just because it happens to be good time for them and I do spell it out if you are not willing to work around my schedual don't bother.


Then, don't date guys who are too "retarded" to get your "schedual" (sic). What, are you *THAT* desperate for a guy, that you're actively seeking, and would be willing to settle for, a guy who is so dumb that he doesn't get your "schedual" (sic) without you spelling it out for him?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 54
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/16/2013 9:49:16 AM
Momie0v213: stop using text-speak, as it makes you sound very stupid. I haven't bothered trying to figure out where you stand on the issue, as your use of text-speak was just too painful to try and decipher.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 55
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History
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/16/2013 10:58:58 AM
Op men say it too.

Def a turn off.

Remember a lot of profiles are BS/ don't really mean that and just think it sounds responsible or they would not post kid pics and some that say it are liars because if they meet someone they want to spend the night with and then suddenly have no qualms about exposing young kids to seeing that.



many guys are retarded when it comes to a mom who has kids im 24 and I have a 4yr old and 2 yr old twins

^^^^^^WTH??

How is that going for you again?



I would have wanted to slap the taste out of my sons mouth if he fell for some 24 year old gal with 3 kids.


Good grief.

Yeah oh yeah, bad ,bad re****** guys.

 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 56
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/16/2013 12:27:41 PM
What if a man is okay with being a "replacement daddy" (for lack of a better word lol)..Honestly If I were to get into a long term relationship with a single mommy I would rather the baby daddy not be around (I know sounds mean/jerk whatever), at this point in my life I'm okay with coming into a ready made family. I guess I hold this position since I have a step-dad who I basically think of my dad (have known him since I was like 5) since I don't even know my biological dad.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 57
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/16/2013 12:30:12 PM

(LittleFire1) And yes, obviously some men are that dumb...


And again, I ask, because I have yet to get an answer:

WHY THEN ARE YOU PURSUING SUCH DUMB MEN???
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 58
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:27:18 AM
If you're ok with full-filling the dad role in a child's life then there is nothing wrong with it. One you hits 30 anymore it seems most people of both genders have children, so you sorta have to get used to it. Yea there's a bunch that don't but I never seem to find them. lol I wouldn't view them as a ready made family though. Even though that's kind of what it is. I had a guy tell me something along those lines once and it was a total turn off. I couldn't decide if he liked me, liked my kid or like the family idea more. I couldn't stay with him after that cause I always wondered if he really liked me or just wanted a family. I know that sounds dumb, but he still asks about my son years later.. so I can only surmise that it was more the family ideal than me. (he moved on to another single parent after me). Anyway. Guys like you are great, because you understand that people come with a past and that you have to be willing to accept that past and work with it, if you want to be with them. I am not defined by my past or my parental status. If a guy can't see past that than I don't have time for him. It's part of me, but it is not the entirety of me. Oh and my son expects a man to full-fill that role if we get serious, so I always tell the guys that, so they can decide if that's something they can do. I really have never had a guy, save 1, run because of that. And the 1 was very much older then me.
 Bohica4u
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 59
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/17/2013 7:28:47 PM
one of the best things an ex gf with kids told me was this....when she had the choice i was first but life doesnt always give her the choice and understand she has kids....that was good enough for me know that and things went really well for a while and i never had a problem...we all got along just fine...even after breaking up her kids would still email me to talk...
 RobsG81
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 60
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/17/2013 8:21:47 PM
I just noticed this forum and have to chyme in...I apologize I have not read a lot of the posts...

Isn't part of being a potential mate, being fertile and a good mom?

I am mom, first and foremost...I used to advertise that on here, but I recently changed my approach...

My son has a father, he doesn't need another one. But me, being a women and a mom, I deserve someone that makes me happy and that I can make happy and build a family...

Ultimately, isn't that part of being a "potential mate"....
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 61
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/17/2013 9:21:38 PM
Ok , why would you think they want you to be a father to their kids? Who have you been dating? Maybe try getting to know the women first instead of acting like your the step daddy on the first date????
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 62
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/18/2013 1:03:02 AM
Yeah confuzzled once you hit 30's you kinda have to get used to it in some respect. Lately I've been dating in the 23-26 age range, so I havn't ran across it much. Honestly though in some ways single mommies are better than singles (especially younger ones), main one being that they are past playing all the "games"
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 63
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History
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:38:31 PM

Isn't part of being a potential mate, being fertile and a good mom?


I think that applies to the fertility you bring to the potential mate, not if you used the fertility with previous men. I dont think potential mates would hear you say, "I have two kids", "Oh,really, you must be fertile, how attractive!"


Ok , why would you think they want you to be a father to their kids


Because Jeepgirl, for every woman like you that has a father involved in thier kids lives there are 2 women that don't.


Maybe try getting to know the women first instead of acting like your the step daddy on the first date


I doubt he is trying or wants to be. Alot of women on here have kids with little involvement from the bio-dad. In that scenario they would have to fill that role by default.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 64
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:10:23 PM
Plus.. even if daddy is involved.. if you it gets serious and the two of you end up living together he will *still* fullfill the step dad role and he will still have to act as a dad does.. otherwise the children will just resent him. It's naive to think otherwise.

Guys do not want to be step dad on the first date. But many are ok with it for the future, if they want to get serious with you. Men are not dumb, they know if they get involved with a woman who has a child they will play some role in that child's life. It's got to be disheartening to hear a woman tell you she doesn't need you participating in the most important aspect of her life. There's a difference between, support me and lets become a family and support each other.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 65
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/18/2013 6:32:02 PM
I 100% agree with you confuzz..
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/18/2013 7:04:28 PM

Plus.. even if daddy is involved.. if you it gets serious and the two of you end up living together he will *still* fullfill the step dad role and he will still have to act as a dad does


Excatly. And I wasn't trying to imply being a step dad was a bad thing, I just think too many people act like if they date, the potential date wont be in that role at some point.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 67
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/25/2013 7:47:34 AM

(braveheartlion) men say the exact same thing all the time


What is this "exact same thing" that "(all) men" say "all the time"?

If you aren't going to attribute quotes to the person who actually said them (and I'm staring at *ALL OF YOU* right now), at least quote the REMARK you're replying to.

(Okay, who's putting dumb-pills in the water?)
 Jules6179
Joined: 8/13/2012
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/25/2013 8:04:53 AM
I agree with you.
I am a single mom of a 2 year old. I know it is going to take a really special and patient man that wants
to be apart of mine and my sons life. I love him more than anything but need my time to share with someone other
than him(adult time).

Before I had my son I dated a few guys that had children and I was put last. It was not a great feeling. If you care about someone and want them to be apart of it you should make sure there is never any doubts..ya know.
So with that being said..I would always make sure the man in my life would be just as important :)

I can only hope that I find a good one someday..or maybe he will find me.

Jules
 awesomeo4000
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 69
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/26/2013 7:36:36 AM
Here's my issue with it - How many times in a married couple that has given birth together does the woman say to her husband "my kids come first." I doubt very often. It's like you're walking into a situation where you will never be on equal standing with the kids, because they're not yours.

I came to the conclusion years ago that it wasn't that single moms aren't the type for me, I'm just not the type for them. They're not good matches when you have a care-free, do as you please lifestyle like I do.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 70
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/26/2013 7:45:04 AM

(RobsG81) I am mom, first and foremost...I used to advertise that on here, but I recently changed my approach...


Good.


My son has a father, he doesn't need another one.


Lose that wording, and the concept. Look, guys aren't stupid: they know that walking into a relationship with a single mom is gonna be complicated. If you really loved your kids as much as you say you do, you wouldn't go out of your way to scare off guys who will consider dating a single mom.

Guys aren't interested in why a single mom would say stuff like, "My kids come first!", or "My kids don't need another dad!" Just shut up and enjoy a good relationship, or harp on about the wording, and chase off the guys who would date you.
 KajunCutie
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 71
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:20:36 PM
You know, that honestly makes sense to me. And I do have it in my profile! LOL. I did it because I had been on this site a few times. Met a few "men" and I had said very nicely (And without the whole HE IS MY WORLD kinda thing) that I had a young son. ALL the men said it was ok. They understood having to schedule babysitters, etc. I made it CLEAR I didn't need a father figure or support. But I needed someone that understood I couldn't drop my life and leave for a long weekend, or call me at 5 and want a dinner date at 6pm. I had responspilities here at home. EVERYONE said it was ok. And every one of them...lied. To one? we dated 4 months and all of a sudden he said "Your kid is an issue". Didn't you READ my profile? ya can't just give him back lol. Another decided he didn't want to be a role model in his life. So this time around, I was frustrated and was a bit "rude" I guess with the whole "he is my world, he comes FIRST". Well obviously I don't mean it like "That. I mean--understand I am a mommy first. Before I am a date. Be patient with me and understand I DO want to see you but I must plan it. Any man that comes into my life with be at the top with my kid. We would be a TEAM. Together. That's all I ask. But yeah-I got ya and understand.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 72
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:23:56 PM
Well if i make focus on one statement, why cant you take a long weekend? There are babysitters and possibly family available is there not?

It becomes an issue not because you are occupied with child-raising but because you never seem to TRY to make extra time for the man. If you refuse to ever do anything extra time wise for him, or you are also having last minute things come up or you are just absentee, any man will know its the child and then it becomes an issue.

I used to work nights and the women i dated understood this, but when iw as off, if i refused to do anything because i was" tired " then it became an issue.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 73
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:26:21 PM

Isn't part of being a potential mate, being fertile and a good mom?

I can make happy and build a family...

Ultimately, isn't that part of being a "potential mate"....

but its not THEIR family, nor their kids. No woman cares how great a guy is if she cant have him, same for men. Hat good are your qualities if they are being spent elsewhere?

No matter how great a parent you are, you will be dividing your time and energy between his genetic kids and your ex's kids. I respect any man that can get past that, but its not something you should expect of every person man or woman.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 74
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:21:32 AM
(KajunCutie) I made it CLEAR I didn't need a father figure or support.


And how'd that work out for you? Still single, I see...


To one? we dated 4 months and all of a sudden he said "Your kid is an issue".


Maybe, at the START of the 4 months, he was fine with it. Maybe, AFTER 4 months of seeing what a spoiled, vindictive, evil little snot your kid was, he changed his mind. Men *ARE* allowed to do that, you know...

(not saying y0ur kid is any of those things, BTW; just suggesting it as one possibility -- one that a lot of single mothers don't, apparently, consider...)


Well obviously I don't mean it like "That. I mean--understand I am a mommy first. Before I am a date.


Then shut up, stop complaining about guys, and be a mommy first.



 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 75
Single Mothers
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:01:39 PM
you're an angry elf..

she can date.. and she can complain about guys all she wants.. it's a free country.. and if she' taking care of her kid, then she is being a mommy first. duh..

If you don't think us single parents consider our child in everything we do, you've got a very skewed view of single parents. I know my child is something to be considered by the guy. I make it clear up front, because I know exactly what my child wants from any guy I get serious with and he has to be ok with it or adios! I also hate the "it's not you it's your kid" excuse. be a man.. have some guts.. if that's not the real reason, then tell me the real reason. I *hate* that excuse because you knew about the child from the get go. Maybe some guys really think they can handle it and can't, but I suspect most just lose interest in the woman and take the easy excuse.
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